Blog

  • Barely United Nations

    Diplomacy, to judge by recent efforts of our not-so-diplomatic commander in chief, is not an easy job. It requires holding your tongue and curbing your temper. First and foremost, however, it requires landing the job, which has always been tough and is just getting tougher. Despite current troubles, or perhaps because of them, interest in the U.S. Foreign Service is at its highest level ever. Last year a record 32,239 of your fellow Americans applied with the State Department or took its Foreign Service exam. Of all these would-be peacemakers, only 470 were offered jobs. Then again, it’s no stroll down the Champs-Elyseés. Every three to four years, foreign service employees must pull up stakes and move to a location of their government’s choosing, almost anywhere on the planet. Sure, it sounds great, but imagine this: One day you find yourself discussing the world economy, piña colada in hand, surrounded by beautiful people on the luscious beaches of Rio de Janeiro, and then poof! You’re languishing over Byerly’s lefse and agonizing about how to get Minneapolis housewives excited about Norwegian opera.

    Of course, Norwegian Consul General Thor Johansen is diplomatic about his Minneapolis assignment. In fact, he insists he has found Minneapolis to be nicer than Rio, his previous post, in the year and a half he has served here.

    Norway is one of two countries to maintain a consulate general, a mini-embassy of sorts, in Minneapolis. And while Johansen is not sure just how many Norwegian nationals reside in the eight states his consulate serves, the Norwegian government is not quite ready to close up shop, as was rumored two years ago. After all, here is the largest concentration in the world of people with Norwegian roots, Johansen points out.

    There are limits to diplomacy, even as the Norwegians practice it. When we tried to weasel an invitation to Johansen’s tax-exempt, government-issue home, which is located on the western frontiers of Lake Minnetonka, and held in the name of the King of Norway, the consul general demurred.

    Meanwhile, over at the Canadian Consulate, Consul General Christopher Thomson lends a shiny diplomatic glow to brochures on the “Smart Border Action Plan,” the United States-Canadian initiative on security along one of the largest borders in the world. Thomson’s previous assignments include the United Arab Emirates, the U.N. in New York, Paris, Hong Kong, and Beirut. Regardless of this impressive and exciting resume, he also has kind and diplomatic things to say about his assignment in Minneapolis. When he’s not tightening up on terrorists, Thomson promotes Canadian business in an eight-state region. The consul general from the True North insists that Americans are not hated nearly as much as we might fear. It’s not clear how much consolation he is offering.

    Like Johansen, Thomson retires at the end of a busy day to his tax-exempt, government-issue home, a comfortable colonial on Cedar Lake in Minneapolis. His too is owned in the name of foreign royalty. Queen Elizabeth’s name appears on the title of one of the few homes with waterfront on a Minneapolis lake, a holdover from feudal times, no doubt. Consul General Thomson wishes to assure excitable readers that the Queen owns the home—and, for that matter, Canada—only in name. She is not likely to visit Minneapolis any time soon. Although Thomson would not invite us in, he assured us that there is a portrait of the Queen on prominent display for his private guests. “As an official Canadian residence,” Thomson said dryly, “it’s normal to do that sort of thing.”—Katie Quirk

  • Country-Western Accents

    When Joel and Ethan Coen made Fargo and gave the world a generous serving of the rounded, marbles-in-the-mouth outstate Minnesota accent, it seemed a little over the top. But we all knew it was out there. Just 20 minutes of any WCCO-AM call-in show will prove it. Even those of us in the metro have the long O and the hard R, though we think we talk like newscasters.

    Of course, we’re always adding to the mix. Norm Coleman, a New Jersey native, brought us vowels that sounded, oddly, sort of South Boston. First he told us, “I wanna be yah Mayah,” then “I wanna be yah Govenah,” and finally, “I wanna be yah Senatah.” With his thumb ever poised for action, there will doubtless be more of these announcements, but that’s a different story. More recently, Coleman has turned his Southie accent against one of his own party, scolding State Representative Arlon Lindner. He is the Corcoran legislator who has lately brought shame on the state with language that sounds more like Deliverance than Grumpy Old Men.

    Coming from a guy who represents a district just outside the 494/694 beltway, Lindner’s twangy drawl has been just as startling as the content of his speech. To find out how this dialect might have emerged on the edge of the prairie, we turned to the late Harold Allen, who painstakingly mapped Minnesota speech patterns for a masterpiece of research titled The Linguistic Atlas of the Upper Midwest. Samples taken near Lindner’s congressional district (32A) found farmers with “speech of moderate tempo, with unusually distinct articulation of emphasized words. Deliberate, even-tempered, carefully articulated speech. No special peculiarities.” Hard to see where Arlon Wayne Lindner fits in there.

    But maybe things have changed since 1973, when the atlas was published. So The Rake loaded up the wagon and headed northwest to Corcoran, almost smack in the center of district 32A, and Lindner’s current hometown.

