Category: Blog Post

  • Satan, Etc.

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    To dine, drink champagne, make a racket, and deliver speeches about national consciousness, the conscience of the people, freedom, and such things, while slaves in tail coats are running round your tables, veritable serfs, and your coachmen wait outside in the street, in the bitter cold –that is lying to the Holy Ghost.

    Chekhov, Diary, February 19, 1896

    Do you see that bruise blooming out there along the western horizon? I do believe that is the darkness coming on, fellas. Dutch, old boy, while we wait for them beans to boil why don’t you tune up that geetar of yours and favor us with one of them old hellhound yodels of yours? I might suggest the one about Satan and the fat little baby, where the bird carries away the baby and hides it under a bush and a badger finds it there and offers to trade it to Satan for the chance to walk upright like a man; and though Satan eventually agrees to this particular arrangement, he finds himself over time increasingly embittered by the hard bargain the badger drove with him so he makes that little baby grow up to be a great tyrant, and the tyrant one day orders the execution of the badger, who has been going about the world as an investment banker.

    I love that song.

  • David Scores a Minor Hit on Goliath

    Last week, a landmark case was settled between freelance writers and some of the nation’s largest publishers. It was a long-running, complex case, but it basically came down to this: Freelance writers believed that electronic archives of their work—from articles on the web, to paid-access databases like Lexis-Nexis—amounted to republishing their work, without any additional compensation to them.

    This probably would not be a big deal if there wasn’t a lot of money at stake. In other words, if the magazines and newspapers archived freelance articles and offered free access to them. That approach might be considered a brand of largesse something like the public library keeping back issues on hand, or in microfiche. But as soon as the Times, or AOL-Time Warner, or Lexis-Nexis tried to make money a second time (after buying first serial rights—the right to publish a piece first and once, exclusively), they crossed a line. Now, of course, they explicitly require writers to sign away these rights— and writers are free to negotiate in the event, or take their work elsewhere.

    The problem, from a writer’s point of view, is the incredible imbalance in such a negotiation. You have to have some pretty big cajones to say no to the New York Times, when you are trying to make a living as a freelancer. It’s rather like telling your health insurer to go to hell when it informs you that your premium will be going up, please remember to pay promptly in the enclosed envelope, post office will not deliver without postage. We know from experience that any antagonism at all gives editors at prestigious publications the slimmest excuse they need to unofficially black-list a writer just as surely as if she blew a deadline or turned in a page of phone numbers.

    Know why? Here’s a shocking figure that came out incidentally in the case: For the period in dispute, the New York Times used more than twenty-seven thousand freelancers to write more than one hundred thousand articles. (Doing some rough math, that averages fewer than four articles per freelancer, probably in the range of a couple hundred dollars per article. That is a number that will be crossing our lips for years to come whenever anyone asks us about the prestigious, romantic, lucrative world of freelance. Despite the fact that some winning freealncers in this lawsuit may receive a six-figure payoff, and despite the fact that this is a huge moral victory for writers everywhere, it is highly depressing to realize why so many editors are merely frustrated freelance writers.

    Now, perhaps the next frontier will be the poor, indentured crossword writers at the Times–who are asked to sell all their rights forever for the price of a good dinner, while the Times republishes their puzzles at will and with impunity.

  • The business of being a Democrat

    To anyone who has ever built a business, the logic of Bill Bradley’s op-ed piece in today’s NY Times is second nature. Build a strong base, add creative theorists, and hire great strategic sales people. From a strong organization, strong leaders will emerge. And such an organization will continue to grow and prosper.

    I’ve always said the reason the Republicans continue to kick Demo butt on a regular basis is that Republicans take a purely business-like approach to politics. They’ve built an organization. They have the thinkers who can construct cogent arguments for their positions. And, they have great marketers who understand how to make their positions attractive to the mass market. If you have such an organization, the actual top leadership is often secondary–indeed, if the presidency of the current moron in chief tells us anything, it’s that anyone can be a leader when the only thing he has to do is sit at the top of the heap and take credit for the work of the organization.

    Today, Bradley, one of the few people who seem to understand just what the Republicans have wrought, calls on Democrats to do the same thing. It will never happen though, because unlike the Republicans, Democrats have no patience. They’ll never have the “Emotional Intelligence” top business people possess in abundance. And that’s why they’re doomed.

