Author: Brad Zellar

  • Lost Weekend

    Things would seem to be trending downward at the moment, wouldn’t you say?

    The Twins have scored a total of 12 runs in their last five games, and managed just five in the weekend series with Boston. Their best hitter is headed for the disabled list –he’s already there, actually. The reigning MVP is batting .150 (and slugging .225) with runners in scoring position. Sidney Ponson is still in the starting rotation, and still finding a way to allow almost two base runners every inning.

    Sure, Torii Hunter has a 21-game hitting streak, and has been tearing it up, but what difference has that made? I’ll tell you: None. Or basically none. The team has lost two straight series, and five of its last seven games. The schedule is increasingly inhospitable, and if things don’t get turned around in a hurry the Twins could find themselves looking at a double-digit deficit in the Central by the end of May.

    It’s all very discouraging right now, but last year demonstrated that things can indeed turn around in a hurry. Of course most organizations would be lucky to have a season like that every twenty years, but what the hell.

    If you’re not pissed about the whole Roger Clemens charade, something’s seriously wrong with you. The handling of that announcement today was straight out of the Vince McMahon playbook. I guess the only real surprise was that Clemens didn’t emerge from Monument Park in a cloud of smoke during the seventh-inning stretch. Or, you know, they could have had the Rocket parachute into the ballpark and land on the pitcher’s mound.

    But, no, truly, the way the Yankees did handle it was actually worse. It was too hokey and sickening to even be entertaining. The man is forty-five years old, and New York is going to pay him $20 million to pitch four months of the season. The whole thing is just wrong, wrong, wrong.

    It’s so fucking wrong.

    Blow hamstring, blow.

    That’s all I have to say about that.

  • Ain't That Pretty At All: Debacle In Tampa Bay

    Those were some of the most rinky-dink baseball games we’re likely to see all year (knock wood). Thank God, at any rate, that we’ve seen the last of the Devil Rays and that convention center/monster truck pit they call a baseball stadium.

    Seriously, can you recall a series that contained more serious weirdness than that one? Hard as it is to believe, it was actually worse than the previous Tampa Bay series. Lousy (and just plain funny) base running, crap defense, poor situational hitting, infield hits galore, and balls hit into the rafters and catwalks.

    The whole ugly mess obscured the fact that the Twins are facing some potentially serious questions. Joe Nathan, for one. Or Jesse Crain, for another. A batting order that has some glaring holes and still doesn’t seem like it’s structured for maximum efficiency. Maybe that’s a perception thing, resulting from the fact that when the top and bottom of the order guys produce, the middle of the lineup hitters seem to disappear, and vice versa. Joe Mauer and Justin Morneau stranded fourteen runners between them tonight, and Mauer actually looked human (all too human) several different times in the series, both at and behind the plate.

    Luis Castillo’s approach is entertaining, but someone needs to tell him that there are times (with runners in scoring position and less than one out, for instance) when what is called for is a line drive or, god forbid, a fly ball, rather than a ground ball to the infield.

    It’s been an oddly rubber-legged season so far, that’s for sure, and much shakier than the team’s record would seem to indicate.

    This might be the most alarming stat in the early going: after blowing his first save of the season last night, Joe Nathan now has the same WHIP (walks + hits/innings pitched) as Sidney Ponson: 1.80. If you don’t know what that means, I can assure you that it’s not good. Nathan has pitched 13-and-a-third innings and has surrendered 19 hits and five walks. He’s clearly laboring, and one unfortunate result of that –besides the ugly lines he’s been putting up– is that he’s throwing way too many pitches.

    The silver lining in Tampa Bay is that Pat Neshek looks increasingly like he’s got the stuff and the composure to do what he does for the long haul, and Glen Perkins has looked more and more comfortable with every outing.

    Nothing’s going to get any easier in the next couple weeks, but what would really be nice right now is a stretch of top-to-bottom consistency like we saw in the second half last year.

