You’ve heard the rumors: Deep in the bowels of TPT’s St. Paul studios, former governor, pro wrestler, and Navy SEAL Jesse Ventura is preparing for his debut as an MSNBC television host. Sadly, the launch date of the Ventura show (and the triumphant return of our favorite public servant and bloviator) keeps getting postponed. What on Earth is the problem?
• Scheduling conflicts with Young and the Restless Reunion & Convention Tour
• Guest-hosting Tom Ryther’s swinger parties through July
• Chin-dimple spackle keeps melting under the klieg lights
• Crank-calls Leslie Davis every fifteen minutes
• MSNBC wardrobe staff unable to find peacock-print Zubaz
• Leg-wrestling match with Chris Matthews stretching into its 13th day
• Still separating green glass from brown glass at governor’s mansion
• Too busy writing phony reviews for his books on Amazon.com
• Roasted Chestnut or Old Mahogany?—the mustache-dye quagmire
• Rehearals at TPT studios constantly interrupted by Erik Eskola coughing loudly
• Still trying to find a willing volunteer to take over Predator fans listserv
• Television technicians not sure how to get that big head into the little box
• ESL classes not going as planned
• Hammering out contract riders for “lifetime supply” of Slim Jims and Cheez-Its in green room
• Keeps getting lost driving to St. Paul
• Going “commando” backstage, causing massive staff turn-over
• Finally getting to all those TiVo’ed episodes of Judging Amy
• WWF not giving any deals on “breakaway” folding chairs or suspended cages
• Secretly scared to death of Lester Holt
• Stalling for six to eight weeks before mandatory MSNBC urine test
• Waiting until after man-hunting season is over
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