  • Twenty Questions: The Baseball Version

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    …Baseball owners, writers, fans and lots of others found themselves beset with questions for which nobody has any real answers. Was attendance keeping pace with the population growth? Were ball parks really outmoded? Was the game declining in popularity? Were ball players getting too commercial? Was the game too old fashioned for an audience getting more and more used to speed and action?

    Among some typical squawks [from fans] were these: Tickets sometimes cost too much….Some games are just too darn long and slowly paced. It is sometimes easier and more relaxing to watch the game on television….Apparently fans don’t mind spending time in the park; they just don’t like to be bored by innumerable mound conferences.

    John T. Casey, “Seven Answers to What’s Wrong With Baseball,” Baseball Magazine, July 1956

    Would you rather hit .340 with absolutely no power or .240 with 45 homeruns?

    Lex clavatoris designati rescindenda est (The designated hitter has got to go). Agree or disagree?

    Greatest season of all-time: Rogers Hornsby in 1922 (.401, 42 HRs, 152 RBIs) or Lefty Grove in 1931 (31-4, 2.06 ERA)? Is there someone else you’d like to enter into the discussion?

    Pick an Evans: Dwight or Darrell?

    What was the most lopsided trade in history? (I might take Houston’s swap of Larry Anderson for Boston’s Jeff Bagwell.)

    Has an outfielder ever thrown for the cycle (thrown out runners at every base in a single game)?

    Has a centerfielder ever recorded a put-out in foul territory?

    Who is the most underrated player of the current era?

    You have the first pick in your faux-baseball draft. Which player do you choose?

    Who is the worst player ever to wear a Twins uniform?

    Who was (or is) the most unslightly player ever to wear a Twins uniform?

    Do you sometimes feel like people are laughing at you behind your back?

    Who was the greatest disappointment in Twins’ history (in terms of failure to live up to potential)?

    The Wave: do you participate, or sit it out?

    Which player’s name was embossed on the mitt you used as a kid?

    Wrigley Field or Fenway Park?

    What is the greatest baseball book of all-time?

    Wally the Beerman: Pro or con?

    Pitcher’s duel or slugfest?

    Finally, A bit of memorabilia for the fan who has everything…

  • Twenty Questions

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    What is the one invention you couldn’t possibly live without?

    Do you subscribe to the theory that if the shoehorn were to become obsolete we would see the end of the true-fitting slip-on?

    When was the last time you listened to Nirvana’s “Nevermind”?

    In your dreams are you most commonly flying, swimming, or naked on a schoolbus?

    If there was a new planetary order that allowed humans to buy celebrities as pets, and money (and money-making potential) were no object, which celebrity would you buy?

    What is the fastest you have ever driven an automobile?

    Be Honest: Did you ever throw a rock at a Mormon?

    If you could have one sentence tattooed on your body what would it be?

    Did you ever see a giant in the supermarket, signing autographs and selling bacon?

    Choose one: Ween or Queen?

    Would you harpoon a whale, if given the opportunity?

    If you could resurrect one dead rock star, who would it be?

    If God gave you the power to eradicate a single species from the planet, which creature would you mark for extinction?

    Is that the necklace the dog gave you?

    Do you know the way to San Jose?

    Are we almost there?

    You call that a proper meal?

    You call that a day?

    What in God’s name is wrong with you?

    Any further questions?

  • To Air is Human

    One of the great myths promoted and promulgated by the me-first neo-con crowd is not only that the mainstream media is lousy with liberals and liberal bias, but that liberals are inherently “elite” or elitist. We’re not sure where this whole idea comes from, given the well-documented connection between labor and liberalism, as well as the more subtle connection between obscene wealth and selfishness. (This bizarre “limousine liberal” inversion has reached all quarters: Teaching evolution, fer chrissakes, is now considered a badge of liberal elitism, which means that every credible scientist on the face of the planet is a deluded elitist liberal.)

    But if you’d like an object lesson in reality, you could do worse than checking out “Left of the Dial,” the Air America documentary that will be broadcast on HBO Thursday night. We haven’t seen it ourselves, but we read that it is a more dramatic story than you might think—the story of how the liberal radio network got off the ground, after very nearly dying in childbirth. As it turns out, the only limousine liberal involved in Air America was Al Franken himself, who in the eleventh hour had to step in and write some hefty personal checks to keep the nascent network going. Many of the network’s key employees worked without pay or benefits in order to see the mission through.

