We’ve known for a long time that Minnesotans practice a kind of karmically correct stoicism. But who knew that Minnesota Nice was just a variation on one of the world’s most ancient spiritual practices—Zen Buddhism? You’re really going to send that medium-rare steak back to the kitchen? You’ll carry the black cloud of unnecessary confrontation for months—possibly into your next lifetime, when you’ll come back as a pushy New Yorker.
The five ethical precepts of Zen & the five pillars of Minnesota Nice
Buddha nature is mindful and reverential
of all life. Do not be violent. Do not kill.
Avoid confrontation at all costs.
***
There is no self. Respect the property
of others. Do not steal.
Checks still gladly accepted!
***
Desire is an illusion. Be conscious and
loving in your relationships. Do not
give way to lust.
Do not stare. If you must look,
keep it above the shoulders, please.
Below the knees is also OK.
***
All is one beyond the cloud of unknowing.
Honor honesty and truth. Do not deceive.
If you can’t say something nice,
don’t say anything at all.
***
Transcend the pain of unreality. Exercise proper care of the body and mind. Do not
be gluttonous. Do not abuse intoxicants.
No liquor sales after 10 p.m.
Great walking paths! (Don’t stare!)
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