Category: Blog Post

  • I'm One Of Those People

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    I do not wish to go below now.

    –Henry David Thoreau

    I’ve got no stomach for demolition. Hell, I can’t even stand the thought of dismantling the Christmas tree. It tears me up, so there it sits, six weeks beyond the holidays and still strung with lights and hung with ornaments, the needles showering to the floor every time the door opens or closes.

    So there you have it: I’m one of those people.

    Turns out I’m also not much good at loving. My first mother pronounced me unlovable right before she handed me over with my suitcase to the woman from the county. I was plenty old enough to understand exactly what she said, what she meant, and what the hell was going on, and you’d be correct in assuming that an experience like that will leave a long-term impression on a boy.

    My other mothers, such as they were, apparently didn’t see much in me to refute the first one’s assessment. Lord knows, though, it isn’t for want of trying that nobody’s loved me, at least so far as my end of the deal is concerned. I learned early to “Yes, ma’am” and “no, ma’am,” and I’d skedaddle to fetch a drink of water for anybody who asked. I always made an effort to hold the door for the ladies.

    Not, of course, that any of it ever seemed to do me a lick of good. You’ll understand, certainly, that being so wholly unlovable left me in a mighty tough position. Leaves me, I guess I should say.

    I could dig around in my closet and find a Scrabble game whose tiles are stained with my own blood, and the story I could tell you regarding that curiosity might go some ways toward explicating the sort of man I’ve become.

    I’ve learned, though, that that would be a complete waste of time, mine and, most especially, yours.

  • This Ain't Exactly News

    The report Friday that The Fox News Channel, (“FNC” in acronym argot, or “Faux News” if you aren’t drinking the Kool-Aid), was the 8th highest-rated cable channel of 2006 wasn’t exactly a press-stopper. But for those who don’t follow this stuff, #8 may seem low considering the tankers of ink media types dump into re-cycling Fox’s hype and press releases. (Personally, I’m one of those who thinks of Fox News as far more marketing scheme than news service; a marketing scheme with a client base of one … itself. Face it, all of Fox’s “reporting” is orchestrated to heighten its brand.

    Anywho … the basic report merely compared FNC with its cable rivals, CNBC, CNN, CNN Headline and MSNBC, all of whom trailed at considerable distance. The cursory report did however note that FNC, home to Bill O’Reilly and Sean Hannity as if you needed to be told, lost 26% of its audience among 25-54 year-olds over the course of ’06, while CNN lost 17% and CNN Headline 5%. Only MSNBC, (up 7%) and business-news CNBC (up a fat 32%) showed growth, among newsies.

    Duly noted in most leads was that O’Reilly’s numbers, while down, were still substantially greater than Keith Olbermann’s. Olbermann, a hero to liberals for his righteous articulation of patriotic anger during the ’06 campaign, is clearly the act driving MSNBC’s numbers. He was the cable media story of the fall. (Several reports noted that Olbermann, a man blessed/cursed with a prodigious ego — right down to the Murrow-like quarter-profile he gives his Murrow-like “Special Comments” — is clearly positioning himself for something better than a life at the country’s 36th-highest rated cable news network.)

    Don’t hold your breath though waiting for, say, CBS to acknowledge its Katie Couric mistake and dare something as unhinged and open to crackpot bombardment as dropping an unabashed truth-speaker to power like Olbermann on to its anchor desk. This country is far closer to a president with the middle name of “Hussein” than a liberal sensibility with an off-beat sense of humor fronting a network news division.

    Also, while I’m thinking of it, let the record show that MSNBC’s Olbermann-Chris Matthews election night duet was TV’s most engaging analysis act, in no small part because of the fun of the tension of two cocks of the walk in full plumage display barely contained by the same puny camera frame.

    But what is rarely referenced in these cable network reporting stories is what Americans are really spending their time watching. I mean, O’Reilly scored, on average, an audience of 2.3 million. Big whoop. (Even less big really, when you consider the average age of your cable news watcher is older than the average newspaper reader, practically an IV drip crowd, and that Fox’s viewers are the oldest — and male-est — of the bunch.)