    See, there’s the difference between the left and the right in a nutshell—only a Democrat would spend his own money on a cause that was larger than himself. In some quarters, this is called a non-monetary return on investment—but you didn’t hear it from your present goverment monopoly, which looks upon all such do-goodism as essentially evil. (God helps those who help themselves, you know… and presumably punishes those who help others.)

  • Bob Casey

    You have to admire a guy who does something for as many years as Bob Casey did something, and to its credit (and occasionally to its detriment) the Twins’ organization has always rewarded loyalty. Casey was treated like a local treasure, and his career was allowed to run its course on his own timetable.

    The man was the only public address announcer the team ever had, which is truly astonishing considering his by-now legendary and well-documented difficulties pronouncing his way through the dramatis personae (a phrase he would surely have butchered until it sounded like a passable approximation of a Dominican shortstop’s name) of a Major League lineup card. He was also a curmudgeon and a company man through and through.

    Loyalty breeds loyalty, I guess, but this last quality was always the most frustrating from a purely personal standpoint. I chatted with Casey behind the batting cage on dozens –perhaps hundreds– of occasions over the years, and he was a master of gruff small talk. He was always happy to talk about his kids and his grandchildren, but grew wary whenever the subject turned to him and his career. It wasn’t about him, he’d say, and that was always the end of that discussion.

    The year the Twins inducted Casey into their Hall of Fame, I stalked the poor man for weeks, trying to get him to agree to a profile, but he would have none of it. That remains my one big frustration from the years I’ve spent around the team. I’ve always been attracted to what I think of as baseball’s lifers, the folks like Casey who’ve spent so much of their lives wrapped up in the routines of the ballpark.

    A guy surely builds up a pretty impressive trove of stories over more than forty years in any job, but Casey had a truly unique job, and he was clearly a unique character. I also knew from my small talk with him that he’d had another life as well, before he settled in behind the PA microphone for the Twins. Some of those details have come to light in the various obituaries and tributes of the last couple days –Casey’s World War II service, his PA stints with the Lakers and Millers– but I always wanted to know more. I was curious about the guy, and determined to break down his cranky reserve.

    Casey, though, wasn’t going to get hooked into telling any tales out of school –those were his words– and he also wasn’t about to leave school until he was forced out kicking and screaming or carried out in a box. He pretty much got his way in the end, and good for him.

    All the same, I still wish I’d gotten those stories out of him. And there’s no doubt it won’t ever be quite the same without him duck-walking around the Dome and serving up his regular assortment of head-scratchers and belly laughs.

  • The Brand of We

    Sometimes editors are assholes. Lots of times. Most of the time. This seems to be a job requirement. But editors should really be assholes for the right reasons, and we certainly try to be an asshole for the right reasons. Still, even if we do it for the right reasons, we’re still being an asshole.

    There is a lot of talk these days about how an editor must “personify the brand,” to put a face on the operation, and we try to do this too, whenever we are called on. On the other hand, our first and highest committment is to the magazine itself—to protect its integrity and quality, and this can be an all-encompassing activity all by itself.

    We were thinking the other day about the Ross and Shawn years at the New Yorker. Few people realize why the New Yorker is the best magazine in the world today: It is largely because of those legendary editor’s unquestioning, unwavering, absolute committment to their magazine. Harold Ross never had a byline in his magazine, and William Shawn had just one. That amounts to more than sixty years of a weekly magazine in whose pages its editors-in-chief appeared just once. (Since the New Yorker has never published a masthead, the words “Harold Ross” did not appear in the magazine until a week after he died, in 1951.) It’s hard to imagine that sort of thing happening today.

    Another anachronism: Staff writers at the New Yorker were never really guaranteed anything. Even the finest feature writers of the time received no assurances that what they wrote would ever get published ~unless it was good enough~. They got no preferential treatment, other than assurances that what they wrote would be given all due consideration of the editors. In the meantime, writers could borrow money against their “drawing account” and they might sign first reader agreements that paid them a little bit of dough, but they were expected to eventually write something publishable to cover their debt to the magazine.

