The Rake Magazine

Category: AAX

  • A Rakish Interview: Big Quarters

    In the Jasmine Deli, Zach and Brandon Bagaason – the brothers that constitute the rapper/producer team Big Quarters – don’t mess with the menu. Regulars well-acquainted with the selection at this Vietnamese spot on Eat Street, they ordered without consulting the dual-language laminated pages.

    Regularity, it might be said, is what defines Big Quarters – their work ethic, at least, if not their actual music. After the 2007 release of their debut album, Cost of Living, they’ve been working relentlessly on a number of mixtapes and EPs. Now, having devised a producers’ sort of Holy Grail, they’ve found an effective means to release them. On September 5th, they will introduce their monthly subscription system – Big Quarters Direct – where for five bucks a month you’ll get five new tracks a month, sent to your email account.

    “People have been talking about how albums aren’t relevant anymore,” Brandon said. He speaks in a drawl, as if he chews his words a little, flattening them, before spitting them out. “So this is a way to maintain a connection with fans. People who want our stuff will have it instantly.”

    Recently, a number of musical acts – most notably (and most successfully) Radiohead – have been reaching audiences by releasing their work online. Last December, Atmosphere put out Strictly Leakage for free download; earlier this year Big Quarters made the Fall in Love EP, produced in conjunction with Mux Mool, available online for free.

    (An interesting tangential story, paraphrased, because my tape recorder stopped working at some point during the interview: Zach and Mux Mool used to work together at the now-defunct Discount Video on Hennepin [its spot has since turned into a cell phone shop]. On Saturdays, only one of them would be scheduled for a shift, but both would show up, and they’d trade turns clocking in. Then, while one of them helped customers and stocked shelves and did what video store clerks do, the other would be in back, recording audio clips from the in-stock movies to use later for production. The store, Zach estimated, had over 40,000 titles, and they ended up with an unwieldy amount of samples, which they are now turning into a series of Discount Musical tracks, some of which will possibly be released – and now we get back to the main body – on Big Quarters Direct.)

    “It’s the first time we’ve been able to speed up the process of releasing music,” Zach said. He is more soft-spoken than his brother, his sentences maybe dampened by the beard that haloes his face. “We want to put out quality music every month, because now we have that capability.”

    Their compositions aren’t made for passive fans. Rather, they produce with the hope that their music is something to interact with. After Cost of Living, they released the Cost of Living Construction Kit (yours free when you sign up for Big Quarters Direct), which is actually a dissection of the original album, with both a cappella and instrumental versions of the songs laid out for other producers and MCs that might want to use them. Beyond that, though, Big Quarters hopes that people are able engage with their tracks on a more personal level.

    “Everything’s about telling our own story,” Brandon said. “Communicating, storytelling, we like to try and do that through rapping, and through our instrumentals.”

    Fittingly, their lyrics are marked by introspection. They explained that when they write about personal experiences, that’s when fans pay the most attention. The line that’s gotten them the most renown, off their song “Everyday,” is “Home of brown babies and white mothers” – an embrace of their own mixed-race heritage.

    Carrying their music over into their professional lives, Big Quarters try to promote the curative aspects of storytelling in their (our) community. By day, Zach and Brandon work with a number of youth groups – at the Hope Community, at IDDS, at the Minneapolis YMCA – teaching kids to DJ, to put together a song, and most importantly, to unleash their personal narratives.

    “It’s about therapy,” said Zach. “We hope that people can relate to us, find similarities even if their story’s not exactly the same.”

    Discerning a story from their instrumentals is a bit murkier of a task, but certainly there’s a narrative element to their production. None of their beats relies on a simple loop; rather they stoke a melody throughout the track, layering and collapsing it in progressions that never let go a listener’s ear. As far as actual sound, one might compare their production to some of the stuff RZA does for Wu-Tang Clan – full-bodied and sour and vaguely kung-fu-ish – though the recent Fall in Love EP seems to try and crack through this, bordering on pop.

    “The goal for us when we’re producing,” Zach said, “is to take something people might know, and play with it and break it down until it’s not really recognizable anymore. That’s when a beat sort of becomes our own, and we can begin to tell a story with it.”

    (If you listen to this, it’s easy to see what he means.)

    September 3rd, 2008 @ Turf Club.
    Performances by: Big Quarters, Mux Mool and DJ Anton
    21+ / $4 / 9pm

     

  • Spark It Up!

    As activists on the West Side get the shake down from the cops, and St. Paul frets and fusses over last minute preparations at RNC ground zero; Downtown Minneapolis geared up to show its artistic flair at Spark24!

    What is Spark24 you ask? Well, if you haven’t been living under a rock for the past month, you probably already know. This 24-hour extravaganza incorporated music, performance, art, dance, and partying of all varieties. If you missed it, you missed out – the spark was definitely electric!

    6pm: Arriving at the IDS

    The thoughtful peeps of Spark24 have set up an awesome media hub for journalists to not only work from, but also to party from. The ground level is sectioned off, VIP style (that’s right, you’re not invited) with gallons of fancy booze to pour down our throats and fresh fruit and Vitamin Water to get us through the night. The cute and cordial head honcho, Nicolle, flits around putting finishing touches on the space and tactfully bossing around volunteers, who wear matching t-shirts emblazoned with the slogan, "I Got Lit."

    The wi-fi center is set up in the old Williams-Sonoma space on the skyway level, where computers wait for journalists and bloggers to use freely. I’ve brought my trusty laptop and camera and will continue to check in all night long, recappin’ and posting pictures, as I slowly deteriorate into a sleep deprived mess – which you’ll probably be able to detect by the level of inappropriateness and lack of proper English in my posts as the night wears on.

    My first stop tonight will be the super-ultra VIP Media party at Mill City (again, you’re not invited!) where I hope to snap some pics of newsy celebs, or at the very least, Jeff Passolt. Check back later to see what kind of shenanigans I get into to as well as lots of pictures by me and my bff/photographer Stephen Stephens (yes, that’s really his name) who will be my party poppin’ right hand man all night!

     

    8pm RNC Media Party @ Mill City Museum/Guthrie

    Upon approaching the Mill City in Stephen’s beat up 1990
    Toyota, police and party volunteers barricaded the streets, only letting
    credentialed press through to attend the party. Mostly surrounded by black SUVs
    and the like, we eventually got through, parked, and met Rake editor Jill
    Yablonski, who gushed, "There’s so much free food and booze I think I am
    going to die."

    Unexpected "guest star," as Veep nominee.

    The party was awesome. Some of the first familiar faces I
    saw were my pals Greg Jansen and Paul Durham, who were there shooting photos
    for Twin Cities Luxury and Fashion. "Can you believe this shit?"
    Jansen asked. And no, I couldn’t really believe it. Spanning from the Guthrie’s
    patio, through the Mill City Farmers Market and Museum, and even out to River
    Road where the closed off street was tented for a good city block and lined
    with food vendors and bars – all free of course – I can only liken the party to
    a "fancy State Fair." I overheard someone saying that 7 million
    dollars was spent on the party, if that tells you anything. Who paid for it,
    I’m not altogether sure – but they definitely know how to throw a party.

    While the booze flowed and hundreds of media-types from all
    over the country mingled and whooped it up, Stephen snapped pictures and Jill
    and I stuffed our faces and drank mojitos, keeping our eyes peeled for the
    likes of John Stewart, Anderson Cooper and other celebs – who never
    materialized. We did get Passholt though (see first post). And R.T. Rybak. And even an
    all-American Lady Liberty sucking on a Marlboro and texting.

    11pm Northern Exposure Art Show

    Stephen and I met up with Jill again, this time with her
    boyfriend Tim in tow. Our disorganized itinerary was supposed to kick off at
    the Chambers, but we made a pit stop at Steve Sugarman’s latest "pop-up"
    gallery – a short-run show held in an empty commercial space just off 8th
    & LaSalle entitled Northern Exposure.
    The reception technically ended at 10pm, and there were only a couple randoms
    milling around so we made a quick swoop through the exhibit, which included
    work by such local art characters as Scott Seekins and Brant Kingman, among probably 30
    others. Stop in before September 7th to check it out – it’s a pretty
    awesome show.

    11:30pm Chambers Hotel

    We ran into our friend Kristoffer
    at the Chambers and kicked it in the courtyard sipping $10 vodka tonics while
    admiring the extreme douchebaggery of the clientele. Made up of predominately
    Abercrombie-esque young professionals and leggy blondes in mini-dresses trying
    to catch the eyes of deep pocket hotel guests, the crowd seemed oblivious to
    Spark24, the RNC and even life as we know it outside of the swanky bubble of
    the hotel.

    We popped into the 5th floor "Red, White and Fucking Blue
    Bar" where the action was almost cringe-worthy. A DJ played predictable drunken
    crowd-pleasers such as Bobby Brown’s My Prerogative while red-faced
    delegates in hot pink feather boas did dorky jigs and cat-like euro-babes posed
    on expensive furniture that peppered the space. We stood on the balcony patio for about 10 minutes
    and made the decision that we needed to leave as soon as possible, but not
    before taking a spin down the stairwell that is filled with colorful graffiti from top to bottom. All in all, while tonight’s crowd left something to be
    desired, the Chambers is still a beautiful spot, with cool art at every turn. Try checking out an art opening in the adjacent Burnet Gallery some
    time – the crowd is always chic, the wine flows like water and the exhibits are quite impressive.

    12:30am First Avenue: Too Much Love

    Jill, Tim and Kristoffer all ditched us after Chambers, but
    luckily we hooked up with our cute friends Jahna
    and Danielle outside the Ave
    for some Too Much Love action.
    Filled with hundreds of bandana-clad hipsters/college kids, as per usual, TML,
    a huge weekly dance party, always succeeds in making me feel old and
    uncoordinated. Hundreds of fashioned-out 20-somethings dance the night away,
    pressed up against each other in a throng, that to me, looks almost dangerous.
    Once last year I actually got drunk enough to dance (I’m usually a stalwart
    observer) and ended up in an uninvited "man sandwich" with a couple of sweaty
    Belgians – hence the end to my TML dancing days.