    Basically, the real cable story is, “screw news”, Iraq, off-year elections and Lou Dobbs howling about porous borders withstanding. The USA Network, with all entertainment, had double Fox News’ primetime average, ditto TNT, (“The Closer” did great business for them), and, as usual, ESPN, this year with “Monday Night Football” pulled down the bulk of the weekly “most watched program” bragging rights. (Worth noting is that the premium package Disney Channel is #2 in the US).

    I could prattle on, but you get the idea. A reminder, really. Most of the country’s cable watchers remain pretty damned resistant to the cable news shtick. Too bad, perhaps. But maybe it is an example of “wisdom of crowds” and we are generally refusing to engage with all shtick, all the time.

  • Can Children of Men Save the World?

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    Children of Men, 2006. Directed by Alfonso Cuaron, written by Cuaron and Timothy J. Sexton, David Arata, Mark Fergus, and Hawk Ostby. The incredible camera work is courtesy of Emmanuel Lubezki. Starring Clive Owen, Claire-Hope Ashitey, Pam Ferris, Julianne Moore, Chiwetel Ojiofor, Michael Caine, Charlie Hunnam, Danny Huston, and Peter Mullan.

    Now showing in theaters around town.

    There is a now-famous scene in Children of Men, as a car filled with five people is attacked from all sides by a group of rampaging maniacs, intent on killing them. The shot is unbroken by editing, the camera literally spinning inside the car for nearly seven minutes, the audience as confused and terrified as the characters. As the scene reaches its violent crescendo, we cannot help but feel as overwhelmed as the characters; as its quiet and simply shot denouement leaves everyone stunned, both onscreen and in the silver, we are finally allowed a moment catch our breath. Notice then, that sublime and almost, in my mind, holy realization that you are witnessing a moment of pure cinematic glory.

    If you were to call yourself a movie buff, a cinephile, someone whose personality takes part of its definition from the simple love of the moving picture, then you have had, at some point in your life, a moment where watching an incredible film takes on special meaning. Like any great event, you can recall with absolute precision where you were and what the day was like. That movie–whatever it is–ranks up there with a first meeting, a national tragedy, a religious moment in its impact. You are forever moved.

    Children of Men is just such a movie. Reading the above (and such praise as “The Movie of the Millennium!“) may have already cured you of having this moment–for me, it’s important to be surprised by what you see, and not to go in believing the thing is a classic. But Children of Men is bleak and yet fraught with hope. It is violent and impossibly beautiful. It terrifies in moments and then, in the next breath, eases you into a sense of reflective calm. Children of Men celebrates life, friendships, and damns our crazy society without beating you over the head with a simplistic message.

    Children of Men is a masterpiece. If there is a better picture in 2007, then this will go down as one of the great years in movie history.

    Children of Men opens in 2027, in London, a grim and lousy world of grays and pollution and government crackdown. We begin in a beat up cafe, where the dour crowd stares up at a TV set to receive yet more bad news, that the youngest person on earth was killed in a bar brawl. “The youngest person on the planet was eighteen years, four months, twenty days, sixteen hours, and eight minutes old,” the BBC drones to a wide-eyed crowd. Theo Faron is but one of these people, pushing through the stunned to get his day’s cup of coffee. Clive Owen plays Theodore Faron with a look of permanent depression. He’s a disgruntled office worker and onetime radical, whose fighting instincts have been reduced to figuring out how to sneak liquor past the guards at work.

    For those of us who haven’t gone in knowing the plot, it unfolds patiently, in the dialogue and in the background of this filthy world. There is an international infertility epidemic, and there have been no children born for eighteen years. Society is falling apart. Everyone with an agenda has his or her own terrorist group, the borders of Britain are closed tight, immigrants are rounded up into camps, and the government has the world in lockdown. Billboards advertise Quietus, a suicide kit, and remind women that fertility tests are mandatory. “The world is falling apart, but Britain soldiers on,” the tv blares proudly, but you look around at the piles of garbage, the immigrants in temporary jails on the street, the smoggy air and the sense of impending doom and it seems that a good dose of Quietus might just be the ticket.