    The Stanchion and its ornamental fiberglass cow sit at the intersection of County Roads 10 and 50. The morning crowd on a weekday is a mix of retired locals in seed caps and somewhat younger guys who have just finished with the morning’s snow removal. They work for a lawn service company with contracts in the new developments that are now paving over the few remaining farms in Hennepin County.

    Some of the crowd warmed to the topic of Arlon Lindner with racial jokes. A few seemed embarrassed by this, but one guy with a big white beard and a long thin ponytail couldn’t be stopped. He loves Lindner, and it turns out, he’s pretty unhappy about African Americans.

    “I’ve worked hard my whole life to support myself. Why should I have to pay for a bunch of niggers who don’t want to work?” What part of Lindner’s legislative agenda remedies this problem he didn’t say. But he wanted me to know he’s not a racist, offering this proof: “Go out in the parking lot and look at my truck. I’ve got one white mud flap and one black one.”

    Francis Pomeroy, a World War II vet who says he votes both DFL and GOP, hopes Lindner will do something about illegal immigrants.

    “These citizens [sic] that come over have more rights than you and I and they’ve only been here ninety days,” said Pomeroy. “There was a picture in the paper the other day of an illegal alien protesting. What have they got to protest about?”

    Others at the bar seemed a bit more acquainted with the current crap-storm involving Lindner, and they seem to think he’s on the right track, too. Doug Theis, a former truck driver, is no fan of gay rights.

    “I don’t want to see AIDS become an epidemic like it is over there in Africa. Those diseases are coming from people living, let’s just say, a tasteless lifestyle,” said Theis gravely.

    Vernon Peterson, a stocky Korean War veteran, got his coffee refilled and echoed this view. “There’s no racism in it. He tells it like it is,” said Peterson. “If we want to turn into the greatest AIDS nation in the world, we can compete with Africa. It’s a proven fact that Africa is rampant with AIDS and HIV and all that stuff. And that’s all he said. If we want to be equal with them, keep it up.”

    Lindner is currently serving his sixth term in the House and has been gay-bashing pretty much from the start, informing the public as early as 1997 that same-sex marriage is like “a man marrying a dog.” When State Rep. Karen Clark took umbrage at this, Lindner replied, “I don’t know why you felt that was insulting.” He apparently did not have a set of mud flaps coordinated to demonstrate his benign intentions, but eventually acknowledged that Clark, a lesbian, was “one of God’s creations.”

    While it was quaint to discover that these and other of Lindner’s views are in step with his constituency, the feeling persists that he’s a good ol’ boy in the geographic, as well as the cultural sense. His middle name is Wayne. His wife’s name is Shirlee. He’s got three German Shepherds. And as “down home” as the fellas at The Stanchion sounded, none spoke in anything remotely like Lindner’s drawl. They all spoke pretty much with the diction and style described in Allen’s samples from Wright County, if not in the way encouraged by Rosalie Maggio’s Dictionary of Bias-Free Usage.

    Well, it turns out Arlon Wayne Lindner is from Texas, born there with a rawhide spoon in his mouth in 1935. He got his B.A. from North Texas University, and went north. After receiving his Master of Divinity from Central Baptist Theological Seminary in Minneapolis, he decided to stick around and help the State of Minnesota make up for its alarming shortage of concealed weapons. Sure, Lindner might not be able to help out right away with the African-American problem in Corcoran. And his efforts to save Minnesota from becoming “another African continent” might not get traction this year; his proposed repeal of civil rights protections for gays and lesbians has not got the Governor’s nod. But the conceal-carry bill, also popular with the guys at The Stanchion, has good prospects in both houses. If it becomes law, perhaps the good people of Corcoran can take care of their other problems on their own.—Joe Pastoor

  • from Montana: Coming Down the Mountain

    The other day, Amtrak announced that the Empire Builder—the famous train from Seattle to St. Paul—could not make it through its normal route at Glacier National Park here in Montana. “Snow slides” threatened the tracks, and passengers were routed around the hazard on buses.

    In the last five weeks we’ve gotten ten feet of snow. The last time this much snow fell in such a short period was 28 years ago. Needless to say, the backcountry has been a winter wonderland of seemingly endless days of perfect powder. It’s also been dangerous. There have been six deaths due to avalanches where I live, the mountainous regions surrounding Yellowstone Park. Three fatalities in the Tetons, two in the Beartooths, and one in the Crazies. Three were snowmobilers, two snowboarders, and one skier.

    The dangers of backcountry skiing are never far from my mind. I always carry rescue equipment—an avalanche beacon, a shovel, and a probe pole—as do all the people I ski with. I’ve taken courses on avalanche safety and snowpack evaluation, and I dig test pits every time I go skiing. Despite this, I have been in an avalanche.