    Stephen and I downed a couple of vodka Redbulls, chatted
    some of our dance party-prone friends up and watched breakdancers battle it out
    on the stage. Too Much Love seemed to be the typical weekly crowd,
    though I did see a troupe of unmistakable delegates party-train through the
    club with drinks held high, hooting and hollering and still wearing their power
    suits at 1 am.

    1:30am The Fine Line: Myspace Most Beautiful People Party

    Our first inkling after leaving First Avenue was to hit up
    Club 3 Degrees – an all-Christian nightclub right off of 5th &
    Hennepin. Sadly it was closed, with no young republican bible-bangers in sight.
    Considering the club doesn’t serve alcohol, and good Christians probably go to
    bed at a decent hour, it probably makes sense, though to me it doesn’t quite
    compute. No alcohol? Weird.

    Anyhoo, Kristoffer sent me a text on his way home with a
    message pertaining to the scene outside of the Fine Line, it read, "Regular
    yahoos x 100. Not Pretty." So of course we had to check it out. We talked our
    way in and surveyed the scene – pretty much everyone was drunk as hell, booze
    was spilled everywhere on the floor and no one looked particularly "beautiful,"
    mostly just glazed over and a little snakey. Some drunk chick rammed into me,
    and said "excuse you, bitch," and alternately, a big, muscle-bound black man
    sensually, and randomly, caressed my back as I walked by. The highlight was a
    raging drunk yokel with chest tats, who could only point at another guy and
    repeat over and over "that’s my brother, that’s my bro." No obvious republicans
    in sight here, unfortunately.

    2am: The IDS

    Upon return the media center, we found the doors locked –
    with all our gear inside. No security guard or Spark volunteer in sight. We
    rattled around and finally found a nest of teenage thespians holed up in a back
    office in their pajamas, working on a 24-hour play, (which will be performed
    tomorrow at 4pm in front of the IDS, so check it out). They perked up at our
    arrival, feeding us Doritos, donut holes, carrots and Rockstar Energy drinks,
    and seemed genuinely concerned for our situation. We meandered around a bit,
    then decided to just head to Orchestra Hall where Spark24 was in full swing,
    despite our intention to give you a 2am update.

    2:45am: Orchestra Hall/Peavey Plaza

    We strolled from the IDS to Orchestra Hall, bitching all the
    way about how our feet hurt and how our legs were going to be sore tomorrow. On
    arrival at Peavey Plaza we were greeted by a lively and diverse crowd, ranging
    from glammed-out fashionistas, mangy hippies, scruffy rockers, and even an
    elderly couple. Young flower-child looking chicks twirled sparklers and danced
    around the plaza, drunk jocks stumbled about swearing liberally, and hungry people of all styles
    lined up to pay an enterprising food vendor $5 for a single hot dog.

    We got inside in time to catch the much buzzed-about Cloud
    Cult, and stuck around for Chris Koza, both of whom sounded simply amazing in
    the acoustically dreamy Orchestra Hall auditorium. Two artists painted live as the music played. Stephen snapped pictures
    while I sat sullenly in a seat in the back of the hall, eating a $5 bag of
    mini-donuts and worrying about when I’d be able to get at my laptop, which was still left in the now-locked up media center. Eventually, I ran into Nicolle, who
    assured me I had full access and just needed to find the security guard to let
    me in, which I hadn’t really occurred to me, of course.

    5am: Peavey Plaza

    Stephen had randomly met Rake music writer Erin Roof in the fray, and
    reported back to me that her favorite actor is R2D2. Good to know. We also ran
    into our friends Johann and Enrique
    and chatted it up for a spell, complaining about how cracked-out we were on
    Vitamin Energy drinks, and again, how our feet hurt. Ironically, a few minutes
    later some drunk jackass wobbled by, stomped on both of my feet,
    muttered something, and then fell up some stairs without looking back. That
    was my cue to leave, so Stephen and I slowly trekked back to the IDS where we did
    eventually find the security guard to let us in – and here we are.

    It’s 7:30am and I might
    snooze on a chair for a bit before heading back out. I plan on keepin’ my
    promise (sort of anyway, despite my pending nap) to keep you abreast of the
    sitch down here. Keep your eyes peeled for reports on performance at Peavey
    Plaza and the Liberty Parade – coming soon!

    9:30am: IDS

    After a fitful one hour half-snooze on a particle board slab in the backroom of the media center, with an empty messenger bag as my pillow, I decided to say "screw it" and get up. Strangely rejuvenated, although I didn’t actually fall asleep, I perked up at the thought of hot coffee and possibly something egg related.

    Stephen was still sprawled on the little bank of mismatched chairs I’d left him on before I cuddled up on my slab. He looked super comfy.

    We’re going to get breakfast, then venture out into the wild once more. I think we look like crazy people though; we definitely feel a little crazy.

     

    10:30am: Peavey Plaza

    After fueling up on $16 platters of eggs and plenty of
    coffee at the Marquette Hotel’s restaurant, we set out for Peavey Plaza. The
    crowd was comfortably scattered through out the area, enjoying the smooth jazz
    stylings of a guy with a mohawk and his band. We found a shady patch of steps
    to perch on and settled in to check out the show. Seeing as neither of us had
    slept, our A.D.D. was in full effect.

    Honestly, I really can’t tell you all that much about the
    performers as I was busy doing things like counting hobos and gossiping with
    Stephen in my surreal state of conciousness. We did deduce, however, that at least 8% of the audience was homeless.
    I gave someone a dollar, then got into a very one-sided 20 minute conversation
    with a guy who called himself "Captain Kirk" and claimed to be on methadone. He
    chatted me up about a substance abuse center called Access Works that gives out
    free needles, and also pizza gift certificates to meth-heads who show up to
    Tuesday meetings, lovingly dubbed "Crystal Tuesdays." We also saw a darling
    family with two storybook-cute toddlers wearing "Obama Rocks" shirts, and
    everyone in the immediate vicinity was fawning over them – including Captain
    Kirk who, despite his druggy glow, seemed like quite a decent fellow.

    Other highlights included the Mu Taiko drummers who jumped,
    stomped and beat their way to an exuberant round of applause. Next up came a
    weird modern dance troupe who were literally dressed like they were on their
    lunch break from the Wells Fargo phone bank and had just decided to do an impromptu
    dance routine on their way back from Panera. They were definitely graceful and
    talented, but the whole clothing thing really confused and distracted me, but
    maybe I’m missing some deep point. If that’s the case, Wells Fargo dancers,
    please explain.


    1:30pm Nicollet & 8th

    The Liberty Parade has trumped Pride as my favorite parade
    ever. It kind of reminded me of a traveling politically themed science fiction
    convention – lots of weird shit and an endless stream of bonafied eccentrics
    with their zany meters set to maximum – in other words, awesome. A red,
    white and blue float complete with a sassy broad straddling a huge silver
    rocket and five or six equally bawdy babes with strap-on missile dicks singing,
    dancing, gyrating and talking smack about McCain. A gaggle of moaning zombies
    ambled by, followed by a car sporting a sign that simply said "Brains." A
    charming and cute safe-sex fairy skipped merrily by, covered with
    color-coordinated condoms and waving a magic wand. A gang of nonsensical Ren Fest
    types danced down the street to the theme song from the show, The Fresh
    Prince of Bel Air,     while flanked by faux secret service.

    My fave part, however, was when my other
    bestie Clement rolled up (in a sense) on his "Humping Bike," later dubbed "Tour
    De My Pants" – an exercise machine converted into a bike that requires
    its rider to pump and thrust his body in a "humping" motion to propel the
    bike. Clement only busts out the Humping Bike for special occasions like
    parades or bike fests, and he’s got a whole list of hilarious lines he loves to
    yell out to spectators like, "Are my undies showing? No? Do you want them to
    be?" or "Save a horse, ride a cowboy!" among naughty others. Not sure what
    the Humping Bike actually has to do with liberty, but it sure makes me giggle.

    2:30pm: Loring Park

    Stephen and I are running on empty, laughing maniacally at
    each other’s bad jokes while parked at a picnic table on the fringe of the
    action. All the parade participants have ended up here to celebrate and to set
    up shop for whatever word-spreading, performing or socializing suits their
    fancy. This event, while flanked generously with police in full gear,
    definitely seemed more Mayday Festival than political uprising. Everyone seemed
    to be in high spirits, and parade-goers even chatted up the po-po, who milled
    around the park in packs.

    We ran into tons of our friends, including Vicious Circle
    writer Andy Sturdevant who happily manned the entrance to the Summit beer
    garden in full summer beard. Bands and DJs played, wacky activists hammed for
    their respective causes with humor and creativity, and people of all political
    stripes enjoyed the breezy summer afternoon in Loring Park.

    4:30pm: IDS

    We eventually lugged ourselves out of the park, bedraggled
    and confused, to start the trudge back to the IDS Center, with Clement humping
    alongside us. I swear I felt blisters on my feet pop, as we’d been walking all
    over downtown since about 6:30pm Saturday, and Stephen complained that he felt
    like he might literally keel over at any moment. By the time we hit the media
    center to upload the pictures from the today’s excursion we were crabby and
    snapping at each other, but in a satisfied, "we did it" sort of way. All in all, a fun and crazy 24 hours, and a
    fitting kick-off to this week’s upcoming insanity – which we hope is as
    peaceful and positive as this weekend’s comeraderie insinuates. Thanks to the awesome Spark24 crew who was there with us each step of the way in sleep deprivation.

    Check www.digitalcrushphoto.com for more
    pics! We’ll have even more from our Spark24 shenanigans to share within the next couple days.

    Thanks for reading, I’m going to bed!