    Theo is not distraught over the death of Baby Diego, but he is a bit shook up about the blast in the cafe that nearly gave him a terrorist sponsored death. Clive Owen is weary, just waiting to die, but he’s also cool, a reluctant hero in the great tradition of the old Humphrey Bogart films. He’s not really a tough guy, but someone who won’t take shit when it hits the proverbial fan. Like most people, the lack of children has made him into a man just biding time, trying to get the most out of life from a bottle. After the blast, he skips work and hightails it to the home of a pal of his, Jasper Palmer, played with great aplomb by Michael Caine. Jasper is an aging hippie, a political cartoonist who’s retreated to his pot-filled home in the middle of the woods, hidden from the government. This is a haven in which he and Theo can go to drink, get stoned, blast the Beatles, tell jokes, and try to make sense of this fucking world.

    Amazingly, this fucking world comes at us in the periphery. Cuaron assumes that we have brains, and that those brains are capable of both gathering information and responding to what we get. There is little backstory, and no explanation whatsoever of the infertility, allowing viewers to conjure up their own horrors. It is not important to know exactly why or how the government ended up growing into a totalitarian state, or what demands terrorist cells like the Fishes want to see implemented. Like everything else in this splendid flick, Cuaron assumes only that we are smart and can follow his lead. There are some striking images that remind us of the fate of this society, most notably graffiti-riddled and abandoned kindergartens, no doubt stripped of any personality by people looking to hold onto any memento of a child-filled past.

    Theo ends up getting kidnapped by this ragtag terrorist group called The Fishes. Here, he runs into his old flame Julian, played by Julianne Moore. She is the leader of the group, and needs his help: traveling papers for a young immigrant girl the Fishes need to move to the coast, so that she can board a boat. Reluctantly, Theo agrees, asking a powerful cousin for the papers, with the caveat that the papers demand that he must accompany the girl in question.

    The girl, Kee, is in the worst sort of trouble. She’s an immigrant and a former prostitute. And she’s pregnant with the only baby in the world. All hell will break loose around her. The chase is on.

    At its heart, Children of Men is a chase film, and in that respect it is a supreme entertainment. It is also a perfect example of a movie that seeks to take the novel upon which it is based and use it merely as a leaping point into creating its own story. Cuaron is interested in using whatever technique is at his disposal–in three cases, with an extended take–not to show off, but to reach out from the screen and engage his audience. But he has not abandoned directing his people in the pursuit of dazzling effects. The performances, from the star to the smallest of roles, are filled with fascinating people, each one shaping their characters carefully, their motivations and temptations much like our own. The antagonists are evildoers, but are understandable, their needs real. No one dies without some semblance of dignity, without our tasting the loss.

    At the film’s center is, of course, a baby. Unbelievably, Cuaron does not exploit the presence of this little creature. Unbelievably, because I can only imagine what Spielberg would have done with this–everyone would be googy-eyed over the bairn, and it would have been saccharine of the worst order.

    Children of Men is a perfectly realized dystopia. It is about the future, the past, and especially the present. Babies have stopped being born, and for all we know, they could have just decided not to be born in this horrible world of ours. People dress the same, they drive similar cars, they love and hate the same, even, save for the oppressive fact that life as they know it will end in fifty-odd years. And yet, in spite of the wreckage we see, in spite of the violence and the sad fate of most everyone we care about onscreen–or, perhaps, because of all this–Children of Men is the most hopeful film in years. Like holding a baby, it is about the future, it is about the sweet living, squirming present, and it is a solace from the aching troubles of the world.

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  • This won't make up for it.

    Boy, I really blew it yesterday. So preoccupied I was with the Walker’s presentation with Must Don’t Whip ‘Um that I forgot to mention another great entertainment option: The Rake’s free screening of the supposed Movie of the Millennium, Children of Men. Sorry about that, folks.

