The Rake Magazine

Year: 2008

  • Topless Nymph. Not For You.

    With all the focus on small footprint cars these days, you’d think smart brands like Nissan would send us all their candy.

    The
    "us" I am referring to would be, of course, the middle-aged lotharios
    that long for their youth. And few cars say "younger than
    you should be" than the Nissan Micra—arguably the cutest little button
    of a car ever made.

    But we’ll never see it here. Too small. Too
    tiny. Too darn cute — unlike the Germanic grocery cart called the Smart
    (which I hear is not selling well).

    Having lived for a spell in
    Japan myself, however, I think there is something else at play. Older Japanese men (in particular) are obssesed with youth — more in a pulpish than a
    papal sense, but an obsession nonethelss.

    In fact, the line
    between the automotive and the anthropological in Japan is frequently blurred. Salarymen read catalog-sized comics filled
    with pictures of doe-eyed characters that are overly-defined. Pop "artists" like Takashi Murakami craft nyphmetic sculptures nasty
    enough to make Jeff Koons blush.

    And such is life.

    Which
    is why Nissan can introduce a new, topless
    version of the Micra this year without furthering the fantasies
    of people who really don’t belong in its seats. The
    effect might be totally different if rides like this were released into the puritanical yet
    pornographic pop culure we endure over here.

    They may not be selling us
    this car to save us from ourselves.

    Now go have a sucker.

     

  • Creative Boozing

    ART/DRINKING

    Art Happy Hour 3

    Have you read our newest art bloggers, The Vicious Circle, yet? If not, you certainly should — after you read The Secrets, that is! VC editor, art critic Michael Fallon has his fingers in plenty of interesting pies, including Art Happy Hour,
    which this month just so happens to land at one of my favorite
    neighborhood bars (as you well know) — Clubhouse Jager. Chat with like-minded artsy types
    and sip sumptuous cocktails prepared by "Friendly Freddie," Jager’s
    staple happy hour bartender, and meet the writers of the Vicious
    Circle. I promise, their bark is worse than their bite!

    4-8pm, Clubhouse Jager, 923 Washington Ave. N, Minneapolis, Free

    FASHION
    Cliché 4th Annual Runway Show

    For
    years, a tiny boutique on Lyndale Avenue has been THE place to snap up
    fresh styles by local and independent fashion designers. Run by Josh and Delayna Sundberg, an incredibly chic and clever pair who are major supporters of the Twin Cities fashion and art scene, Cliché
    is your one-stop-shop to instantaneous style-maven status. For the
    fourth year in a row, Cliché puts on a larger-than-life fashion show,
    featuring clothing from local designers who sell exclusively at the
    shop. Such notables as Anthem Heart and Red Shoe Clothing Company
    join in the fun, along with many, many more. So, if you’re looking for
    that perfect somethin’-somethin’, or to update your look, the Cliché
    Fashion Show is your obvious destination.

    9pm, Lake Street Social Center at Plaza Verde, 1516 East Lake Street, Minneapolis, $5


    MUSIC
    Patio Nights Opening

    For
    those of you who were deprived last summer of this ultimately glorious
    outdoor experience, I am happy to announce that tonight kicks off yet
    another season of Patio Nights.
    Relax on the Minnesota Museum of American Art’s fantastic patio,
    overlooking the mighty Mississip, while enjoying some of the best live
    music in the Twin Cities. An abundance of food, drink, and even vintage vinyl will be up for grab, and tonight’s musical guests, Awesome Snakes, are the perfectly peppy punk rockers to reintroduce this popular weekly concert series.

    7pm, MMAA, 50 West Kellogg Blvd, Downtown St. Paul, $5


    FILM
    Mondo Bondo

    Due to intense demand, Fearless Filmmakers brings you a kink-tastic repeat performance of Mondo Bondo, a sellout hit during the Minneapolis/St.Paul International Film Festival. Director Tony Cane-Honeysett’s
    engaging documentary, focusing on sexual taboos and underground
    culture, is sure to entertain pervs of every persuasion. As Honeycutt
    says, "I cannot imagine needing a custard pie in the face
    to have an orgasm, but someone out there does. Everyone has a kink." So stop blushing and snap up your tix before this flick sells out. With
    your ticket stub you’ll also gain admittance to the super secret after
    party that will feature live bondage exhibits, naughty gift bags, and
    more than enough booze to loosen you up.

