Alfred Krupp, the scion of the Krupp Arms Empire in the late 1800s (and Germany’s richest man) liked to sleep in the barn near a pile of fresh manure. He believed it was good for his health. Typical German eccentric.
His story reminds me of the late 1980s Mercedes Benz. I recently drove a pristine 560 SEL example out to Denver to leave at the airport. What was once a charmingly eccentric car has left me cold. I now wish to sell this heap of dung at the earliest opportunity. Allow me to explain.
Two months ago the car was given a clean bill of health by my then mechanic. Now it could have been the mechanic (who was recently arrested in a illegal web scam involving illegally manufactured hair pieces…I kid you not), or it could have been the altitude in Colorado, but for whatever reason, the car began to emit a wispy white smoke from its tailpipe after fifteen minutes on the road.
Truthfully speaking I would not have minded being branded a polluter except for the fact that Boulder, Colorado is exactly fifteen minutes from the Denver Autopark. That means my car began emitting a smell similar to Alfred Krupp’s health tonic right about the time I began driving down Pearl Street in Boulder.
The timing was inconvenient.
If I had been in a VW bus or perhaps a charming little French Simca I could have pulled over and gotten directions to the nearest garage. Alas, I was piloting the 80s version of a Hummer without an overt capitalist in site. To make matters worse the car began to fart and belch very close to a gaggle of trust fund kids trying out panhandling on Pearl while protesting the lack of Chomsky titles at the local Barnes and Noble.
The last time I felt this uncomfortable is when my Dad drove our family through the South Side of Chicago and I realized that the billboards looked mighty different than they did in Edina (I was too scared to look at anyone eye-level).
Eventually I made it out of the Republic of Boulder. I only hope my estwhile German Manure Wagon makes it out of my sight the next time I touch down in Colorado.
Any takers? (Its currently parked at the DIA PARK in Denver, call Manny and he’ll unload it for $500.00 and change.)
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