    Not wanting to miss anything for the weekend, and assuming that tickets to Must Don’t Whip ‘Um are long gone, I offer this comprehensive list of goings on for the weekend: Sin Cities 7, a series of readings tonight and tomorrow night at Bryant Lake Bowl, featuring one of my favorite performers, Amy Salloway, as well as The Rake’s own Colleen Kruse; tonight at the Triple Rock, there’s a concert featuring Kid Dakota, Duplomacy, and Ice Palace. And that’s about it, as far as I can see. It is the first week of January after all, when bar owners get pummeled by that annual dip in sales. So rest up and prepare yourself for next week.

  • Paging Ross Kirgiss … Hello Ross Kirgiss?

    Already a little light in the reporter-body department, KSTP-TV lost another one when Ross Kirgiss, a 13-year vet, abruptly cleaned out his desk, apparently over the New Year’s weekend, and vacated the Hubbard ranch. Colleagues who have tried to contact him since say they’ve heard nothing back.

    I’m told Kirgiss had several months to go on his latest contract, but that for whatever the reason finally had enough and bailed under the cloak of a holiday. In the biz that’s called a “burn your bridges” move.

    Several KSTP staffers remember Kirgiss not being too pleased when the station yanked the consumer beat he enjoyed doing, being further annoyed when he was slid back into the general assignment pool, and being mightily peeved when the suits started consumer reporting back up … without him.

    How much that played in his decision, I can’t say. But Kirgiss is gone, and KSTP, which still hasn’t replaced Joe Schmit, Mike Binkley and Kristin Stinar … has others spread pretty thin. Like, for example, Tom Hauser, who is doing super duty anchoring the morning show, (Binkley’s old job), while still hosting “At Issue”, and covering politics.

    Can you stand on an overpass in blizzard? Obstruct the view of a burning house while covering a fire? Issue warnings to stay off thin ice? Apply immediately to 3415 University Avenue.

  • Dream Cabaret

    Anyone who’s anyone will be at the Walker tonight. But there’s also an impressive array of concerts to consider: Chris Koza’s at the Entry; the Twin Cities Hot Club is at the Artists’ Quarter; the DeWayn Brothers Bastard Bluegrass Band is at Lee’s.

  • Words Are Born Ghosts, And They Won't Stay Buried

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    I close my eyes, whistle, and send the dogs off into the brush to see if they can scare up any words. I’m not sure how long I sit here –it varies, I suppose, from night to night. When it gets quiet like this, though, and I can’t even hear the rustling or baying of the dogs, I get a little bit spooked.

    Some nights –more and more often lately– they’re out there a long time, traveling great distances across the barren fields. Winter tends to drive the words underground. I’m too tired to run with the dogs, it’s dark, and there are too many slippery patches, so I just sit here quietly with my eyes closed, waiting.

    I no longer expect the dogs to bring back any stories or even paragraphs, and a sentence of any length would frankly be a surprise at this point. One night, I’ve no doubt, the dogs will finally disappear for good, but for now I’m grateful for whatever random, useless words they manage to drag back and drop at my feet. A ‘why’ or two, a ‘what,’ maybe a ‘mule,’ ‘moon,’ ‘river,’ or ‘road.’ A good night might net me a handful of multi-syllabic words: ‘casket,’ ‘donkey,’ ‘scapegoat,’ or ‘steeple.’

    At the end of the night, usually when the winter sun is casting its first bruise across the eastern horizon, I’ll gather up whatever words the dogs rustle up on their rambles and tote them back home across the fields. I’ll then brew up a pot of coffee, spread the words out on the kitchen table, and spend a couple hours moving them around, trying with little success to make them say something.

    In the morning I’ll burn them in an ashtray and then toss the ashes out in the backyard.

  • Steal Grandma

    Used car dealers have always had a richer lexicon than they are generally given credit for.

    While terms such as “cream puff” and “stand up vehicle” remain vaguely incredulous, I don’t know of another industry in the world that has done more for the image of geriatrics. Any used car dealer in the United States can transform a negative into positive with just two little words:

    Grandma’s Car.

    The more legit dealers will even back up this claim with a proof of purchase from the original owner (average age 67).

