The Rake Magazine

Author: Cristina Córdova

  • Dance Is a Poem, Each Movement Is a Word

    As you’re going about your business today, be sure to take some time out to check out some of our new Rake videos. Let Rake intern Tyler Jensen and co-creator Carissa Camarena take you behind the curtains of Dykes Do Drag. Enjoy an animated look at what makes us tick, Live Long and Open the Doors to My Fishtank, by Rake intern Tricia Towey. Discover Pure Light under the tutelage Lama Ole Nydahl, as seen through the lens of Christopher Kelleher. And take a trip to Canterbury Downs with Owen. In fact, if you haven’t already done so, you can enjoy many more adventures with Owen.

    MORE VIDEO
    Music That Moves

    Consider your night completely
    planned. The Oak Street Cinema is serving up a scoop of music sprinkled
    with a generous helping of video and an after party on top. Start the evening off with Music That Moves, a collection of
    the best music videos and music documentaries produced by
    our very own "fearless filmmakers." Veterans such as
    Chuck Statler, Rick Fuller, and Phil Harder will lead the way with
    notable artists, such as Dan Wilson (Semisonic), The Owls, and an exclusive
    look behind the scenes at one of the greatest hair bands
    of all time. But the fun doesn’t stop there. After enjoying
    music on the screen, change things up a bit and enjoy some live music
    at the Kitty Cat Klub. Fearless Filmmakers is hosting an after
    party at the Klub and each Music That Moves patron gets a FREE drink!
    Does a night get any better than this? —Kate Leibfried

    7:30 p.m., Oak Street Cinema, 309 Oak St. S.E., Minneapolis; 612-331-3134; $9, students $7, MFA members $5.

    MUSIC
    Music That Moves You

    If music videos aren’t exactly
    your cup of tea, fear not. There is another option tonight for
    people who march to the beat of a different drummer…or violinist. Orchestra Hall is proud to present Tchaikovsky’s Violin Concerto,
    played by Minnesota native Peter McGuire. Tchaikovsky’s concerto
    is a complicated, intricate work that will surely leave you breathless
    by the time it reaches its fast-paced conclusion. All classical
    music fans should not miss McGuire’s performance as he brings to life
    this timeless masterpiece. For a preview of Tchaikovsky’s Violin
    Concerto click here. —Kate Leibfried

    7:30 p.m., Orchestra Hall, 1111 Nicollet Mall, Minneapolis; 612-371-5656; $20-$45.

    WORKSHOPS
    Move It!

    Learn some new moves tonight at the Guthrie. Actor, or not, you can indulge in a beginners class that will teach you how to move like a professional. Get on some comfortable clothes, and enjoy Broadway Moves: Intro to Musical Theater and Dance. Maybe you’ll discover your true calling. Maybe you’ll brush up just enough to secure that next role. Or maybe you’ll just gain enough confidence to put on a fabulous Valentine’s Day show for your partner. Hmmm…. not a bad idea.

    6:30-8 p.m., Guthrie Theater, 818 S 2nd St., Minneapolis; 612-377-2224; $15.

    Move With Words

    If you’re more of a thinker than a shaker, put on your beret and get out your megaphone because the Guthrie is offering another class for you. Professional actor Mark Rosenwinkel will be teaching a workshop called Play, Write: Intro to Playwriting. During this one and a half hour class, you will learn how to harness your ideas and translate them to the page. You will also learn how your ideas might take shape on the stage. Sure, Diablo Cody can have that Oscar, but let this be your first step toward that Tony. —Kate Leibfried

    6:30-8 p.m., Guthrie Theater, 818 S 2nd St., Minneapolis; 612-377-2224; $15.

  • Shall I Read or Look at Naked Ladies?

    BOOKS
    All Shall Be Well; And All Shall Be Well; And All Manner of Things Shall Be Well

    The history of literature—up to and including the stuff piled on the
    new arrivals tables at your local bookstore—is crammed with oddballs
    and anachronisms. That said, it’s still a rare novel that can take such
    raw materials and make something truly funny, compelling, and moving
    out of them. Based on the early reports, Tod Wodicka’s
    debut novel—which features a tunic-wearing medieval re-enactor as a
    protagonist—consistently hits all the right grace notes. British
    reviews have consistently remarked on both the book’s comedy and its
    compassion, and All Shall Be Well has drawn comparisons to both Don Quixote and the novels of Charles Portis. It doesn’t get much more promising than that. —Brad Zellar

    Available today in bookstores.