     

  • Cocinero Karimi at the Bedlam Theatre

    Robert KarimiOkay, here’s a quick tip for foodies: the "The Cooking Show Con Mero Cocinero Karimi," playing this weekend
    and next at the Bedlam Theatre is very, very funny. I saw the show last year
    when Robert Karimi performed it at Pangea World Theater. I won’t spoil the fun
    by giving away too many details (actually, I don’t remember too many details), but Karimi combines politics, humor and a cooking class in a fast-paced show that
    concludes with a tasting of the Iranian-Guatemalan performer’s multi-cultural
    cuisine. With the Republicans coming to town, I am sure Karimi will add some
    topical twists to the show. When I saw the show, the tasting was nearly a meal,
    but if you are still hungry, you can order from the Bedlam’s dining menu, which
    ranges from pizza to Polish sausage.

    The show runs tonight, Saturday, August 30, and next Friday through Sunday, September 5-7. "All shows at 8:00 pm. Everyone strongly encouraged to come early at 7:30
    for an extra taste, and to BYOB (Bring your own bowl)."

    The Bedlam Theatre is at 1501 S. 6th St., on the Minneapolis West Bank.

  • Chris Koza is Optimistic and Doesn't Care Who Knows It

    Chris Koza is the kind of man who gives cigarettes to homeless people. In person and in his music he is wantonly candid and authentic. Koza and his four-piece band happily loll at mid tempo, blending roots music, twang and a heavy dose of pop to create a giddy sound so large it breaks the boundaries and escapes the snaking sidewalks of this city.

    Koza himself is a New York City/ Minneapolis straddler. On his new album, The Dark, Delirious Morning, he mixes drum machine tones of big-city modernity with the organic sound of Midwestern acoustic guitars. The result gives his classic pop a modern feel that deserves a snug position on radio playlists. Koza’s music is infectiously uplifting and defiantly optimistic. It is luxuriously toe-tapping and a good cure for people who can’t afford Prozac. It makes even those fading summer sunburns feel OK.

    I talked with Koza outside the Triple Rock before his set last Saturday. While I was staring jealously at his vintage glasses, we discussed Ms. Pac-Man, hair metal and the definition of "modern geek."

    Erin Roof: I like on your Myspace page how you have a quirky list of influences, like pocket handkerchiefs and things like that. Is there anything you’ve seen today that particularly caught your eye and inspired you?

    Chris Koza: I’ve got to go through my whole day. I played the Ms. Pac-Man game at the CC Club. It’s the best Ms. Pac-Man game west of the Mississippi.

    ER: What makes it different?

    CK: Well, I’ve played a few on this last tour. It handles great. The ghosts are a great combination of cleverness and stupidity. When they’re too smart, you know, it takes the player out of the game. You should just let it play itself.

    ER: I’m terrible at video games.

    CK: Yeah, me too. Ms. Pac-Man is the only one I ever really liked.

    ER: Were you allowed to play video games growing up?

    CK: Yeah, we had Super Mario, Duck Hunt. I really haven’t done a whole lot today because we got back from tour at 6 o’clock in the morning.

    ER: How did it go?

    CK: It went really well. We were in Missouri last night. We played this outdoor concert an arts society set up. It was in this little town square. So, I guess if there was anything I saw in the last 24 hours, it’s on the drive back. We passed a lot of little, small towns that, if none of us were paying attention, we could essentially think we were driving in circles. They all looked the same at first glance.

    ER: Is there a particular reason that you felt pulled toward pop music, and have you ever felt like you just needed to let loose with some angry chords?

    CK: I used to try to play angry chords. I’m not really an angry guy. I mean, I get disappointed about things. I can feel really damn depressed for several days at a time, or maybe even entire seasons. But I felt when I was writing songs that were more angry sounding it made me feel worse, and it kind of took away some of the joy I found of writing songs. For me, right now where I’m at as a songwriter, it’s not where I get my inspiration.

    ER: If you were to do something completely opposite, like say a hair metal band, what do you think it would look and sound like?

    CK: Well, it would have to start with the main ingredient being David Bowie, ‘cause he’s got the glam. He’s got the fashion, the looks and the abilities. He’s got all the energy. Then I would put a bunch of diesel grease all over everything. And I’d probably tune all the strings on the guitar down to the lowest notes possible and try to belch as much as possible when I sing. And climb up the rafters.

    ER: Tell me about your new album.

    CK: We released The Dark, Delirious Morning at First Avenue on June 7th. I’ll call it adventurous, acoustic-based pop with equal parts classic rock/pop songwriting and modern geek.

    ER: What do you mean by "modern geek"?

    CK: Well, you know, like the nerdy tones or maybe the occasional lo-fi static.

    ER: Can you explain your stage show for someone who hasn’t seen it?

    CK: They can expect a group of people that are into the material, and they aren’t overly flamboyant, but they’re not a bunch of bumps on the log either. It’s very honest. The performance, whatever material we’re playing is rootsy, it’s kind of earthy-like one big pop muscle flexing at the same time.

    ER: What are your plans and goals?

    CK: My goal is to be a touring musician full time. Tour the U.S. Tour the U.K. Tour Japan. Get out there. See the world. Be able to play music and share it with people and be able to do this without going super broke. It’s my livelihood, but I also want it to be my life.

     

    Chris Koza, with The Alarmists, Blue Heels, and The Wars of 1812; Friday, Aug. 29th; 8 pm, Varsity Theater, 1308 4th St SE, Minneapolis

  • The Rake's Secrets to Surviving the RNC

    As you’re well aware, this week the Twin Cities plays host to one of the biggest political extravaganzas known to man: The Republican National Convention. The chaos that will surely descend on our fair cities will be met with more Minnesota-brand arts and culture than you can shake a stick at, as well as thousands of protesters, scrambling media, and organized demonstrations of all shapes, sizes and affiliations. If you want to avoid the fray, we’d recommend the Days Inn in Brainerd, because the Twin Cities are going to be thoroughly ablaze with political spirit and, most likely, gridlock traffic. Being the adventurous souls we know you are, however, you’ll want to make the most of it by speakin’ your piece, rockin’ out to some awesome live music or just checking out the scene, which is bound to be wild! And whether you’re a visitor or a local – you’re sure to find something to inspire you in our eclectic guide to events surrounding the RNC!

    Speaking of Republicans, The Rake’s very own Secrets of the City Guidebook is getting some unexpected press! To purchase the Guidebook click HERE.

    Know about something we didn’t list? Did you go to one of the listed events? Post about it in the comments section at the bottom of this article and keep the chain of democracy alive!

    SECTION ONE: BE HEARD!

    THE UNCONVENTION

    Through September 4th

    Artists of all sorts, regardless political beliefs, are invited to take place in The UnConvention, a series of events that runs through the RNC. Designed as a forum for people to exchange and promote their ideas on the big issues, it is meant to counteract the tightly formatted and scripted process that is the presidential election process. Projects taking place during The UnConvention include "My Yard Our Message," where artists from around the world will vote on the design of political signs promoting participatory democracy; "American Politics Sideshow: Weird and Wild," where the Weisman Art Museum will host speakers, discussions, performances and more; and the Liberty Parade, a large-scale event to precede the RNC where individual liberty and freedom is celebrated. For more information, including a complete list of projects visit www.theunconvention.com.

    CRITICAL MASS

    August 29th

    Nineteen people were arrested on August 31, 2007 during the Critical Mass group bike ride in a melee that made headlines. This year, Critical Mass returns to remember the one-year anniversary of that event and to kick off the string of peaceful RNC demonstrations by crowding the streets with bikes of all types. Starting around 5 pm in Loring Park on August 29, Critical Mass will overtake the streets of Minneapolis once more to strike out against oppression and celebrate freedom of expression. For more information on this year’s event and last year’s fallout, visit http://cmsupport.wordpress.com.

    LIBERTY PARADE

    August 31st

    Forget all your rightist or leftist arguments and come join the Liberty Parade on August 31 at 1 pm in Minneapolis. A celebration of the American values that stretch beyond political sides, the Liberty Parade will march down Nicollet Mall to Loring Park, where music acts and other entertainment will await participants. Celebrate liberty, freedom, equality and justice with your neighbors in a genuinely nonpartisan fashion. For more information, visit www.libertyparade2008.com.


    REVOLUTIONARY LOVE 2: I AM YOUR BEST FANTASY

    September 1st

    The second in a two-part project taking place at both the Democratic National Convention and the Republican National Convention, Sharon Hayes’s Revolutionary Love 2: I Am Your Best Fantasy will unite crowds of people at the capitol to speak about love, politics and gay liberation to the masses. The performance will begin at approximately 3:30 pm on September 1 at the Capitol Ground green below Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd. in St. Paul. The performance will last for around two hours as a chorus reads the piece Hayes has written for the convention. For more information on this and other projects by Hayes, visit www.creativetime.org.

    RNC DEMONSTRATIONS

    September 1st – 4th

    Hundreds of protest groups from around the country will meet, mingle and march throughout the convention to peacefully (hopefully, anyway) show their stripes. Anyone is welcome to come express his views on the current government and demonstrate the kind of active democracy that makes this country great. For your guide to anything and everything protest related visit www.protestrnc2008.org for more radical news than you can shake an angry fist at.

    RALLY FOR THE REPUBLIC

    September 2nd

    Ron Paul will be at the Target Center to help the Campaign for Liberty kick-off its events on September 2 during the Rally for the Republic. Also featuring rock star Aimee Aleen, Barry Goldwater Jr, everyone’s favorite bow-tied TV personality Tucker Carlson and more, the event starts at 12:30 pm and runs until 10 that night. Celebrate your country by picking up a few of the $17.76 tickets for this spirited and provocative political event. Visit www.ronpaul.com for more info.

    Bonus: Mingle and party with Ron Paul-ites at Clubhouse Jager at 923 Washington Avenue North, the official party spot for Ron Paul supporters throughout the RNC.

    NADER SUPER RALLY

    September 4th

    Not really a fan of McCain or Obama? Then try perennial presidential candidate Ralph Nader, who will once again be on the ballot. Celebrate your favorite independent (unless you’re still a Ventura fan) by skipping the Target Center and Xcel Energy Center and heading straight to Orchestra Hall on September 4 at 7:30 pm as Nader and his running mate Matt Gonzalez make a call to throw the election into full-swing. Nellie McKay, Cindy Sheehan and Tom Neilson will be among those appearing at the rally. For more information, visit www.votenader.org/events.


