Category: Blog Post

  • Someday

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    –Image copyright Rocky Schenck

    Right now, right this moment, you’d like nothing better than to sit staring at the splendid moon floating in a shallow cloud-saucer of skim milk right outside your window. There’s a nice breeze, and surely memories are moving on it. Pleasant memories, I’ve no doubt, if you could manage to sit still long enough to investigate them.

    You don’t have time to sit still, but you should find the time. Because you should know this: it’s creeping up on you. One day in the hardly distant future you’ll go to sleep or you’ll fall down and you’ll never get up.

    If you’re lucky, you’ll end up aboard a slow boat going up some fog-swept river in light that looks like late autumn dawn. It’s just that there won’t be any sun rising, no moon, no planet beneath your boat, no bottom to the river.

    You’ll get used to it. Trust me: You’ll be in a better place. Your days in front of the television will be over, but you won’t even notice that. So many of the things you think you’d miss you won’t even remember.

    I have it on good authority, though, that you’ll still remember plenty of good things; it’s just that for the most part they won’t be anything full-blown or fleshed out.

    You’ll get little touches and taps from that old place you once inhabited with so much desperation, joy, confusion, or whatever; the feel of someone’s hand touching the small of your back or brushing the hair from your forehead; a finger tracing your closed eyelids or your lips; your legs tangled up with those of another; a whisper at your ear, the bark of an almost recognizable laugh, and the sensation of your nose right up against the back of a sleeping dog’s ear.

    Once a year, on a fine day in the spring, you’ll see clearly something or someone precious, and you’ll be allowed to shed real tears for the life you left behind. It’s a sort of holiday in that place, and most people learn to look forward to it.

    The rest of the time, I’m pretty sure, you’ll feel perfectly contented.

  • Here I go to The Man Show

    Today’s the big day I get to go see The Male Intellect: An Oxymoron? Although I very much plan to let loose and open what can often be a very closed mind (on account of a certain artistic snobbery), I’ll be sure to report back with a critique. The only bummer is that I would’ve liked to go see How To Cheat, a Fringe show that’s getting great buzz. But that show plays again on Saturday.

  • Fringe Festival: Borderlines

    I saw a great Fringe show last night–Borderlines, which was, far as I could tell, a meditation on bureaucracy, national security, and red tape. Think airline security and INS folk scrutinizing an innocent enough international marriage. But the funniest part was the physical presences of the five performers who got to play the inefficient pencil-pushers. These guys had donut-induced potbellies (one donned an Amy Sedaris-style fat suit), and they even spoke an indecipherable form of acronym speak. It was pretty hilarious. And it was a little eerie for someone who once worked as a cog for a giant organization. This show is highly recommended to anyone with a spare fifty minutes and twelve bucks–especially if you flippin’ hate filling out forms and standing in line!

    And this other thing (similarly filed under zany art): Does anyone know if that, ahem, Williamsburg flotilla finally set sail yesterday afternoon, per plan C, D, or maybe it was E?

  • Oliver Stone Feints and Falls

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    World Trade Center, 2006. Written by Andrea Berloff, directed by Oliver Stone. Starring Nicholas Cage, Michael Pena, Jay Hernandez, Maria Bello, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Michael Shannon, Armando Riesco, and Donna Murphy.

    When I first heard that Oliver Stone was directing a film called World Trade Center, I was actually quite excited, in a pugilistic sense. Why, the old guy’s dusting off the gloves, ready for a skirmish again, eh? Ol’ Stone hasn’t made a decent film in years, and maybe it would take a maniac like him to bring a oddball humanity to this story, to show us the utter madness of ground zero. True, I was hoping we weren’t going to have his usual conspiracy tales, a fictionalized Fahrenheit 9/11, with visions of President Bush ignoring warnings of impending doom, secret Pentagon meetings, jet fighters shooting United 93 out of the sky. Even if that were the case at least we’d get some of his usual bravado, or so I naively thought. JFK, Platoon, Salvador, Wall Street, even Nixon are brimming over with crackpots and their theories, and Stone manages to either cast nutcases in the lead (James Woods, Eric Bogosian, Tom Berenger and Willem Dafoe, Anthony Hopkins) or draw out edgy performances from actors who are normally dull as stale bread (Kevin Costner, Charlie Sheen, Michael Douglas). He is, or was, a filmmaker with tremendous passion, a man who seem consumed by whatever story he was wrestling with. Alas, this passion has faded. The pugilist is at rest.

    World Trade Center is an unbelievable bore. It is maudlin and feeble. It fails so miserably at understanding the odd nature of heroics, fails to come to grips with the strange horror of relatives who can only wait for their loved ones, fails to even do the simple task of making the events of that day terrifying and confusing. World Trade Center is an abject failure.