    It’s not impossible for me to describe what it’s like to be in an avalanche. The visceral part I can explain easily. The sonic boom. The wall of snow 12 feet high that ran over me. The boxing match I was involved in, with 30 heavyweights all punching me at once. The tumbling that should have won me a gold medal in gymnastics.

    The thoughts in my head are easy to relay, I remember all of them. Watching the wall of snow coming toward me and thinking, Well, if I turn my back to it and do a backstroke sort of thing, maybe I can keep myself on top. When the wall of snow hits me, I realize that no, I can’t do the backstroke. I’m not even sure where my back is in relation to the rest of my body. I’m going to die. Susie is going to be pissed. Oh, and bummed out too. I’m going to die in a collision with snow. I’m going to die when I hit the rocks below. This thing is so big that even if I live through it, I’m going to die from the amount of snow. Was that light? I’m going to die. I can’t believe it. But I don’t want to die. Not like this, all alone, under snow.

    All this I can explain, and to some extent you’ll understand. What I can’t explain is the fear, a fear so intense that I have no words for it. A fear I can’t even summon into my memory, I can’t access it in any way. That I can’t recall the fear is probably a self-preservation mechanism. I certainly wouldn’t be able to ski, if the actual full force of that fear hit me every time the thought of an avalanche came into my mind. My memories are compelling enough without that fear. To keep skiing, I have to rationalize. I do other dangerous things: climbing, kayaking, riding in cars. The worst injury I’ve ever suffered was walking in a downtown Bozeman intersection when a car decided to run a red light.

    This doesn’t mean I’m cavalier about risk. There are days when I decide the snowpack is too unstable to ski. Other days I only ski in the trees. But avalanche safety is not a crystal clear thing. It’s fairly easy to know when it’s unsafe to ski, but it’s almost impossible to know that it’s totally safe. To put your skis on is to acknowledge that you’re willing to take a risk, but so is getting in your car.

    Surviving an avalanche is somewhat different than other near death experiences I’ve had. By contrast I’ve had climbing accidents that never fully registered. Rockfall is fast. It misses you by ten feet, or three inches, and you say “I almost died.” But it’s not real, it’s already in the past. Avalanches give you time to contemplate mortality while you are in them, and any change in me came from that time of fear, the foreknowledge of impending death. I now know, in no uncertain terms, that I am afraid to die.

    It’s hard when I hear about an avalanche victim. A movie plays through my head of what happened to me. I remember feeling fear, and I think about dying alone, under the snow. But, it’s a little abstract now, and it doesn’t get to my heart. What gets to my heart is to go out and carve through two feet of fresh powder, like a porpoise playing in a cold, dry ocean.—H.J. Schmidt

    H.J. Schmidt

  • Into the Turnbuckle

    “Do you think you can make an all-star wrestler out of me?” I asked Sheriff and Shifty at Midwest Pro Wrestling in Maple Grove. They looked me over—I’m 5’ 9” and weigh only 155 pounds—and assured me, “Sure, just give us enough time. Size doesn’t matter anymore.” In fact, Terry Klinger (stage name “Sheriff”) is slightly shorter than I am, so I signed up for a trial session.

    “The first six months is wrestling training, then the second six months we work on costumes, talking in front of the camera, and riling up the crowd,” Sheriff told me. How did he get his snazzy name? “I can still remember the day! I was channel-surfing and heard the theme song for Cops. I went down to the cop shop on Hennepin for a uniform and even got a badge with my name on it. The fans love it!”

    Shifty, aka Dan Schaffner, chimed in. “There are basically two kinds of characters. ‘Heels’ are the bad guys, and ‘faces’—or ‘baby faces’—are the good guys. If you can’t make people hate you, then you’re a face. You can be a heel for six months, then the fans love you and you become a face. It used to be that the heel would come out and insult the crowd. Nowadays, everyone likes the heels because people like the bad guys better.”

    I asked if I could still wrestle if I don’t have an alter ego yet. “You probably don’t want people to know your real name, because then you’re in the phone book and then they show up at your work. That’s no good,” Sheriff told me.

    I couldn’t wait to get started. Shifty and Sheriff told me I could begin wrestling in front of crowds at their Sunday evening performances in Maple Grove after six months of training. “We get up to 225 people in here for the shows at three dollars each,” Sheriff said. The matches are then aired on channel 20 in the northwest suburbs and on channel 6 everywhere else, starting in May.

    First, I needed to meet my adversaries: The Punisher, Kid Krazy, Joey E. (a cruiserweight champion), The Anarchist (“Right now, he’s a heel, but he used to be a face”) and Joessiah (as in Joe-Messiah, who has his own religion with his Joesciples and dreams of Joetopia). Absent tonight were Chaos, Pretty Boy Delgado, and Ice Cream Man (“He comes out in his white pants and hands out ice cream bars to the fans”). I wanted to shoot some photos of these young wrestlers, but Sheriff stopped me. “I don’t want people to see them without their costumes because the fans will start talking on Internet chatrooms about how they’ve seen that these guys are actually friends.”