    SECTION 2: PARTY LIKE YOU CARE!

    SPARK 24

    August 30th-31st

    What better way to precede out-of-state RNC bigwigs descending upon the Twin Cities than by celebrating the best in local performances and art? Spark24, a 24-hour marathon of free entertainment, will begin 5 pm on Sunday, August 30. Local theatre companies, music groups and bands will take the stage from Peavey Plaza to Orchestra Hall and 60+ venues across the Twin Cities. For more information, including a complete schedule of performances and venues, visit www.spark24.org.

    Bonus: The Rake’s A+E Editor Kate Iverson will be live-blogging at Spark24 from the IDS, so check our site Saturday and Sunday for pictures, recaps and craziness, live from Spark24!

    CALL AND ANSWER: BLACK DOG BLOCK PARTIES

    August 31st & September 2nd

    The Black Dog Coffee and Wine Bar will throw its "Welcome to the Neighborhood" Block Party in Lowertown on August 31 and September 2, just in time for the RNC. The two-day festival of music, food and more will give locals a voice to express what’s important to them in a
    time when the Twin Cities has never been more visible on a national level. The Black Dog is located at the corner of 4th and Broadway in Lowertown St. Paul. For more information, visit www.theblockpartyinlowertown.com.

    PEOPLE’S FEST

    August 31st

    Join The Poor People’s Economic Human Rights Campaign and the Hip Hop Congress in Powderhorn Park on August 31 for the People’s Fest! An all day celebration of arts and culture featuring music by Mic Crenshaw of Portland, OR; Blade Triple, M.O., and Element of Surprise from Cincinnati; local faves The Brass Kings and Bemidji’s Shannon Murray. Plenty of food, basketball games, and children’s activities round out this all-day party in the park. Runs from 10 am to 9 pm at Powderhorn Park. visit www.economichumanrights.org for more info.

    TAKE BACK LABOR DAY FESTIVAL

    September 1st

    The Service Employees International Union want to help you kick-off the RNC with gusto as they throw a Labor Day Festival on September 1 to celebrate workers’ achievements. Visitors to Harriet Island on Labor Day between noon and 7 pm will find a You Tube station, a blogger lounge, a children’s area, an audience-participation art project and many other free events. Scheduled appearances include Sen. John Edwards plus an all-star lineup of musicians such as The Pharcyde, Mos Def, Atmosphere, Steve Earle, Allison Moorer and Tom Morello. Visit www.takebacklaborday.com for more info.

    RADICAL NIGHTLIFE AT THE BEDLAM

    September 1st – 4th

    The Bedlam Theatre keeps things radical during the RNC with their nightly gatherings for music, food and political activist mingling. Prince Myshkins and guests WYXY will appear every night at 7 pm during the convention, following a dinner and community building session at 5:30 pm. The Nonsense Company, Di Nigunim, Bryan Bevell and "The Fever" and Dreamland Faces will also appear during the four-day long festivities. For more information, visit www.bedlamtheater.org.

    RIPPLE EFFECT 2008

    September 2nd

    On September 2 at 12:30 pm, thousands will descend on the Capitol for Ripple Effect, a daylong festival celebrating and uniting a few in the forefront of progressive action. Featuring training, workshops, music, art and other activities to bring awareness to social and environmental change, Ripple Effect will go beyond convention and partisanship to unite people of all kinds in an effort to create a better world. Featuring the music of Michael Franti, Dead Prez, Anti-Flag, Wookiefoot, Matisyahu, I Self Divine, Indigo and more, plus special guest speaker Winona LaDuke. The festival takes place on the Capitol lawn and will last until 7 pm. For more information, visit www.livewithsubstance.org/rippleeffect.

    END OF AN ERA POST-RNC PROTEST PARTY

    September 2nd

    What better way to blow off steam after the September 2 protest at the State Capitol than a night of music at the Cabooze? Doors open at 8:30 pm for the 18+ event, hosted by Yoni. Pleasure Pause, Black Blondie and New Rebelution will perform, along with many more special guests. For more information, visit www.cabooze.com.

    RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE

    September 3rd

    Fresh off a wild stint at the DNC, Rage Against the Machine bring their fist-pumping protest rock to the Target Center. Doing what they do best, this long-time group of rock n’ roll activists will inspire and rile up the masses with their politically tinged, angry (but thought-provoking) music just in time for the close of the RNC. At the 2000 Democratic National Convention, the aftermath of a Rage show incited a police riot – so wear your mace goggles and nutcup just to be on the safe side. Visit www.rageagainstthemachine.com for more info.

    PEACE ISLAND PICNIC

    September 4th

    After four days of the convention and all that comes with it, everyone could use a break and a little fun in the sun. So head over to Harriet Island on September 4 from 1 pm to 8 pm for the Peace Island Picnic, a celebration of freedom and peace. Part of The UnConvention projects, the picnic will feature music all day, kite-making and flying, a sunset drum jam and an attempt to break the human peace sign world record. Everything is free for the event, so bring the family along. All the events will be held on Harriet Island just outside of downtown St. Paul. For more information, visit www.theunconvention.com.


    SECTION 3: EXPERIENCE THE ARTS

    POSITION AND IMPOSITION: MCAD FACULTY RESPONDS TO POLITICS

    Ongoing through September 24th

    The Minneapolis College of Art and Design’s annual faculty exhibition takes on a timely message in this election year as they present Position and Imposition: MCAD Faculty Responds to Politics, beginning August 22 in MCAD’s main gallery. The work will demonstrate how artists feel the need to let their vision be seen and how their works can affect the most controversial issues of the day. There will be an opening reception on September 5 from 6 – 8 pm. The exhibit runs until September 24. For more information, visit www.mcad.edu.

    FREEDOM OF ASSEMBLY

    Ongoing through September 2nd

    Minneapolis College of Art and Design students find their voice with Freedom to Assembly, a new creative collaboration organized by the school’s Student Advisory Council. Combing studio work and gallery work, the students will develop their sense of political identities, both individually and as a community. The event will be held in MCAD’s Gallery 148 from August 22 to September 7. There will be an opening reception on September 5 from 6 – 8 pm. The Minneapolis College of Art and Design is located at 2501 Stevens Avenue in Minneapolis. For more information, visit www.mcad.edu.

    HINDSIGHT IS ALWAYS 20/20

    Ongoing through January 4th

    Open your eyes to a new view of State of the Union addresses with R. Luke DuBois’ Hindsight is Always 20/20, a new exhibit at the Weisman designed to channel into today’s politically-charged climate. Forty-three prints sort the State of the Union addresses of each president in order of word frequency, giving viewers a new vision of what the government means to its people. The exhibit opens August 23 to coincide with the arrival of the RNC in Minnesota and runs through January 4. For more information, visit www.weisman.umn.edu.

    WHAT DO YOU SAY, AMERICA?

    Ongoing through January 4th

    There’s nothing like good ol’ fashioned American wartime propaganda, and visitors to the Weisman Art Museum can get their fill when What do YOU say, AMERICA? begins on August 23. Featuring government-issued posters from the two World Wars and taken from the Weisman collection, the exhibit will invite viewers to reflect on how the government informed its people in times of war and how those tactics correlate to the world we live in now. Created to complement Hindsight is Always 20/20 (see listing above), the exhibit runs through January 4. For more information, visit www.weisman.umn.edu.

    HAIL TO THE CHIEF: IMAGES OF THE AMERICAN PRESIDENCY

    Ongoing through September 21st

    Want some hint of how we got where we are? The Minneapolis Institute of Arts’ free, non-partisan exhibit Hail to the Chief: Images of the American Presidency displays over 70 objects focusing on our presidential past, from paintings and sculptures to photographs and hand-written correspondences. Designed to coincide with the RNC, the gallery features works from the MIA’s permanent collection as well as a private collection that focuses on presidential themes. The exhibit, which opened August 2nd, runs through Sunday, September 21 in Gallery
    263. Visit www.artsmia.org for more information.

    PARTY PARTY IN A TWEETY LAND

    Ongoing through October 4th

    Pop singles of years past are used as a springboard to study our culture’s complex relationship with the real world. The glitz of celebrity living is compared to the seriousness of real living in Party Party in a Tweety Land b/w This Republic of Suffering, an exhibition opening at the Form + Content Gallery on August 28. Part of The UnConvention projects, the exhibit is co-curated by Colleen Sheehy and Camille J. Gage. Featuring contributions from eight other artists, the exhibit examines the tensions between what we obsess over and what we’ve lost. For more information, visit www.formandcontent.org.

    THE LION, THE WITCH, AND THE WAR HERO; OR IS MCCAIN ABLE?

    Ongoing through November 8th

    As the RNC rolls into town, the folks over at Brave New Workshop are determined to show the world that political satire is alive and well. Brave New Workshop stalwarts will return to the stage to mercilessly satirize the politicians, election process and voting habits that infect the entire country every four years. The production runs through November 8th at the Brave New Workshop on Hennepin Avenue South in Uptown Minneapolis. For more information, visit www.bravenewworkshop.com.

    POSTER OFFENSIVE 4

    August 29th – September 15th

    The Poster Offensive is pleased to present its 4th annual show of politically themed screen print art. This year, Poster Offensive has teamed up with Minnesota organization Provention – a group of Minnesota artists offering a heartfelt and sincerely peaceful welcome to the GOP Conventioneers as they arrive in our town. The Poster Offensive is a non-partisan poster show dedicated to the promotion of peace and democracy. Reception August 29 at 5 pm. Runs through September 15. Visit www.blackdogstpaul.com for more info.

    UNCONVENTIONAL WISDOM AND MILLIONS OF INNOCENT ACCIDENTS

    August 29 – October 26

    Two exhibits collide at the Minneapolis Institute of Arts when Unconventional Wisdom and MILLIONS OF INNOCENT ACCIDENTS open August 29. Presented by the Minnesota Artists Exhibition Program, Ruthann Godollei and Mike Elko’s Unconventional Wisdom uses text to satirically off-balance familiar objects and images in advertising. Hardland/Heartland’s MILLIONS OF INNOCENT ACCIDENTS creates a narrative landscape influenced by popular culture and current events to present, "an ongoing saga of grandiose proportions." There will be an opening reception for both exhibits on August 28 at 7 pm. For more information, visit www.theunconvention.com or www.artsmia.org.

