We’re going out on a limb here and recommending you skip Opening Day (April 12) and go to the second home game Saturday night. The best reason is this: You get to avoid all the dorks who know nothing about baseball and make it hard to get to the concession stands to get a beer and to the bathrooms after you’ve had a beer. (Think of those fans as the reason why you get blaring electronic music on the over-amped Dome speaker system instead of a clever organist like they have in Chicago. You’ll hate them even more.) This Twins team is worth watching for those who know the game. Torii Hunter’s and Doug Mientkiewicz’s magic gloves, Cristian Guzman legging out a triple, Joe Mays’ sinker just off the corner—that’s baseball. Those of you who prefer the never-will-bes who play for the Saints just because they perform outdoors really don’t get it. Major League infielders are the greatest athletes in American sport, period. (For those who would dispute this, ask yourself why Michael Jordan plays basketball. Answer: because he couldn’t make the White Sox.) Let it be said here first, too, that because we decry the objectification of animals, we won’t be using any animal team names like Tigers, Cubs or Orioles in The Rake.
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