The right to bare arms…and more
I was sitting around with a few wags yesterday and we were talking about the problems the Iraqis (if there is such a thing–as opposed to Sunni, or Shiite or Kurd, that is) were having in getting some agreement on a constitution. Aside from the squabbles over oil revenues and autonomy of regions which make the differences in 1787 between Virginia and Massachusetts seem…dare I say…tame by comparison, there’s the sticky problem of Islam, and all the implications for dress codes, tonsorial customs and which way is east conundrums.
So we took a look at our own Bill of Rights and offered the following hints for articles they could adapt:
Article 1: Freedom of religion. It’s alright to kill anyone who doesn’t like my brand of Islam. Christians and Jews, you better take off now.
Article 2: The Right to Bare Arms: Women north of Baghdad get to wear sleeveless dresses. Women south of Baghdad get to wear sleeveless dresses only if they have no arms, which we can arrange.
Article 3: No soldiers in your house. Soldiers destroying your house, that’s ok.
Article 4: No unreasonable search and seizure, unless it’s a world power looking for weapons we don’t have.
Article 5: No one shall be forced to testify against himself after we rip out his tongue for blasphemy.
Article 6: You have the right to a speedy trial, after we hold you in Guantanamo for as long as we damn well please.
Article 7: You can sue anyone you like for any amount over 20 dollars, or blow him up with a car bomb, whichever is more convenient.
Article 8: No cruel or unusual punishment, unless we think the pictures are funny.
Article 9 and 10: Anything else you can think of, but if it ain’t in the Koran, forget about it.
Since this is sort of the way things are running over there now, we figured they should have no trouble agreeing. And, once this constitution is in force, Bush will have his exit strategy. I say we give them all the encouragement we can to adopt our suggestions so we can get the hell out of there.
Leave a Reply