    Before we started training, I asked Shifty if the rumors are true that professional wrestling is fake. He obviously didn’t like the question and surprised me by breaking into a semantic discussion. “Define the word fake,” he challenged. “Fake meaning it doesn’t hurt, then you’re wrong. Fake meaning it’s a show, then you’re right.”

    I got suited up in a dressing room that was wallpapered with WWE posters, swimsuit centerfolds, and 93X banners. Hoping to intimidate my rivals, I donned my “Big Ole” T-shirt, which depicts a viking. Sheriff then introduced me to the wrestlers. “This is Eric. He’s a journalist for The Rake and doesn’t think this is real, or that we get hurt. Who wants to get in the ring with him first?” These motley characters snickered as though they could smell fresh blood. Sheriff stopped them. “Before we do anything, you have to learn how to ‘take a bump.’” In other words, how to fall.

    “The floor has a car spring in the middle covered by two-by-sixes and a horse-hair mat,” Sheriff said, as he demonstrated correct landing procedure. I mimicked his moves. My legs flew into the air, and I hit the canvas with a painful thud. The mat wasn’t nearly as soft as I expected; my first ‘bump’ almost knocked the wind out of me. “Oh, I forgot to tell you. Breathe out before you fall. And tuck your head.”

    The next move was “running the ropes,” or taking no more than two steps across the eighteen-foot ring and springing off the garden-hose-covered cables. The goal was to build maximum speed, and thereby reap devastation on my giant opponents. Luckily, they refrained from giving me the “Leaping Neckbreaker Clothesline” as I ran back and forth.

    Since neither “taking a bump” nor “running the ropes” seemed to be my strength, the Sheriff suggested I take a “Flying Leg Drop” across my neck. “Lay down in the middle of the mat. And whatever you do, don’t move a muscle or you’ll get hurt.” Joessiah flew off the rope and landed with his enormous right leg across my Adam’s apple. I thought this was surely the end, as the deafening thunk of his body crashed over me. Unbelievably, I was fine. Joessiah miraculously broke his fall with his other leg, which crashed harmlessly near my head.

    Unscathed, my confidence was building. Maybe I truly could become a professional wrestler. Joessiah took that as his cue to fly off the ropes and nail me with a punishing “Running Elbow Drop.” Once again I forgot to breathe. As I staggered to my feet, gasping for air, he was eager to demonstrate the “Full Body Slam.” I politely declined.

    Tag off! It was The Anarchist’s turn. “Don’t resist! Just relax or you’ll get hurt,” the Sheriff warned me, as The Anarchist dropped me on my stomach and tied me into a submissive pretzel. While my limbs were a limp knot behind my back, he asked if I wanted to see his “finishing move.” At least the questions were getting easier. No, I said.

    Instead, The Anarchist showed off his “signature” on another new student named Joe. “Total Anarchy” consisted of leaping from the ropes onto Joe, spinning him like a sack of potatoes, and then flinging him on the mat as if he were a booger.

    While The Anarchist was reveling in victory with his back turned to me, I looked around for a folding chair to get in at least one cheap shot. The Sheriff read my mind, though, and said the chairs only come out for the performances.—Eric Dregni

  • The Jayhawks, Rainy Day Music

    You can keep your J.Lo; we’ll take the Jayhawks. Rainy Day Music, their seventh disc, pulls back from the slickness of 2000’s Smile for a sound anchored more deeply in the acoustic. It’s an evolution that sprung in part from continued lineup shifts and the impossibility of touring with a full band in the wake of 9/11’s chaotic effect on air travel, but the effect is positive nonetheless. We liked Smile quite a bit, but it’s a real pleasure to hear Gary Louris and company pushing toward a rootsier sound; that’s always helped make the joy and humanity in their music more manifest. And there’s no shortage of the Byrdsesque singable tunefulness that has always been our favorite part of the Jayhawks sound. The bright pop tunes “Save It For a Rainy Day” and “Tailspin” are the most obvious earworms, but for pure, unadulterated harmonic splendor, we’ll go with “Madman,” so reminiscent of Crosby Stills & Nash that all it’s missing is for Neil Young to refuse to go on a reunion tour with them.

  • It Only Hurts When I Act

    Once upon a time, medical students learned from real people in actual hospitals, interviewing them about their all-too-genuine conditions. But thanks to the insurance-industry bean-counters, hospitals began discharging patients after shorter and shorter periods of time, and only the sickest hung around long enough for study. These patients could tolerate only so many repeated exams from a stream of medical students, and they began to suffer from the stress of having to answer the same tedious questions again and again.