    CIVICFEST: A VERY MINNESOTA CELEBRATION

    August 29th – September 4th

    Think you’d make a better president than McCain, Obama or anyone else? You can start your path to the Oval Office off right by getting your picture taken in a full-scale replica of the presidential hotspot during CivicFest: A Very Minnesota Celebration, which runs August 29 through September 4 at the Minneapolis Convention Center. A replica of the Oval Office is just one of more than 35 exciting exhibits that can be found there. Visitors will also find an actual presidential limousine, a scale model of the White House, historical memorabilia and much, much more! For more information on the exhibits and hours, visit www.civicfest.org.

    SOLUTIONS VOLUME 3

    August 30th

    Just before the RNC begins, celebrate free-thinking with some of the Twin Cities’ most cutting edge artists. Solutions Volume 3, hosted by Intermedia Arts, will be an informative and thrilling evening utilizing multiple forms of media to try and present solutions to today’s most pressing issues. Featuring live music, food and more, Solutions will give people everywhere a chance to express themselves and inspire action. Doors open at 7:30 pm for an 8:30 pm start. For more information, visit www.solutionstwincities.org.

    ART ON WHEELS

    August 31st – September 2nd

    Art takes to the streets as part of The UnConvention projects with Minneapolis Art on Wheels. Created to give voice to communities in coordination with the RNC, MAW will project works of arts on the streets of the Twin Cities to explore the uses of public spaces for artists. For more information, visit www.theunconvention.com or www.minneapolisartonwheels.org.

    BACKBONE, VALUE AND HAIRSTYLE

    August 31st – September 2nd

    An aluminum voting booth is the center of Andrea Steudel’s new piece, Backbone, Value and Hairstyle. Circuit-bent electronic keyboard hardware has been embedded into the booth, so that it now makes irregular sounds when the switches are pushed. These sounds highlight the absurd nature of the voting process. The booth will be on display in Peavey Plaza at the intersection of 11th Street and Nicollet Avenue from August 31 to September 2. For more information, visit www.theunconvention.com.

    IMPACT FILM FESTIVAL

    September 1st – September 4th

    The most pressing social issues of today will take the spotlight at the Impact Film Festival, running from September 1-4. Coordinated to coincide with both the Democratic and the Republican National Conventions, the festival will showcase two to three documentaries and dramatic films each day, followed by thought-provoking panel discussions with filmmakers, lawmakers and other civic leaders. All film screenings will be held at the Landmark Center, located at 75 West 5th Street, across from the Excel Center in St. Paul. The festival will culminate with a reception that celebrates the contributions film can give to societal issues. For more information, visit www.impactfilmfestival.org.

    KULTURE KLUB ART SHANTIES

    September 1st – 2nd

    Art Shanty Projects and Kulture Klub Collaborative will team up on Peavey Plaza during the convention to bring together local artists and youth experiencing homelessness to get involved in a participatory democracy. Workshops and guerrilla cinema projections fill the plaza on September 1 and 2 to explore non-partisan forms of media and democratic expression. This shanty base-camp will be erected as part of The UnConvention. For more information, visit www.theunconvention.com.

    MINNEATURES BY PLASTICGOD

    September 1st – October 26th

    Los Angeles based artist Plasticgod has been dubbed "The 21st Century Warhol." His popular "Heads" collection is his personal twist on celebrity caricatures, the collection is comprised of over 700 pop and political icons. A selection of these works will be exhibited in Minneatures. Lego figurines inspire the style of these quirky figure paintings, a pop culture icon in its own right. This solo show will be Plasticgod’s first exhibition in Minneapolis. On exhibit at SooVAC / Toomer Gallery, located on 27th & Lyndale in Minneapolis from September 1-October 26. Visit www.soovac.org for more info.

    AMERICANS WHO TELL THE TRUTH

    September 1st – September 30th

    The Traffic Zone art gallery will premiere a new exhibit by painter Rob Shetterly just in time for the RNC – Americans Who Tell the Truth. Featuring images of influential Americans, including Minnesotans Paul Wellstone and Colleen Rowley, Shetterly’s works combine the words and images of those who have lashed out against their oppressors. The exhibit opens September 1 and runs through September 30. There will be an opening reception on September 18 from 6:30 – 9 pm; Shetterly will be present for a discussion and book signing. The Traffic Zone gallery is located at 250 Third Avenue North in Minneapolis. For more i
    nformation, visit www.trafficzoneart.com.

    TRANSLATING POLITICS

    September 1st – 4th

    The Northeast Minneapolis Arts Association and The UnConvention will present Translating Politics, a group exhibition at the Northrup King Building in Northeast Minneapolis. Thirteen local artists use paintings, photography, sculptures, mixed media and video to offer up different perspectives on global politics in a time when it has never been more discussed. The exhibit runs September 1- 4 in the third floor gallery of the NKB building. It will be open from 1 – 9 pm each day with receptions planned every night. Local and national elected officials have been invited to attend. The NKB Building is located at 1500 Jackson Street Northeast. For more information, visit www.nemaa.org.

    Bonus: The best day to see this show is Thursday, September 4 when dozens and dozens of artists in Northrup King will open their studio doors to the public as part of the monthly "First Thursdays in the Arts District" event.

    DRILLING FOR FREEDOM PRESENTS: OUR 44TH WHITE DUDE

    September 1st – 2nd

    John McCain, the RNC and everything Republican will be celebrated at the Bryant Lake Bowl theater when conservative fanatic sketch comedians Drilling For Freedom take the stage. The alter-egos of three writers for 23/6 and Huffingtonpost.com, Drilling For Freedom will screen exclusive protest footage and interview people who may not love the Republican party as much as their interviewers. The performances will take place September 1 and 2. Doors open at 7 pm for the 8 pm show. Tickets are $10. For more information, visit www.bryantlakebowl.com.

    YOU DON’T KNOW ME: A CITIZENS GUIDE TO REPUBLICAN FAMILY VALUES

    September 1st

    For every liberal who’s wondered what exactly makes those Republicans tick, this is the book for you. Political commentator Win McCormack’s new book You Don’t Know Me: A Citizens Guide to Republican Family Values explores over 100 of the most devious and dirty cases of sexual tomfoolery that has plagued conservative "family men" over time. Researched using court records and other documents and featuring appearances by ever-popular disgraced Republicans like Larry Craig, You Don’t Know Me explores such family-friendly topics as bestiality, pedophilia, incest, autoerotic asphyxiation and more, to examine the inner workings of our political system and put it into context. Win McCormack will be appearing at Magers & Quinn Booksellers on September 1 at 6 pm to help kick-off the Republican National Convention. For more information, visit www.magersandquinn.com.

    CHAMBERS’ ART OVERFLOW

    September 2nd

    Sidewalk chalk art will literally wrap-around the corner of 9th and Hennepin in downtown Minneapolis as Chambers, the award-winning luxury art hotel, literally overflows with art. Artists from Juxtaposition Arts will use chalk and watercolors to transform the sidewalks around the hotel. Juxtaposition Arts student, Cateisha Pierson, will create the piece themed around a “celebration of Minnesota” with assistance from other members of the youth-focused visual arts organization. In addition to the street art, the hotel’s Burnet Art gallery is showcasing politically inspired art in its latest exhibition, Important if True (Hootenanny in E). Artists will create work from 6:30 am until 10:30 am. Visit www.chambersminneapolis.com

    PARTY FAVORS

    September 2nd

    Ever wondered what exactly goes on behind the closed doors of the political fundraising world? Playwright and author Susan Johnston teams up with former Republican fundraiser Nicole Sexton to present Party Favors, the rise and fall of Temple Sachet, the Big Money Babe of the Republican Senate. Susan Johnston will discuss her novel and life as a playwright, journalist and author on September 2 at 6 pm. The discussion will be held at the Playwrights’ Center in Minneapolis and RVSP is required. For more information, visit www.pwcenter.org

    WELLSTONE!

    September 2nd – 21st

    The Sabes Jewish Community Center opens its 2008-2009 theatrical season with Wellstone! a new play that covers the career of the man with the green bus. Playwright Mark Rosenwinkel takes on the lead role of Paul Wellstone, who tragically died in a 2002 plane crash, just weeks before the election for his third term in the U.S. Senate. The study of a man with a set of values that often conflicted with his position, Wellstone! opens September 2nd and runs through the 21. All performances will be held at the Sabes Jewish Community Center in St. Louis Park. Tickets are $18 for members, $20 for non-members and $16 for students and senior citizens. For more information, visit www.sabesjcc.org.

    For more hot tips on activities surrounding the RNC, check out "Art is Patriotic: A Look at Art and
    Politics as the Twin Cities Prepare to Host the Republican National
    Convention," a one-hour radio documentary you can listen to online     HERE courtesy of our friends at KFAI!

  • Eight Crazy Nights: A Political Miniseries

    Save for the lack of scheduled appearances by Valerie
    Bertinelli, Tiffani Thiessen or Jennie Garth, over the course of the next two
    weeks America will be treated to two of the best-funded Lifetime miniseries of
    all time. Featuring exotic settings; heroes and villains a-plenty; a
    family dynasty forever shattered; and production values that would shame even
    Steven Bochco (whose involvement in "Cop Rock" and the
    upcoming "Raising the Bar"
    has amply demonstrated his abject lack of shame), the Democratic and Republican
    National Conventions rival even the sturm and drang of "She
    Fought Alone    " – one of the finest of the True Stories Collection of TV
    movies. Add to that a collection of flawed characters blending a Jamba
    Juice-like smoothie of half-truths, distortions, and skewed viewpoints stemming
    from a profound disconnect from anything even faintly resembling the reality of
    the average American lifestyle, and you’ve got some damn good TV – not to
    mention impeccable cover for a gaping loophole in campaign finance law.

