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  • Saucy

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    what are you REALLY thinking about?

    Have you ever eaten with foodie friends who make a ridiculous spectacle of themselves when they taste something amazing? You know, a la Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally?

    I don’t think I do that. I’m hoping and praying I don’t do that, but my friend Terri sent me this slideshow, and now I wonder if that was a hint.

    The only truly orgasmic meal I’ve ever had was a black truffle and foie gras ravioli in a brown butter sauce. One tiny small square, the perfect bite, at Ca L’Isidre in Barcelona.

  • An Annual Occurrence

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    On the first cool nights in late summer the old tribe of mountain giants would dig themselves out of the dirt and come down into town to watch the strippers.

    This was an annual occurrence that had been going on since the go-go bars first opened sometime in the 1950s. By the late years of the 20th century the pilgrimage –if in fact you could call it that– of the giants was attracting news media and tourists from all over the country.

    The giants would come down off the mountain and plod across the long valley south of town. Sometimes they would come alone or in random groups of five or six; other times, and more and more frequently as their visits took on the quality of a ritual, they would make the trek en masse, upwards of thirty giants, dirty and immense and randy as rabbits, parading right down the main street of the town.

    Some of the giants would bring kittens or puppies (and even the occasional lamb or chicken) as offerings to the strippers. It was widely reported that they stole these animals on their way across the valley, where there were ranches spread out for miles between the mountain ranges.

    In the early days of their yearly appearance there had been some notable skirmishes between some of the local cowboys and the giants, but these never ended well for the cowboys. Someone, you might recall, made an awful movie on the subject, a film that played pretty loose with the truth. I can happily report that no cowboys were ever actually killed during these dust-ups. They sustained some pretty serious beatings, and egos were no doubt bruised, but they eventually learned to let the giants have their fun.

    And they certainly did have their fun, but for the most part, I always heard, they comported themselves like perfect gentlemen with the dancers. There was inevitably some hanky panky, of course, yet even the upshot of that unimaginable business (and I can tell you that it wasn’t just the strippers involved; many of the local gals were smitten with the giants as well) was something of a boon to our little community. You’ll find evidence for that as you’re coming into town, on the prominent sign that documents Prentice’s long run of gridiron dominance: Nineteen state high school football championships and counting.

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  • Snack-a-licious

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    Am I the last one to discover these?

    Apparently, they’re at Target so I’m hoping that you’ve all snagged a bag on your way to the dryer-sheet aisle.

    If not, do so.

    Because now that I’ve found them, these Sahale Snacks, these little bags of flavorful nut blends, I am not letting go. In fact, I have three of the five versions in my purse right now.

    Sing Buri is a Thai inspired blend of cashews, peanuts and dried pineapple with lemongrass, Chinese chili, and sesame seeds. They’re little sticky clusters of sweet-salty-spicy.

    Soledad Blend has Mediterranean flair with almonds, dates, and flax seeds dressed in balsamic vinegar and a touch of cayenne. You need more dates and flax in your life.

    Ksar Blend combines pistachios, pepitas and sesame seeds with sweet figs and peppery Moroccan harissa.

    If you’re not into the spicy kick, the Valdosta Blend pairs pecans and cranberries with a little orange zest and a touch of black pepper. It’s like a sweet southern pie.

    I didn’t get to try the Socorro Blend with macadamia, hazelnuts, mango, and papaya kissed with chipotle, cumin and cilantro. The hub ate the whole bag before I could get a nibble.

    Oh and also, these are made by the good guys. All natural, healthy, made with mostly organic ingredients by two guys from Seattle.

  • On And Off The Fashion Show Circuit

    Here’s the dish on the two fashion shows I mentioned, for the girlie-girls:

    In The Moment… A fashion show by Kimberly Jurek of Kjurek Couture at Azia Restaurant and Bar tonight (presented by Gallery 360 and Cliche–that one boutique on Lyndale, near Muddy Waters). Reception is at 8. Show’s at 10. Weird, but I think it’s free.

    The Girls’ Night Out Party at Bar Abilene, which promises cosmos and dessert as well as a fashion show by Local Motion–that one store on Hennepin and 28th. It should be noted that this party is actually a fundraiser for Jungle Theater… And I’m not sure how much that’s going to set you back. Things should get started at, oh, about 8 p.m.

  • A Visual Inventory

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    Look around and tell me what you see?

    I see the usual things, the too-muchness. I see the fuzzed scrim of darkness falling, the green world receding beyond the window screens.

    I see, everywhere I look, patterns and textures, sprawling across the upholstery of the furniture. The geometric chaos of the rug beneath me. I see the comfortable jumble of color and type aligned on the bookshelves.

    I see a red-and-white checkered rocketship, three midgets, prosthetic eyeballs beneath a shimmering bell jar, and a fat, stainless steel clown with a bright glow settled on his belly like the moon resting on the surface of a lake.

    I see Nancy and Sluggo out for a stroll beneath an old wooden sign that reads, in fading red block letters, “BOOKS.” I see a blind rabbit, a monkey wearing a fez, and the skeleton of a bat. I see three grinning donkeys conjured from a schizophrenic’s nightmare.

