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  • The Power of a Bad Pun

    Wisely, the makers of Shattered Glass have not pitched their story to viewers—or the media—as being about the inner workings of a hundred-year-old publication or the pitfalls of modern political journalism. No, according to the film’s writer-director, Billy Ray, Shattered Glass is “bigger than journalism”—it’s about “right and wrong.” Reviewers and critics have generally bought into this point of view, agreeing that Shattered Glass is, if not “bigger than journalism,” still about journalism’s big issues: It “puts journalistic ethics on trial,” according to blurb-whore repeat offender Peter Travers. Rex Reed raves (does he ever not?) that it “will teach you something about ethics gone awry.” The Washington Times sees it as a “vivid morality play.” David Edelstein, writing for the Glass-obsessed organ Slate (by my count, they’ve run ten stories about Glass in just the past six months), gets rather scarily into the spirit of such moralizing, writing that Shattered Glass “makes us feel the way our forefathers must have felt after a really good public stoning.”

    This is all quite a windup for a movie in which the central moral quandary isn’t much of a head-scratcher: Is it wrong for a journalist to make up stories? Well, yes. Not since Saving Private Ryan’s faux-philosophizing—“Is the life of one man worth risking the life of many?”—has such a simple question generated such a flurry of non-answers.

    To be fair, critics would have to do some fabricating themselves to find a true ethical dilemma in the story of serial myth-maker Stephen Glass as told by Ray. While superficially compelling, the Shattered Glass version of the events that brought down a rising young magazine writer and threatened a venerated magazine feels less like a meditation on right and wrong than a police procedural. In May 1998, Glass was fired from the perennially almost-relevant New Republic after a writer for the unfortunately named (and now defunct) Forbes Digital Tool unraveled the first of what would prove to be a string—nay, a whole skein—of almost totally invented feature articles. Shattered Glass tells that story and nothing else: None of the ulcer-inducing questions about the propriety of using anonymous sources, or the legitimacy of using the press as judge and jury—questions whose thorniness would exemplify a true dilemma. There’s just Glass and his made-up stories, presented with all the depth of character of an episode of Law & Order.

    Much has been made, for instance, about Ray’s decision to keep Glass—in a manner of speaking—opaque. We don’t find out much about his motives, hear little about his past, and learn only the barest outline of the mechanics of his fraud. On this score, the movie fails as even a genre flick; the best part of any film about a con is finding out how it’s done.

    And it was undoubtedly necessary to telescope Glass’s two-year career at the New Republic, but the events of the movie feel as though they take place over a matter of days. No sooner are questions raised about a Glass story on hard-partying young Republicans than the magazine’s editorship changes hands: The fatherly Michael Kelly (played by Hank Azaria of Simpsons fame) is replaced by the young (and, as played by Peter Sarsgaard, almost reptilian) Charles Lane. Impervious to the writer’s nebbishy charm, Lane senses that Glass is up to something almost, it appears, immediately. Questions arise about another story, Lane smokes out Glass’s lies. The magazine prints an apology to the readers. Wham, bam, we’re sorry, ma’am. While this quick-cut approach might have stemmed from a desire for more effective movie-making, it has the effect of making Glass’s tenure at the magazine seem brief, and absolves the magazine’s management from responsibility for the twenty-two stories—twenty of which the magazine later repudiated—that appeared between the first hint that something might be wrong and the final, ugly proof that it was all a sham.

    The result of this temporal sleight of hand and, more significantly, characterless shadow-play is a film that feels small in a dozen different ways—not just made-for-TV-movie small (it was produced by HBO Films) but small in scope, small in ambition, small in moral imagination. The questions that Ray wants the audience to deal with all have simple answers; that’s part of the problem, and it makes Shattered Glass feel less like a morality play than a morality skit.