  • The Heart’s Ventriloquist

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    He knew how to make the heart sing and yodel and howl with joy, could coax from it creaks and croaks and murmurs. He seemed to be able to make it confess its secrets, its hopes and desires, fears and needs.

    His performances were uncanny, the stuff of growing legend, and would leave audiences spellbound. He had the ability to make people believe that what they were hearing was an expression of the universal heart, yet in a way that felt both ancient and painfully real and personal to each individual who heard it. Some people proclaimed him an expert in the mysteries of the human heart; others believed that he literally had the ability to channel these mysteries.

    In what was left of his own battered heart, however, he knew that he was at best a mimic or a conjurer, at worst a complete fraud.

    The heart’s ventriloquist was a solitary and broken man. His work exhausted him. After each show he would retire to his dressing room and lock the heart in a metal trunk. And then he would go back to his motel room and spend the night drinking, smoking, and reading novels.

    He recognized that many of the words the heart spoke came directly from the novels he read, and he often felt like he was trapped in a past that not only wasn’t his own, but, more pathetically, wasn’t even real.

     

  • Tuesday Night: Twins Vs. Bad News Bears

    Wow. That game featured a dozen different kinds of ugly. It was ugly enough –particularly if you happen to be one of the Tampa Bay Devil Rays’ 117 fans– that it almost managed to make Big Sid Ponson look pretty. You know, pretty in a greasy, WWF bad guy sort of way.

    But, what the hell, let’s throw Siddhartha a bone while we still can: that was a serviceable impersonation of a Major League pitcher, and who knows how many times we’ll be able to say that.

    The Devil Rays are a young, often laughably bad team right now, but they have been able to score runs; even after tonight’s blowout they’ve still managed to outscore the Twins (127-124). They’ve also given up 171 runs, the most in the majors by a large margin. Despite that fact they remain tied with the Yankees for last place in the east. We should all take satisfaction in that while we can.

    The Rays beat Johan Santana, though, and they beat-up on Joe Nathan. They haven’t quite figured out the crafty Sid, however; both of his wins have come against Tampa Bay, and tonight’s performance (7 IP, 5 hits, 2 walks, 5 strikeouts, and one earned run) was actually good enough that it almost made it possible to root for the guy.

    Almost.

    Be honest, though: even after the Twins built an early lead, didn’t you pretty much take it for granted that Sidney would cough it up? It was almost shocking to see him go back out there for the seventh.

    After the last couple games Minnesota’s marketing people must be breathing a big sigh of relief. It was a serious risk to expend so much capital on the whole piranha shtick, particularly when the club has the reigning MVP, Cy Young Award winner, and batting champion. I’ll be damned, though, if that game wasn’t an example of piranha ball at its ferocious, shin-kicking best.

  • Pen Pals Series: Dr. Elaine Pagels

    While a graduate student at Harvard, Dr. Elaine Pagels spent years studying the Nag Hammadi Library manuscripts, and she has turned that research into a sort of Gnostic cottage industry. Her 1979 classic, The Gnostic Gospels, won both the National Book Award and the National Book Critics Circle Award, and was included on the Modern Library’s list of the hundred best books of the twentieth century. Throughout her subsequent work, Pagels has demonstrated a dogged and occasionally controversial scholarship, as she has consistently probed and questioned the early history of Christianity, often in the context of her own faith. She continues to pose big and important questions for believers and skeptics alike. Hopkins Center for the Arts, 1111 Mainstreet, Hopkins; 651-209-6799.

  • Minnesota Book Awards

    The annual celebration of Minnesota books and publishing has new sponsors (the entire city of St. Paul seems to have gotten behind this thing), new digs, and plenty of fresh faces this year. But in a state with so much literary activity going on it’s hard to screw up something so basically virtuous. We could quibble about some of the nominations (and oversights), and will likely squawk about a number of winners, but that’s the pure blood-sport fun of such galas, the nasty flipside to all the merrymaking and clinking of champagne glasses. There’ll apparently be (actually, there better be) plenty of the latter; cocktail and business attire are suggested, and tickets are forty bucks a pop. Crowne Plaza Hotel, 11 Kellogg Blvd. E., St. Paul; 651-222-3242.

