Let’s all do our part to make sure the state can afford its single most important obligation to the people: building new highways and adding lanes out to Eagan, beloved constituency of our Governor and State Auditor. Sacrifices must be made, of course, and we’re ready. In these troubling times, Minnesota families must assume a bigger share of the state’s highway work. It’s not just picking up empty beer cans, abandoned shoes, and ditch-porn anymore! Those Adopt-a-Highway folks have practically been getting away with murder—all that free publicity for a monthly stroll down the median with a trash-stabber. No! We wholly support Gov. Pawlenty’s proposed Foster-Highway program, to ensure that regular Minnesotans are now responsible for paving, plowing, and striping existing roads. We know not every family can live in Eagan, or afford to buy heavy machinery, snow plows, and hot-topping equipment. Foster-Highway has a heart, after all. Participants in the program (mandated by Patriot Act II, by the way) will be assigned a manageable half-mile section of road (half the usual Adopt-a-Highway segment!) as near to their home as an indifferent bureaucrat cares to make it. Non-participants will be jailed and charged with terrorism. Thank you, and God Bless America.
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