    The other problem with Shattered Glass is more subtle but also more substantive. If the “dilemma” set out by Ray is whether to lie or not lie, the stakes of the choice are absurdly, insultingly low. By the moral calculus of the film, Glass is wrong to lie because he made the New Republic look bad. But those most damaged by Glass’s falsehoods were the New Republic’s readers, and they—unlike the people Glass defamed—don’t even get to sue. The closest the movie gets to realizing that journalism is a public service and not a personality contest is a line that’s really meant to underscore how important the magazine itself is: “What you write gets read by people who matter.” This, and the movie’s repeated assertion that the publication was “the in-flight magazine of Air Force One,” suggest that the journalistic line Glass crossed is worth holding not just because he hurt the feelings of those he worked with but also because, you know, “people who matter” might make decisions based on what they read in the New Republic. If they’re no more trustworthy than the CIA, we’re in trouble.

    Maybe focusing on the difference between Glass’s lies upsetting his colleagues and Glass’s lies influencing public policy is nitpicking. After all, Glass didn’t write about anything as important as ethanol subsidies. In fact, throughout the movie, magazine staffers use “a piece on ethanol subsidies” as shorthand for the kind of dry, wonky inside-the-Beltway journalism that Glass didn’t practice. Glass wrote about people and pop culture ephemera with just enough attention paid to politics and policy that it didn’t feel irrelevant; Glass had a feel for what would make a fine zeitgeisty, counter-counterintuitive snapshot of the country’s mood—or, rather, the mood of the moderate-liberal intellectual readers of the New Republic. The magazine still publishes these kinds of pieces; my personal favorite was a 2001 cover story entitled “In Praise of Conventional Wisdom.” But many of the New Republic’s most famous and infamous stories of the modern era fit into this rubric, from the mild endorsement of racial essentialism of “The Bell Curve” to the passive-aggressive anti-SUV harrumphing of “The Axle of Evil.”

    Which brings us to the question I kept hoping Shattered Glass would ask. As interesting as the answer to “Why did he lie?” might have been, discovering “Why did anyone believe him?” could be a more fruitful investigation. Ray tries to make the answer to this question easy as well. “We were entertained,” one character says, and that’s pretty much the end of any discussion about the true journalistic dilemma at the heart of Shattered Glass. What do you do when a story seems too good to be true? When you love a story idea so much you ignore its veracity, whose fault is it? These are questions for editors, not for reporters like Glass.

    In hindsight, almost all of Glass’s stories have the “if it ain’t true it oughta be true” ring of urban legends: Wall Streeters who worshiped Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan, bored executives who paid outdoorsmen a bundle of money to be dropped in the middle of nowhere, a trade show specializing in trinkets commemorating the Monica Lewinsky affair, those drunk young Republicans, and, of course, the story that brought him down, the hackers employed by major electronics companies to use their powers for good, not evil. Glass’s stories made it into the pages of the New Republic because the magazine’s staff and its r
    eaders wanted to believe they were true. This willingness to believe is not, by any means, as great a sin as the many transgressions Glass committed, but it’s a sin nonetheless. If, as David Edelstein put it, Shattered Glass makes those whom Glass betrayed “feel the way our forefathers must have felt after a really good public stoning,” I would hope that what he means by that is “guilty.”

  • Gratification for the Patient

    I like starting novels in the middle. By skipping all those establishing shots, which exclude as much as they reveal, you’re able to catch the author and the characters off their guard. Also, once you have finished, you can start again at the beginning and have the paradoxical pleasure of reading the book for the first time twice.

    My father did the same. When I was about ten years old, he left on the chair next to the bath the ideal book for those who read like we do. It has color, and some of the most memorable comic characters in English fiction, but, as the author proudly proclaims, nothing much by way of a plot.

    Like many Victorian novels, Robert Smith Surtees’s Handley Cross was issued originally as a serial in separate monthly parts. The hero is a relatively rough diamond, a prosperous London grocer called John Jorrocks. Oddly for a Londoner, his principal passion is foxhunting, though he is not above mixing business with pleasure. He was known to have cantered after a fresh acquaintance in the hunting field, calling out, “Did you say two chests of black tea and one of green?” The man leapt a fence to get away from him.

    Second only to Jorrocks’s passion for foxhunting was his passion for port. Claret he despised—“I can make you some, if you like,” he told a guest, “with water, vinegar, a lemon and a little drop of port.” Brandy and water was less a pleasure than a form of central heating. But port “wot leaves a mark on the side of the glass” gave ample opportunity to mull over (and magnify) the triumphs of a day’s sport.