    8pm, St. Anthony Main Theater, 115 Main Street NE, Minneapolis, $9

  • Cafe Agri: Slow Food, Puritan Style

    Café Agri opened last Saturday in the former My-T-Fine
    Bakery space at 43rd and Bryant Ave. S. in south Minneapolis. That’s
    Agri as in agritourismo, the new Italian
    (and Spanish) vogue of rustic farm-stay vacations where you get to crush
    the grapes with your feet and milk the sheep and eat hearty meals with crusty breads and sausages
    and fettucine and pasta.

    Except you won’t find crusty breads or sausages or fettucine at Cafe Agri. Nor olives or sun-dried tomatoes or anchovies or even garlic.

    Café Agri is the brainchild of Fabrizio Ciccone, who at
    various times has been a partner in Nochee and Arezzo, and still owns Aura in
    Calhoun Square.

    "As Italians," Ciccone explained in a press release, "we
    appreciate the fresh ingredients and country life that combine to bring the
    Agritourism concept to life–that’s why we’ve used it as our inspiration to
    bring this restaurant to Minneapolis."

    This is a restaurant with a mission: "We hope that you join us in learning more
    about how our food is produced and how our food choices affect the rest of the
    world. We purchase as many ingredients as possible from local producers,
    including local fish from Wisconsin and Minnesota. We’ve also partnered
    with the Slow Food movement which is founded upon the concept of eco-gastronomy
    – a recognition of the vital connections between plate and planet."

    Except for one fish entrée, the menu is
    entirely vegetarian, and a lot of it is vegan. Ciccone recently became a
    vegetarian himself, and the menu has an aura of zealous purity about it. Except for Sonny’s ice cream, everything on the menu is prepared without refined sugar, wheat flour, eggs, butter, (and very little other fat or oil).

    The ravioli and crostini are advertised as gluten-free (what does
    that have to do with eating locally or saving the planet?). There is no butter – and very little other fat or oil, but there is plenty
    of tempeh and tofu – as in the hazelnut asparagus and seared maple tofu ($12),
    and fennel-ginger tempeh with sweet onion.

    The mention of Slow Food is a bit misleading – this menu comes out of a
    totally different tradition. The Slow Food people are omnivores – they
    eat meat and dairy and wheat breads and butter and eggs – everything in
    moderation – but they are very principled about where their food comes
    from and how it is produced. Cafe Agri’s cuisine comes out of the old
    puritannical American health food / food faddism tradition that goes
    back to Sylvester Graham and high colonics. (Chef Dan Alvin was previously chef at Ecopolitan, the raw foods restaurant in the same tradition.)

    I can’t say that I enjoyed the few dishes I tried – "crostini" made of unleavened flax "bread", served with a spread made of kale (I think), black beans and onions; grilled vegetable tempeh ($4); a nightly special of roasted red potatoes, asparagus and eggplant, prepared with minimal sauce or seasoning ($12); and a dry "spicy yam hash" topped with a lot of red heirloom beans ($10).

    But I am not the target audience for this restaurant. This is not food for hedonists. This is food for people who regard their diet as an important part of their spiritual journey and treat butter, sugar and flour as defilements of the temple of their body.

    There seem to be enough devotees of this kind of cuisine in the Twin Cities to keep Ecopolitan in business, and I expect that they will also enjoy Cafe Agri.

    Wine and beer arrive in July.The wines will all come from
    Etica, the local company that specializes in fair-trade wines.

    Cafe Agri, 4300 Bryant Avenue South, Minneapolis, 612-822-3101.

  • The Color of Cold Hard

    ART/BENEFIT
    Green

    Each year Rosalux Gallery
    puts on one of my fave artsy fundraisers in the Twin Cities. The Green
    show is a chance for you to get your mitts on original work from over
    20 established local artists of high repute — on the cheap. Each Rosalux member
    donates a piece of green-themed artwork, and raffle tickets are sold for a
    mere $5. It’s simple: place your ticket(s) in the envelope next to the
    artwork or item(s) you want to win, and cross your fingers. All
    proceeds go to benefit the gallery, an artist-run exhibition
    space and collective that has helped launch the careers of many up and
    comers in the Twin Cities. All stocked up on art? I can’t imagine
    that’s possible (one can never have too much, if you ask me), but just
    in case, Rosalux will have gift certificates and items from area
    businesses up for raffle as well. The show opens and tickets go on sale
    starting today, but the real frenzy occurs Saturday night (7-10 p.m.),
    when the gallery will be hopping with potentially lucky art lovers and
    plenty of interesting conversation. The raffle closes at 10 p.m. on Saturday,
    and you need not be present to win.

    Noon-8 p.m. Wed-Thurs, Friday Noon-5 p.m., Saturday Noon-11 p.m., a reception starting at 7 p.m.; Rosalux Gallery, 1101 Washington Ave., Downtown Minneapolis; free.