    The University of Minnesota’s solution was the standardized patient program. Basically, it’s a theater that employs a small cast of actors—professional hypochondriacs. Rookies need only to play themselves and act natural, as medical students look into their eyes and ears and down their throats, check their reflexes, and walk through other non-intrusive aspects of a standard exam. No blood is drawn. “Patients” are invited by doctors and recruited by on-campus fliers. “They don’t need to have any particular problem,” said Josh Chapman, who was a paid patient before he was hired to coordinate the program for the U’s medical school. “But it’s nice if they have an enlarged liver from a drinking problem or they had a stroke twenty years ago and their reflexes aren’t quite normal.”

    Many standardized patients are people with disabilities who can’t work full-time jobs; others are retired. The average age is 50, but several U students work for the program, and one five-year-old employee gives medical students a chance for pediatric practice. Typically patients work for three hours a week. They’re often used in testing too, during which students go room to room and diagnose as many as 20 different patients with teachers grading them.

    Once standardized patients have some experience playing themselves, they begin to take on more challenging roles, dramatizing different scenarios that aspiring physicians are likely to encounter, such as a confrontational patient or a patient who’s tested positive for a terminal disease. Scripts are used, and the actors practice with staff before meeting with the students. “Ideally the patients act the same way for every student so they can be graded fairly,” explained Chapman. His office can’t afford professional, dues-paying actors, but he said the people they have do a good job.

    Evaluations suggest that the patients gain as much as the students do. “It’s almost therapeutic for some patients,” Chapman said. “They can talk to medical students and teach them how to interact with other people who have the same problem.” The continuing dialogue means that patients gain an understanding of doctors’ perspectives, and they feel less intimidated and more empowered to speak up and ask questions of their real doctors.
    So how much does hypochondria pay? Employees of the program start at $10 an hour, and work their way up to $15 for the more challenging starring roles. It’s not exactly Screen Actors Guild scale—but probably better than a similar program over at the U’s school of veterinary medicine.—Katherine Glover

  • The March of Madness

    We’re sports fans around here, no matter what our other pretensions. One of our favorite diversions is watching the tournaments that clog the calendar in this season. This year, though, we’re oddly sensitized to the fact that most sports coverage is heavily dependent on military metaphors. To judge from our local sports journalists and commentators, it’s virtually impossible to call a game without resorting to some battlefield turn of phrase. It’s cool, though. We live in confrontational times. Now that the DFL and progressive politics are a thing of the past, we can expect other quaint Minnesota traditions like non-confrontation to go away too. If you can’t beat ’em—well, you know the rest.

    The battles all started a few weeks ago, with the high schools. We’re convinced the one Minnesota tradition really worth defending is the state high school hockey tournament—what used to be the only pure (single-class) thing left to us. Who could have foreseen the perfect symmetry of the Warroad Warriors humiliating Simley for the Class A championship? In the less prestigious Class AA tier (the moneyed suburban schools), Anoka took no prisoners against Roseville Area. (Sorry, Area? Now there’s a moniker that smacks of a military lack of imagination.)

    There’s been a lot of flak over the failures of Gopher men’s basketball late in their campaign to get into the NCAA tournament. A show of force in the NIT is, of course, a little like a show of force at the Y on Sunday afternoon, but there’s some consolation in being the best among the losers. Personally, we think it’s a crime against humanity that sports fans and journalists aren’t getting more excited about a couple other contests: The Gopher women are poised to crack the top five in basketball this year, and there’s a fair chance the women will repeat as national champions in hockey.

    There’s also an exciting story blowing up in the WCHA: Mankato State and St. Cloud State both survived into the final five, just months after making the big jump from Division III to Division I hockey. (The Gophers, the Fighting Sioux, and the Bulldogs have kept hostilities limited to JV scrimmages through the years—many of which resulted in serious embarrassment that could be blown off as easily as an NIT result. Now they’re wishing they hadn’t been so diplomatic in expanding the conference.) Mankato State has been the most exciting story in college hockey this year—but why should we be surprised? They’d been policing Division II for decades, playing in three national championships (and winning one) going back to the 80s.

    It’s tough to compete with a war, of course. The other day, CBS television announced that they’d asked ESPN to cover day games in the NCAA tournament—because the network has responsibly decided to cover the war in Iraq. The only question that remains is how many viewers will go AWOL and switch to buckets or hockey.

  • Feeling Minnesota, Looking Nebraska

    Illustration by Christopher Henderson

    I’m going to miss Minnesota—not because I’m going away, but because Minnesota is. The north woods? There’s a fairly good chance I will outlive them. A walk through the spruce, the cry of a loon—a lot of experiences we think of as quintessential Minnesota may disappear. Or emigrate to Canada.

    In February of 2000, the American Birkebeiner, the largest cross-county ski race in North America, was canceled for lack of snow for the first time in its 30-year history. Although the region of northwest Wisconsin that’s home to the Birkie received 16 inches of snow in the week leading up to the race, that winter wonderland was liquefied by four subsequent days of rain and warm winds. Pastor Lynn Larson of Cable, Wisconsin, remembers the week well. “We had a snowman holding a pair of skis outside our church at the beginning of the week,” he says. “By the middle of the week, we replaced the skis with an umbrella.”

