Category: Article

  • Forgiving the French

    The early monks of the Egyptian desert often faced their demons head on. Abba Antony in the hot sandy silence of the wilderness found himself attacked by several wild beasts at once. They roared and hissed, they buffeted his makeshift cell until it shook. He stared them down. They gnashed their teeth and left.

    Often, though, subtle means were needed. The Sayings of the Desert Fathers is full of stories which show how simplicity and discernment (and often humor) learnt from long consideration of the human condition can outwit violence, distraction, and despair. There are plenty of later analogs: Sherlock Holmes caught his murderers by identifying myriad varieties of tobacco ash. Miss Marple and Father Brown recognized killers by applying to the motives of their fellow men the results of a lengthy and patient observation.

    Maybe it was something like this that the French Foreign Minister meant when he said France is an old country. He could scarcely have meant it literally. The present French constitution, that of the Fifth Republic, is substantially younger than the present President. Its ultimate ancestor, the constitution of the First Republic, emerged more than a century after the first constitution of Connecticut (supposedly the world’s oldest written constitution).

    In fact, France was drawn together as a single state only after the 16th century Wars of Religion. In the Middle Ages what is now French territory was home to two distinct Romance languages, the langue d’oc and the langue d’oui, named from their words for “yes,” the former derived from Latin hoc (“this thing”), the latter from hic ille (“this is it”). Large parts of it were ruled for centuries by the Kings of England.

    Wisdom, however, does not arise simply from the passage of time. It can grow out of reflection on shared suffering. As boys we were taught that French cooking might be good but it had evolved as an act of self-defense; the sauces and sausages had to be tasty because they needed to disguise dodgy meat cooked while French cities were being besieged by the armies of Henry V, the Duke of Marlborough, and other heroes. Our teacher had a point. As recently as the Prussian siege of 1870, the inhabitants of Paris were obliged to consume the inhabitants of their zoo, including the baby elephants Castor and Pollux.

    But French country cooking, like that which Elizabeth David taught us to love, grows from the judicious use of hard-won ingredients by sapient peasants making the best of a hard-scrabble life. Cassoulet is one of the splendid achievements of the southern region named (after its old language) the Languedoc. It consists of pork and duck, goose and beans (good for your heart) cooked together over several days. It is the foster-child of silence and leisure. An invitation from my friend the Philolog to her annual Cassoulet Dinner was therefore an act of kindness and one which deserved the offering of an appropriate libation.

    The wine would clearly need to come from the Languedoc, the hot Mediterranean coastal area across which Hannibal and his pachyderms passed on their way from Spain to the Alps. Languedoc produces lots of wine, but not all of it slips down easily. I recall a Corbières some years ago which was the color of red ink and tasted a lot like sucking the nib of a fountain pen. (No, I don’t. Not often anyway.)

    This time, though, Fortune smiled. The 2001 vintage of Domaine de la Brune, a property in the Coteaux de Languedoc, is a heartening dark red (and about $10 a bottle). Only a tenth of it comes from the Carignan grape, until recently the most commonly grown grape in the Languedoc. But that’s enough to give it an edge. It is mostly Syrah, the grape of great Rhones such as Hermitage, sweetened and softened by some Grenache. The whole is pleasantly rounded, redolent of sunshine and alcohol.

    Redolent too of craft and patience on the part of the winemaker who produced this pleasing balance. One should be suspicious of a wine that seems to make one wise (or, for that matter, a superior driver). This one encourages the drinker to recognize something better: the wisdom of the man who made it. Soyez sage.

  • When Loyalty Hurts

    The most important decision most people will ever make is picking the person who owns the last face they see at night and the first face they see in the morning. My mother used to warn my sisters and me to avoid being “unevenly yoked” as we shopped for spouses. For me in particular, that meant “no white women.” She drilled into me that I had a duty to stay “within the race” so that decent black women like my sisters would have someone to marry. (I broke the rule.) My mother did not even worry about my sisters being in a white man’s romantic sights. Oh yes, she told us that white boys loved having sex with black women, and pointed to the many hues of black folk today as proof.

    Ironically, she also said that if that day ever came when white men were willing to marry black women, she would view “brothers playing in the snow” a little bit differently. Well, Mama, the day has come, forcing a confrontation between racial loyalty and personal fulfillment.

