The German Secretary

The trouble with the BMW 330i is that its been on top so long it’s always in danger of losing its mojo. When a car is this popular it runs the risk of appealing to flighty “high fliers” and flight attendants a little too much. At the risk of sounding last century, it is constantly on the verge of becoming what was once called a “Secretary’s Car.”

The latest iteration of this benchmark small sport sedan fortunately receives immunity from the above syndrome if only because it remains so fun to drive.

I recently test drove a new 330i with a fellow “car guy” in that barely-comfortable-in-Kenwood kinda way. It if weren’t for his connections I’d never have been able to punish a brand new Beemer as we both did.

We pretty much flogged the thing up and down the vertical drops of Mount Curve Avenue. We even stopped by the new mansion of a South African soda pop mogul to test both its curb and sex appeal.

I think the ten minutes we spent talking to the mogul and his wife speaks volumes about what this car could mean to you.

When we pulled up to this mansion, I noticed that the mogul’s wife was checking out our ride. Paranoia suddenly overtook me. While she appeared continental and stylish, I feared the first two words out of her mouth might be those that must never be spoken in the presence of a car guy (of either sex.) I braced myself for a chilling testosterone drop.

“You geiz are getting into trouble, I see,” she quipped.

What, no “cute” or “car”?

No, apparently, she had noticed our driving skills. She noticed we had pulled up to the mansion in second gear at high rpms and literally swung the little German road beast to within an inch of her carefully manicured lawn. My decision to someday purchase this new 330i was cemented right there.

Some cars are just so fun to drive it doesn’t matter how the rest of the world sees you behind the wheel. Smart people realize that a car like this can be stupid fun.

The BMW remains the benchmark small sport sedan because it wins on the intangibles. Those qualities include telepathic steering feel, chassis tuning that is communicative but never harsh, and a servotronic that does not stifle the joy of shifting. That is why the Lexus can pack 50 more horsepower in its new 350 and still miss the mark. That is why the Audi A4, in particular, feels numb in comparison.

And yet part of me still questions why the 330i cannot be perceived as the Cobra of sport sedans instead of a style accessory for sophisticates. The BMW M3 is such a car but then you pay for it. The new Pontiac GTO could have been this car (get outta Kenwood babe and listen to me here…) but then GM made it look like beached whale.
There still is no real automotive competition for the 330i. Yet the real car guy must remain wary of the signals it could still send off. Like when you are stuck in traffic behind a Del Sol.