    By Jorrocks’s time, port had been the favorite wine of Englishmen for over a hundred years. Jorrocks’s racier contemporary Jack Mytton drank eight bottles a day, the first while he was shaving in the morning. He died young—of trying to cure his hiccups by setting fire to his nightshirt.

    Port is in fact a by-product of the wars fought by Britain all through the eighteenth century—wars that prevented the France of Louis XIV and Napo-leon from dominating Europe. Fighting France meant less claret coming across the English Channel from Bordeaux and led to closer links between England and Portugal.

    The alliance encouraged the wine trade. Soon after the Methuen Treaty of 1703, merchants discovered that vintages from Portugal crossed the stormy Bay of Biscay better if they had first been spiked with brandy. The same methods they developed are used to make the wine we enjoy today. Early during fermentation, the process by which natural sugars would normally become alcohol is arrested by the addition of brandy. The result is both sweet and intoxicating, ideal for drinking slowly after dinner with apples, nuts, Stilton cheese, or a biscuit.

    Port comes in various styles: Ruby port is drunk young, having spent most of its life in cask; tawny port is generally older and sometimes has a dryish tinge to the taste. The greatest of all, vintage port, is the wine of a season considered sufficiently remarkable by an individual maker for him to risk his reputation by declaring it a vintage year. In some years only a few houses will declare a vintage. Vintage port spends only a couple of years in cask, so it grows old in bottle. This can be a lengthy process—the wines of 1963 and 1977 still have time on their side, and 1997 won’t be at its best for years yet. And maturing in bottle means that crud accumulates; if vintage port isn’t stored carefully the wine becomes clouded with sediment.

    Vintage port is the enemy of instant gratification (which might be why California has so far failed to produce a convincing port, though there is a pleasing drink made there, wittily called Starboard). Long years in bottle must end with sensitive decanting. But it is absolutely worth the effort. There is nothing like the slow, deep sweetness of vintage port. This is a pleasure for people with patience.

  • Soundtrack to Mary

    I don’t know what the exact clinical classification would be of my particular personality defect, I’m a person who regrets nothing and yet dreads everything. Maybe there isn’t even a name for it, and one day I could have this dysfunction named after me. “Yep, we finally had our aunt committed due to her lifelong struggle with Manic Lucia.”
    My close friends know me well enough not to take offense when I cancel last-minute plans. I’ve even gotten so comfortable that I no longer feel the need to make up fake excuses. To be my friend, you have to understand that when I say that, while, yes, I did excitedly RSVP months ago to attend your daughter’s first birthday party, now that the actual date is here, I’d rather open-mouth kiss David Gest, and then jump through a flaming hoop of dog crap, nothing personal though. And I should explain that it doesn’t matter how appealing the plans are. I could have a date to get free highlights with Steven Tyler, eat lobster, and have hundred dollar bills shoved into my pockets. Yet somehow when it comes time to actually jump into the toxic twin’s limo, I’d really rather stay home, troll around on Ebay for hours looking for red lampshades, then turn the ringer off and curl up with Psychopharmacology for Idiots or some other light reading.
    To add to the twistedness of this, when I do follow through with plans, I usually have a fine time. Hence the “no regrets” aspect of my Manic Lucia. I’m not proud of the fact that some people have nicknamed me “Anne Frank” due to my infrequent social outings. On the rare occasion I do make it out to a show, I know I have to be prepared to answer the question, “Do you still live in town?”—and that’s coming from my own sister.
    Listen, I’m not an entirely undesirable pal. Say you want the kind of friend who, when you call, you know you’ll always get the machine. A friend who will never actually see the inside of your apartment. If you’re looking for someone who you can easily bail out of dinner plans with at the last minute, I’m your man. You can take comfort in knowing that we won’t hook up next week, and I won’t call you later.

    Send birthday party invitations and/or flaming hoops of dog crap to Mary Lucia at popularcreeps@yahoo.com.

