Charlotte Church notwithstanding, it seems classical music is still one of the rare showbiz channels where a child prodigy has a better than 50-50 chance of cultivating a long, fruitful, and relatively stable career. Then again, 31-year-old violinist Midori has had her share of detractors over the not-so-many years, alternately criticizing her more eclectic and New Age-y ventures and writing off her athletic interpretations as immature and overwrought. But those of us more attuned to the pure energy of a performance than to technical squabbles over tradition and tone are happy to indulge this worldly musical ambassador for a spell. Especially since she consistently goes to generous extremes as an advocate for music education, promoting the arts as a means toward greater understanding and enrichment for kids of all continents. Over three nights at two venues, she’ll guest with the SPCO under the wand of conductor Andreas Delfs, tackling Samuel Barber’s sumptuous Violin Concerto–a piece that was, coincidentally, recorded just a couple years ago by the SPCO with Hilary Hahn, whom we guess you could say represents the next generation of bow-wielding wunderkind. SPCO, (651) 291-1114
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West Bank Bluegrass Extravaganza
There’s a tradition of proud, passionate folk revivalism and hardcore banjo-on-mandolin action in these parts that predates any George Clooney movie you could name. So forget for a moment that this is the year of Grammy-canonized bluegrass. Recognize that devoted and studious musicians all over the Midwest and elsewhere have been laboring for ages to keep these suddenly trendy high-lonesome sounds afloat in the greater musical ether. While the Minnesota Bluegrass & Old-Time Music Festival is the largest and best known of the region’s large-scale gatherings–the 23rd annual installment is set for August–events like this two-night hoedown-cum-throwdown at the Cabooze offer a chance for city-bound bar crawlers to get a taste of that old-school flavor without the need for sunscreen or a camping permit. The names on display at this fast-picking affair are rock-solid, too, including Chicago’s Cornmeal (equally at home among purists or on the jam band circuit), local act Monroe Crossing (featuring ace fiddler Lisa Fuglie), and Virginia-born James King (above), a true champion of the genre who came up 20 years ago under the distinguished wings of Ralph Stanley’s Clinch Mountain Boys. Can we get a witness? The Cabooze, (612) 338-6425
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Hollywood Ending
Woody Allen’s new bi-coastal comedy (take a guess at which big city curries his favor) concerns a tired and temperamental filmmaker who’s on the verge of a big comeback until chronic neuroses, friction with his ex-wife, and disdain for Hollywood convention render him blind as a bat. Any vague parallels to the writer-director’s real life are less entertaining than the movie itself, which wrings some surprisingly big laughs out of Allen’s usual hapless foibles and connect-the-punchlines pacing. It’s not just that old-fashioned, non-fart-related laughs are back in vogue, either. While the chemistry between protagonist Val Waxman (Allen) and his estranged ex (Tia Leoni) could use a little more kick, both Debra Messing and George Hamilton (she of TV’s Will & Grace, he of infomercials and the infamous perma-tan) offer lots of fun. It’s certainly an improvement over last year’s dire Curse of the Jade Scorpion, though not altogether as charming as 2000’s Small Time Crooks. If Allen’s loving ode to New York City at this year’s Academy Awards felt strangely like a prelude to an honorary Oscar, it’s at least reassuring to see that he’s still earning his own legend with smart, silly, relevant pictures about smart, silly, resilient people who somehow manage to put up with him.
