What Are the Odds?

OK, a quick tale of serendipity.

One of the chores of covering TV and media for the St. Paul Pioneer Press was attending the bi-annual Television Critics Association press tours in Los Angeles. As routines go, Was it better than sitting in Minnesota writing giddy featurettes about, “Joe Millionare”? Yes. Were there hundreds of more interesting and amusing things I could think of doing with my clothes on? Definitely. But it had its moments. A lot of them, actually. Most involved cliches and cocktails, both served cold, and in chest-brushing proximity to someone famous for being on television.

That was the scheduled gig. But being a model employee, I supplemented the press tour’s faux intimate schmoozing with reality TV producers and their briefly famous girlfriends with other stories from elsewhere around LA … which meant a hell of a lot of driving around in a rental car.

So one day five years ago, over in Westwood by UCLA, if I remember right, I was listening to some self-consciously urbane rock critic on MPR’s Pasadena-based public station, KPCC. The guy was ga ga over the Red Hot Chili Peppers’ new CD, “By the Way”. “Mature”, “sophisticated”, “playful” and “adventuresome” were a few of the gush buttons he pushed.

“Cool,” I thought. “I’ll get me one.” Even though it was LA, where the quality of the rest of your week can depend on paying close attention to traffic radio and the consequences of the latest big rig flipped over and blocking some major artery, I decided I needed some fresh, quality tunes.

“By the Way” lived up to the hype. I played it constantly. Especially a cut titled, “Don’t Forget Me”, a kind of junkie’s lament, in which I could see, vividly, Flea and Anthony Kiedis writhing in full, imploded LA rock doper glory.

Unfortunately, when the press tour’s siege of the Ritz Carlton Huntington finally ended, the last cocktail was sipped, the last transcript tucked in my computer bag and the last starlet cleavage disappeared down the hotel driveway, I flew home and left, “By the Way”, in the dashboard of the rental unit.

Bummer. But, being a grossly overpaid union journalist, I had a friend of my kid’s burn me a new copy.

Flash forward to a couple Fridays ago. Tobie’s gas station, Hinckley, Minnesota. A regular pit stop on the road north to the Lambert Fortress of Solitude. Powdered lemon bismarks? Check. Duluth News Tribune? Check. USA Today? Um, Ok. Check. Weekly World News? Anything this week on Bat Boy schtupping Hillary Clinton? No? Forget it.

An hour later I’m sprawled out on the sofa, fire crackling, adult beverage poured and poised, leafing through USA Today. A lot of lame pre-Super Bowl “coverage”. Like there’s anything we don’t know and haven’t been told a million times about Peyton Manning. Why do they bother? So I turn to the Life section and … hmmm … a feature piece on the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Cool. Seems they’re touring with Gnarls Barkley. Cool. Seems the two bands sort of discovered kindred souls in each other. Cool.

The story goes on and eventually gets to some quotes from Danger Mouse, a.k.a. Brian Burton, one-half of the Barkleys.

At this point I quote from the USA Today story:

….. Burton, who was born in New York and schooled in Georgia, resides in Los Angeles in part because of the Peppers.

“I was living in London and came out to California to do some recording,” Burton recalls. “I rented a car and somebody had left their By the Way CD in the car. I put that CD in and had it in there for the whole week. When I got back to London, it was freezing and raining. I put that record in and knew it was time to move to California.”

The adult beverage remained on “poise” for a moment. I re-read the paragraph. And then I asked myself, “What are the odds?”

How many people left “By the Way” in a rental car in LA in 2002? Ten? Twenty? One?

Then, just for laughs, what are the odds Danger Mouse would recall that particular incident for the USA Today writer … who decided it was interesting enough to put in his story … and it survived editing … and I … who may possibly have once owned that particular CD … picked up a copy of USA Today … like I do maybe every two weeks, at the most … and on that night read an A&E feature instead of just the usual politics and football coverage?

The odds are what?

Pals I’ve told this story to invariably say, “Oh, you’ve got to write them! Gnarls Barkley! And tell them.” Tell them what? That I want my CD back?

I say, “Invariably”, because of one buddy whose reaction was, “Sue ’em!”

Huh? “Yeah. See, they’re playing together because of you. Demand a cut of the tour profits!”

Show biz. Brings the best out in everyone.