Looking for an alternative cinematic thrill on this most romantic of corporate holidays? Thinking that it might not be entirely worthwhile to see Dreamgirls or Sleepless in Seattle when your feelings are, well, a bit more complex? Here’s a list, thrown together at the very last minute, of some features that will add some spice to this sweet evening… and by spice I mean a cold stare or a full blown argument. Nothing says you can’t ‘communicate’ on St. Valentine’s Day.
Sid and Nancy. Saw this the other night with some pals from the Rake staff. Difficult to understand with all the cockney slang, grainy, drug-addled, dull in spots and thrilling in others, might just make you and your spouse do the mosh pit, get blitzed and then, if the mood’s right, shout, scream, break things, and then fall bloody to the floor after you’ve smashed a bottle against your head. Please, don’t beat one another or kill the other party. It’s only a movie, though it’s based on a true story.
Taxi Driver. Murder politicians or pimps to prove your love! Didn’t work for John Hinckley, but it might for you.
Oldboy. Disgusting, violent, Korean thriller that culminates in a near rape sex scene that is virtually impossible to endure… and later you find out it’s much worse than you thought! Should make your lover (male or female) swear off affection for a fortnight.
Pandora’s Box. Classic silent film (your lover of conventional films will thank you for that one alone!) in which a girl who only wants to be loved finds bliss by being stabbed to death by Jack the Ripper. Joy!
Eraserhead. Here’s a man’s nightmare about women and babies! Check out the girl in the radiator with her malignant cheeks (and bursting giant sperm with her heels) and the Eraserhead baby, who looks like E.T. with Down’s Syndrome. If you can finish this masterpiece, why the rest of the night will be spent in tense silence, and probably mutual loathing.
The Squid and the Whale. Spot-on, brutally honest film about divorce. You wanna talk about where our relationship’s going, honey, well, here’s where our fucking relationship’s going…
The Lady From Shanghai. Orson Welles’ baffling and yet entertaining film about how much he hates Rita Hayworth. Poisonous.
For the guys: 12 Angry Men. Not a romance, but a charged film that takes place in a sweltering room with, as the title suggests, a dozen pugnacious males. I’ve seen this four times, and each time the women in the room felt abused, as if they had been locked in that place with these jerks. A good way to have the place to yourself.
For the gals: Brief Encounter or Notes on a Scandal (a choice between staying in or going out). Oops, beautiful young women married to men who listen, care for them, do everything just right, and the result is they have affairs with doctors or fifteen year old boys. No matter what you do, boyfriend, you ain’t never going to be certain of my fidelity, eh?
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