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Nine Queens
Forget all the stereotypes about foreign flicks. If there’s a movie that proves high action and subtitles can work, this is it. We’re not talking about shoot-em-up, crash-and-bash action, but brisk high drama along the lines of Hitchcock and Mamet. Nine Queens is scripted in a mix of Argentinian argot and Castillian Spanish–so even our fluent publisher had to resort to sight-reading. But the beautiful cinematography, flawless acting, and the gothic perfection of the plot speak the international language of film. Set in Buenos Aires, this Argentinian blockbuster stars Ricardo Dar’n as a practiced confidence man who stumbles into the deal of a lifetime. But the resulting whodunnit involves so many other competing con artists that the ending doesn’t really stick until the credits have rolled. Uptown Theater, 1320 Lagoon Ave., (612) 825-6006
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Dot Turnipseed Svendson
Wow, what a name! And an excellent painter as well. Even in these bizarre, cut-and-paste times of new-media saturation, we still crave an old fashioned oil painting with four sides and no pretensions. We’re new to Svendson’s work, but we like what we see. Here, she shows some lush landscapes painted at the southern terminus of the mighty Mississippi to complement a show last year that depicted our end of the storied waterway. These are bold, impressionistic pieces, sure to appeal to grumpy old anachronists who believe painting died the day Manet joined the big academy in the sky. Don’t miss the opening, May 10, featuring–what else?–a festive Cajun theme. Shelley Holzemer Gallery, (612) 824-3902
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Catherine Opie
Skyways & Icehouses
Perhaps you’ve noticed that the Walker has been on the bleeding edge of the museum business–yes, it’s a business. And the good people here in the Twin Cities have been happy to serve as a petri dish for a commercial plan that often involves a delicate balance between populism and serious art, juxtaposing an ephemeral lightweight like Claes Oldenburg with an important aesthete like Anselm Kiefer. In other words, fine arts institutions need to attract a broad range of the public (think “Spoonbridge”) in order to get the support they need to do their more important work (think “The Order of Angels”). At this point, they must compete with pop culture for a limited supply of money and attention. This particular show is a wonderful distillation of that conundrum. Opie’s stark photos of skyways and ice houses open up like a matroshka doll to reveal numerous layers of the dichotomy. Photographs are accessible in a populist way, but these images are formalist in the extreme. Skyways are permanent, ice houses are temporary. See what we mean? This is the kind of show we love–simple on the surface, but bursting with the possibility of endless mental gymnastics once you ask, “Why?” WAC, (612) 375-7622
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Kids in the Hall
It’s been eight years since the Canadian sketch comedy troupe The Kids in the Hall wrapped up their wickedly funny eponymous TV show. Like a bad Behind the Music episode, it appeared relations were strained, to the point that Dave Foley (who landed on the highly successful NewsRadio) was barely in the troupe’s 1996 swan-song motion picture Brain Candy. Thankfully, the gods of scatological comedy have smiled upon us, as Foley joins fellow Kids Bruce McCulloch, Kevin McDonald, Mark McKinney, and Scott Thompson for their second comedy tour. The last time they were in town, they didn’t disappoint, even though a week off had left them a little rusty (their fumble recoveries were Carson-esque). It’s going to be “Monty Python at the Hollywood Bowl” for Generation X–don’t miss it. State Theatre, (612) 339-7007
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Father, Forgive Them
Palm Sunday
6:00 a.m.
My clock radio goes off. It is set to a local news station. The spiritual maxim is this: Upon awaking in the morning, give your first thoughts to God. I am beginning to learn that clock radios don’t always enable this practice. Before I can give my thoughts to anything in particular, the radio announcer says, “In the headlines: crisis in the Catholic Church over priest pedophiles.” The announcer sounds very concerned as she reads a script cut and pasted from the Boston Globe and New York Times. She even refers to the Supreme Pontiff, whom she calls “Pope Paul II.” I wonder whether she really meant to refer to Pietro Barbo, who reigned as Pope Paul II from 1464 to 1471. Then again, she is a professional journalist and I am not, so this is best left to her. This is going to be a long week.Monday of Holy Week
It is a beautiful afternoon and I go for a walk. Heading back toward the center of town, the idea of a cup of coffee starts to seem better and better. I pause to look at a cafe, trying to decide whether it is priest-friendly. Most people who work in coffee bars are very friendly and polite in a kind of T-shirted and steel-studded way. But some of them look askance at priests. A young man and his wife come out of the cafe. The man smiles at me and says, “Hello, Father. How are you today?” The answer is fantastic. Why? Because the man was glad to see a priest. Bear in mind that he has no idea what my name is or where I am from or whether I am intelligent or a dolt, kind or mean. He sees the collar and knows I am a priest, and it makes him glad, and this means he has the Faith, and so he smiles and says, “Hello, Father.” Not, “G’way, you pervert” or “Stay away from my kids.” It’s a simple story and I will cut it short because I am getting sentimental, but not before I say, “Hey, New York Times and Boston Globe: Catholics still love their priests.”Tuesday of Holy Week
I find myself thinking of a memory long suppressed. Something that happened 10 years ago, during my first year of priesthood. I was the parochial vicar (assistant priest) at Our Lady of Perpetual Help Church. Around noon, someone phoned the rectory and said, “Father, have you seen the commercial they’re running on Channel Zero?” (I have changed the name of the TV station to protect the guilty, thus showing them more consideration than they showed me and other priests). I turned on the TV and, after a few minutes of soap opera, the commercial came on. It showed the silhouette of a young man wearing a cassock, holding rosary beads, while the announcer said something like, “They care for our souls and hear our deepest secrets, but can they be trusted?” Then the screen showed the front of a church. I recognized it at once. You could even read the letters on the facade: Our Lady of Perpetual Help church. I remember exactly what was said then. “What is the shocking secret that the diocese does not want you to know about its priests?” I felt sick. I had no idea what was going on. The announcer told me I wouldn’t find out until 11 p.m.It was a sad story, of course. An old priest, now retired out of state, had been accused by a long-ago altar boy of having interfered with minors. The private detective trying to dig up dirt had contacted the TV station. Allegedly the diocese had been told about these allegations 30 years previously, but had simply transferred the man from one parish to another. And one of the parishes just happened to be Our Lady of Perpetual Help. And this is why I was being defamed—why we were being defamed.
