There was a time, believe me or don’t, when machines didn’t have memories. They opened cans, maybe, or suctioned dirt from carpets, and that was plenty wonderful. We were happy as fucking clams when we no longer had to trudge out to a shed in the backyard to relieve ourselves. And put this in your … Read more
–Illustration by James Dankert Here’s a new wrinkle in the gray, clanging days before Christmas: Uncle Jumbo has been playing miserable pet store Santa Claus, wrestling squirming cats and dogs and even the occasional bird or lizard in my lap while a wrinkled and alcoholic little temp-pool elf tries to snap photos for somebody’s sad … Read more
Those soft, colored lights that make such a comfortable compromise –almost a real peace– with the darkness. The shiny glass bulbs and talismans that have the power to both cradle light and build tiny fires from memories that are almost lost. The warmth from those fires is powerful out of all proportion: a window, a … Read more
—Irwin Norling My grandfather played Santa Claus for more than twenty years, purely, I liked to believe, out of the goodness of his heart. His annual ritual was completely a volunteer effort and a solo undertaking. This was in a small town in the Midwest, and every November my grandfather would build a tiny candy-striped … Read more
I seem to have worked out the losing streak, in that I can watch the Wild now and they can win. But I don’t seem to be able to see it through to the end. Three games in a row now–Boston, Montreal, and Dallas–have had quirks of one kind or another. In the middle of … Read more
This is a mule This is an ass. Know the difference. Not that Pawlenty’s screed against illegal immigrants left much doubt about the Republican position on what to do with them, but in case there was any lingering uncertainty, State House Speaker Steve (The Hammer) Swiggum weighed in today on the matter in an op-ed … Read more
There were increasingly more mysteries than he could get his head around. The puzzle of texture, pattern, and repetition. The idiot wonder prompted by even the most prosaic mosaic or randomly occurring stain. Prompts, responses, and resolute silences from the interior continent. Sounds of no clear origin. Desires of no clear etc. Desires. Desire. The … Read more
Katherine Kersten is a carbuncle on the ass of the Star Tribune. I said a few weeks back I was going to swear off Katherine, because she’s such an easy target, but damnit, yesterday she just made me mad all over again. The story was one of her usual: the good soldier, or the good … Read more
This was the hand I used to hand over the payments to the “scholars” A month or so ago, I took the Strib to task for their uncritical printing of a letter which opined that conservative think tanks were staffed by those whose conservative views prevented their hiring by legitimate universities. More on that topic … Read more