    The story is simple: two officers of the Port Authority Police Department, John McLoughlin (Nicholas Cage) and Will Jimeno (Michael Pena) are among a group of first responders to attend to the victims of the WTC attacks. We see, at first, them going about their day, the lazy commute to work on this gorgeous day, everyone all chummy and happy, New York a Guernica on the verge of destruction. For a few minutes the day unfolds and then the news begins to leak out that the towers were hit, and the action, such as it is, begins. The officers arrive at the scene, moving slowly through the chaos, amazed at what they’re seeing, reminded again and again that they have no plan for something like this. But bravery reigns and some of policemen and firefighters rush in. The towers collapse only two of their crew to survive, a good twenty feet below the surface of the rubble. The film details their conversations as they try to keep each other alive, a good two hours of hopes and hallucinations as they await rescue. In addition, Stone cuts away to the families struggling to cope with the possible loss of their loved ones.

    Forget for the moment that Stone has chosen an odd story to capture the whole of September 11. Odd, because although McLoughlin and Jimeno’s story is incredible, it is hardly surprising–these stories have been all the rage, in the news and on the bestseller lists for almost five years now. Give Paul Greengrass credit, in United 93, for having the bravery to attempt an original story, one that was riveting in part because we were seeing something had not seen or heard before.

    That aside, a good filmmaker might still have captured this day and all its visceral horror. If I seem a bit blase about the bravery of the two men, it’s only because Stone seems utterly freaked by his material and the need to honor the heroes of the day with hollow (and ultimately false) imagery. What happens on-screen did not occur that day: no police officers stood around, lips tight, nostrils flared, asking, in a solemn voice, if there are any volunteers to enter the buildings. No one paused, staring at the burning towers, eyes thinned, and then slowly respond, jaws tight with determination. Nor did McLaughlin then nod with pride and mumble “OK”. Cops don’t act that way, not in their daily routine and not when the tallest skyscraper in the city has a pair of jumbo jets buried deep inside them. In Platoon, Stone understood that bravery is a response to the sudden explosion of events, it is the need to become a part of this something larger, and doesn’t entail people standing around for cheap photo-ops. Has he lost the understanding that you glorify these men and women by simply showing them at their best, and not making statues of them?

    Nicholas Cage is utterly out of his league, which seems to be his modus operendi in half his flicks. Cage can’t seem to get his head screwed on straight. I’m not aware of a better actor who makes so many dunderheaded choices. But all the actors and actresses are wasted here, from Maria Bello’s uber-mom to Maggie Gyllenhaal’s sitcom-tragic wife. Grief and endurance are bizarre creatures, especially with children involved, but Oliver Stone treats the day’s suffering with slo-mo and soft focus, making World Trade Center appear as if it were an Irwin Allen film for the Hallmark Hall of Fame.

    Oliver Stone has been accused–rightly in some cases–of making propaganda, and World Trade Center is another exercise in propaganda. The stone-faced Marine (played by Michael Shannon, who is actually a very good character actor), who abandons his worthless job to pray over the book of Revelations and head off to ground zero (and then to two tours in Iraq), is one example of his bellowing nature. The guy is unreal, again slowly going about his response to this tragedy, muttering “we’re at war” and “we’ll need a few good men”. So, too, are the shots of the citizens of the world weeping over the footage of that day’s events. There’s no doubt that the world was with us that day, just as there can be no doubt that millions of people cried that day. But a filmmaker who relies on footage of people crying simply doesn’t trust his source material to elicit that response in us. And if Stone is trying to show the goodwill that we as a nation have squandered since 9/11, he is doing so with not a trace of the irony necessary to provoke such feelings.

    But his message is not what troubles me. As a piece of propaganda, World Trade Center is what it is. But WTC’s crime is that it is dull and tedious. Stone has never been a Leni Riefenstahl, but he’s not even his old entertaining self. Like most propagandists, Stone doesn’t want us to think, he wants us to feel. And yet, instead of provoking feelings, he bludgeons us with images so static–like soft-focus flashbacks of Cage sawing wood with his kid or laughing over pregnancy test results–that one can only emerge from the theater tired and cranky. The only thing he left out were saving dogs and cats in danger… a plot line that might actually make a better film than this one.

    World Trade Center is not worth watching on any level, unfortunately. If you’re serious about cinematically honoring the heroes of that day you have good fortune in the fact that United 93 has arrived the same year. Or watch Munich or Cache. One honors the victims of 9/11, the others are comments on terrorism, but above all, they won’t put you to sleep.

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  • Sneaky Cheese

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    are you sick of hearing about my obsession with humboldt fog?

    I got a sneak peek at the new Premier Cheese Market on 50th/France in Edina.

    What can I say?

    Lund’s: You’d better step it up.

    France 44: I don’t know how to help you.