    Such a scheme would never fly today, and it shouldn’t. All things considered, writers probably have less security today than they did back in the forties and fifties—if for no other reason than the rise of the middle-class, and the widespread belief that writing is a romantic thing to do, and anyone can do it. But it is astonishing to consider how Ross and Shawn were able to float such an operation (it continued, we have heard, well after Conde Nast bought the magazine in 1986). They could for one very simple reason: They valued quality above all else, and the result was that any serious writer would die (then and now) to get into its hallowed pages. (Some have literally paid to get into the magazine—though in the advertising space, of course.) Ross and Shawn were, therefore, assholes for the right reason, in all probability. But writers seemed to understand that no matter how maddening the editors were, they advocated (politely, diplomatically) first and last for the integrity of the written word. That actually meant something to everyone involved in producing the New Yorker.

  • Another Possible Tattoo: 'Born Lippy'

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    All last night there was never any doubt that this day was going to drag me into the harsh light and try to kick some words out of me, but I once again tried to convince myself that I was somehow made of sterner stuff than the average fellow. I wasn’t about to cough up any words until I was good and ready. I resolved to get right up and put something loud and bracing on the stereo (I eventually decided on Fu Manchu) to drown out the baying of the gray boys who I knew would already be milling out front and lobbing taunts and insults at my house.

    A man can only avoid these confrontations, though, if he’s absolutely unwilling to move, and the instant I took a step out the front door (I was brazen enough to believe I could sneak away for a sandwich) they were on me. I can almost chuckle now as I recall my poor wife standing on the porch in a panic, screaming, “Scramble! Scramble, honey! Run! Improvise!”

    I had no chance, not a chance in the world. Not today. Not Monday. They had me face down in the front lawn in no time at all, and the biggest of the bunch was kneeling in the small of my back while one of his toadies had a fistful of my hair and was yanking my head backwards from the wet grass.

    “Say something!” the big one demanded.

    “Say what?” I asked.

    “Say anything,” he said.

    I clenched my teeth and shook my head. “I have nothing to say.”

    “Say, ‘How can I make this fruit look prettier?’”

    “No,” I said, and even as I heard myself mutter the word I could feel my resolve eroding. Out of the corner of one eye I could see kids on their way back to school pausing to watch this spectacle from the sidewalk in front of my house.

    “Say, ‘I’m so helpless I’m practically stone-aged.’”

    I tried to once again shake my head, but the one goon was now yanking my hair at such an angle that it felt like he might break my neck.

    “Just say it, honey,” my wife said from the porch. “Get it over with.”

    I waited a long moment, breathing heavily, while the biggest of the gray boys increased the pressure on the small of my back.

    “I’m so helpless I’m practically stone-aged,” I finally said.

    That got a reaction out of the bastards, all right. They released me and leapt around my yard bumping chests and exchanging clumsy high-fives before piling back into their black Camaro with the smoked-glass windows. As I attempted to swipe away the mud and grass stains from my pants and jacket they tore off down the block and disappeared around the corner.

    “Those fuckers,” I said.

    My wife came over and patted me on the back. “It’s okay,” she said. “That wasn’t so bad this time. At least they didn’t get you to say, ‘How can I make this fruit look prettier?’”

  • Marksmanship 101 for teachers

    Well, if you didn’t already believe the people who run the National Rifle Association are crazier than a hummingbird on crack, read this from NRA first vice president, Sandra S. Froman.

    It seems that if only the teachers at Red Lake had been totin’ heat themselves, they could have protected their students from Jeff Weise’s rampage. I bet the good folks of Red Lake wish they’d thought of that themselves. Yup, all we need to do to make our school safer is bring in more guns.

    Damn near as funny as Ms. Froman’s pronouncements were those of President Bush, who this morning talked of how committed the federal government was to the people of Red Lake. If you’ve ever been to Red Lake, and I have, you’ll know what an utter crock that is. Of course, maybe W will introduce an amendment to the No Child Left Behind act that would fund body armor for all students. We could use the money that we’re not spending on the body armor for our soldiers in Iraq, perhaps.

    P.S. If you want to read a good series on what life is like for some people on an Indian reservation, look what the Strib did here.