    The good news about Grandma Cars today is that many newer models (in my opinion) conveiniently fall into this category. They are generally bland, inoffensive cars that blend into almost any neighborhood Chatauqua while offering impressive reliability and highway manners.

    Best of all you rarely buy a car like this. You, sensible shoes shopper than you are, will steal it.

    I am talking about terrific vehicles that have been undermarketed, overpriced, or are just a little too odd for the general public. For example, I spotted a used Buick Rendezvous Ultra in the Walser Pontiac lot just last night. This is an ultra plush SUV with wood accents, soft leather and a 245 HP ultra smooth 3800 Buick V6 in pearl while with a contrasting tan interior.

    This SUV sold for around 40k new–way overpriced for a fairly mediocre SUV (with a Buick stigma to some). But right now it can be had for about 25k virtually brand new. It’s also one of the quietest, smoothest riding SUVs on the road (in the Ultra guise and only in the Ultra guise–a basic Rendezvous is not worthy of anyone’s Grandma).

    I’d also make a deal on another vehicle that is selling well but is still overbuilt in the category. I am talking about the Hyundai Azera. This is about the most road cruising car for the dough at about 21-22k if you can find a demo. It is also the fasest Korean car ever built with a 263 HP engine and a 0-60 time of about 6.2 seconds. Its also quite good looking.

    These are just two vehicles that catch my fancy at the beginning of the year. Let me know if you spot a Dodge Dart with a slant six this spring.

  • The Canary in the Mine Shaft

    Difficult decision tonight. Watch the premiere of the new series, formerly titled, “Let’s Rob Mick Jagger”, (now known as “The Knights of Prosperity”), or catch a screening of the Judi Dench-as-crazed-repressed-lesbian flick, “Notes on a Scandal”? I hear Jagger is actually pretty funny in the former, but, damn, I’m a sucker for psycho grand dames.
    Until I decide on that weighty matter, I continue to monitor the trepidations of the Star Tribune staff in the wake of the paper’s sale to Avista Capital Partners. As I’ve said previously, there isn’t much in the way of precedent to reassure either the community or the staff that the Star Tribune will be a better newspaper under private equity management. Maybe that’ll be the case, but, believe me antennae in the Strib newsroom are up and on hi-gain for the earliest indicator of Avista’s true intentions, the canary is in the mineshaft and sniffing for gas.
    Avista won’t close on the Star Tribune purchase until late February, but the new operators will play a role in deciding on a replacement for editor/Sr. VP, Anders Gyllenhaal, who is leaving for the Miami Herald. The choice of a known commodity, like the Strib’s current managing editor, Scott Gillespie, will, I’m told, be viewed positively by the newsroom. Along with being familiar with the area and to the staff, Gillespie is generally regarded as, both “a human being” and more newspaper man than corporate accountant. Anyone can change, of course, when their career suddenly depends on squeezing 8% more profit per quarter out of the company turnip, but the consensus of the moment seems to be that Stribbers much prefer their chances with Gillespie than yet another grey slacks and blue blazer transient from the Avista management training farm.
    The appearance of the latter type will evoke two responses: A glut of resumes on city streets from every non-revenue-producing Star Tribune employee, and a “battle stations” call to the various unions.
    Veteran business writer, Mike Meyers, a “silverback” in the Strib newsroom, believes if Avista, “is going to squeeze, they’ll squeeze early.” He isn’t sure if any of his colleagues should be comforted by publisher Keith Moyer staying on, since logic suggests there’s a significant advantage … to Avista … in having a guy in place who knows where cuts can be made.
    No hippie, Meyers insists he’d like to see Avista, or any owner make gobs of money via the Star Tribune’s papa gorilla status in the Twin Cities advertising market. He reminds me that the paper’s share of all local advertising revenue actually increased over the past year to a whopping 40%-plus — in a year allegedly so grim for mainstream newspapers.
    “But there are an awful lot of ‘strip and flip’ artists out there,” says Meyers, returning to most Stribbers’ default position of guilty until proven innocent.
    Personally, Meyers is fascinated with the real estate Avista is picking up, at a time when a very well-heeled developer, Vikings owner, Zygi Wilf, is making loud sniffing noises of his own, downtown and around the Metrodome, where the Star Tribune owns five city blocks.
    “The $25 million figure for all that property is a joke,” says Meyers . “The true value is much closer to $100 million. I mean, the land under the new Target store [on Nicollet Mall] sold for $27 million in 1998.”
    If true, Avista is almost guaranteed a fat profit on its’ fire sale investment of $530 million, even if it flips the keys to someone new in a couple years. More to the point, Avista could … COULD, I say … achieve its profit goals without laying off staff and reducing coverage, as so many other publicly-owned papers are doing.
    There is no consensus on whether a decision to scale back or dump completely the myriad ancillary publications the Strib is churning out, including the recently launched entertainment freebie, VitaMN, is a canary killer. If resources currently being consumed by all these peripheral publications were reoriented back into the primary product — the daily newspaper — instead of a death swoon the little birdy might even chirp brightly.