    A direct son of Norway via eight immigrant great-grandparents, Larson has skied the marathon 17 times. That year, he watched thousands of crestfallen skiers—nearly half of whom had come up from the Twin Cities—trudge around Hayward with a sour look on their faces. “That really got the wheels turning for me,” he says. “I’m convinced that this is all related to climate change—the greenhouse effect.”

    Worried that the Birkie was in jeopardy, Larson started a group called Cross Country Skiers for Global Cooling. To join, members must take “the patriot’s energy pledge,” vowing to conserve energy and do whatever they can to minimize their own greenhouse emissions. Forty people have joined this very loose club, which, as it turns out, is mostly about the nifty T-shirts.

    Many winter-lovers in the upper Midwest believe that the halcyon days of consistent cold and snow in the region are behind us. The state of Wisconsin seems to agree; Tourism Secretary Kevin Shibilski recently announced plans for a program that will offer loan guarantees to businesses that depend on snowmobiling or cross-country skiing in low-snow years.

    Ahvo Taipale has run a cross-country ski shop in the Twin Cities since 1973 and is widely seen as the dean of Minnesota cross-country skiing. He says that Minnesota and western Wisconsin used to get fairly consistent snow. Until the mid-1980s, when warming spells began forcing event organizers to cancel ski races. “In particular, the last five years have been very weird,” he says. Another telling phenomenon: He says he can be fully stocked with new equipment an entire month and a half later than he could 10 or 20 years ago.

    A look back at the record with longtime Birkie staffer Shellie Milford seems to underscore Taipale’s anecdotal and personal take on the trends: Half of the races in the last ten years have been characterized by challenging snow conditions. In the previous decade, four races lacked snow or cold compared to only one race in the Birkie’s first decade.

    It’s not just the carbo-loading set that’s starting to worry. On the motoring side of things, it’s also been tough sledding for the past five years. Pete Bohlig sells recreational vehicles for the Hitching Post in South St. Paul. With the less reliable snow he’s seen lately, he sells a lot more four-wheeled ATVs than snowmobiles. “If I had a nickel for every time someone tried to trade in a sled for an ATV, I’d be a rich man,” he says.

    John Prusak, editor of several national snowmobiling magazines, says one should take such doom-and-gloom talk with a grain of salt, noting that the industry has gone through six distinct boom-bust cycles in the last 30 years. Snowmobile sales follow snowfall more closely than they do the economy, and the industry did very well in the upper Midwest as recently as 1998, he says.

  • Cronenberg on Cronenberg

    David Cronenberg is infamous for his unique style of horror filmmaking. His films–among them The Fly, Naked Lunch, and Dead Ringers–gaze with icy formalism on worlds where biology has gone mad. They’re a catalogue of physical breakdowns, sexual dysfunctions, florid mutations and hallucinations. His latest, Spider, based on Patrick McGrath’s novel, stars Ralph Fiennes as a muttering, schizophrenic Londoner who obsessively scribbles notes in an invented alphabet, struggling to make sense out of his fractured relationship with his mother (Miranda Richardson, terrific in a triple role). Quieter and largely grue-free, it’s still a clearly Cronenbergian film, and his best in years. The Rake crashed into the director recently for a Q&A.

    RAKE: Last time I was here at Nicollet Island Inn it was for a romantic evening with my wife. Now I’m back, on Valentine’s Day, with the director of "Crash," "Rabid" and "Videodrome." Is that a bad sign about the future direction of my love life?

    DC: I had a very lonely experience last night. I was alone in my room. But it is rather romantic. I think you’re safe. I think you’re OK.

    RAKE: What attracts you to the subjects you choose to make films about?

    DC: It’s hard to say… For me, filmmaking is a philosophical endeavor. I’m talking to myself and trying to explain things. Trying to explain the human condition and existentially what I am and what society is and what culture is and what art is and all those things. And I understand too that the first fact of human existence is the human body. And that’s something people try to avoid accepting, because if you accept the body as the totality of your existence as an individual then you accept mortality, you accept death. That’s a very hard thing to do even as an exercise.

    RAKE: You’ve said that your intention with Spider was less a realistic portrayal of schizophrenia than a story with wider resonance to the human condition. What do everyday people have in common with someone as eccentric as Spider?

    DC: Imagine taking away from yourself those things that Spider doesn’t have. He doesn’t have a wife, a family, a job. He doesn’t seem to have a religion, doesn’t seem to have politics. If you take all those things away from most people, I think you’ll end up with someone potentially very close to Spider. That is to say, feeling very disconnected from the flow of life around him, confused about himself and who he is. Knowing he can’t deal with people. And then struggling with his memories. He’s trying to figure out who he is based on these constantly shifting memories. I relate to that. I can feel that in myself. And I know how fragile identity is, and how much creative effort we have to put into maintaining an identity.