  • I’m Crantastic! Thanks for Asking!

    Everyone has a Great Aunt Tootie they haul out for the holidays. She sits in the corner calling everyone by the wrong name and talking about the turkey she had back in ’29 that was really made out of dirt. Someone thought it was a great idea to bring her, but now nobody knows what to do with her. She sits at the holiday table and you wonder how she’s related to you, and why she only comes out every ten months or so. At odd intervals, she may laugh loudly or simply stare at the table, eyes glazing over. But she’s not crazy; she’s just communing with her kindred spirits—the cranberries.

    If you’re going to have your spotlight dance only twice a year, it may as well be during the two biggest feasts of Eating Season: Thanksgiving and Christmas. Sad thing is, most people put cranberries on their holiday table only because they think they have to: It’s their duty, just like picking up Aunt Tootie at the home. True, there are fans of the cran, those who happily pass the bowl after taking a big spoonful of gelatinous crimson tartness. But the majority of people won’t be fighting for the cranberry leftovers or making a turkey and cranberry sandwich the next day. And it’s a shame, because two appearances a year are not enough for the wonderful cranberry. Its ability to help you stave off a nasty urinary tract infection alone makes it worthy of yearlong celebration!

    Wisconsin is known for cheese and beer. Most people miss the fact that Wisconsin produces more than half of the country’s cranberry crop. Last year’s harvest yielded more than three million barrels of fruit. To know the true greatness of the berry, you should start in a bog.

    Cranberries are native to North America. American Indians traditionally ate them fresh, mashed, and ground with cornmeal into breads. Cranberry poultices were used to draw poisons from arrow wounds, and juices were used to dye cloth a vibrant red. Different tribes had different names for the versatile berry, but it was the Pilgrims who first likened the blossom to a crane, referring to them as “crane berries.”

    Thanks to the glaciers of the Ice Age, the northern part of the U.S. is ideal for growing the cranberry. The cranberry is a wetland fruit, growing on trailing vines that thrive in the natural bogs that evolved from deposits left by glaciers. These wetlands are surrounded by dazzling support lands that, through a maze of ditches, dikes, dams, and reservoirs, ensure an adequate water supply and provide a natural refuge for wildlife such as bald eagles, sandhill cranes, trumpeter swans, ospreys, and wolves.

    The season begins in winter, when the farmers flood the bogs—which freeze and insulate the vines. The bogs drain with the spring thaw, the vines blossom, and by September the tiny green nodes have become robust red cranberries. This is when the magic happens. Two methods are used to gather the berries, depending on their destiny. Wet-harvested berries are usually processed, and dry-harvested berries are used as fresh fruit. Both methods are based on two of the coolest properties of cranberries: 1) they float, and 2) they bounce.

    The dry harvest involves mechanical pickers that comb through the vines. The harvested berries are then bagged from a conveyor belt and sent to receiving stations, where they’re screened and graded on color and bounce. (Soft berries don’t.) The method was derived from an old practice of rolling a load of berries down a flight of stairs. The ripe ones would bounce down; the duds would sit listless.

    The wet harvest is something to behold. The bogs are flooded and the berries loosened from the vines. As they float on the surface, they are gently corralled, almost herded toward the conveyor belt and into waiting trucks. On an early October afternoon, with a crisp, blue sky overhead, the pools look like a sea of floating fire.

    Where would your Cosmopolitan be without cranberry juice? Certainly not in the pink. The tart little berry contains antioxidants that are believed to combat heart disease, cancer, and certain bacterial infections. The berries can be frozen or dried, and they keep for up to a year. Try using them as “rocks” in your Stoli Cranberi. Other ways to celebrate cranberries throughout the year: Grab a tantalizing white chocolate and cranberry muffin at Taste of Scandinavia, or indulge in Regi’s Cranberry jams, which often incorporate interesting twists like jalapeños. Or why not just play around with them? Sautéed, glazed, candied, dried, tossed in cakes or muffins, added to ciders, stuffed in a chicken… Go crazy.