  • Conversations Real and Imagined: The Depraved

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    Die Buchse der Pandora (Pandora’s Box), 1929. Directed by G. W. Pabst, written by Pabst, Joseph Fleisler, Ladislaus Vajda and Frank Wedekind. Starring (and how!) Louise Brooks, Fritz Kortner, Francis Lederer, Carl Goetz, Krafft-Raschig, Alice Roberts and Gustav Diessl.

    Now available in a handsome DVD from The Criterion Collection.

    She was a girl from Cherryvale, Kansas, that Louise Brooks. Beautiful, just beautiful. Look at her face: that’s a look that spans the ages, my friend. Girls from the 20s, girls from the 40s, girls from the 60s, 70s, 80s… well, they lose their lustre over the years. Some look plain silly. Not Brooks. Famous for that shiny black hair, but it was her smile, that smile that just melts your heart. Innocent, really innocent. I guess in real life, she was a joy, a headstrong, opinionated joy. So many men and women hated her, but those who adored her, well… My God, I’d say she was an angel, but, the way she lived, fire and sex. Maybe she was a devil. If she’s the devil I’ll take hell.

    I first saw Pandora’s Box at some sort of college get together. I was mopping floors. This is what I did to keep the pen alive, I used to say. Janitor at night, tried to write in the day. Best work I was able to land were some lousy football stories about distant high school heroes. Worthless stuff, absolutely worthless.

    I thought I was just a normal guy, you know? A man with dreams, a bit cultured, maybe, someone who could see and appreciate good movies and plays and music. Definitely not an obsessive. In fact, I used to laugh about those movie buffs and comic book nerds, anyone that had a passion that turned them into glassy-eyed, Dorito-eating munchkins. They used to have this University film club, and those fellows would come out of their parent’s basements to go all starry eyed over Woman in the Dunes or one of those dull Bergman epics.

    One evening, they decided to show Pandora’s Box. I’ll never forget seeing the poster, and thinking, hmmm, she’s cute. I just figured it was something along the line of Cabaret, some weird movie from the 70s trying to replicate the past, make some statement about Vietnam or Watergate.

    The movie begins, with some scratchy LP providing the music. I decided to take a break from waxing the halls, and I check into this seat. Figure I’ll take a nap. I’d been working my tail off, driving three hours to see one football team beat up another, coming home, writing my article for the shithole paper up north, then heading to the campus where I had the distinct pleasure to clean the floors of the learned. I settled in my seat to take a nap, thinking that when something big and bright goes on the screen, I’ll wake up, finish the job. That’s when I saw her.

    My Lord, it starts right away. There she is, in that white dress, and that hair, that beautiful hair. She’s got a bottle tucked under her arm. Gin or something. There’s an old man there, with a big, silly moustache. He’s the meter reader, and she’s giving him some looks. And here’s the thing those foolish kids didn’t see: the girl wasn’t some harlot, some black widow luring poor men to their doom, no, my God, no. She was pure, in the sense that what she wanted was love. She would stare at these men, as if to acknowledge some kind of holiness in them, and then she would smile and just break your heart.

