Brad Zellar Can we just start the All Star break now? Seriously, let’s go ahead and forfeit tomorrow’s game and give the boys an extra day’s rest. Go on and send Joe Nathan to Detroit, but keep Johan home. He needs some quiet time, maybe one of those spirit retreats the New Age hippies used to talk … Read more
I’m opening the phone lines for suggestions, but I’ll start off with a sample from one of rock’s most literate songwriters, and a perennial candidate for any list of great underrated musicians. This one always comes in handy for any unhappy relationship or untenable work situation: I’m giving you my notice, and it works this … Read more
–Illustration by James Dankert I’ve decided I’m not going to have squat to say about the Twins until they a) start scoring some stinking runs on a consistent basis; b) get some wins from somebody besides Joe Mays and Kyle Lohse; and c) get close enough to the White Sox that Shannon Stewart could hit … Read more
—Daniel Corrigan, Eddie Potomac. Publicity photos for Warriors: The Musical. 1984. I don’t know if there’s a way to measure how high you are, but I was super high. I was baked to the point where my brain was running two or three steps behind my tongue. Or maybe it was the other way around. … Read more
to be a discoverer you hold close whatever you find, and after a while you decide what it is. Then, secure in where you have been, you turn to the open sea and let go. –William Stafford, from “Security” Is the path to the waterfall an ascent or a descent? Descents have a bad reputation … Read more
Gogi? I remember saying. Is that your real name? She said something to me, something impertinent I’m sure, that was lost in the whirring of the blender. Grasshopper? she said a moment later, offering me a thick green drink in a jelly jar. I swear, I said, I could drink these all night. I do, … Read more
It’s always nice when you’re scuffling to get some wins from the back end of your rotation. It would be even nicer at this point to see the Twins start putting together some big innings and throwing some crooked numbers on the board to give the pitching staff a little breather, but I’m not about … Read more
Maybe you’ve seen my tongue limping in circles, yoked to the whip hand of my brain, sinking further and further into the muck. The words don’t come out the way they’re supposed to, or the way they used to. Something happens. Happened. It’s like when you take a picture and the print looks nothing like … Read more
–Illustration by James Dankert Last night was a train wreck all around. I drove down to my old home town, Blooming Void, to attend my 25th high school reunion. To be perfectly honest with you, I’m not quite sure what I was thinking. When I got home from work I tried without much success to … Read more
All summer I’ve had a retired shop teacher in my skull, trying to teach himself to play the marimba. I liked it better when he stuck with hammers and power tools. I know my tongue’s tucked away somewhere in my face, but I can’t feel the damn thing. The world outside my windows looks like … Read more