  • Straight talk

    No, they’re not giants yet. But they loom pretty large. Brooklynites John Flansburgh and John Linnell, aka They Might Be Giants, now wield the awesome power that comes with winning a Grammy for writing a sitcom theme. But they’re still very much the same lovably eccentric cult rockers, singing about James K. Polk, purple toupees, and nightlights that daydream of being lighthouses. We spoke recently with Linnell—the lanky one with the accordion—about the duo’s current projects, including the pleasingly quirky documentary Gigantic: A Tale of Two Johns. TMBG also just finished its second kids’ project, an illustrated book and CD called Bed Bed Bed. They’ll play a short, free set and sign books December 8 at Wild Rumpus bookstore.

    THE RAKE: Was making Bed Bed Bed different than No!, your first kids’ record, now that you’ve got your son?

    LINNELL: That’s a good question. Obviously I had a lot of experience with getting my son to go to bed by that time. But part of it was, we just wanted to do this thing that was cool. We often think, for instance, how cool it would be to have a picture book with a CD stuck inside, this bizarre thing. We don’t always think in strictly practical terms about how the thing gets used. With Bed, we discovered pretty quickly that you can’t flip the pages that fast and really take in the illustrations. So really what the experience is about, I think, is the picture book is for bedtime, and it’s enhanced by these songs that the kid may already know, or can hear later.

    THE RAKE: Even before you made those records, your music was already pretty well attuned to children’s sensibilities. How did you change your songwriting to make it “officially” children’s music?

    LINNELL: We didn’t define it very fully when we started working on No! In some ways we were being a lot freer than usual. We felt no obligation to write the college-radio single. Normally we’d throw in a bunch of those. And we sometimes have stuff on our grownup records that’s a little too death-obsessed or in some other way dark for children.

    THE RAKE: How do kids like the live shows?

    LINNELL: They’re really engaging with it a lot of times. But they’re not ashamed to turn their backs if they’re bored, or run around. That’s tough. It’s a hard crowd to play for. We don’t want to do just anything to get their attention. We want to feel like we have some pride left at the end of the show.

    THE RAKE: Last time you played First Avenue, I recall, the crowd filled the entire bar. How can you fit in these comparatively tiny bookstores?

    LINNELL: There’s something about a bookstore that makes people behave themselves. But the young kids, there’s this chaos factor generated just by that. That’s been our main security problem, tiny hands grabbing electrical equipment. But the shows have been really fun. They’re not really just kids’ shows. Adults should come even if they don’t have kids. And maybe we can trick them into buying this book.

    THE RAKE: Although you’ve been doing a lot of soundtrack work lately, it must have been pretty strange for guys who aren’t all that interested in going mainstream to win a Grammy.

    LINNELL: The Grammy was totally weird. It meant a lot for us professionally because it legitimized the work that we do for hire. We’re much more of an institution now, in a weird way, even though we feel like that’s a ridiculous idea. A lot of people that liked us a long time ago when they were in college are now in jobs in places like Disney, and NPR, and Cartoon Network, so we get to do all kinds of things. But we still feel it’s a very personal project, that we just goof around and come up with stuff.

    THE RAKE: Which is why you still devote so much energy to offbeat things like your CD soundtrack for McSweeney’s sixth issue.

    LINNELL: The stuff that we get most excited by is what’s not trying to be huge. The only real problem for us is cooking up those ideas. That’s the challenge, to think of something interesting that isn’t just what everybody else already thinks of for you to do.

    Wild Rumpus, 2720 W. 43rd St., (612) 920-5005, www.wildrumpusbooks.com

  • The Kindest Cup of All

    When ex-president Millard Fillmore led a steamboat expedition up the Mississippi 149 years ago, it may have looked like a publicity stunt for the Know-Nothing party. Maybe he was just looking for a good cup of coffee brewed fresh from organic, shade-grown beans. Of course, in 1854, all coffee was organic and shade-grown by default. Dow Chemical had not yet invented the hazardous compounds now in widespread agricultural use, and the hybrid beans designed for growth on deforested mountainsides were not available. Even so, when the Grand Excursion reenactment of Fillmore’s expedition arrives in St. Paul next summer, you can get a shot of the future with an otherwise historically correct cuppa Joe. This is something you could not have found in the metro area as recently as last year: a bean roasted with solar power.