  • Free Verse series: Kevin Young

    Young, a poet and contributor to the catalog for the ongoing Kara Walker: My Complement, My Enemy, My Oppressor, My Love exhibition, is appearing as part of the Rain Taxi/Walker Art Center Free Verse series. You hear too much nonsense about poets whose work is steeped in jazz or the blues, but Young’s work is the real deal; it’s truly musical poetry, and as funny, conversational, and hard hitting as dinner with a seriously entertaining, intelligent, and challenging guest. Word has it that he’ll be reading from his own work and also discussing Walker’s use of language in her art. Walker Art Center, 612-375-7600.

  • Second Chance for Third Second

    Twin Cities native Tommy Nehls was talking on the phone from Ft. Lauderdale, where he has been living since 1986. Nehls sounded alternately incredulous and bemused that an obscure record he made with a bunch of high school pals had become a hot (and pricey) commodity among a small but international community of vinyl fetishists (as well as garnering playtime on such eclectic public-radio bastions as New York’s WFMU). “The music on that record is thirty-four years old,” Nehls said. “When people first started tracking me down to ask about it I always thought they were friends trying to pull something over on me.”

    In 1973, when Nehls’ self-released I Always Catch the Third Second of a Yellow Light, he was a junior at Southwest High School and had been working at a Southdale record store, absorbing the music of the period and squirreling away money to make his first record.

    “I was a very serious student and a jock early on,” Nehls said, “but from the time I saw the Beatles at Met Stadium I realized that making music was something I wanted to do, and I’d been playing in bands since I was in seventh grade.”

    Nehls’ debut is a dense and ambitious record, even by the trippy compositional and production standards of the time. And he either had incredible good fortune or a real knack for assembling prodigally talented musicians from among his school chums. Either way, the lineup he took into the studio to record Third Second (which was released under the name Tom Nehls) featured a cast of characters that would later make their mark on the Twin Cities music scene and beyond. The engineer for the project (and owner of the studio) was Paul Stark, who would later co-found Twin/Tone Records, the label that would help launch the careers of the Replacements, the Suburbs, Soul Asylum, Ween, and the Jayhawks. Among the credited players were future members of the Wolverines Classic Jazz Orchestra, and Skogie and the Flaming Pachucos. Dorothy Benham, a classmate of Nehls’ who was crowned Miss America in 1977, provided a spooky and ethereal vocal on the apocalyptic “Clean Air” (“The black ash rain that obstructs the sun/has eased those people’s pain/You know they’re relieved from their pressure, they could only think of work”).

    Other song titles on Third Second include “No People in the Forest,” “The Underwater Symphony Dream,” and “Your Death.” The instrumentation ranged from the standard guitars, bass, and drums to bells, synthesizer, organ, flute, saxophones, and banjo, augmented with all sorts of period-era studio effects like tape loops, loads of echo, and backwards piano. The insert included with the original album gave a pretty good idea of where Nehls’ head was at in 1973: Among the record’s dedicatees were the Beatles, Frank Zappa, and J.R.R. Tolkien.

    “We were just a bunch of kids bouncing off the walls,” Nehls said. “I think the music was a soup that resulted from a lot of good influences and the dynamics of that time and place. This was probably one of the first records Paul Stark worked on, and he turned out to be the perfect person; he was totally patient and supportive of what we were trying to do.”

    These sorts of rediscoveries are increasingly common in an era marked by obsessive completism and the fevered research of legions of Internet musicologists engaged in a sort of perpetual game of obscurity one-upmanship. Still, that Nehls’ record would find an appreciative (and covetous) audience decades after it originally appeared is particularly strange given that by his own reckoning very few copies of the original vinyl ever made it into circulation. “I didn’t sell very many of them, I can tell you that,” Nehls said. “I sold some to friends, and the record was played by Howard Viken on WCCO one morning. Most of them ended up in my sister’s basement in Chicago, and I lost a bunch of those to flooding. By the time we were finished recording the thing I knew I was going off to college and I was just happy to have done it. It was like a high school project, really, and I didn’t really think about it for probably thirty years, until I started getting these random calls.”