    MUSIC
    Smith’s Night

    Practice your depressed look in the mirror and head on down to the Kitty Cat Klub tonight for this monthly event devoted to Smiths
    and Smiths-related music (ie-Morrissey). Though it’s located smack dab
    in the middle of parking-space challenged Dinkytown, the Kitty Cat is a cool spot to
    chill out on a Wednesday and cry the tears of an angsty youth gone-by.
    Did I mention they have free wi-fi? Well, they do, so embrace that
    anti-social nature that goes along with being a stereotypical Smiths
    fan, and spend all night googling yourself in a dark corner.

    10 p.m., The Kitty Cat Klub, 315 14th Ave, SE, Dinkytown, Minneapolis; free.

    DANCE
    Fuego Flamenco Fiesta

    Minneapolis Mosaic
    officially kicks off summer this coming weekend, and as always, an
    endless number of amazing cultural events jump on the bandwagon,
    bringing the Twin Cities a dynamic array of entertainment. Fuego
    Flamenco being of like-minded spirit, helps gear things up with an
    evening of dance at Candelabra Studios. Traditional Spanish flamenco
    dancer and instructor, the lovely Colette Marie Illarde
    and her friends show off their fancy footwork during this fun and
    flashy performance at a fantastic, yet little-known Northeast
    Minneapolis warehouse dance studio and art space. Want to make an
    evening of it? Central Avenue is positively crammed with delightful
    ethnic restaurants that you simply must check out.

    8 p.m., Candelabra Studios, 1517 Central Ave. NE, Northeast Minneapolis; free.

    PERFORMANCE
    Sample Night Live

    Master of Ceremonies David Lind
    hosts an evening of "bite-sized art" with satisfying snippets of music,
    performance art, film, spoken word, puppetry, theater, dance, comedy,
    and more. The perfect evening out for someone with ADHD, this event will feature two action-packed acts:
    one G rated (7 p.m.), and another "unrated" (8:15 p.m.), so plan accordingly
    if you’re one of those easily offended types. Tonight will include
    performances by such groups as Bright Lights and Heroes, Upright Egg
    Theater Company, and The Megawatts — just to name a few.

    7 p.m., Bryant Lake Bowl Theater, 801 W. Lake St., Uptown Minneapolis; $15, students & seniors $10.

  • Signed, Sealed, and Delivered

    We deserve Barack Obama.

    That is tonight’s message.

    And Obama has arrived!

    The crowd roars — everyone on their feet, so many of them smiling, laughing, a few even silently crying. Is this the message of change?

    He can barely be heard above the din. For three whole minutes the crowd roars, only getting louder before they finally leave their voices in Obama’s care.

    "Thank you…"

    And the crowd roars again.

    He dedicates the evening to his grandmother.

    And the crowd roars again. MN for Change. Women 4 Change. Students for Obama. Aarp for Obama. Vets for Obama. Even Christians for Obama. They’re all here.

    "Our primaries season has finally come to an end," he declares.

    And, of course, the crowd roars again. We all know what this means.

    "I will be the Democratic nominee for president of the United States."

    There it is people. Yes you can.

    And I think I’m deaf now.

    Obama continues. He sings Hillary’s praises, claiming to be a better person because of her, from running against her.

    He addresses those that say the Democratic party is weaker now because of their campaign. He brings up the millions of Americans who have cast their first votes. Judging from the crowd in here, he is right about this. Sure, there are folks of all ages — but so many young ones. Folks of all races, ethnicities, cultures, even countries. Folks of all kinds. And I wonder how many of these — even I — might vote this year were it not for him. For this campaign. And I wonder how many other — who might not even vote for him — might vote because of him. And I can’t help but think that this is good. That this is something.

    Something is happening here. Oh, I hope — whatever it may be. Something is happening here.

    More applause.

    "We may call ourselves Democrats and Republicans, but we are Americans first."

    The crowd roards again, and a man, far back in a third-row seat, stares dumbfounded at the screen as we wipes his eyes.

    People believe this guy. They believe in him. And they believe that he believes in them.

    "America, this is our moment. This is our time to turn the page on the policies of the past."

    Do they really believe this is going to happen? That we will care for our sick? That we will provide jobs for all? That we will stop destroying our planet? They sure seem to. And I must say, it’s a beautiful, beauitful dream.

    Before he waves good-bye, he hugs his wife. And she says, "I love you." I’m pretty sure she’s not the only one.

  • Inside the Press Area

    7:28
    Inside the press area

    Obamamania takes no prisoners. The bloggers, who never entertained the pretense of objectivity, are the first to fall. One writer for local blog MNpublius is pacing the press area looking for a way out.