    The solar roasting recently began at Old Man River Café on Smith Avenue, just south of the High Bridge. Historian, publisher, and restaurateur Jon Kerr admits the roaster won’t be powered directly by the bank of six photovoltaic panels installed on the café roof in October. “Truth be told,” he said, “it goes into our general electrical supply.” But the 1.1 kilowatt array will deliver thirty amps, roughly the same amount of power required to run the roaster Kerr and co-owner Chuck Debevec use for the shade-grown organics they sell.

    When The Rake arrived to have a look, electrician Mike Berg was boring a hole through the Victorian-era brick foundation to admit a conduit that will carry the current from the roof. One of the fifteen-square-foot “Sunny Boy” solar panels was on display inside the café, looking like a blue formica table-top propped against a wall. Nearby, a charity-fundraiser-style thermometer poster showed the cost of the project—an impressive and daunting $12,030.

    Like the 1854 expedition, the Sunny Side Project, as it’s been dubbed, has been a bit of an odyssey. Kerr was approached about a year ago by neighbors who thought someone ought to showcase solar technology. On St. Paul’s West Side, environmental causes take on extra clarity in the shadow of Xcel Energy’s High Bridge coal burner. The plant has operated for decades under the EPA’s grandfather clause, which grants exemptions from emission control requirements to older facilities that have not been remodeled. When Kerr agreed to let the café be the poster child for solar power, a small group formed to raise funds. Memberships in “the Sunny Side Club” were sold for fifty dollars and up. More than seventy-five donors have now brought the total to within five hundred dollars of the goal. The end product? Sunny Side Blend, an aromatic medium-light roast of Nicaraguan, Peruvian, and Colombian beans.

    It’s unlikely that members of Fillmore’s expedition had much in common with the activists behind the Sunny Side Project, some of whom reportedly chafed at the apparent male bias in the brand name of the solar panels. Fillmore was noted for sponsoring compromise slavery legislation that included the Fugitive Slave Act, which required the return of escaped slaves to their owners even if they were captured in the free North. Fillmore ran for a second term as a member of the evanescent Know-Nothing party on the rather narrow platform of seeking to ban Catholics from holding public office and increasing restrictions on immigration. The expedition reenactment reaches St. Paul next summer, and Kerr has already developed a coffee to bridge the gap: Expedition Coffee is a darker roast than Sunny Side and features the grim countenance of “the Last Whig” himself printed on every bag of beans. Even if the reenactment carries a little baggage from Fillmore’s dubious views, the team will be treated to the most politically correct cup of coffee in Minnesota, and they’ll like it.—Joe Pastoor

  • Al and Alma’s

    The ordinary menu and strikingly brief wine list could make Marcus Samuelsson run screaming from this place, but perhaps there is a lesson of survival in the forty-seven years of steadfast service Al and Alma’s has offered Lake Minnetonkans. Overlooking Cook’s Bay in Mound, this once-seasonal hangout for boaters now remains open nearly year-round, closing only for part of January and February. It’s not the kind of place you find by accident, even if you come by water. The reward for your voyage will be a comfortable, kid-friendly setting, a nice view and a truly Minnesotan selection of steaks, ribs, and fish. Regulars tell us everything there is dependable, but we recommend the filet mignon perched atop a grilled portabello mushroom cap in a puddle of creamy blue cheese sauce with garlic mashed potatoes crisped and cut into pie-like wedges. If you like to aid digestion with something stronger than wine, bring your own bottle and buy a set-up.

  • It Was a Dark and Plotless Night…

    The trees outside were blowing and the sky was threatening to open up for the first time in months. It was a perfect night for a Grimm Brothers-style fairy tale, and Elizabeth Von Beringberg was treating ten members of the Minneapolis Writers’ Workshop to her version of exactly that. Gathered around a table in a Zuhrah Shrine Center in South Minneapolis, the group listened closely and scribbled madly on formal comment sheets as she read through intricate descriptions of castles, countesses, and cobblestone streets.