    Witness, if you will, the window-dressing that is the pomp
    and circumstance of the nightly speaker lineups; the concern over Hillary and
    her PUMAs’ wailing at the gates about the disastrous hijacking of democracy
    that has put a presumptive dynasty on the outside looking in, and the thousands
    of unwashed protesters clamoring for attention in St.
    Paul’s newest stockyard    , located conveniently nearby the Xcel Center. Then
    look deeper at the Convention Committees, which, unlike the candidates
    themselves, can accept virtually unlimited donations of cash and services from
    private citizens and even corporations. And these deep-pocketed entities get a
    significant return on their donations. In addition to sweetly scented tax
    write-off, the complexity of which would arouse Ben Stein far more than
    well-hydrated eyes ever could, they are offered that most precious of
    commodities in the political world – access.

    Wednesday’s events, for example, include a CH2M Hill sponsored concert featuring
    Willie Nelson, a donor briefing and reception at Ellie Caulkins Opera House,
    and an "AT&T Luncheon for Delegates from Western States" just to name a
    few. And should the guest list for these events happen to fall into an
    enterprisingly cynical blogger’s hands, it just might happen to include some of
    the top officials from the Democratic party, influential members of the Senate
    Committee on Commerce, Science & Transportation, who handle telecommunications
    issues, and any number of other elected officials who may or may not play a
    role in potential legislation affecting these companies’ bottom lines.

    Once upon a time – most likely in an alternate reality where
    Hillary Clinton’s pastel pantsuits whip crowds into frothing
    lust-fueled frenzies     the likes of which our world has never borne witness to
    – the conventions were a place where party business took place and attendees
    engaged in true debate and dialogue. Now, in Denver the intent is to bring the
    hordes of malcontents that make up the Democratic party into line, poisoning
    the PUMAs with love, understanding and the implied threat of the country’s
    completely unlubricated buggering come November, should they not fall in line.
    In Saint Paul, the Republicans simply want to emphasize how much more buggering
    there will be if the Democrats regain the White House. And in both cases, the
    aim is to quash debate and dissention. And either way, we’re the ones who get
    buggered.

    So we watch and listen, strangely drawn to our TVs and
    radios by the anemic oration of political luminaries like John Kerry and
    Congressman Robert Wexler, fascinated by the eight part melodrama playing out
    in America’s heartland – the conflict between PUMA and party, McCain’s one-time
    maverick status and his new love for the party politick. It’s all too easy to
    get distracted by the stagecraft and bright lights, forgetting for the moment
    the money pouring through the cracks in the campaign finance system that make
    this grand display possible. And what’s worse – just what that money may be
    saying over black truffle risotto and foie gras on toast points to the
    representatives who supposedly do the people’s work.

  • Local Rockstars Come Together to Benefit Barack Obama!

    BENEFIT EVENT

    8 is Enough: Benefit for Barack



    An all-star local lineup shows its political colors tonight at
    the Turf Club by throwing one hell of a party – all to benefit presidential candidate Barack Obama! A mere
    $20 gets you into one of the hottest shows of the summer featuring Tape
    n’ Tape (Josh Grier and Jeremy Hansen of Tapes n’ Tapes), Kill the
    Vultures, Dosh, Low, POS, STNNNG, and Skoal Kodiak. Your moola goes to
    benefit Mr. Obama’s campaign, so come rock out for a good cause (if that’s your political leaning) or rock out and vote for McCain. Either way, tonight promises to be a good show. Make
    it a date with a spicy bite at Midway hidden gem, Fasika, just a few blocks north of University on Snelling, to indulge in a heaping helping of traditional Ethiopian food.



    8pm, Turf Club, 1601 University Avenue, Saint Paul, $20
     
     
    MUSIC

    Gnarls Barkley



    I think we can safely say that Danger Mouse was one of the first producers to really bring the art of the pure mashup into the mainstream public’s eye with The Grey Album, a brilliant mashup of Jay Z’s Black Album and The Beatles’ White Album. While putting the nerdy world
    of cut n’ paste and sound collage on the map is far from his only
    accomplishment (although it’s my favorite), the producer behind Gnarls
    Barkley shines with rapper and vocalist Cee-Lo Green, and the duo has two
    Grammys under its belt to prove it. So, after eating too many cheese
    curds and taking a spin on the Ye Old Mill, hit up the Grandstand
    tonight for an energetic and rousing performance by Gnarls Barkley along with
    super-hot openers Cloud Cult.



    7pm, The Grandstand, State Fair Grounds, Saint Paul, $31
    STATE FAIR TIP OF THE DAY

    Classic State Fairing with Kathryn Savage



    I’ve been talking up the State Fair so much, that finally introducing
    The Glory to my California born-and-bred husband had me equal parts
    excited and panicked. Would we cover enough ground? Would he get it?
    Would he love it? Or, as an outsider, would the combined charm of humid
    air, animal feces, and mini-donut batter be lost on him? Since it would
    be his first time, I decided to devote our attention to classic state fairing. The best of the best. This is how we did. – Kathryn Savage



    Click HERE to read Kathryn’s latest installment in her hilarious State Fair Saga!



    Fair Hours 6am-Midnight, State Fair Grounds, Saint Paul, $11

  • Hometown Show Means Van is Safe for One More Night

    Denis Jeong

    The Rake recently caught up with its friends, local band The Alarmists. Riding their increasing fame and recognition higher and higher, the guys are looking forward to their fast-approaching hometown show at the Varsity this Friday night. We spoke with Eric Lovold (guitar, lead vocals); Ryan McMillan (guitar); Tony Naim (bass guitar); Derek Jackson (drums); and Jorge Raasch (keyboards).

    The Rake: Tell us a little about your upcoming show at the Varsity.

    Jorge: We’ve had five weeks off since our last show. That is some major vacation time by Alarmists’ standards. In fact, it took our bass player leaving the country to make it happen (Tony was in Lebanon for two weeks in early August). So I’d say we’re all pretty excited to get back on stage, and the Varsity is one of our favorite venues in town. The bill is fantastic, too. I always enjoy Chris Koza and am really looking forward to seeing Blueheels and Wars of 1812 for the first time.

    The Rake: What do you guys have planned after that?

    Jorge: We are playing the Spark24 party at Orchestra Hall the following night (well, actually early Sunday morning) with some other locals. We play at 2 a.m. and Cloud Cult plays after us, followed by the rest of the lineup.

    We’re also doing the River Rocks Festival at Harriet Island on September 20th. That should be cool, too – The Roots, Mike Doughty, Semisonic and LIVE are playing, as well as Heiruspecs. Heiruspecs is amazing live – everyone should see Heiruspecs.

    We also have a couple trips to Milwaukee and Madison planned for the fall, but for the most part we’re trying to keep the schedule open. We’re starting our next record soon, so of course we’re really excited about that. We’ve been demoing songs the past few months, but the real deal should get going in October/November. Our hope is to release it next spring.

    Derek: We’re going to tighten the screws. We are so very close, and so very happy with this new batch of songs.

    The Rake: How does The Alarmists’ sound fit in with the rest of the Twin Cities music scene? Is it filling a particular void? Do you draw inspiration from any local bands?

    Ryan: The Alarmists’ sound isn’t really the "indie" sound that most Twin Cities bands pursue. We are a pop rock band that is influenced by old shit. I don’t think we sound like any of the bands here, but we definitely fit in with a lot of bands.

     

    Eric: I guess to me it seems that we are always trying to make music that we like, and play the kind of music that we think is important. Locally, I really like Solid Gold. Those guys are always up to something, and it’s always good. A new band doing cool stuff is Flin Flon Bombers, too. Catchy pop tunes.

    Derek: Sound fits in…as the honest, driving, melodic, rock that our fathers were probably listening to when we were conceived. We put a lot of intensity and character into what we do musically, together.

    Filling a void? The void where music should be well put together, accessible, and unique. We are one version of the local bands filling that void.

    Inspiration? Though they are "no more," I always loved to see Hockey Night throw down. Two drummers playing tasty, open parts, and a lead guitar player just shredding classic rock stuff.

    Tony: We are all big fans of the Replacements, so I guess that somehow manages to show up in our songwriting.

    The Rake: What about each of your own personal tastes in music? I know Jorge and Eric thought the Tom Petty Milwaukee Summerfest show that we went to was possibly the greatest show ever. Care to talk about that or any others that stick out?

    Jorge: I think all of The Alarmists really like Tom Petty. That show might have been my favorite concert of all time. The guy just killed it. Everyone in the band is fantastic, and it was the perfect way to cap off the night after playing at Summerfest for our first time. Note: MGD tastes much better in Milwaukee.

    Derek: I saw Spoon play at the 400 Bar, all by myself, on their "Kill the Moonlight" tour. Standing in the 2nd row, dead center, just getting bombarded by Spoon. Seeing Brit Daniel sing and Jim Eno drum that close up is definitely a highlight. Also recently I’ve been fortunate enough to see a couple really great shows at the Triple Rock: Caribou in the spring and the Dodo’s this summer.

    Eric: I’ve been really into Godspeed You Black Emperor and Kinski lately–instrumental noise rock. It would be fun to do a project like that.

    Ryan: I am the oddball in the group. I love electronic based music– hip hop, drum and bass, trip hop, and house. But I also love a lot of rock–Nirvana, Pink Floyd, Bowie, the Shins. I have been listening to a lot of the Melvins’ "Houdini" lately. I am new to the Tom Petty love, but I do think he is fucking amazing.

    The Rake: What about the most interesting Alarmists’ show while on the road? There was the accident with the van, right?

    Ryan: Let me tell you about the accident — that shit sucked ass. My head and hand broke through a window. We had just played an amazing show at the Entry with Koza and we were all on cloud nine. The dude driving the van ran through a red light as we were all screaming, "RED LIGHT!" Low and behold our new drummer and I ended up in the emergency room for hours. He had a broken nose from hitting the seat in front of him and I had glass from the window stuck in my hand. That was scary shit.

    Eric: We crashed pretty good…we were in the ER til 6 a.m.! Our new van is sweeter, though.