    According to the 2000 census, 20 percent more black women attend college than black men. A quarter of all black working women are in professional-managerial jobs, versus less than a fifth of black working men. A staggering three out of every ten black men are caught up in some part of the criminal justice system. Black men drop out of high school and abuse drugs at much higher rates than black women. And finally, black men date and marry interracially at higher rates than black women.

    Now, these statistics are hardly a news flash. There are many reasons for these numbers. However, they present black women with what many see as a difficult choice. According to a recent Newsweek cover story, many black women have decided they are going to “hang with the brothers,” even if it means dating or even marrying men who are far less accomplished.

    Unfortunately, many of these unions are doomed from the start. Sociologist Donna Franklin reports that highly educated black women have a higher divorce rate than other women. Franklin believes the fact that these women make more money and have better educational pedigrees than their husbands is a crucial destabilizing factor.

    Instead of settling for a less accomplished partner, or railing against white women for “taking all the good ones,” more black women have decided that playing in the snow ain’t half bad. Between 1980 and 1998, the number of white men marrying black women increased 260 percent. Granted, these marriages still represent a small portion of all marriages, yet the trend is unmistakable.

    More importantly, white men are beginning to actively pursue black women. When Adrian Brody went to claim his Best Actor Oscar last week, he grabbed presenter Halle Berry and gave her the mother of all smooches. The next day, one film critic remarked that Brody got to act out every man’s fantasy by lip-locking with Berry. Berry has become a desirable actress whose blackness enhances her appeal. I for one am glad to see white boys (and yellow and brown ones) drool over her.

    No one should limit his or her romantic options out of some misplaced sense of racial loyalty. In the Newsweek piece, one black woman was quoted as saying, “We need to think about getting a man when he gets out of prison…you’re not going to find one out here because most of them are either in jail, gay, or taken.” Now, I do not believe that being incarcerated should automatically eliminate a man from the marriage pool. However, skin color alone does not nullify that portion of one’s resume, nor should it. Character really does count. And if a sister happens to find a white boy with character, commitment, ambition, drive, and connections, she should go for it.

    Talk show host Star Jones agrees. “We have to look at all our options, and that means people of all colors.” In other words, black women should do what most women (and men, for that matter) have always done when it comes to matters of the heart—get the best person you can. The race will survive just fine.

  • Basting Tape

    Here’s my favorite line from First Comes Love—Marion Winik’s horrific yet touching memoir of marriage to an openly gay man who, between being diagnosed with AIDS and his eventual death several years later, stops working and starts skimming cash from Marion in order to support his drug habit: “There was a letter from the bank saying I should come in immediately and deposit $999,744.26 to cover my recent withdrawals. I reread this astonishing sentence several times . . . [and] arrived at the bank shortly afterward sans the requested million.”

    I read Winik’s book when my own life was teetering, and I laughed so hard at parts I lost my breath and tears rolled into my gaping mouth. When you’re down and out and a little bit ragged, somebody else’s unthinkable misfortunes can seem hysterical from a safe distance.

    The distance is what’s key. The rutted, weedy stretch of dirt road between my life and somebody else’s is often the geography I find most interesting, most inspiring. The company of others whose realities are starkly different than mine is revelatory and oddly motivating. That’s part of what I love about Julie and Sean, two of my closest friends. Both are single, childless, never been married, and also smart, attractive, educated, employed, and hilarious. Julie’s about my age, and Sean, since he is a man and can have his exact age revealed, is a crisp 39. I’ve tried all sorts of voodoo to get them to fall in love—since both of them really ought to, and besides, Julie longs for children—but so far, no dice. Fortunately, though, they enjoy each other’s company enough to hang out with Jon and me and the several thousand children who populate our blended family most Saturday nights.

    Coming over here is for Julie and Sean something like riding a unicycle on a congested street in India. There are big kids with filthy socks wheeling back and forth on the Total Tiger abdomenizer on the living room floor and pounding up and down the stairs and listening to music, and there are small kids with filthy socks toting rodents in pockets and begging the grown-ups to play Twister and have a disco party, and there is chaos and noise in wild excess. But it’s the contrast we revel in on Saturday nights as the kids drop off to bed and we sit around the dining table, talking over wine, laughing at ourselves and each other, swapping genuine secrets, and huddling in a weird helpless way against the menace of this awful war slithering under the locked door, unstopped by our protest signs and pink buttons and marches.