    The gang at Premier is serious about cheese. The cheesemongers have been around and worked the local cheese scene, so they already know the cheeses we’ve grown tired of (drunken goat, herbed roule, blah, blah, blah). Their cases are stacked with beautiful blocks and wedges from France, Italy, Spain, California, Wisconsin and other exotic realms. More importantly, these blocks are cut to order. Fresh cheese, not plastic-wrapped chunks that have been sitting for who knows how long.(I spied a leaf-wrapped Robiola which I might have lunged for, had my daughter not been with me…)

    Yes. All right. I am a cheese whore. But I am a giddy cheese whore. I’m not even going the first week because they said the really delicate, ethereal cheeses won’t be in until the following week. Tra la la

  • Greg Laswell

    Surely, by now, you’ve heard the story of a certain unshaven So Cal guy whose wife left ‘im a while back; and he was so heartbroken that he locked himself into the basement for several months, where he wrote and recorded brilliant sad songs. He subsequently became an emo pop star, and now, presumably, is living happily ever after. The end. Well, that guy, Greg Laswell, is playing the 400 Bar tonight at 8 p.m. Afterwards, he’ll reportedly be down the street at the Nomad to spin records and sign copies of a new CD single–his version of Cyndi Lauper’s Girls Just Wanna Have Fun. (Funny how that song assumes poignancy in the hands of a dumped guy, huh?) My friend Jerry, of 2024 Records and Vitriol Radio fame (a certified audiophile), says Laswell’s “Through Toledo” is near the top of his list of 2006’s best records so far.

  • The Joy of Hawks; Beautiful Cow in the Basement

    Parents, let me tell you, get out there and take your children to see some great kids’ movies at the Walker’s Summer Movies and Music. Bringing Up Baby? Undoubtedly a masterpiece of childlike humor. Our twelve-year old charge was thoroughly enthralled, giggling uncontrollably, and falling over herself over Baby, the leopard that bites at Cary Grant’s heels. Then there’s George, the dog who runs off with Grant’s precious dinosaur bone and… well, the laughs were never-ending. Then there were the little girls sitting behind us who kept imitating Kate Hepburn’s warbling “heh, heh, heh” and the soft way she sings “David, you can’t go anywhere without your clothes!”

    Same thing goes for the forthcoming Adam’s Rib and Philadelphia Story: to heck with Barnyard, Cars, and Pirates–take your kids to the park for some real movies. Please!

    Tonight at the fine Cinema Slop (in the basement tavern Dinkytowner): Poor Cow, the excellent 1967 Ken Loach film about a beleaguered mother fighting poverty and her deadbeat boyfriend. Look for the scenes with Terrence Stamp’s louse which were utilized in Stephen Soderbergh’s The Limey, also starring Stamp, as a flashback.

  • Ain't It Funny How The Night Moves

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    The night doesn’t move at all. It doesn’t budge. It’s like it drops from out of nowhere, and all of a sudden I’m splayed in total darkness on the floor thinking about goats. And I know that it’s going to just squat there over me, to the point where I can’t move and can barely breath until the light makes its appearance.

    I understand, believe me, that it’s a seriously disordered state of affairs.

    Night falls, and I’m paralyzed, and once it rises up off me I’m for damn sure going to be trapped in a worthless stupor all day long. It’s what happens, I guess, when a man loses his grip on the planet and ends up on the floor.

    That part of the whole thing is harder to understand, how something like that can happen to a man. It does, though. People let go, and no matter what anyone tries to tell you, gravity and the solid earth will only allow a man to fall so far.

    If things were the way they should be, a man would fall not down, but up, and would drift right off the planet and into darkest space. As it is, though, they eventually have to dig a hole to allow you to go where life wouldn’t allow you to go except by way of manual labor or tired metaphor.

    Or the better way: they put you in an oven and let you go up in smoke. Have you ever seen the smokestacks of a crematorium? That gray smoke rising into the sky is men falling up out of this world.

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  • You Can Fool Most of the People Most of the Time

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    “You can waste your time on the little lies, but Americans have shown they are even more gullible when you hit them with the whoppers.”

    There was in interesting piece in the Strib this morning, from the Associated Press, noting that half of all Americans still believe that Iraq had weapons of mass destruction. That proportion has actually increased from about a third who believed the administration’s fiction a year ago.

    So, you ask yourself: despite all the evidence and reporting to the contrary, why are Americans seemingly getting even stupider?

    One could surmise that those who believe the world was created in six days about 6000 years ago could be made to believe anything, of course. One could also suggest that it’s possible that some of us just haven’t progressed far enough along the evolutionary track to have discerned the difference between fact and fable–whether we’re talking about quantum mechanics or Donald Rumsfeld’s pronoucements.

    Speaking of Rumsfeld, who testified last week before Congress that he’d never been “overly optimistic” about Iraq, well here’s another swamp we’d like to sell you.

    Isn’t it great we have a press that actually does research to get the facts, rather than the lazy he said/she said crap that passes for reporting these days.

    Too bad nobody’s reading newspapers anymore.

  • Madcap Monday in the Park

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    Tonight is, of course, Summer Music and Movies, which is turning this wretched day into the best one of the week. By now my hyperactive thrill for this series should be well known by all half-dozen of my readers, so I’ll spare you the hyperbole, and boil it down :

    Perfect Weather + Perfect Movie + Loring Park + Whatever food and drinks and company you bring along = the ideal summer moviegoing experience. I know nothing of the band Stnnng, except that they play before the movie, and I trust the good folks at the Walker. Bringing Up Baby is a masterpiece, and if you haven’t seen it, you should.