    One of those random calls was from Mark Trehus, longtime Minneapolis record collector and owner of Treehouse Records.

    “A number of years ago a copy of the record came into the store,” Trehus said. “I’d never heard of it, but it looked interesting, and after I listened to it a few times I was intrigued. I’m always looking for records that are kind of odd and are of a particular time and place, and this one definitely fit that bill. It had a sort of late-night psychedelic bedroom vibe to it. I did a little poking around and learned that it was something that a few other people in psychedelic-record-collecting circles had heard about, so I went about trying to track down Nehls and found him alive and well in Florida.”

    Nehls, it turned out, had been not only alive and well, but steadily making music since the day he left the Twin Cities. He’d gone off to River Falls for college, and then one night while he was home for the summer, he remembers, he played Tchaikovsky’s Sixth Symphony with a pops orchestra at the Lake Harriet band shell. By the next day, he said, he had “driven back to River Falls, packed up my stuff, picked up a pedal-steel player who had gigged with Mel Tillis, and headed west.” A couple of nights later he was sitting in with a band in a Reno lounge, playing “acid Spike Jones-style Dixieland.” Nehls credits Don Stoyke, his old music teacher at Southwest, for instilling in him an appreciation for diversity and versatility. “He really drilled it into us that if we wanted to make a go of this we had to learn to play as many different styles as possible.”

    He turned thirty in Reno, after years of traveling and playing a little bit of everything in casinos and clubs on the Reno-Tahoe-Vegas circuit. The eventual move to Florida, Nehls said, was the result of a combination of burnout and opportunity. “I’d spent a long time on the road, and it was getting to be tiring,” he said. “I’ve been writing music every day since 1970—I have over two hundred songs in my BMI catalog—but I really wanted to be able to concentrate on doing my own stuff.”

    Fort Lauderdale has been good to Nehls; he stays busy gigging around the area, has written and recorded music for Disney and the Florida Marlins, and has also released a batch of discs featuring his own compositions. He now has ten CDs available on his website (tommynehls.com), including a reissue of I Always Catch the Third Second of a Yellow Light, which he remastered himself from the archived master tapes he recovered from Stark a few years ago. The record has also allegedly been remixed by indie/experimental/improv pooh-bah Jim O’Rourke (producer-in-demand and a former member of Gastr Del Sol, Red Krayola, and Sonic Youth), even though that rumored version has yet to surface.

    Nehls’ recent music is a serious departure from the lysergic flights of his debut—he is, after all, fifty-one now. The discs have titles like Beachy Keen and Palm Tree Way, and a Caribbean-inflected smooth-jazz feel with occasional forays into New Age; most of the recordings wouldn’t sound at all out of place on any urban lite-FM station. “I basically do everything myself,” Nehls said. “But I like to hire a very good soloist to add the icing to the cake. There’s a lot of amazing talent down here.”

    When Third Second popped up on the radar after all those years, he hadn’t listened to the record in decades. “There were these people finding me,” Nehls said. “People from Japan, a guy from England, another guy from Spain, Mark Trehus in Minneapolis. It was weird. I guess people were learning about it through word of mouth. I sold a couple batches of the records from my sister’s basement to Trehus, and then a couple years ago I typed the album title into Google and was surprised to see these hits from all over the vinyl-collecting community.”

    After Nehls got the master tapes back from Stark he finally pulled on some headphones and sat down to listen to his old creation with fresh ears. “Initially I had a hard time hearing it outside of the context of everything I’ve done since then,” he said. “I mean, I was pretty naïve at that time, and I was just trying to be sincere. But overall I’d have to say I was pleasantly surprised. There were all sorts of things on there I’d forgotten about, all these Sgt. Pepper and Hey Jude references. The notion that people can get excited about something I did is always such a pleasure, but I guess the only thing that really bothered me about the record thirty years later is that I had just gotten a wah-wah pedal at the time, and I definitely over-used it.”