    I see long-dead baseball players, baby bottles crammed with astronauts and entire families of little people, and a blonde go-go dancer trapped in a cage with a paralyzed, slate-gray bird. I see beetles, a skeleton riding a white horse, and an elf with a gaping hole where his stomach should be. He has swallowed a handful of keys.

    I see a dancing mouse wearing bright trousers.

    What do you hear?

    I hear David Bowie, howling so loudly that he is rattling everything I see.

    And how do you feel?

    I feel hungry. I am counting on a bag of radishes to keep me alive.

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  • Wha-Wha-Wednesday

    So much cool stuff is about to let loose. The Minnesota Fringe Festival starts tomorrow, for example–as I’ve already beat into the dead horses here on this site, I happen to be a big fan of this event. And, (click), there’s, like, at least two fashion shows tomorrow night. But lucky for the socialite sap likes of us, anticipation is often sweeter than the experience itself, and that’s why I offer this sample of moderate enticements to bide you through the p.m.:

    If you be a hipster: Gnarls Barkley (note to the non-hipsters: sic!) is playing 7th Street Entry. These guys and Sharon Jones have helped put some funk in the Jetta.

    Bohos / scavengers / the privileged poor: Catch the Soo Visual Art Center‘s annual rummage sale between noon and 6 p.m.

    Canvassers / bike messengers / gourmets: There’s the Cinema and Civics event at Stevens Square Park, which pairs the feature film The Real Dirt On Farmer John with appearances by local gardeners (and The Brass Kings).

    Throwbacks: Singin’ In The Rain at Chanhassen Dinner Theaters. I seriously want to see this show, if only to hear the catchy chime “Good Mornin’.” But sadly, on my next trip to Chan, which will happen sometime within the next few weeks, I’ll be accompanied by the boyfriend who’s dying to see The Male Intellect: An Oxymoron?. I wish I was kidding.

    Exercise bulimics / lechers: The Lake Calhoun-Lake Harriet loop, on repeat. That’s why I’ll be running Lake Phalen!

  • One More Wednesday

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    The man who ran the Giant Wash was an obsessively neat character, inordinately conscientious, officious even. German, he seemed, like someone stepped right out of one of August Sander’s portraits.

    I’d heard it intimated that he lived with his elderly mother somewhere in the neighborhood, but this may have been mere speculation.

    Customers were always running afoul of the Giant Wash man. The neighborhood had seen better days, and a good percentage of the clientele were beleaguered, hardscrabble types. It was a minor miracle, really, that the man was able to keep the place so spic and span and the machines in such good working order.

    He’d clearly been at it for a long time, and seemed to know how to take apart and put back together every machine in the Giant Wash. Half the time when I went in there he would have the dollar bill changer completely dismantled; he’d be muttering sourly and dispensing change with his greasy hands.

    The Giant Wash man’s mantra, which I heard him bark at customers on countless occasions, was “Respect the machinery!” There was a hand-lettered sign above the detergent dispenser that read, “Laundry privileges may be revoked at any time, for any reason!”

    I saw some incredible scenes in that place, but the Giant Wash man never backed down, and I can testify that laundry privileges were, in fact, routinely revoked.

    It had to be the best-run laundromat in America, and I loved it for its close proximity to my apartment and for the fabulous theater that played out there everyday.

    I eventually moved to a different part of town, however, and I noticed when I happened to drive by there the other day that the Giant Wash is now some kind of fancy coffee shop.

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  • Cool

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    Enough about the heat.

    But first.

    It’s hard to write about food when you have no appetite. Heat, humidity and the lot drive away my desires to eat. A perfect hell. I had a salad for dinner last night, and even the dressing seemed too thick and heavy. Maybe it’s all the water I’m guzzling, sloshing around in my stomach, leaving no room for food.

    Years back, in my first apartment, we had a heat wave like this one. Four roomies, no AC, no money for big fans. I went to a lot of movies and slept in the living room where the stuffy air was at least moving around. I used to survive on the fried rice at Kinhdo, but even that seemed too much in the heat.

    For some reason, I thought I was being brave and adult with my refusals to run back to the suburban, air-conditioned home of my Mother. But she understood, and instead came into the city and took me to El Meson. It was a gift of a meal, it was gazpacho. Cool and fresh, light and spicy, rejuvenation of the soul. A bowl of the chilled, tomatoey soup seems to extinguish any hint of heat-induced crankiness and self-importance.

    As always, the key is uber-fresh ingredients and the foresight that in 6 months you’ll be praying for warmth as you bitch about the cold.

  • Shadows at the Varsity

    Cinema Revolution and the beautiful Varsity Theater have teamed up tonight to bring you John Cassavetes’ Shadows–a film that’s outside my miniscule experience, but one that I would love to see (National Night Out calls instead). The Varsity is a lovely place to watch a movie, in case you didn’t know. Couches, good food, beer in glasses (good beer, too!) and, once a month, a great movie like this one.

  • Ottimo Massimo

    Of course, the biggest A-and-E news of the day, at least in the circles I shake in, is the Ween concert at the Historic State Theater. (Will they leave burrito smears on the curtains?) But that’s not exactly a secret now, is it? However, those Venetian mask makers I referred to last week are starring in a workshop and reception today at Edina Art Center–these being the same guys who did masks for the worst Kubrick flick ever, Eyes Wide Shut.