    The balm of shared history is powerful at these times, especially since Jon and I face the awkward and often funny task of sewing together biographies that were well into adulthood before they merged. Julie and Sean are a bit like basting tape, criss-crossing the widest seams and filling in historical gaps with fresh perspectives. Jon’s known Sean since junior high, they went to college together and remained friends through all of the years since, while Julie and I go back a decade and a half. We’ve watched each other’s lives unfurl in opposite ways, nonetheless beset with the same essential challenges of ambition, loneliness, stagnation, and change. You can’t hide yourself from someone who’s studied you for so long.

    I met Julie 14 years ago, when I was practically another person, a classified advertising sales manager at a weekly paper. Two or three months after returning from my maternity leave, baby Sophie in tow, I hired Julie to sell ads in my department. She was highly caffeinated and articulate and awfully pretty.

    On her first day, I was showing her around the office, when suddenly her face squished up into this horrible expression. She was staring straight at my breasts. What could I do but carry on? But when Julie’s face didn’t unsquish and her eyes kept returning to my chest, it struck me that something terrible was happening, because I was thinking of Sophie, asleep in the vinyl port-a-crib in my office across the hall. I looked down, and there was a dark wet spot the size of a half dollar slowly expanding around my nipple, as leaking breastmilk turned the crimson fabric of my dress a dark burgundy. What could two women do but blush, laugh, and become friends?

    Since then, several million other things have happened to each of us. And on Saturday nights, in a house warm with kids and candlelight, we open the wine and spill the events of the past week and year and lifetime onto the table and pick through the curious contents, laughing and commiserating over the serious hilarity of it all.

  • Jell-O Salad or High Art?

    The sun is peeking out, the snowman who stood sentry in my neighbors’ front lawn has surrendered, and though some of us will get itchy eyeballs and stuffy noses, we’re all going to get a present soon: an extra hour of daylight. I can’t help but get mushy like Mr. Snowman this time of year. I’m springing ahead.

    This surge of goodwill usually bubbles inside me until I’m compelled to do something nice. Last year, that meant volunteering to help at the annual Ladies Aid spring salad luncheon fundraiser held in my church’s basement. You might be thinking, “Hey, church basements are usually the most un-spring like environments in the world!” Well, gotcha! Because when I showed up ready to be put to good use, Nettie and Helen had already made and hung the construction-paper daisy decorations.

    Now, I don’t know Nettie and Helen. I’d seen them before, of course, but not in a social situation outside of chapel. And I’m sure that one doesn’t just step off the mean streets into her first guild event and snag the plum decorating job either. So I marched off to the back kitchen, where I met the head lady, Adele. Silver flip ’do, steely green eyes, and a fuchsia stain on her lips, cheeks, and nails. Ninety pounds of will, and at least 20 pounds of that had to come from the shoulder pads that were sewn into her sequined, exotic animal-print cardigan sweater. Think “Cher’s Grandma.” She was too small to be a tackle, but definitely could be a tight end.

    “You!” she commanded, looking up at me as though I weren’t fit to spit-shine her rhinestone mules. “Get over to the prep table and start cutting squares and plating the salads.” In the distance, I saw a trembling mass of jewel-like blocks, molds, and towers. A skyline, for all its rubbery backbone, that shouted “Doubt!” And “Hope!” Some slabs were plain, but I could tell in a glance that others held petrified chunks of sugared pineapple, and various canned fruits. Some were mysterious, boasting tiny celery smiles. And—egads!—some even had pink chunks of what could only be described as meat, lurking in Kool-Aid tinged psychedelic freak out, man, daring you to guess fish or fowl, beef or pork.

    If we were downtown, Adele would have been awarded a Bush grant and been the toast of the avant-garde community. Note to Matthew Barney: To hell with sculpting in tapioca and Vaseline. Gelatin is the new (old) medium.

    The glistening molds were a Mondrian-style feast, more of a commentary on food than actual food. Genius. When fruits and vegetables have been manipulated that way, can you still call them “salad”? The only unsullied vegetation in the room was a head of romaine lettuce, which was to be arranged around the chunks and blocks and slices to soften the edges—a little like lingerie for Jell-O.