    We also played a show at Concordia Moorhead this spring. There was a late April blizzard and I-94 closed while we were on the way. We decided to keep after it. Amazingly we didn’t slide off of the road, but it took us eight hours to get there, and it’s normally a four hour drive. We were literally going 15-20 miles an hour for maybe 70 miles. We got there and there was a gymnasium full of college kids. They had no idea who we were, but were rocking and dancing and having a good time. That was pretty cool; it made the drive worth it.

    Tony: …Biggest blizzard ever known to mankind…

    Derek: That crowd was just crazy–super energetic and responsive.

    The Rake: Chicago Rock Press has compared you to Spinal Tap – not for the loudness of your music necessarily, but rather the frequent drummer changes. While yours haven’t been because of unexplainable deaths, like the Tap’s, you want to explain a bit?

    Jorge: It’s funny you mention it, we actually got a louder drummer so that we would be able achieve Spinal Tap’s volume. If a formula for success ever existed, they embody it – which is why we tend to model almost everything we do after them.

    The Rake: Any last words for your fans?

    Ryan: The next record. It’s going to fucking rock. Fin.

    The Alarmists, with Chris Koza, Blue Heels, and The Wars of 1812; Friday, Aug. 29th; 8 pm, Varsity Theater, 1308 4th St SE, Minneapolis

  • The Nester

    In an effort to seek out and engage multiple voices and viewpoints from the local arts community, we occasionally will present on The Thousandth Word postings by "Vicious Guests" — that is, writings by various artists, curators, guest critics, journalists, art experts, art lovers, and other essential members of the arts community who have a story to tell. Michael Fallon presented the first "Vicious Guest" piece, by Gabriel Combs, last month.

    Brennan Vance is an artist that lives and works in Minneapolis.

    — Andy Sturdevant

    "Where there is the stink of shit, there is a smell of being." –Antonin Artaud

    Part One

    IN THE LATE 1950’s, the Educational Testing Service (ETS) achieved rapid success when its brainchild, the Standardized Aptitude Test (SAT), was suddenly demanded by more than 25 percent of America’s high schools. This success forced the ETS to move its main offices from a cramped but lovely brownstone in downtown Princeton, New Jersey to a gaudy corporate office park in one of the town’s surrounding suburbs. My grandfather was one of the few dozen employees who had to pack up his office downtown and move outward over the sprawl of ’50s suburbia, watching his colleagues mutate from a handful of familiar faces into a few hundred nameless strangers. Regardless, the expanded ETS established itself as the nation’s premier institution in the effort to "standardize" America’s youth.

    Not long after the migration to the new building, the first of the Nests appeared in the third-floor men’s bathroom. My grandfather, sitting at his desk just down the hall from the lavatory in question, recalled the befuddled expression upon a male colleague’s face when returning from there. The colleague, nearly inarticulate, struggled to describe his sighting of a structure built of toilet paper inside the bowl of the bathroom’s only stall, atop of which someone had shat. My grandfather and his coworker shared a look of curious disgust, but both quickly returned to their paperwork and dismissed the incident as a one-off prank.

    But a few days later, the same structure reappeared. Then again, a week later. And again, ten days thereafter. At report of the fourth and fifth sightings, enough gossip had spread throughout the third floor that curiosity in the male employees finally peaked. By the time my grandfather could make it to the bathroom to behold this mysterious and perverse object, a small crowd had already gathered. Men had convened by the sinks, stifling giggles about the smell, attempting to maintain their professional demeanor while making playful accusations as to who had committed the act. Being a man of discretion, my grandfather decided he wanted no part in this puerile spectacle and turned to leave. But someone at the door clutched his elbow, whispering, "No, you need to see this."

    Pushing back the aluminum stall door, my grandfather peered towards the head, cautious. The bowl was full, nearly to the seat, with toilet paper that had absorbed the bowl’s water, forming a thick, pack-like papier-mâché. The sheets had been laid one-by-one in a concentric pattern, spiraling endlessly around the interior of the porcelain oval and thrusting upward into a mountainous structure. At the formation’s peak was a perfectly circular impression, not carved from the structure as an afterthought, but masterfully assembled as part of the intended design. In this hollowed-out crown, a pristine heap of human shit rested, deposited precisely as not to smudge any of the structure’s snow-white surface. The shit coiled into a serpentine conical shape, as though dispensed from a soft-serve ice cream machine. Under the glow of the ceiling spotlight, it glistened.

    My grandfather shuddered with a mixture of awe and abhorrence, as if he had happened upon the work of an ingenious serial killer who precisely and beautifully arranged the carved bodies of his victims. But he couldn’t turn away, standing there fixated by the object’s gruesome beauty and absurd lunacy. Morbid curiosity having been satisfied, the other men finally returned to their offices, but not before giving the indescribable objects a name, Nests, and the supposed madman a clever moniker, the Nester. My grandfather was the last one out, disturbed both by what he had seen, and perhaps more so by the empathy he felt.

    Over the following weeks, as the third-floor offices continued to achieve skyrocketing SAT sales, so too continued the anonymous work of the Nester. Sensing the situation was rapidly escalating out of their control, the professionals of the third floor at first hoped that their passive resolve would lead to the problem finding its own solution. They decided against defecting from their native bathroom — escaping to the second floor merely to piss would be letting this terrorist succeed in his quest for chaos. But after nearly three months of random yet persistent Nester strikes, the tension between coworkers finally snapped. Paranoia flooded the third-floor offices like an oil tanker spill. Harsh glances shot through doorways, accusatory mutterings bounced off cubicle walls, condemnatory thoughts stewed everywhere. Men were hesitant even to be seen near the Nester’s bathroom, so as to avoid the suspicions of their colleagues.

    At last, nearly at wit’s end, they finally took their concerns to the top: Human Resources. The case was heard, a resolution was made: an investigation was to be conducted. During open building hours, a security officer was to be vigilant in the bathroom at all times. A logbook was to be kept. Individuals would be summoned for questioning. The maintenance staff (those unfortunate souls who had to shovel out each Nest and repair any damage to the plumbing system) gave a collective sigh of relief. Everyone was eager to aid in the capture of this shit-mongering anarchist.

    My grandfather, again refusing to partake in this juvenile spectacle, curiously observed what insecurity the Nester had inspired in the otherwise conservative, confident and civil professionals of the ETS. Only hours after the resolution was announced building-wide, my grandfather entered alone into the third-floor bathroom and found what was to be the last Nest ever built. He gasped as he strode into the stall, and stared once again into the strangely illuminated porcelain bowl. Looking over his shoulder, he took a few curious steps closer.

    Hovering there over the bowl, my grandfather felt an insatiable curiosity seize him like an obsessive-compulsive tic. Succumbing to the urge, my grandfather extended his hand in the direction of the black, horseshoe-shaped seat. He just had to know. Quivering, he pressed his palm softly on the plastic.

    It was still warm.

    Above: ETS’s corporate campus in Princeton, New Jersey. Photo by Mike Skliar.

    Part Two

    THE NESTER’S TRUE IDENTITY was never discovered. The risk of public reproach and humiliation likely became too strong. The investigation ended as soon as it began and life amongst the flummoxed professionals returned to normal. The situation was soon reconstituted as office lore that could, without fail, conjure a hearty laugh. The Nester quickly became Princeton, New Jersey’s best party joke.

    But now, fifty years later, I share this story out of love, not irony, judgment or for the purposes of a good chuckle. I share my grandfather’s forbidden curiosity. If it had been myself in that just vacated bathroom, poring over that final mound of paper and shit, I would have touched that seat as well. We have the
    unfortunate tendency to chalk up the uncouth behavior of lunatics as inhuman, beyond our moral sympathies. Rarely do we take the opportunity to express empathy and explore the motivations that lead to their extreme actions-motivations that tend, alas, to be lacking in more conventional artistic endeavors.

    For me, an artist who struggles to find sincerity in what I feel is an egregiously masturbatory arts community, the Nester’s tale affords an unexpected source of inspiration. In contrast to the excessively self-conscious, contrived, Jerome hero-pimping, gallery culture-obsessed status quo that plagues the Minneapolis art scene, the Nester’s habits provide a guide for a more authentic approach towards creativity. If we allow ourselves to see them as creative gestures, these Nests are a shining example of how we can cure ourselves of the disease of "artiness" and the thumb-up-each-other’s-asses culture that seems to follow art everywhere it goes. If the inhibiting quality of art is the curse, then I feel the Nester’s disturbed yet earnest approach towards creative statement is the spell-breaker.

    Though the Nests successfully transcend normative art practice, they also fit tidily into our prevailing definition of art: (1) They had a clear aesthetic— note the precise and painstaking effort in their construction; close attention is paid to concerns of composition, color, form, craft. (2) They constituted a performance—a routine was repeated ritualistically; the relentless disruptive nature of this ritual made clear that these Nests were meant to say something. (3) They were constructed for a desired audience—the Nester most likely imagined his colleagues needed a wake-up call of sorts; he chose to rattle his audience through a mix of dismay and perplexing beauty, forcing issues of anal-fecal psychology and paranoia that corporate office environments rarely encounter. (4) The Nests made a social statement–presenting his shit in a regal, pristine manner, the Nester possibly intended to subvert the pompous attitudes present in his office culture by forcing his viewers to confront a human reality that somehow causes us so much shame and embarrassment.

    Artists have done themselves a great disservice in needlessly construing creative expression into the larger-than-life mythologies, brainwashing doctrines and pseudo-political advertisements that comprise the clusterfuck that art is today. We’ve created a framework for art that warps our hearts and minds into believing that art requires authority (galleries, museums, academia); precepts (formal aesthetics, airtight intellectualism); and high culture (icons, award ceremonies, magazines). We’ve convinced ourselves that art is an austere discipline and not the boundless, soul-searching siphon that can dredge out our deepest and most authentic creative desires. Unfortunately, art is just as much about popularity, ego, money, class, idolatry and condescending intellectualism as it is about using modes of creativity to purely and earnestly explore ourselves and our relationship to the universe. In fact, I feel art is rarely used at all for the latter.