    BOOKS & AUTHORS
    Hated Ideas and the American Civil War Press

    Do all ideas deserve protection? Can and should people say or even
    publish whatever is on their mind? Should there be some kind of limit
    to free speech? Author, media historian, professor Hazel
    Dicken-Garcia     will be addressing these tough questions today, as she discusses the
    content of her new book, Hated Ideas and the American Civil War Press.
    This book asserts that hated ideas (such as abolitionism and slavery
    during the American Civil War) are sometimes valuable ideas. She
    explores the controversial world of news media and the coverage of
    hated ideas. Dicken-Garcia proves that history is alive and that there
    is a lot to learn from it. What do you think? Should the First
    Amendment be static? —Kate Leibfried

    4 p.m., University of Minnesota Bookstore, Coffman Memorial Union, 300 Washington Ave. S.E., Minneapolis; 612-626-0559; free.

    ART
    Body Songs

    Sometime you just have to see an exhibit because the title is far too seductive to pass up. Body Songs. Body songs. In this case, quite literally, body songs. The exhibit, which opened yesterday (with an official reception to follow on Friday), features a 25-year retrospective (1967 to 1991) of Judith Roode’s articulate drawings of the female figure. Through them, Roode addresses the usual (and yet compelling) dichotomies of public/private, exterior/interior, naked/clothed, mind/body, and power/opression. But above and beyond any deep analysis you might draw from viewing the exhibit, you should simply enjoy — enjoy the sheer beauty of the form.

    8 a.m. – 8 p.m., The Catherine G. Murphy Gallery, 2004 Randolph Ave., College of St. Catherine, St. Paul; 651-690-6644.

  • Noir or Kora?

    First things first: Our February issue hits the stands today, so be sure to pick up a copy or stop by our website to check out our latest features. Learn about Dakota founder and co-owner Lowell Pickett. Discover the Truth Project. And read about fine-dining options that aren’t getting the buzz they deserve.

    Are you a Santana fan? Don’t miss his April 21st show at the Xcel Center. Tickets go on sale today at Ticketmaster.

    FILM
    Underworld U.S.A.

    It’s noir Monday at the Parkway! Today they’re serving up a dose of crime, violence, and revenge in the dark 1960s film Underworld U.S.A. In this film noir we meet fourteen-year-old Tolly Devlin, who sees four mobsters beat his father to death. As Tolly plans his revenge, the killers rise to the top of the crime syndicate. It’s a story of love and loss, cold hard revenge and humanity. The tough-as-nails actors make Underworld U.S.A. a thrilling watch. The Parkway is also the perfect, laid-back venue for this event. Enjoy a beer (seriously, you can), and enjoy the show. —Kate Leibfried

    7 p.m., Parkway Theater, 4814 Chicago Ave. S., Minneapolis;
    612-822-3030; $5.

    WINE & DINE
    Café Levain

    Wait! Before you add Noir Night to your planner, consider setting aside a little extra time to satisfy your hunger. Café Levain is right down the street and ready to serve up some tasty food to enjoy before a delectable night of film. Enjoy a wide selection of delicacies that are easier on the pocket book than the former (and much bigger) Restaurant Levain. All entrées are priced under $20, including a choice of side dish. Choose from items such as duck pâté, blue mussels, roast chicken, and potato gnocchi. There is even a small wine bar and a tantalizing dessert menu. To read more about this relatively new "restaurant-gone-café," check out our restaurant review from earlier this year. —Kate Leibfried

    Café Levain, 48th St. & Chicago Ave. S., Minneapolis; 612-823-7111.

    MUSIC
    Toumani Diabate & the Symmetric Orchestra

    He has been called the world’s finest kora player. He has gained international acclaim. He has performed all around the world. He’s here. Toumani Diabate will be playing at the Dakota tonight, and all this time you have probably been thinking, "What the hell is a kora?" Fear not. You are not alone in your ignorance. A kora is a popular instrument in Guinea, Senegal, The Gambia, and Mali (where Diabate hails from), but it is none too common in the good ol’ U.S. of A. It looks like an upright lute, but is made from a large calabash cut in half and covered with cow skin, and it usually has 21 strings. The sound of a kora resembles that of a harp, though when played in the traditional style, it bears a closer resemblance to flamenco guitar techniques. And here’s a little piece of trivia for you in case you are studying to appear on Jeopardy: A traditional kora player is called a Jali, similar to a bard or oral historian. Diabate blends traditional music from Mali with flamenco, blues, jazz, and other international styles to create a stunning sound that is backed up by the fabulous Symmetric Orchestra. If you’re jonesing for something unique or simply want to enjoy some stunning instrumentals, check out Diabate, the Dakota’s favorite Jali. —Kate Leibfried