    All this, in the first few minutes! I couldn’t stop watching. Lulu, as Brooks is called, is having a stormy relationship with this respected publisher, who’s got her cooped up like a bird in this apartment. Lulu is also followed around by this hideous old man, who pimped her as a child, who probably fucked the poor dear, who she, at one point, refers to as her father. There’s this brute of a man who follows the old man around, hoping to score something off Lulu. And then there’s the publisher’s handsome son, who loves her, and his friend, a woman, who is in love with this vision as well–she was, Louise liked to say, the first on-screen lesbian. Everyone wants to possess poor Lulu! And like a girl traipsing through the garden of Eden, she doesn’t see anything wrong with loving everyone.

    Physical love, but it was still love. No matter how ugly the man–and some of those boys are ugly monkeys, wretched creatures, fiends of the gutter who just wanted to touch the heaven of Louise Brooks–she wanted to love them. To dance, to swoon, to be held.

    That’s why I thought she was an angel.

    There’s a murder in the movie. Louise holding a gun like it’s everything rotten in the world, and that’s true–guns are the antithesis of what she is, of love. She goes on the run with the son of the publisher, the son of the man she killed. Lulu is convicted, and then the men in the courtroom, locking arms, surround the girl and hasten her escape. In this city, in this courtroom, these men, beaten, ugly, full of tobacco and cheap liquor, well, for once in their miserable lives, they’re going to get near something beautiful, something angelic. And they help her flee.

    But Lulu will not see a happy end. No, I’m wrong: she will finally fall in love, with Jack the Ripper of all people, dying at his hand. So perhaps she did find what she was looking for.

    When I stumbled out of the auditorium, I was stunned, just stunned. I hated those students and film buffs then, talking, talking, talking, or laughing. I wanted to beat them over the head with my mop, tell them to be quiet. Upstairs, I worked in the blessed silence, with the lights off, only the warm glow of the exit signs to see if I was really even cleaning the damn floors. But it left me to my thoughts–of the girl from Cherryvale.

    There was very little on video and DVD back then. Not much now. Amazingly, I bought an old projector, just to see if I could find some more pictures of hers. I made a trip to Rochester, New York, where she used to live, to the Eastman House, where many of her films are shown. It’s funny, you know, I’ve sort of lost my ability to write the garbage I used to write, so now all I can do is grunt labor. I flex my skills as an unpaid scribe on Louise Brooks sites, fan newsletters, etc. I consider myself the best of that lot, though that’s not saying much.

    You’d probably say that I am a wreck. Look at me, though, I keep myself groomed, fit, and I do reckless things, because Louise would have liked that. I jump off railroad bridges into rivers, run shirtless in the winter, that sort of stuff, healthy, manly, I guess. She liked bold, confident men. But she never let them use her–she ran from Hollywood! Later, she became a writer. A girl who loved her solitude. Who loved to smile. Who loved to… well, to put it poetically, to love and be loved.

    Men behave badly around her because it is her shining light that illuminates our depravity.

    I try to keep a grip on this. I get out, go on dates, and no, I don’t think of Louise Brooks while I’m making love to another woman. You can’t make any money being an expert on her, and that’s not how I’d describe this feeling, this need to learn more about this lovely woman.

    I take that back. I am not an expert, for who can really plumb those depths? No, I’m an admirer, a student, a gazer at the heaven of Louise Brooks. I know that I will never quite understand her.

    Sometimes, in the late evenings, I wonder if I haven’t gone crazy. But then, I’m not hurting anyone. And I think of that smile, the back of her neck, her way of acting that seems to haunt every actress through history (look for it!), and I smile and am feeling good again. Louise did exactly what she wanted to in her life, from loving cheap stunt men who stabbed her in the back to ignoring the piles of money the big studios promised her. Just to dance, to keep her pride, to be in love.

    She is beautiful. If there’s a heaven that is at all honest, she will be an angel. Again, that might be hell. I’m not certain.

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