    RAKE: Given that, it’s ironic that Patrick McGrath changed Spider’s character so much when he wrote the screenplay from his book.

    DC: Yes. In the first draft of the script Spider was writing in English and there was voiceover. In the novel, Spider writes the novel, that’s his job. And that means he’s very good with language and very literary. But hearing that spoken over the face of our Spider, who is very inarticulate, was unbelievable. I still wanted him to write in the journal, because I still wanted to give him something physical to do that would show that he was obsessively trying to remember things; basically he’s taking evidence of a crime for some future use. But I didn’t want us to be able to read what he was writing, so I had Ralph develop the hieroglyphics that he did. As soon as I made the decision to keep the journal, I was setting him up to be an archetypal … maybe a failed artist, whose writings are unfortunately in a language that nobody can understand.

    RAKE: Although you do eventually reveal the central mystery of Spider’s past, it’s obvious you’re careful not to explain too much.

    DC: There are some things that if you just say it right out, they actually lose their meaning. Some things cannot be expressed without destroying them. So it’s a matter of balance. You be evocative, you give the audience clues, but they have to come up with it themselves for it to have that sense of revelation.

    RAKE: Are you making the kind of films that you want to make? Is it too difficult to sell, for instance, a David Cronenberg slapstick comedy?

    DC: Well, I’ve never tried that. But I do think my films are generally quite funny, even Spider. But no, I haven’t had trouble that way. I’ve been offered all kinds of films that I haven’t done just because I didn’t want to do them. But I was always happy that people recognize I could do other things, that I had the technique to do things I’m not necessarily known for. I haven’t found that to be a hindrance.

    RAKE: Has it become more difficult for you to make movies as an independent filmmaker?

    DC: It’s pretty tough right now, just because [moviemaking] is a business and the economy of the world is very shaky. Given the impending war with Iraq, I’d say it isn’t going to get any easier.

    RAKE: And you’re not likely to make the next Sergeant York.

    DC: Definitely not. Although I did like that movie.

    RAKE: On most of the movies you direct, you write the screenplay as well, even when it’s based on a novel like Naked Lunch or Crash. Spider’s a rare exception. What attracted you to this story above shooting one of your own scripts?

    DC: Laziness. Like most writers, I’ll do anything to avoid writing. It’s really hard. To do an adaptation is easier. To have someone give you a good script is easiest. Although I was very arrogant about that as a young filmmaker, I felt that you weren’t really a filmmaker if you didn’t write your own script. I’ve come to realize you can have some very interesting experiences fusing your own sensibility with someone else’s, to do things you never would have come up with yourself. In the case of Spider, it’s almost not like an adaptation, because it was the script I read first, and the script was the basis of my decision to do Spider. So you pray that a great script comes to you — and particularly if it has financing already done, that would be great. But if not, then my fallback is to write my own script. A lot of directors don’t have that fallback, because there’s no necessary connection between directing and screenwriting. It ‘s only an accident that you can do both. There have been of course multiple directors that couldn’t write.

    RAKE: What effect do actors have on the evolution of your stories? Ralph Fiennes did a lot to refine his character, like adding Spider’s constant incomprehensible mumbling, which is really effective in showing how he occupies his own mental space separate from the rest of us.

    DC: He came up with the idea, but I had to say yes to it. That’s how it works. In a collaboration everybody comes up with suggestions, not just the actors. The costume people, the production designers, they all come up with possibilities and options. But the director has to say yes or no to them because the director is the only one who has the big picture. He’s the only one who’s there for every scene and every moment, and will be responsible for putting together the editing. But you don’t want your actors to just be puppets. That’s not acting. You want an actor to have a lot
    of input. That’s why actors like to work with me.

    RAKE: Spider drinks his tea with about four heaping spoons of sugar. Was that a reference to Jeff Goldblum’s coffee habits in The Fly?

    DC: I try very hard not to worry about connections that people might make amongst my films. I’m not a self-referential filmmaker. But I didn’t take it out for that very same reason–to ignore the existence of this other movie I made and go with what I think his character would do. I thought it was an accurate observation that Patrick made about the way a lonely man like that might be, the way he drinks the tea. It was in Patrick’s novel that Spider keeps eating all that sugar. And certainly Patrick was not thinking of The Fly. There it had a different meaning, which was that [Goldblum’s] metabolism was changing [as he turned into the Fly]. In this case it’s just what lonely people often do, just this comfort thing. It’s an entirely different meaning.

    RAKE: If you couldn’t be a filmmaker, what would you choose to do?

    DC: I always thought I’d be a novelist. And I was kind of surprised to find myself in filmmaking. Often I much prefer to read a book than see a movie…. I don’t actually watch my own movies. There are too many associations. Maybe when I get senile and can’t remember that I made those movies, I might be able to judge them objectively.