    7 & 9:30 p.m., Dakota Jazz Club and Restaurant, 1010 Nicollet Ave., Minneapolis; 612-332-1010; $20 – $40.

  • Christian Johnson’s Playlist

    On a dreary winter morning, while dining on scrambled eggs at The Bad Waitress, we noticed something about this South Minneapolis eatery: It has one of the best jukeboxes in town. Miles Davis, PJ Harvey, and early REM, to name but a few, were the perfect accompaniment to a slow-starting Sunday. So impressed were we by the eclectic mix, in fact, that we asked the man behind the jukebox, Christian Johnson, who also happens to be the owner of The Bad Waitress (and the Spyhouse Coffee Shop up the street) to share his personal playlist. Dubbing his mix “Seven Days in the Desert, Ten Albums Shotgun,” Johnson explains that these albums will provide the soundtrack to an upcoming road trip: “Every year I travel to the desert to get away, driving along deserted county roads and visiting small-town weirdness in the American Southwest. These albums inspire, and typify, the mystery surrounding those desert communities and their hauntingly beautiful landscapes.”

    10. Depeche Mode, Violator (1990)
    “Personal Jesus,” “Enjoy the Silence,” “Policy of Truth.” To me, it was their first heavy album with a lot less electronica, dance-type stuff.

    9. The Cramps, Bad Music for Bad People (1984)
    The track “TV Set,” produced by Alex Chilton, begins with cannibalistic drums and rants of debauchery; on “Garbageman,” engines thunder into a gothic rockabilly riff.

    8. Bowery Electric, Lushlife (2000)
    Formed in New York in the ’90s, this duo’s last album proved to be a cinematic soundtrack to a post-modern world; it’s filled with rich tones and futuristic qualities similar to Portishead and Massive Attack.

    7. 120 Days, 120 Days (2006)
    Hailing from Norway, this band produces a relentless and pulsating rhythm indicative of The Cure in the early ’80s, The Jesus and Mary Chain, and My Bloody Valentine. Their ambient drone, rolling drums, and subtle, soaring vocals complement the synths and guitars on tracks such as “Lazy Eyes” and “Sleepwalking.”

    6. Judas Priest, Point of Entry (1981)
    I must confess, there is a metal band I still listen to. This underrated record was released between two monster-selling albums: British Steel and Screaming for Vengeance. With tracks such as the appropriately titled “Heading Out to the Highway” and “Desert Plains,” this album is perfect when departing the motel parking lot and hitting the road for another day of scorching heat and highway haunts.

    5. The Clash, Combat Rock (1982)
    It’s The Clash. Come on!

    4. Gram Rabbit, Music to Start a Cult To (2004)
    Former Minneapolis darling Jessica Von Rabbit fronts this dangerously disturbing pop assault of renegades now residing in Joshua Tree, California. Their first full-length album engages the listener from the murderous West with a soundtrack of brilliantly written pop anthems. Jessica’s voice floats above melodic rhythms of guitars, pianos, and synths, with a backbeat of go-go inspired tastes. My favorite tracks are their massive hit “Cowboy-Up,” “Land of Jail,” and “Cowboys & Aliens.” Imagine Madonna, Johnny Cash, Brian Jonestown Massacre, and The Jesus and Mary Chain all in the same Chevy Nova going 120 miles an hour and crashing into a van filled with bunnies.

    3. X, Under the Big Black Sun (1982)
    A classic album whether on the road or sitting in church. John Doe and Exene Cervenka deliver modest attitude and an electrified sound with great talent as songwriters and vocalists. John Doe’s solo albums are also a must for any trip.

    2. The Cult, Pure Cult: The Best of the Cult
    Just a great collection of American commercial rock songs from English blood.

