And Who Did You Say You're With?

Today, the AP reports the tragic news
that a person with a gun charged the stage at a rock concert and opened
fire. Last night in Columbus, Ohio, Damageplan was one song into its
first set when a man opened fire and killed three people before being
shot and killed himself by police officers. Among the dead: “Dimebag”
Darrell, real name Darrell Abbott. It’s the first I’ve heard, but the
AP tells me he was among the finest “metal guitarists” of his
generation. He was killed on the same day John Lennon was murdered.

I
certainly don’t want to insult a man tragically killed in the prime of
life. I don’t mind insulting the AP, though. Several things struck me
about the report as it appeared at the New York Times. First, I wonder
how much gnashing of teeth and tearing of hair there must have been in
newsrooms all over the country this morning. First, call the music
critic! Do we have a music critic? Does he know anything about this
band, this “Damageplan”? The early wire says “formerly of Pantera,”
I’ve heard of them, they’re big, right?

Next. Shit, better brew
another pot of coffee, this is going to be a long meeting with copy and
standards. Is it gonna pass muster to use this guy’s name—”Dimebag” in
the lead? I mean, fer chrissake, that means DRUGS. And it was a
nickname. But that’s what everyone knew him as. “Darrell Abbott” means
nothing to people. Yeah, but “Dimebag”… drugs! OK, but first
reference ONLY!

OK, I’ll stop pretending at this point, because
I honestly don’t know how newsrooms work, and The Big Cheese is too
busy to ask (new issue). But what I thought was goofiest about the AP
report was this paragraph:

“Telephone numbers for both Darrell
and Jerry Abbott are unlisted and could not be reached early Thursday
by The Associated Press.”

Two thoughts on this:

A) You
do not just look up a rock star in the phone book. Anyone who has ever
dabbled in music journalism knows that you first subscribe to Pollstar
magazine for several hundred dollars, then one to twelve months later,
you get a special phonebook that allows you to look up any major record
label, then a record-label phone-tree connects you to a “publicity and
media” office, then you send a fax describing the reason why you called
the PR office, then you are given the number of a PR person, who then
promises to get back to you “later today” which is code for “after you
call me about a hundred times for the next two weeks and finally reach
my assistant,” who then must repeat the process with an agent, who then
repeats the process with a personal handler, who then “might have him
call you sometime.” This whole process may start over, if any one
person in the line of command is away from his or her desk. Shortcut:
Say you are with the Times or Rolling Stone, and this is for a cover
story. Can you hold? I’ll connect you now.

B) Who did they expect to answer the phone at Dimebag’s house? And what would the AP have said if he’d answered?—Jem Casey