  • Louise Erdrich — The Rakish Interview

    Louise Erdrich is fighting sleep. This explains a lot.

    It’s said that the threshold between sleeping and waking—the lucid yet lawless terrain of twilight—is a cracked door to enlightenment, a conduit to the divine. How apropos that, here in the grainy borderlands of consciousness, the Minneapolis novelist puts pen to paper and struggles (yes, struggles) to write. Writing becomes a talisman against sleep, as she strings one word after the next simply to stay awake.

    Erdrich’s exhaustion is the well-earned reward of a life equally matched to the richness and complexity of her writing, and that’s the way she likes it. The demands of a writing life combined with motherhood—demands unveiled with rich clarity in her 1995 memoir, The Blue Jay’s Dance—are still fresh and concrete for Erdrich, who has a two-year-old and two adolescent daughters at home. As if to defy the constraints of traditional female domesticity, Erdrich writes prolifically, with 15 published books to date, including her latest novel, The Master Butchers Singing Club, in which she turns her attention to her German-American ancestry and in particular, her paternal grandfather’s experience of fighting in World War I on the German side, before immigrating to the United States and plying his trade as a butcher.

    Erdrich, whose previous novels have rummaged the lore of her French-Ojibwa maternal heritage, primarily writes fiction. But she draws heavily from genealogical research, family legends, personal tragedy (she suffered the deaths of her son, and her husband, Michael Dorris), and the mythical landscape of her North Dakota childhood. She has published eight novels plus assorted poetry, nonfiction, and children’s books. She is a permanent fixture on bestseller lists and a favorite of critics and scholars, and her voice is celebrated as one of the most important in the annals of Native literature.

    All of this is just not enough. Three years ago, Erdrich opened an independent bookstore, Birchbark Books, near her home in Kenwood. It is a gathering place for the Native American arts community and a repository for a hand-picked crop of books reflecting the convictions and idiosyncrasies of the owner: Native writers, local authors, small runs from independent presses, literary novels, and obscure volumes alongside classics in fiction, parenting, gardening, and spirituality. The entire southwest corner of the store is dedicated to what Erdrich describes as high-quality children’s books, the sorts of books you really want to read to your kids. Beside the parakeet cage is a tiny reading nook—The Hobbit Hole—tucked under the stairs and looking out at pretty red shelves topped with Native American Barbies and hand-crafted birdhouses.

    This eclectic montage is scattered thoughtfully amongst other offerings. Displays of Native handcrafts—quilts, pottery, baskets, and paintings—punctuate tables and shelves, along with books and little glass cases of herbs, jewelry, and music. Erdrich refers to the bookstore as an extension of her home, and the warmly scuffed maple floorboards, birch-bark reading loft, and brightly upholstered chairs and rockers do create a comfy ambience. But for Erdrich’s true fans, the bookstore’s physical manifestation of her tangy sense of humor promises further delight. For example, a large, ornately carved wooden confessional towers against the eastern wall. Patrons are invited to sit and read, or just think, inside the confessional, where cleanliness is literally next to godliness. (Shelves on one side of the unit display Wash Away Your Sins body care products and handmade cedar soaps; shelves on the other side hold an array of lush hardcovers on spirituality.)

    While Erdrich fends off sleep for the sake of another novel (her current work-in-progress begins in New Hampshire, where she lived for many years, and wends its way back to her homelands of Minnesota and North Dakota) and tours the nation to promote The Master Butchers Singing Club, new manager Brian Baxter (formerly of Baxter’s Books) runs shop at Birchbark and does his damnedest to manage Erdrich’s schedule as well. His first task may be to bring the shop into the black, since the hand-written FAQ propped near Birchbark’s cash register says the store currently operates at a deficit of three to five thousand dollars each month. But “We’re passionate about this place and what it stands for and we’ll hang in there until… either we make it or go broke,” the humble sheet of cardboard assures loyal customers. Profits, if and when they materialize, will go back to the Native community. Meanwhile, the bookstore is committed to providing a “grassroots outlet for Native gardeners, artists, a place for books—provoking, intelligent Native and non-Native literary books, noncorporate, out of the box, and cheerfully eccentric in a world dominated by monolithic interests.”

    Not a simple mandate, but Erdrich enjoys life most when it’s “really complicated.” She thrives in the deepest and sometimes darkest interstices of human experience, personal and political borderlands where cultures collide, and where humor and tragedy, love and hate, success and failure, and life and death spill over the thresholds and become inextricably linked.

    The Rake spoke with the overbooked Louise Erdrich about success, kids, writing, bookselling, and on a quiet Friday evening when her two-year-old daughter was too tired (or rather, too soundly asleep) to participate in the pow-wow Erdrich was otherwise committed to attend.