    "We are quarantined here!" he tells me.

    "It is morning in America. I wanna be cheering," he bellows to another writer, and then he turns and heads for the nearest gate. "I’m gonna go see if I can go to the risers…with the people. I don’t wanna miss this!"

  • Not with a Bang, But a Whimper

    This is the way the Democratic Primary season ends, not with a bang but a whimper.

    The presidential campaign that started with a listening tour designed to state the obvious — that people wanted Hillary Clinton to run — will end the same way, with people telling her it’s time to hang it up.

    Earlier in the day, McCain’s speech got the attention of the crowd. Two hours later, as Hillary addresses supporters in New York, there is not even a mention of the event inside this venue.

    Hillary Clinton is speaking in New York. She looks more relaxed than she has looked throughout her entire campaign, but gives the same speech she has been giving all along. Nothing new. Even now. Nothing new.

    "This is a long race, and I will not be making any decisions tonight."

    There will be no concession this evening, my friend.

    She asks the viewers to visit her website, as if somehow raising her traffic numbers will win her the race.

    She thanks. And she thanks. And she thanks her family, of course. She thanks Bill, of course.

    And she tells us of a woman in South Dakota, a woman who wants health care, and woman who — like everyone in this country — should have health care. And she is right. But we all know this.

    "There is nothing we all can’t do, if we just start acting like Americans again."

    She’s right. We’re not acting like Americans. Thank goodness.

    And yet… aren’t we?

    Here in the Xcel Center, no one is hearing this speech. Here we are all listening to Stevie Wonder and watching ourselves cheer on the overhead screen. Here we are clueless, except for those with laptops and portable devices.

    Here — down in the press area — we are worshiping our gods. Thomas Friedman is passing again, my friends. And Hill is done.

     

  • Turn It Down

    Press access to the general public has now been cut off. The only way out of the press area is through the tunnel.

    According to Tim Russert, Obama’s people are negotiating Hillary’s withdrawal. Hillary insists she should be offered the VP position, so she can turn it down and withdraw with dignity. Obama’s people are game, as long as she puts it in writing that she will not accept.

    At this point, it’s hard to say what speech to expect. How long before the Democratic nominee can gloat a little?

    Tom Friedman just walked in surrounded by cameras. Biggest star treatment yet. Thomas Jefferson arriving in Paris.

    8:25 p.m.

    The Xcel Center is filled to capacity, the crowd high on caffeinated drinks, fried foods and nachos are getting restless. We’re told the Xcel administration cut the crowd off at 20,000, but the center continues to fill with people, even behind the press risers, where the view, if any, is very limited.

    Outside the stragglers and protesters are dispersing. Inside the music is blaring.

    Hillary Clinton is expected to speak to her followers in New York at any moment.

    In 39 minutes the final polls close, and this marathon of a primary will end.

    Tonight, the buck stops here.

     

  • MSNBC — Reporting from the Twin Cities

    The screams continue as the overhead screens show MSNBC reporting from right here, the Xcel Center. Ah… now I understand why news reports always show people cheering in the background. They’re just cheering themselves on. How quaint. Somehow, as a viewer, you always assume the cheers are for the politician. (I should have known better.)

    It’s 7:12 PM, and the entire front area of the arena — the only part from whence you can see the stage — is now full. My bad. I see about twenty seats in the upper far corner, all the way in back.

    O-BAMA! O-BAMA! The crowd chants.

    Really we’re just sitting here watching the news, only with more applause — and more traffic on the way here.

    7:44 — Watching McCain’s speech in Lousianna.

    7:56 — "Yes We Can" video playing overhead.

  • Eye of the Storm

    After the press is settled in, the doors open to the general public. It’s about 10 past six. The crowds file in, steadily, slowly, filling the arena. Is this an arena? I think it is. And right now, it feels like we’re the show — broken gladiators. I don’t see anyone turn to the crowd. Photographers line up on the riser before the stage. The rest of us sit at tables behind them, on computers, on phones, jabbering away with fellow reporters, documenters of the times.

    $175 for an internet connection. $175! There are two of us. One of us will Twitter from the phone. Awful. Just awful. $175! (So much for Minneapolis public wi-fi when you’re in St. Paul.) Sodas are $4. They banned me from the $2 soda machine, which I though was bad enough.

    About three sections of the Xcel Center are completely full. That and half the center area — with press folk, of course.

    The crowds will continue to file in. We will continue to wait. It’ll be a while before the Man arrives. But now, he appears on the overhead screens. The crowd roars.