Down & Out

We were vaguely amused by Powerline, the delusional right-wing blog based here in the Twin Cities, that won Time magazine’s “Blog of the Year.” Just when we were getting ready to point out precisely how ridiculous these Big Butt and Ass Rocket guys are (or whatever—why are republicans always so obvious about their latent homosexuality?), Nick Coleman stepped in, and we were glad to hold his coat.

And now, we understand—by way of a wonderful item penned by our good-friend-in-law Mike Mosedale—that TCF bank’s blowhard CEO, Bill Cooper, was so irritated to have his friends and employees technically KO’ed by a heavyweight, that TCF will never advertise in the Strib again while he is in charge. No doubt the TCF board of directors is proud of the personal stand Cooper is taking with their money.

Now that it’s safe for a weakling like us to kick sand in the face of the badly beaten bullies, we have a few talking points of our own. First, being named Time magazine’s Blog of the Year is a little like being elected secretary of the student council. Now, we realize how important it is to the male ego to get and cling to this sort of accolade. We, too, have been known to make hay while the sun shines. We’re just saying that if you rely on Time magazine to be the arbiter of a popularity contest where the only audience appears to be the contestants themselves, you probably have bigger problems you should be dealing with.

Second, the Powerline guys claim they do not blog while they are at work. (We do, by the way. We’re professionals, you know.) But a quick scan of their blog indicates that they have posted almost every hour of the day, with no discernible pattern of dead air that would indicate they are actually away working. Granted, banker’s hours have always been the gold standard for six-figure slacking. Still, we find it hard to believe that they run home every hour in order to post their pulse-quickening updates.

And finally, we wish these rabid NASCAR dads would stop suckling at the paps of our blue-state largesse. If they honestly believed half of what they say, they have no business living among us, the benighted, godless, tax-happy, liberal elite who pay most of the federal govenment’s tab.

Boys, put your money and your butts where your mouths are. We hear there are signs of growth over in South Dakota, and that’s just a stone’s throw from Wyoming. There must be a Log Cabin Republicans chapter out there somewhere with two or three vacant stools. You know, Honest Abe was into butts too!