    I smiled to introduce myself, and suggested that, with my extensive service-industry background, I might be better suited to rolling the coffee cart and pouring. Adele shot me a withering glance. “Not dressed like that, you won’t. You’ll stay in the back.”

    I looked down at my T-shirt and Indiana Jones cargo pants. Not my best effort, but honestly, not my worst. Peeking out to the dining room, however, I saw that Adele was right. A thousand twinkling lights bounced and scattered off the overhead fluorescent tubes. The ladies from the guild wore their sweaters like armor. Scaled with doodads and ditsys. Floating slowly and regally past the cafeteria tables like great exotic Technicolor fish. Peaceful as prayers, offering napkins to sticky sweet fingers. Murmuring low and husky reassurances to the congregants.

    Next to them, I was no lady. I would have looked fine handing out samples at Home Depot, but this was a feast of celebration. Good intentions notwithstanding, I would have been as jarring as arugula in a bowl of shredded iceberg. Sometimes you’ve got to do a little extra work to make things easier to swallow. Call it the Parable of Jell-O.

    Lesson learned, I turned to the prep table and tried to slice the particolored salads as perfectly as possible. My internship with polite society had begun.

  • Highway Helpers: The Next Generation

    Let’s all do our part to make sure the state can afford its single most important obligation to the people: building new highways and adding lanes out to Eagan, beloved constituency of our Governor and State Auditor. Sacrifices must be made, of course, and we’re ready. In these troubling times, Minnesota families must assume a bigger share of the state’s highway work. It’s not just picking up empty beer cans, abandoned shoes, and ditch-porn anymore! Those Adopt-a-Highway folks have practically been getting away with murder—all that free publicity for a monthly stroll down the median with a trash-stabber. No! We wholly support Gov. Pawlenty’s proposed Foster-Highway program, to ensure that regular Minnesotans are now responsible for paving, plowing, and striping existing roads. We know not every family can live in Eagan, or afford to buy heavy machinery, snow plows, and hot-topping equipment. Foster-Highway has a heart, after all. Participants in the program (mandated by Patriot Act II, by the way) will be assigned a manageable half-mile section of road (half the usual Adopt-a-Highway segment!) as near to their home as an indifferent bureaucrat cares to make it. Non-participants will be jailed and charged with terrorism. Thank you, and God Bless America.

  • Cosmopolis By Don DeLillo

    DeLillo’s last book, Underworld, was one of those seasonal doorstops that the cognoscenti gets in a lather about—you know, the 800-page tome that everyone talks about and no one reads, the one that ends up atop a growing column of hardcovers in the basement, the last addition to which was Pynchon’s Mason & Dixon, or perhaps Jonathan Franzen’s The Corrections. Well, DeLillo had it coming—it’d been 20 years since his seminal novel White Noise came out, establishing him as an important voice in the world of white guys ruminating on technology and its discontents. He’s essentially been writing the same book, more mood than plot, ever since then—and every time, we love it. This novel is about a 20-something dot-com millionaire trying to make his way across Manhattan in his limo. Angst ensues.


    Buy Cosmopolis: A Novel at Amazon.com

  • Mcsweeney’s Mammoth Treasury Of Thrilling Tales

    Staggering Genius golden boy Dave Eggers’ journal swells from magazine to full-fledged 478-page paperback book for its tenth issue. The breathlessly pulpy title is only a little tongue-in-cheek. Mammoth Treasury, guest-edited by Michael Chabon, sets loose its writers on the plot-driven adventure story, the idea being that maybe they can help recapture the ripping yarn’s place of honor alongside what’s usually regarded as Serious Literature. After all, genre fiction was good enough for Hemingway and Poe, so why shouldn’t Nick Hornby spin a sci-fi tale about a VCR that warns of a coming apocalypse? And so here’s 20 tales of sharks, mummies and murderous elephants by such critical darlings as Eggers, Chabon and Sherman Alexie, alongside writers like Elmore Leonard, Michael Moorcock and Neil Gaiman who’ve been hammering out quality writing in oft-disrespected genre ghettos for years. Treasury doesn’t exactly reinvent the wheel, but there’s plenty of fun to be had here. Chris Offutt’s submission has a particularly neat hook: He gets involved in a scheme involving time travel, ghosts and alternate universes in order to break the case of writer’s block that’s preventing him from finishing his story for this book.