  • Thus Far, A Season Without A Script: The Weekend

    The Twins have now lost three of Johan Santana’s last four starts, which would be disastrous were it not for the surprising performances of Ramon Ortiz and Carlos Silva.

    Everybody, of course, is just figuring that anything positive that Santana can give the team in April is gravy, given his slow starts in recent seasons. I think that’s about the right way to look at it, and it’s sort of easy to look at it that way when the team has had an erratic April and is still 14-11 and in second place in the Central. It’s easy to look at it that way when two of the big rotation question marks coming out of spring training have thus far silenced critics.

    There was no reason to expect that the team that lost five-out-of-six to Kansas City and Cleveland would go to Detroit and take two-out-of-three, but therein lies the basic truth about baseball: there’s really never any reason to expect anything, other than the unexpected. The Twins’ season has already had more highs and lows than a Hold Steady record, but they’re sitting in pretty good shape as they head to Tampa Bay for what should —should— be a little breather (it won’t be, of course, if only because Sidney Ponson takes the hill in the opener) before heading into one of the toughest stretches of the first half: a homestand featuring series with Boston, Chicago, and Detroit, and then a three-game set at Jacobs Field.

    Today’s game –a 4-3 loss on a Brandon Inge walk-off homer against the struggling Jesse Crain– demonstrated how much the Twins depend on their middle of the order guys. Gardenhire shook up the lineup; Punto led off, and Bartlett hit second, and they were on base five times, but didn’t score any runs owing to the fact that Mauer, Cuddyer, and Morneau were a combined 0-10.

    So far ’07 is looking like a repeat of last season in that the three-through-six guys in the batting order (Mauer, Cuddyer, Morneau, and Hunter) are the top four on the team in both RBI and runs scored.

    As far as Crain’s wretched April goes, I’m not going to get too concerned until we get a couple more months out of the way. He was awful last April as well (12 IP, 20 hits allowed, and a 7.50 ERA).

  • One Moment Sometimes Doesn't Lead To Another

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    The little house with its peeling paint and mossy shingles was set well back from the street and appeared to be floating in a sea of saffron grass bleached by the sun and burnished by the fleeting sweep of twilight.

    It was hot. There wasn’t a shadow left in which to take refuge, and there wasn’t a single thing moving in any direction.

    If you stood in the middle of the street you would hear the unreal, thrumming silence of dusk in a dead-end place and you’d smell the rain that would creep in after darkness fell. If you stood still and listened hard you could probably hear the surf of truck traffic on the highway at the edge of town. And if you stood there long enough you might eventually see a child aboard a bicycle glide silently like a dream fragment through the intersection at the end of the block.

    You might.

    But you might not. There weren’t a lot of children around anymore.

    If you took a few steps up the front sidewalk you’d smell the cigarette smoke that was drifting in almost rhythmic waves through the window screen. And if you were bored or curious enough to press your face to the screen you’d see an unfinished jigsaw puzzle spread out on a card table, a windmill and a field of red tulips shot full of jagged holes. You’d see an orange plastic ashtray with a burning cigarette wedged in one of the badly-stained slots, and an abandoned game of Solitaire lined up on a coffee table. An old woman would be sitting there in a faded sun dress imprinted with a pattern of what might have been sunflowers. Across the room from her, sitting utterly still in a recliner, his bare feet just jutting into the left side of the frame (you’d have to move or crane your neck to take him all in), would be a shirtless man wearing nothing but boxer shorts and holding a pistol in his lap.

    From another room in the house you’d hear the disconsolate burst of a television laugh track.

    You wouldn’t necessarily know this, though, so I’ll tell you: I’ve fired that gun before, but I’ve been waiting my whole life to really shoot something.