    Peggie Carlson, the evening’s mediator, called time. The hands shot up. Von Beringberg listened as historical fiction writer after poet after novelist volunteered their comments and suggestions. Although each complimented the incredibly descriptive work, all suggested significant changes to the story’s format and language. Minnesota Nice wasn’t exactly checked at the door, but the constructive criticism was unfiltered. At first, the soft-spoken Von Beringberg attempted to explain away the critiques, but she had not uttered more than a sentence when Carlson kindly hushed her. “I know you’re new to the group, and I know it’s hard,” the children’s book author and memoir writer told her. “But you have to be quiet and not respond. We’d be defending all night otherwise.”

    Publication has been the members’ aim since the workshop first began, back in the Depression era. Thought to be the oldest meeting of its kind in the country, it was originally started with Works Progress Administration funds; state WPA director Hubert Humphrey approved monies for two “Writing to Sell” classes at the downtown library. Students soon requested that one of these classes be changed into a workshop format and voilà! The Minnesota Writers’ Workshop was formed.

    The group hasn’t received federal funds since 1939, and the location has shifted more than a few times in the last sixty-odd years (most of the moves came after a long run at the 620 Club on Hennepin Avenue), but the premise remains the same: Support writers of all kinds and help them write and edit their way to publication. It seems to work. Back in 1971, the last time anyone counted, workshop members had 400 published books.

    On this fall evening, the reading and critiquing continued into Mary Boyd’s anticlimactic end to a romance novel; through Charlotte Sullivan’s hilarious poem about the loss of her feminist principles when her husband looks under the hood of her car; to Kate Kane’s funny but rushed memoir of her father. Then, exactly two hours after it began, Carlson brought the gavel down and the workshop adjourned for the several thousandth time in its existence. A call was made to head to the bar (the Shriners have one in-house!), but some things have changed, and most people passed on the invite, gathered their manuscripts, and rushed out into the restless night.—Katie Quirk

  • The Santaland Diaries/ The Worst Holiday Pageant Ever

    David Sedaris’s wry and reliably funny tale of his soul-flattening job as a Macy’s Christmas elf has become a holiday tradition in its own right, taking its place in a sardonic sub-pantheon of Santa tales that includes A Charlie Brown Christmas and Jean Shepherd’s A Christmas Story. After gaining fame in monologue form on NPR in the mid-nineties, Sedaris’ story has taken small theaters by storm, and with each new December gets staged by what seems like eighty dozen companies. Locally, that happy duty falls to Theater Limina, who last we saw this October doing Harold Pinter’s backwards bit of breakup bathos, Betrayal. Santaland shares the BLB stage this month with the equally irreverent holiday show from local thesps Craig Johnson, David Mann, Joseph Scrimshaw, and Sarah Gioia, whose Fringe Festival comedy The Worst Show in the Fringe was comical and snarky and smart and totally failed to live up to its name. (And you’ll forgive us if we give a small holler about Rake columnist Colleen Kruse’s Christmas Overeasy, Thursdays this month at BLB.)
    BLB, 810 W. Lake St.,
    (612) 825-3737, blb.ciceron.com

  • Oliver!

    The Guthrie’s annual spot of Dickens, as always, remains a recommended option for your holiday theatergoing this year, but it’s always possible that four dead people scaring the hell out of an old man isn’t Christmassy enough for you. In that case, why not try a story about a kid whose parents are dead, or at least missing (perhaps they’re off frightening the miser in the other play), who winds up living in the gutters with a street gang, belting out cheerful songs about pickpocketing, love and food! Glorious food! Kidding aside, this national touring production of the Oliver Twist-based musical is well worth your time if you’re a fan of musicals. This is the slightly darker and more sinister Oliver! as revised by producer Cameron Macintosh, which debuted in London in 1994. Despite a successful run, it’s only now getting a stateside debut, and we’re fortunate enough to get the opening slot. Just don’t go picking any pockets to raise the price of a ticket, OK?
    Ordway, 345 Washington St., St. Paul,
    (651) 224-4222, ordway.org