Naturally, parishioners continued to ring the phone into the afternoon, intent on finding out whether one or both of the parish priests was about to be arrested. This was intolerable. I phoned my attorney. I explained the whole matter. “Are you sure you want to do something about this?” he asked. “It could backfire.” I told him to go ahead. This simply wasn’t right.
Now, some critics of the Church will maintain that Catholic priests hold sway over the faithful simply by the perceived power of the sacred words that only priests can speak. If they believe that, they should look to the awesome powers of the attorney. Armed only with a telephone and some magic legalese, my lawyer went to work. First he identified himself as a member of a sacred order. “Hello, this is Attorney Charlie Michaels. I need to speak to whoever is responsible for the commerical being run to promote your 11 p.m. news program.” This brought about a fairly rapid response. Charlie let loose a lawyerly spell, explaining that he was calling on behalf of his client, that this phone call was an official legal communication, relating that his client was in great distress over the commercial. The TV professional protested that my name had never been mentioned. Charlie explained that damage had already been done, that his client’s reputation had already been caused serious harm. The TV professional said, “Well, we had a meeting and we’ve decided we’re not going to run that commercial any more.” Now Charlie spoke the word of power. “That’s good,” he said. “Because if you run that commercial one more time…you will be sued. Do you understand me?” They did not run the commercial again.
Wednesday of Holy Week
Father H. asks, “Have you seen the latest issue of Time?” The cover screams, “CAN THE CATHOLIC CHURCH SAVE ITSELF?” I note the cover date: April 1.Holy Thursday
A day to commemorate the Last Supper, at which the Lord gave his disciples two commandments: (1) Do this in remembrance of me; (2) wash each other’s feet. Holy Thursday gives priest their identity. For priests, it is a day to renew their commitment, to celebrate together their common identity. The present Pope has written a Holy Thursday letter to priests each year since his election. It is a wonderful thing to be a priest, to be able to say, “The Pope writes me a letter every year.” Of course the letter comes out a few days early, and is released to the press. North American journalists in particular were amazed and annoyed that this year’s Holy Thursday letter did not say what they wanted it to say. They hate that. This gave journalists such as Janet Bagnall of the Montreal Gazette the opportunity to criticize the Pope’s Holy Thursday letter in an article published on Holy Thursday itself. I doubt Bagnall went through the exercise of reading the whole letter. Rather, she was more exercised about what the Pope did not say in it. She complains, “The pope did not pronounce the words sexual abuse or pedophilia. He did not name the evil that traumatized so many innocent young lives.” Now, the Pope did speak of mysterium iniquitatis—the mystery of evil—which you figure embraces pretty much everything that could traumatize innocent young lives. But Bagnall ain’t buyin’. When Vatican official Cardinal Castrillon Hoyos spoke of “today’s culture of pansexualism and libertinism,” she scoffed. “Is he saying there’s something in the air? Is this an actual theory?” -
The Boy is the Father of the Man
There can’t be many authors who’ve given their name to a distinct sociological “type.” But so it is with Nick Hornby Man. The British writer of High Fidelity, Fever Pitch, and About A Boy has become a convenient shorthand for a certain kind of feckless modern male. Nick Hornby Man is confused, child-like, self-centered and crippled by a fear of commitment. This sorry specimen struggles to maintain an adult relationship with a member of the opposite sex. However, he can name every captain of the Arsenal soccer team since 1945 or reel off his All-Time Top-Five Teen Death Songs at the drop of a hat.