    1. Mark Lanegan, Bubblegum (2004)
    The darkest and most urban album to date from Seattle’s Screaming Trees frontman. The tracks “Head” and “Hit the City,” with PJ Harvey, are explosive. “Driving Death Valley Blues” speaks of addiction with reference to the road. This bluesy album is full of depth, soul, and loss.

  • A Bit of Courage and a Dash of Spunk

    BOOKS & AUTHORS
    Fear and Courage in the Democratic Party

    Blunt, brutal, to-the-point honesty can be pretty rare in politics, but that
    is exactly what Glenn Hurowitz delivers in his candid book called
    Fear and Courage in the Democratic Party    . Hurowitz is a journalist,
    political commentator and the president of the Democratic Courage political
    action committee. He is also fed up with the status quo.
    Hurowitz’ book is frank conversation about the watering-down of Democratic
    politics and the trepidation most Dems have to stray too far from the
    comfortable middle ground. Fear and Courage in the Democratic
    Party     is also a call for change. Citing courageous politicians
    such as the late Paul Wellstone, Hurowitz encourages Dems to fight for
    what they believe in and to resist being "spineless weasels" like
    some politicians. Join Hurowitz as he discusses his book today
    at Magers and Quinn at 7:30 pm. Politics have rarely been hotter. —Kate Leibfried

    Friday at 7:30 p.m., Magers & Quinn Booksellers, 3038 Hennepin Ave. S., Minneapolis; 612-822-4611.

    THEATER & PERFORMANCE
    Drink Up That Espresso

    Consider this an early warning, so that you have ample time to move on it: The "highly caffeinated comedy," Triple Espresso, is coming to a close here on April 12. If the show’s great success hasn’t convinced you to see it yet, then consider for a moment that these three local artists wanted to work together so badly that they created this piece precisely to satisfy that need. Have they satisfied it? I’m sure they have. How about you? Let Bill Arnold, Michael Pearce Donley, and Bob Stromberg tickle your funnybone a while. They’ll even be performing in the roles they created during the last two weeks of the performances, from April 2-12.

    Friday at 8 p.m., Saturday at 5 & 8 p.m., and Sunday at 3 & 6:30 p.m., Music Box Theatre, 1407 Nicollet Mall, Minneapolis; 612-871-1414; $31-36.

    BENEFIT
    Minnesota Film and TV Board Celebrates 25 Years

    Ever wonder how big a hand the Minnesota Film and TV Board has had in the film industry? For 25 years they’ve been supporting locally made movies, television, and commercials – and trying to generate more. A Prairie Home Companion, Fargo, Mighty Ducks, Grumpy Old Men, and yes, even Purple Rain. Just think, without them we might never have seen Prince writhing on the floor for his Darling Nikki. That’s a pretty darn good reason to show some love, even if that love puts a notable dent in your monthly budget. Your contribution is bound to pay off well in entertainment value… with a side of state pride.

    Saturday at 8 p.m., FIVE, 2917 Bryant Ave. S., Minneapolis; 651-645-3600; $150.

    MUSIC
    moe.

    In terms of wank-out psychedelia, this Buffalo, New York-based jam
    band is more peyote than purple microdot: organic, smooth, and offering
    a slightly shorter trip than the Grateful Dead or Phish, or their friend Umphrey’s McGee. After using concert improvisations to flesh out the tunes that run like flowing ribbons through previous albums like Wormwood and The Conch, moe. cranked out their latest, Sticks and Stones
    (due January 22), in three weeks of recording, customizing ten songs to
    clock less than forty-one minutes total. But between the dual guitars
    and the wanton back catalog, the new stuff should be shaggy enough to
    win over the self-proclaimed “moe.rons” in the audience. —Britt Robson

    Sunday at 8 p.m., First Avenue, 701 First Ave. N., Minneapolis; 612-332-1775; $25.

    International Guitar Night

    As I’m told, the guitar and the piano are the only two instruments on which you can play both a harmony and a melody simultaneously. If you work it right, it’s like… making a woman sing. OK, that’s ridiculous. But if we had let ourselves go with it, we’d have to point out that both instruments have feminine curves. Of course, the guitar is much more fun to hold. Guitar lovers, head out to International Guitar Night on Sunday for an evening of multifarious acoustic guitar, featuring D’Gary, Clive Carroll, Brian Gore, and Miguel de la Bastide. Sure, I love some of the basic acoustic rock this town has to offer, but guitarists like these are hard to come by.