    Ideological powerhouses such as Dada or Fluxus (to name only a few of many counter-cultural, "anti-artiness" movements) have attempted to counteract problems of bourgeois convention and sterile traditionalism in art. But these types of ideologies simply aim to redefine the culture, the space and the vocabulary of art practice/critique and not to radically subvert these inherent problems by stepping outside of the larger art context; this is merely rearranging chairs at the same table. We’ve trapped ourselves in a box that may allow mobility within its walls, but makes it damn near impossible to share our creative impulses outside the heartbreaking realities of a terribly defective art world.

    The Nester succeeded in truly subverting the accepted contexts of artistic creation by refusing to acknowledge or engage such contexts. Sure, he showed some recognizable aesthetic concerns in creating his Nests, but never did he try to peddle them as art, nor did he invite consideration of them as works of art. In fact, the opposite occurred; most viewers thought that they’d stumbled upon the irrational dealings of a perverted lunatic. The Nester used creative means to construct something poignant and oddly beautiful outside accepted artistic boundaries. The bathroom was not a gallery, the viewers were not critics; there was no didactic above the toilet explaining in plain language what the artist intended. There were no critical blog posts written about it (until this one, half a century later). Photographic documentation was not preserved in hopes of revisiting these Nests in a retrospective exhibit in the Walker’s Target Gallery.

    Undoubtedly, these Nests satisfied a neurotic urge as much as a creative one. But the Nester did succeed in engaging the problems of his community and letting loose some wild irrationality within himself. What is more pure, more human than that? Let us take that sort of model as a springboard for our own creative practice, while removing ourselves from that crippling context of art which, in all honesty, has very little do with creativity.

    Please don’t get me wrong: I’m not suggesting that people go clog some toilets to proclaim their creativity. Rather, I am suggesting that we draw from the Nester’s example the conviction that we can and must treat our own creativity with the dignity it deserves. We need to stop making art that relies upon a toxic art world, to stop making art that tries to find a way into Artforum, and instead finds a way into the deeply transformative creative passion that burns in each of us.

    Being artists in Minneapolis, and not New York, Los Angeles or Berlin, we have an especially unique opportunity. Few artists I know actually profit from their creative endeavors, in fact most of them even stretch themselves thin financially just to be able to create and share their work. There’s little money for artists here. Barely any. So few of us actually rely on our personal art endeavors as a form of income that commercial viability should seem inconsequential to this community. If this is the case, if we have no financial obligations for tolerating this quasi-bourgeois scene we’ve created for ourselves, why do we all strive so hard to conform to it? Since most of us are losing money on this deal anyway, why do we not reevaluate our artistic motivations and radically transform how we approach creativity.

    I suggest we ask ourselves some new questions. What do we want to get out of life, out of art? How can I use the latter as a means to achieve the former? We should attempt to create from a place where these types of question guide us, while refusing to indulge an arts scene that is, for lack of better term, shit to begin with.

    To Frank.

  • The Mighty Midway and Other State Fair Classics

    Day two at the Fair had me excited because I brought my husband, Jason, along. For years, he’s been listening to me say things like:

    "If we were at the State Fair, you could get that Snickers deep-fried."
    "I own a collapsable rake."
    "I mean think about it. Nearly ninety-pounds of butter shaped like our daughter’s head. I know we don’t have kids yet, but it’s never too soon to just look at a hobby farm. At least give her the option to one day be crowned a princess."

    I’ve been talking up the State Fair so much, that finally introducing The Glory to my California born-and-bred husband had me equal parts excited and panicked. Would we cover enough ground? Would he get it? Would he love it? Or, as an outsider, would the combined charm of humid air, animal feces, and mini-donut batter be lost on him? Since it would be his first time, I decided to devote our attention to classic state fairing. The best of the best. This is how we did.

    By noon, we’d contemplated if "Pet Surgery, 1 p.m." posted on today’s activities in front of Chuck and Don’s Pet Food Building, really meant what it implied. We downed a Gizmo, sampled Teriyaki Ostrich on-a-stick, (chewy, good, until you get a bite of cartilage), and drank a beer.

    The Gizmo ($7.00), is good. Worth the hype. And boy, is there hype. The stand, located near machinery hill, is adorned with newspaper clippings. The vendors have hired a man to loudly proclaim the Gizmo’s unbridled wonder to the masses who pass by. "Get your Gizmo!" "Sausage and sauce, fab-u-lous!" If you’re a fan of doughy, saucy, cheesy, meaty things, check out the Gizmo. The meat is delicately seasoned, the thick bun is fresh, and there’s just enough, but not too much, sauce.

    Even though it was still early, and we were getting a lot of ground covered, we also weren’t doing enough classic state fairing. Teriyaki Ostrich on-a-stick ain’t no cows.

    "Let’s hit up the Midway," I suggested, and that’s when things got interesting. World of Wonders – Palace of Illusions, is a five stage circus tent at the end of the Midway filled with illusion acts, and well, circus freaks. For the price of five tickets, (at 75 cents a ticket), I saw the 27 inch small woman, two fire eaters, a sward swallower, and a contortionist in a box. I paid extra to look behind the box, and see that this lady was no fake.

    I highly recommend World of Wonders. Even though gawking at "freaks" seems wrong, and horrible, and like it shouldn’t be allowed, it’s also awesome. Compared to Coney Island, World of Wonders – Palace of Illusions, is very clunky-dunk and hometown, which is part of it’s charm. You could even call it family friendly, complete with silly demos like "snake girl" featuring a 20-something’s head stuck in a slot above a felt snake. And then there’s "spider woman." Same 20-something, same trick, except this time, her head is affixed to the body of a felt spider.

    When we left the freak show, I paid to rig a game in my favor. I really wanted the poster of a pit bull that was the prize at a certain dart-board-balloon-game, (puncture a balloon with a dart, you win). The lady working the booth said for one ticket, (75 cents), I could get three darts, but for 5 tickets, I could play until I won. There are few things I’m worse at then darts, so I paid for the unlimited pass. After about five minutes, and fifty-darts, I popped a balloon. "Any prize, any size," she said. "I want that pit bull poster, please," I said.

    We couldn’t leave the Midway until we went through the Arabian Daze Fun House (5 tickets or $3.75). Honestly, it wasn’t as challenging as I remembered it being, but the last time I attempted to tackle a fun house I was probably five.

    The most surprising thing about the Mighty Midway is how hussied-out it’s become. Just look at the images painted behind the rides. Sexy, exotic women in bikinis eye you lustily from an evil looking ride called the Magnum. Rihanna blasts from the speakers that surround Techno Power. It’s kind of intense, might possibly not be kid-appropriate. We needed cookies.

    "Isn’t there a smaller size?" Jason asked, watching people turn away from Sweet Martha’s Cookies cradling overflowing buckets of chocolate chip, ($14.00 for a bucket). "It’s not the same unless you get the bucket," I said. Armed with our bucket, we then made our way to the dairy booth for an unlimited glass of milk, ($1.00). Gentleman that he is, Jason stood in line, and I moved aside with the cookies.

    "You really shouldn’t be standing there with those." A man said. I looked at him and his ten-year-old son, lustily eyeing my cookies.

    "You want one?" I asked. "Go ahead, have a cookie."

    "Oh, no. Oh, no. I can’t." The man said sheepishly, looking away in shame, then looking back at the cookies. I’ve always felt that if asked, you have an obligation to share your Sweet Martha’s. This man was asking, and I wasn’t letting him leave without one.

    "Come on, take a cookie, you know you want it." His son’s eyes just kept getting wider, and wider. He looked at the boy, the cookies, and me.

    "Oh, thank you," he said. Then: "Son, go!" They grabbed a couple cookies quick, as if I’d change my mind, and yank away the tub. Then they ran off as quickly as they had appeared. I felt smug and charitable.

    When Jason came back with a glass of milk, I told him about my noble deed and we downed some cookies — warm, delicious, you can’t go wrong with Sweet Martha’s. But the day was wearing on us, the beer had worn off, and the crowds were giving us Manhattan flashbacks. It was time for something relaxing.

    Ye Old Mill ($3.00), is the "original tunnel of love," and my favorite ride at the fair. Sitting on the red boat, channeling through the dark tunnel, I’m always surprised by how epic this ride feels. Like I’m on a midnight journey down the Nile. Then the little window-light display appears, and I’m looking at wooden trolls, Babe the Blue Ox, or a bunch of Mr. Potato Head looking things, arranged in a bizarre line around some small, pastel trees. No matter how old I get, this ride is pure magic for me. "This is not what I was expecting." Jason said. "Isn’t it awesome?" I ignored his confusion, and probable boredom. I pulled him close, and turned on some "original tunnel of love" charm.

    After Ye Old Mill, we tried to find an entrance to the Skyride gondola, but being a Saturday, the Skyride was crazy crowded. I’m honestly glad we missed it. Like our earlier discovery of the Gizmo, the fair is proof that good things happen when you relax, and stop trying so damn hard.

    Stumbling across Ray Romano crop art is basically as awesome as it sounds. In search of more beer, we happened upon tons of crop art, which I highly recommend. Where else can you see Bo Diddley and Einstein captured in kernels?

    But the best thing that happened at the fair thus far was seeing my god in the flesh. Leaving the crop art building, we saw Princess Kay on a parade float, cruising by, accompanied by a marching band and Princess Kay runner-ups. There they were, just waving and smiling, looking lovely.

    We finished up our afternoon with a Texas size sausage ($7.75). This half-pound, grilled sausage link, comes smothered in grilled onions and peppers. If not a fair classic, and not on-a-stick, it certainly was delicious.

    I’ve always believed that crawling through a forty-foot colon in the parking lot of the Mall of America, weekends spent at various cabins on lakes, and my genuine love for the State Fair, contribute, in part, to my Minnesotan identity. I’ve been waiting to share the State Fair with my husband for years, and even though we didn’t see and do everything, he had a good time. "I certainly
    don’t see how anyone could hate the fair," he said, while we walked back to our car. Indeed.