    Buy McSweeney’s Mammoth Treasury at Amazon.com

  • Catch as Catch Can: Collected Stories and Other Writings by Joseph Heller

    For Joseph Heller, there was only one catch, and that was Catch-22. Although his blockbuster first novel catapulted him to lifelong prominence as one of the century’s most important novelists, its very success would haunt him for the rest of his career. Because he was only important for the one novel. Everybody loved the crazy WWII satire, but about the rest of his writing, you heard words like “tepid.” As time went by, even he grew to accept his fate as American letters’ jack of one trade. When he came to Minneapolis a few years back for a book signing, he seemed genuinely surprised when I asked him to autograph Good As Gold, the lampoon of Washington politics and American Judaism that’s generally considered his second-best book. “I haven’t seen this in a while,” he said. This posthumous collection of short stories and miscellanea is no exception. Though it features several pieces of fiction from early in his career, it’s dominated by the presence of The Book. Outtakes from Catch-22 are followed by outtakes from the ill-remembered sequel, Closing Time, and four behind-the-scenes essays on Catch-22’s creation and later adaptation into Mike Nichols’ 1970 film. Still, better one catch than no catch at all.

  • Local Spotlight

    Just as the trees are beginning to bud again, spring brings a flowering from Minnesota’s local authors and independent presses, including several notable debuts. From Coffee House Press comes The Grasshopper King, Slate columnist Jordan Ellenberg’s wryly funny Boyle-cum-Borges satire about a crabby, untalented, yet mysteriously important Kafka-like poet and the two academics who wreck their lives trying to explain him. We laughed more than a few times, and crown King the best thing we’ve read all month. P. J. Tracy, a pseudonymous mother/daughter writing team from Minneapolis and L.A., has a breakout first novel with Monkeewrench, a comic police procedural/ serial killer thriller that sites one of its murders at the Mall of America. Two from Graywolf Press: First, much-published poet Albert Goldbarth switches to the novel for Pieces of Payne, a wild and freewheeling thing that manages to combine the Legion of Superheroes, quantum physics, Dickens, Moby-Dick and Victorian-era mastectomy surgical practices. In a much more somber vein, Patricia Seraffian Ward draws on her girlhood in Beirut for The Bullet Collection, a passionate tale of the corrosive effects of the Lebanese civil war. And last but not least, New Rivers Press celebrates its rebirth out west in Moorhead with several new publications, including Daniel Bachhuber’s melancholy memoir Mozart’s Carriage and short-story author Cezarija Abartis’ Nice Girls. Bacchhuber and Abartis read at Open Book April 4; P.J. Tracy at Borders in Woodbury April 18, Barnes & Noble Eden Prairie April 19 and Once Upon a Crime April 21. Open Book, 1011 Washington Ave. S., (612) 215-2575, www.openbookmn.org; Borders, 8472 Tamarack Bay, Woodbury, 651-578-2931, www.bordersstores.com; B&N, Eden Prairie Center, (952) 944-5683, bn.com; Once Upon a Crime, 604 W. 26th St., (612) 870-3785

  • David Sedaris

    It’s nearly perfect that the mischief-minded David Sedaris first gained fame for being an elf. If you’ve heard of Sedaris at all, you know about his hilarious, sardonic memoir “The SantaLand Diaries,” detailing his petty humiliations as one of Kris Kringle’s helpers at Macy’s department store. Insightful, bitter and genuinely sidesplitting, it struck a nerve among NPR listeners and freed Sedaris from elfdom and a series of other go-nowhere jobs. Since then he’s written four books of essays and stories, and still contributes regularly to Ira Glass’ radio series This American Life. He’s got a terrific ear for dialogue and a seemingly inexhaustible supply of dry wit. He also has a knack for recognizing and capturing life’s bizarre little moments. These often prompt his funniest observations, whether he’s struggling to explain Easter to a Muslim in a language he barely knows or explaining the way of the Rooster, his yokel younger brother who thinks a businesslike name for his floor-sanding company is “Silly P’s.” His last book, Me Talk Pretty One Day, actually caused fights in our house over who got to read it next. But his real skill is as a monologist, easily on par with Spalding Gray, and his stories are best heard rather than read. State Theater, 805 Hennepin Avenue, (612) 339-7007, hennepintheatredistrict.com