    Sunday at 7:30 p.m.,     The Cedar Cultural Center, 416 Cedar Ave. S., Minneapolis; 612-388-2674; $15.

    DANCE
    Kevin Locke Native Dance Ensemble

    Truth be told, I’ve never met a Native American artist with only one art. It seems the singer can bead, the drummer can sing, the writer can dance, the storyteller can paint, the dancer can drum. In this case, he does it all… pretty much. Kevin Locke has performed in over 70 countries, as a flutist, a storyteller, and a dancer. Come see him this Sunday with his Native Dance Ensemble.

    Sunday at 3 & 7 p.m., Southern Theater, 1420 Washington Ave. S., Minneapolis; 612-340-1725; $18.

  • Blue Door: A Door to the Future?

    I was definitely feeling something at the end of Blue Door, but it wasn’t necessarily satisfaction. I was left with a lingering something: a desire to probe the questions asked by the play, but also the need to challenge some of its core ideas. Perhaps it was Tanya Barfield’s intention to make her audience squirm a little, to make us slightly uncomfortable about the way we view race and race relations. However, when the play concluded and the protagonist, Lewis, finally seemed to embrace his heritage, I wasn’t ready to embrace it with him.

    In Blue Door, Lewis (who is played by David Eulus Wiles), is an African American math professor who has found himself unsettlingly alone after his white wife divorced him because he refused to participate in the Million Man March. As he paces around his house, trying to resist the insomnia that plagues him, he is visited by the spirits of his ancestors (all played by Eric Avery). These ancestors try to get Lewis to acknowledge his roots and embrace his "blackness."

    My main beef with the play is that education, success, and productivity seemed to be equated with "denying one’s blackness." It made me uncomfortable to see Lewis’ ancestors admonishing him for being involved in "white academia." Yes, Lewis took his pursuit of excellence to an extreme, but I did not think he deserved such harsh abuse. I was left wondering, "Where is the middle ground? Can’t a person be both black and successful?"

    To be fair, as a white woman I can never exactly see the world in the same way that an African-American man might see it. I cannot relate to the experience Lewis had when a fellow professor stared at his hands as if afraid that he might strike her with them. I cannot imagine what it must be like to be burdened with a history of whippings, lynchings, and back-breaking labor. I do not, however, think it is wrong for Lewis to study mathematics and read Herman Melville. Furthermore, Melville hailed from a time when women were oppressed as well. Why can women today read literature from male-dominated time periods and dabble in the traditional spaces of white men without feeling guilty?

    Don’t get me wrong. I think it is important to acknowledge who you are and to remember your roots and family history. I also think we stand on the shoulders of our ancestors and we should not be afraid to reach for bigger and better things. I do not honestly believe that Tanya Barfield meant to say that African Americans should not be successful, but I think she was simply too hard on Lewis. There was a schism between her characters that was much too sharp. One the one hand, there was Lewis, a hard working, intelligent, very successful math professor who refused to acknowledge his blackness. On the other hand, there was Rex, Lewis’ not-so-successful brother who died of a drug overdose. Where was the character that was both black and successful? In the end, Lewis seemed to finally "get it" and stopped repressing his past. At this point, however, he had already messed up his teaching career because paranoia about his blackness in a white world provoked him to yell at an innocent student.

    Although I didn’t necessarily agree with some of its assertions, Blue Door did have some heart-wrenching, conscience-jerking moments. Lewis’ ancestors spun poignant tales about struggling in a cruel and overwhelmingly white world. Avery did an excellent job portraying the hardships of Lewis’ ancestors and the unjust treatment of African Americans as slaves and as "free" men. His performance was most haunting when he sang in a stunning, clear voice the Ancestor’s Song. "Baba agba, iya agba,mo pe o." Grandfather, Grandmother, I call on you.

    Despite its pessimistic tone, Blue Door ended on a somewhat positive note. Lewis finally manages to acknowledge and make peace with the ancestors that haunted him throughout the play. Instead of struggling against his inner voices, Lewis gives in and starts working in cadence with his ancestors as they paint a door together, singing with each stroke. Lewis finally grasped the importance of his heritage, but I left hoping that he would also not deny his own success-filled past. A blue door is said to keep the night terrors out, but you have to leave the house sometime.