The cult success of Hornby’s books in the U.S. shows that Nick Hornby Man is a more or less universal concept. There’s nothing unique to Britain about geeky males being messed up about women. Hornby’s American fans might not understand the offside rule (clue: it’s a soccer thing) but they know that weary feeling that their beloved team can only be relied upon to let then down, whether that team is Arsenal FC or the Pittsburgh Steelers. Similarly, it’s no stretch to imagine slacker music obsessives bamboozling each other with their killer compilation tapes in Seattle as well as London.
Will, the hero of the novel (and now the movie) About A Boy, is Nick Hornby Man in excelsis. He’s a shallow, selfish idler who divides his days into half-hour “units” of time (having a bath: one unit; watching the dreary British TV game show Countdown: one unit; reading the paper: two units). Will doesn’t “do” anything, in the pen-pushing, wage-earning, nine-to-five sense. Instead he survives on the royalties from a sappy Christmas song left to him by his embittered, one-hit-wonder father. Will’s life changes, though, when he starts dating single mothers. The reason? They’re grateful, ego-massaging, and, rather conveniently, they sooner or later tend to bail out in a guilt-free parting. So Will “invents” a son and joins a single parents’ support group through which he meets Marcus, a nerdy 12-year-old who’s bullied at school, and his mother Fiona, a suicidally depressed, hairy-sweatered hippie.
Will’s deception is soon discovered, but he and Marcus form an unlikely bond. Under Will’s guidance, Marcus begins to “fit in” at school with the right tennies and CDs. Will, meanwhile, discovers that being a father figure, even one in a weird, non-nuclear family, is just as enjoyable as sitting around in his sleek bachelor pad, getting stoned in front of the TV.
All Hornby books (even the recent How To Be Good with his first female protagonist) are gentle, sentimental entertainments in which people “connect” and “grow” emotionally. And so it is with About A Boy. Hornby’s chief talent is in selling this old-fashioned idea to a hip, bored, cynical audience (post-grunge men, basically) via his razor-sharp wit and a gift for observation that a stand-up comic would kill for.
Movie versions of Hornby’s books, though, have been problematic. On one level they’re eminently filmable, packed with great dialogue and universal themes. However, all the books are set in the same small corner of North London, roughly bordered by the Arsenal football ground to the north and Kings Cross railway station to the south. It’s where Hornby lives. He’s a man who clearly subscribes to the age-old write-about-what-you-know maxim, quipping, “I’m not convinced that South London is sufficiently different from North London to justify the tube fare.”
Which begs the question: Should filmmakers stay faithful to this parochial world or risk transplanting the action? The lumpy, unengaging screening of Fever Pitch, starring Colin Firth (Bridget Jones’s Diary), failed to make much impression on the U.S. box office. High Fidelity meanwhile was drastically Americanized—as if a “real” London setting would be too much for an audience already sold on the faux Brittania of Austin Powers or Four Weddings And A Funeral. High Fidelity was a success, but effectively a new work, with John Cusack in the lead role and a shift in the action from ’80s London to millennial Chicago. Aside from a cloying, feel–good climax, the spirit of the story was surprisingly unmolested, and the producers simply updated the arcane music references.
For the cinematic version of About A Boy, directors Paul and Chris Weitz were hired, provoking visions of teen slapstick and, possibly, a few sex scenes involving pastries. In reality, the creators of American Pie have done nothing of the sort. Their real achievement was to give the whole enterprise a sharper sense of comic timing. This is an incredibly faithful version, trimming only the flab and updating the action from 1993 to the present. The kids at Marcus’s school listen to, say, Mystikal’s “Shake Ya Ass” rather than Nirvana’s “Smells Like Teen Spirit.” This tweak does force a significant change in the climactic scene, a different crisis than the one brought on in the novel by Kurt Cobain’s suicide. But no Hornby fan could argue with how they’ve solved it.
They’d also struggle to find fault with the key performances. Hugh Grant, replete with new, non-floppy haircut and trendy urban wardrobe, seems to have no difficulty getting into the head of Will. This is, remember, a self-styled “tatty human being” who squirms at an invitation to become godfather to a friend’s daughter before confessing that when she’s 18 he’ll probably, you know, try to sleep with her. He should be thoroughly unlikeable but the audience can’t help but warm to him—the kind of role for which Grant is, of course, a natural. It helps too that his underage foil is never pathetic or precious. Nicholas Hoult is better than any child actor in their first major role has a right to be. And there’s one further recommendation for this engaging, uplifting, funny film. It also shows the highest fidelity to Hornby’s chronic obsession with obscure pop music. The musical score is ripe with moments of dappled loveliness, childlike exuberance, and classic pop—commissioned at the author’s suggestion from a satisfyingly cultish Mancunian bumbler known as Badly Drawn Boy. Nick Hornby Men the world over—and the women who love them—will not be disappointed.
