Rich Goldsmith After $761 million in public financing in the early nineties, countless broken promises to workers, unions, legislators, and the inane poke to the rectum that is the price of the Northwest SmartSnack, Minnesota’s favorite dysfunctional relationship is over. Sure, it was great to throw our international hub status in the faces of those who would … Read more
As snowbirds throughout the southern half of the country point and laugh maniacally at the spawn they left behind in this wintry hell known as Minnesota, we turn our attention to warmer climes. No, not Eldorado, Texas, where, until recently, polygamy was alive and far too pug fucking ugly and insecure to land anything but … Read more
The world’s attention is currently focused on the 130 day around the world relay taken by the Olympic torch. The attention, of course, stems not from the spectacle of a highway built up the side of Mount Everest for the torch-bearer to climb in May, nor from the touching traditional display of Olympic unity that … Read more
The status quo is almost always a warm, comforting feeling. No matter how often people complain about Minnesota’s interminable winters, or Cyndy Brucato’s mummy-like visage staring soullessly from KSTP evening newscasts, eternally hungering for the blood of Amy Hockert, they would still be profoundly disturbed these constants were suddenly stripped from their lives. This is … Read more
Sex is the great equalizer, for does not the rich man conduct his doggy-style in much the same way as the poor man? Granted, the rich man conducts his to the tune of $5,000 per night while the poor man’s might’ve cost him a bottle of Strawberry Hill at the liquor store down the block, … Read more
For those of you lulled into complacency by auspicious recent events such as Britney’s brief flirtation with lucidity, it’s important to note that, not only is the entertainment industry still pumping out fucking loons at a heretofore unheard of pace, but our politicians are providing ample evidence of a world view so profoundly divorced from … Read more
The Minneapolis-Saint Paul Craig’s List is a colder and more lonely place these days as foreclosures reach a feverish pace in otherwise sleepy places like Anoka County. Cul-de-sacs once buzzing with activity and excitement now lie fallow. Residents no longer stumble, drunk in hedonistic delight, from house to house, relieving boredom and ennui with the … Read more
It’s Friday, and like that girl you had in the backseat of your dad’s Buick back in ’82, Spring just ain’t giving up the goods. And while the putrid grey color of today’s sky and frozen water the clouds vomit forth inch by cursed inch may bode well for today’s opening of the new North … Read more
Like the stealthy shinobi, Secretary of Education Margaret Spellings slipped in and out of Saint Paul yesterday, accomplishing her mission with a minimum of bloodshed and outcry from those who would oppose her in carrying out the quest laid upon her by her daimyo. Few recognized her shadowy presence, overshadowed as it was with news … Read more
Like Jabba the Hutt, whose only purpose was to give George Lucas an excuse to put Princess Leia in a slave bikini, this year’s $1 billion budget deficit seems only to exist to further divide a legislature already spoiling for a fight. And much like the epic struggle between Empire and the Rebellion, the battles … Read more