  • "There is no strong performance without a little fanaticism in the performer." —RWE

    ART & PERFORMANCE
    Performance
    (career ender)

    Claude
    Wampler     hates the word "performance." She believes in muddling the
    line between audience and "performer" as much as possible, and testing
    the boundaries of the stage. She is known for giving the visual
    arts a theatrical twist, and often treats her audience like actors. For instance, in her show Bucket, Wampler hired attractive people
    to sit in the audience and walk out in a huff during the show to test the audience’s
    commitment. Her show at the Walker is entitled Performance
    (career ender)    ,     because she is fascinated with the concept of "going
    out with a bang." She invented the show with the thought, "if
    I had to make a final piece, what would it be?" What will it
    be? There’s only one way to find out… —Kate Leibfried

    8 p.m., Walker Art Center, 1750 Hennepin Ave., Minneapolis; 612-375-7600; $20.

    SPECIAL EVENT
    Chinese New Year Spectacular

    A
    feast for the senses, the Chinese New Year Spectacular is in full gear this evening
    at Northrup Auditorium. Over one-hundred artists will come together
    to create one firecracker of an event. Come, not only for the skilled
    dancers and musicians, but also for the beautifully crafted, dazzling
    costumes. The Chinese New Year Spectacular is put on by the Divine
    Performing Arts of New York    , an exciting new company receiving rave
    reviews in New York City. We are lucky to be hosting them in Minneapolis,
    but make haste! The Chinese New Year Spectacular is playing for
    one night only, and tickets are bound to go fast. —Kate Leibfried

    7 p.m., Northrop Auditorium, 84 Church St. S.E., Minneapolis;

    652-393-2837; $38-$120.

    MUSIC
    Vampires, Beasts, and Deacons

    Check out First Ave for a solid triple bill, starting with Minneapolis newcomers Vampire Hands. This quartet of longhairs delivers a visceral wallop of noise-boogie intensity, heavily steeped in ’70s Stooges-esque proto punk. Gay Beast’s jagged rhythms, complicated interplay and deadpan panic approximates a sort of diseased musical articulation, and their crazy dynamics should sound great in the main room. Baltimore’s Dan Deacon headlines along with some weird audio/visual deal called Ultimate Reality. It’s described as a collaborative DVD, performance, and "Dominant Pansexual Ubermyth." Not sure what that means, but it sounds like it’s gonna be pretty cool. —Christopher Hontos

    6 p.m., First Avenue, 701 First Ave. N., Minneapolis; 612-332-1775;     $10.

    BOOKS & AUTHORS
    Hari Kunzru: My Revolutions

    Having adopted an alias, Michael Frame, the character at the center of My Revolutions
    is living a carefully constructed life of suburban mediocrity, hiding
    his radical history from a capitalist career wife and a stepchild who
    dreams of nothing more romantic than a gig as a corporate lawyer. As
    always seems to happen in such stories—whether in real life or
    fiction—ghosts come calling and Frame is dragged back into the past.
    That’s admittedly a tired premise, but Kunzru—one of Granta’s “Twenty
    Best Fiction Writers Under Forty”—has a pretty good track record at
    making something stylish and memorable out of unpromising material. His
    previous novels, The Impressionist and Transmission, seemed like cool, logical outgrowths from his work at Mute Magazine, a nifty British rag that focuses on the exploration of globalization and “network societies.” From the sound of things, My Revolutions is a sort of ambitious departure, and a meditation on the fluidity of time, identity, ideology, and necessity. —Danielle Cabot

    Available today in bookstores nationwide.

    ART
    The Best Local Illustrators

    This evening is the official opening of the latest CVA Gallery exhibit, described by Rake illustrator Hugh Bennewitz as "the first serious illustrator show in the twin towns in some time." Illo.Minn features work by more than 25 Minnesota illustrators — along with some fabulous boxed wine and other great things, I hear.

    6-8 p.m., The CVA Gallery, 173 Western Ave., at the corner of Western and Selby avenues, St. Paul.

  • Fanfare for Food Fight

    [A response to various blog posts about Mpls./St. Paul Magazine food critic Andrew Zimmern: "Ode to a Sycophant," "Zimmern’s Complaint," and "A Bone to Pick with Andrew Zimmern." See also "I, Too, Have a Bone to Pick with Andrew Zimmern."]