About A Boy, starring Hugh Grant, opens May 17 at a theater near you.
Rob Fearn is the reviews editor of Q, the brilliant British music magazine.
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The Receding Bikini Line
Listen up folks. Bathing suit season is upon us. We have very little time. As the temperature rises, the threat of exposure increases. Soon we will be obliged to reveal the acres of tender flesh we have been farming lo these past seven months. And ready or not, after Memorial Day, we will hit the sand in jiggling herds wearing little more than sun block and a self-conscious smirk.
I am a solid citizen. A size 12. I tip the scales at about a buck-fifty. I left behind the idea that I needed to be rail thin a long time ago. Some might call me full-bodied, I say I’m Midwestern. That way it sounds reassuring, like something good to hang onto, not something to try to hide. My weight is substantial, but not unhealthy. It looks good on me. I have places to go and things to eat and I can’t be bothered with someone else’s idea of beauty. When I step out of the shower and look in the mirror, I like what I see.
It’s when I have to stuff my goodies into one square foot of patterned spandex and traipse out in public that the trouble starts. With a swimsuit, there are all sorts of problems. I have yet to find a suit bottom that stays put. Even the new boy-cut surfer shorts that are all the rage. I can’t take five steps from beach blanket to shore without making the entire back of my suit disappear. Alacazam and Presto! It’s my special magic trick. I could wear a thong, but something in my working-class DNA prevents me from spending 20 bucks on an item of clothing you can hardly see. I’d rather draw one on with a Sharpie.
Another concern with the change of season is sun exposure. Have you ever read all the precautions that dermatologists want you to take before you step out into the great outdoors? Is it my imagination or does the list get longer every year? Sun block, check. Big hat, check. Sunglasses, check. Lip balm, check. You can still see a few defiant souls flash-frying themselves here and there, around the lakes, in their yards, going for that St. Tropez glow. But until “Fruit Leather” becomes a sought-after skin texture, I’ll just be sitting over there, under that tree, wearing my Standard Government Issue anti-gamma ray poncho and boots.
Actually, for the last couple of years, I have been involved in several self-tanning accidents. I have worked my way through every brand of bronzer; from high-end cosmetic counter green-tea infused cinnamon butters, to discount chain-store brand paste, with the same results. I follow the directions, exfoliate, moisturize, and smooth on using quick upward strokes, allowing time to dry thoroughly before putting clothes back on. Golden, sun-kissed color will appear two to three hours after application. Repeat as necessary every two to three days to maintain color. Hmmph. I have created a new art form in tan lines. The first time, I gave myself my very own pinstriped birthday suit. The second time? Handprint-sized blotches appeared that looked like severe bruising under the fluorescent lights at Cub. I finally figured out a system, though: several applications over an intensive 48-hour period where I remain naked (shades pulled) in my house, standing in front of the TV holding my arms out as each application dries. Repeat every other week when the kids are gone visiting Dad.
While I’m drying, I worry. The thing about summer approaching is that the kids will be out of school and they will require attention. My kids, ages 11 and 14, are in that wondrous age when they are too old to have babysitters, yet too young to be left at home alone for any length of time. Without the stabilizing influence of a regimented school day, the ever-present threat of boredom looms.
Every year at this time, I start the summer with hopeful thoughts of all the free activities the kids and I will partake in. Park festivals where there are giant puppets and dancers! Bi-weekly jaunts to the public library for mind-enriching literature! Evening bike rides to the rose garden where we will breathe deep the perfume of night-blooming varieties. Homemade sandwiches enjoyed while listening to street musicians busking for change. In none of these scenarios do I imagine unlimited-ride wristbands, or steady visits to Taco Bell. I don’t envision children who are forced to spend an extra 10 hours a day in close proximity renegotiating the terms of their relationship with purple-nurples and hurts-donits. I don’t think of rainy days and the struggle for control over the TV clicker. No, I dream of 10,000 lakes, and a suit bottom that never rides up.
Colleen Kruse is a Twin Cities actress and comedian. Email her: mscolleenkruse@hotmail.com