Even A Giant Can't Turn No Little Village Into A Big City

It’s pretty apparent by this time that there isn’t a single trade in the world that’s going to make any kind of significant difference in the Twins’ fortunes. And, sure, I remember the Shannon Stewart trade, but that was then and this is now. At the moment there isn’t one guy who could reinvigorate this line-up, or make up for the feeble offensive production of the rest of the team.

This has all been particularly disappointing, of course, because on paper this year’s team –even with the question marks on the left side of the infield– sure as hell looked like it was going to be much improved offensively. What’s happened this year is a systemic failure. You can’t point to any one player or any one game or at-bat and say, see, there’s the problem, right there’s where the train came off the tracks. It’s pervasive. There’s absolutely no consistency –and this applies across the board, up and down the roster– from one game or at-bat to the next.

The Twins have just been maddeningly hapless at the plate, and you almost have no choice but to question the basic, fundamental approach. Or maybe it’s the scouting reports. There must be some explanation, though, for the steady regression, because this team simply shouldn’t be this feeble offensively. They seem utterly incapable most nights of generating the kind of contagious offensive momentum that leads to big innings and rallies.

So I’ll ask you, as KRS-ONE once asked, relative to much more pressing and cosmically troubling questions: “Why is that?”

It beats the hell out of me. It does. It is. Beating. The. Living. Hell. Out. Of. Me.

And I wonder this: what do you suppose the ERA of the Twins pitching staff would be if they had to face the Twins line-up every night?

I’m guessing under 2.00.

Shit, Rick Reed, fresh off his most serious shower mishap or airplane-sleeping injury, would eat this team alive right now.