Apocalypto

Touchstone execs are hoping you’ll ignore Mel Gibson’s recent spate of troubles and concentrate instead on his newest fusion of religion and bloodletting. A heartwarming adventure timed to a holiday release, it’s the tale of a young warrior’s quest to save his family … all the while being tortured and mutilated (kind of like Christ). The Aussie madman’s on record as suggesting that his film is a parable about the decline of major civilizations, like one that “send[s] guys off to Iraq for no reason.” Of course, it’s now public knowledge that the people whom a drunken Gibson blames for said decline are not the gentiles in the White House.