    Just read the whole three-tiered back and forth! Love it. Laughed my ass off. Am proud of my culinary community. I love The Rake — Mitch Omer (such balls!). And Tom Bartel’s response was just absolutely nuts-on: "I¹m beginning to think we should have a test before we let people read The Rake. First question: What does the word irony mean?" What an asset The Rake is to our watery, wussified, fear-laden journalistic scene here in the Shitties.

    “Name Withheld by Request”
    Letter

  • All Hail Hicks

    I had to write and let you know how much I enjoyed Dylan Hicks’s short story in your December issue ["1984 Dodge Ram Roadtrek II – $4500"]. It was like reading a combination of S.J. Perelman and Steve Rushin. Thanks for making the holiday brighter!

    Amy Scott, St. Paul
    Letter

  • Suffer the Children

    The holiday spirit had barely dissipated last month when close to one-hundred-fifty people took to the streets to protest budget cuts for early childhood education. One protester was apparently so distressed by the lack of resources that she wailed and threw herself on her knees. Others tried to help her up, but she let her body go limp like an obstinate child. She was, in fact, four years old.

    All told, about two-thirds of the marchers had yet to see the inside of a kindergarten classroom. Clad in orange and sporting “Early Start” and “Strong Finish” signs on their chests and backs, respectively, the preschoolers, along with numerous chaperones, paraded down Nicollet Mall in downtown Minneapolis, the youngest riding in carts pulled by teachers, parents, and volunteers from the YWCA Children’s Center at 12th and Nicollet.

    Despite the goal that adults professed for the protest, the children seemed more concerned with peace. Many of them wore white satin headbands with that word spelled out in glitter and (except for the aforementioned activist) chanted, “We want peace. We want peace” as they skipped and jumped.

    “It’s really more about promoting civic engagement,” admitted Ellen Cleary, a YWCA development specialist, by way of explaining the confusion. When a reporter tried to get a straight answer from various marchers, they responded with the usual indignation, suspicion, and evasiveness, as if they had spied an infiltrator in their midst. One girl impudently thrust out her sign and contorted her sweet little face into a derisive “What—are you stupid?” expression. Another coyly smiled and looked down at her frosty feet, as if to suggest that she was marching for the right to winter boots. A three-year-old boy let out a shriek, buried his face in a nearby shoulder, and refused to answer. After the march, when questioned, four-year-old Nora ran and hid under a table.

    Protected by her gray laminate canopy, she was a little more forthcoming about what she was marching for. “Peace,” she said. And what is peace? Nora giggled and ran for cover again, this time into the arms of a YWCA volunteer. “Do you want to tell?” asked the volunteer. “No!” Nora insisted, and wriggled free of one more interrogator.

    The action on Nicollet Mall, organized by the YWCA of Minneapolis in honor of Early Childhood Education Awareness Month, was one of four protests (each near one of the nonprofit’s locations) to publicize five years’ worth of budget cuts for state childcare subsidies. According to the YWCA, with fewer low-income families qualifying for subsidies and facing higher co-payments, many low-income children are now deprived of early childhood education and some childcare centers have had to close.

    Becky Roloff, CEO of the YWCA of Minneapolis, attempted to kick off the downtown event with a brief statement. With several news cameras trained on her, she fought to be heard over the roar of restless children. “We are marching to tell everybody how important it is that all of you go to school and get an education like I got an education,” Roloff explained to her young audience. “We are doing this so that we can give you a good start, so that you can do well in school, and for the rest of your lives.”

    Without a microphone, however, Roloff’s message was no match for the din of a hundred youngsters ready to take it to the streets. The cameramen asked her to do another take—but not before Sarah Warren, an eager protest organizer with a drum, took a wrong cue. She began rallying the children to shout, “Early start, strong finish!”

    Though Roloff attempted to give the media what they wanted, revved-up children have a way of getting their way. There was nothing to do but lead the kiddie caravan out of the YWCA and into the cold.

    “What do we want? Peace! When do we want it? Now!” Thus began the mixed-message march as the group set off on its three-block trek down the Mall.

    Two blocks along, one mother, clearly accustomed to more aggressive demonstrations, spotted an approaching police car; she froze on the spot, as if bracing herself for the tear gas. The nearby nippers continued, oblivious to the threat.

    “We want peace. Hands are not for hitting,” they sang. Girls twirled. Boys jumped. Energy soared. And one lonely tear welled up in a reporter’s eye, while other passersby, in classic Minnesota fashion, seemed entirely oblivious to the spectacle.