Category: Article

  • Strike Anywhere

    Not content as one of the world’s foremost cartoonists (don’t call her a graphic novelist—she loathes that designation), Marjane Satrapi has now made the leap into directing movies, starting with an animated adaptation of her highly acclaimed Persepolis. This modestly budgeted film is a brilliant hybrid of black-and-white and color, fable and memoir, at turns hilarious, deeply moving, and sad. (It is also France’s official selection for the Best Foreign Film Oscar.) The story concerns the young Marjane reminiscing about her childhood in Tehran during the transitional years between the Shah’s oppressive régime and the leadership of the equally oppressive Ayatollah Khomeini. Satrapi is gregarious and wonderfully opinionated, and also a proud smoker: the venue for our interview was changed so that she could puff away freely in her hotel room.

    You had tremendous success with both Persepolis and its followup, Persepolis 2. What made you want to make a movie?

    I always thought it was the worst idea in the world to turn Persepolis into a movie. That’s probably why we made a good one—we knew all the dangers. A friend of mine who is a producer wanted me to turn this into a picture, so I told him that I wanted it filmed in Paris, that I wanted Catherine Deneuve, I wanted it hand drawn and mostly in black and white, that I wanted this and I wanted that. And he said yes to everything! So I thought, “Shit, now I have to do it.” It was like diving into the water and realizing you can’t swim.

    Now that the results are satisfactory, of course I can invent 256 good reasons to have made Persepolis. But the reality is that there was no good reason from the beginning.

    If there’s any disappointment I had about Persepolis, it was realizing certain scenes in the book were absent from the film, great scenes. But obviously you’re not going to make a four-hour movie …

    There’s sixteen years of my life to try and condense, and so you have to choose a focus. At the time we started writing the script I was feeling very nostalgic. I hadn’t been back to Iran for five years. That’s why the movie is based on the exile. If I made Persepolis today, I would be less nostalgic and the turning point would be something else and we would have focused on some other story. It’s a question of choice.

    There was a great sequence where your father is telling a young Marjane the story of how the Shah came to power. The scene is reminiscent of puppetry …

    Yes. We had to find ways to tell the story without it being a “historical” film. I don’t have the pretension to be the historian of Iran. Whatever is about history uses these puppet-like scenes. We wanted to use different narration to communicate different things.

    You have mentioned that you are interested in the filmmaker F.W. Murnau and German Expressionism, and I noticed that some of the castles in your movie have that look of foreboding, as in Murnau’s Nosferatu.

    I wanted to take from something that moved me, that was brilliant—like Nosferatu. I can still go and watch that and feel that it is so modern, it moves me today. That movie is from 1922! If they could watch my movie in eighty years and think it was still modern, I’d be happy.

    Do you go back to Iran?

    I could go back, but then I couldn’t get out. My parents are there, and they visit me in France. Me, myself, I’d have some problem. I am not a brave one—people say what I say in Iran and they end up in jail. They write articles, not comics, and they end up in prison and tortured. I’m in Paris …

    Can you buy Persepolis in Iran?

    Yes, especially the English version. Because of course in Iran if we speak a second language it’s English, not French anymore. English is the new Esperanto, which I really like. Some people complain “Oh, this is English culture,” but this is Esperanto. Everyone can speak this language, what does it matter. It’s a good thing whether it’s English or German or Japanese, if we all speak the same language it’s a good thing.

    One of the scenes that impressed me, both in the film and the books, was where you were homeless in Vienna and calling your parents for help. You tell them, “I’ll come home but don’t ask any questions.” Obviously when they read Persepolis they found out about your sleeping in the park and almost dying—what was their reaction?

    Well, they read it in 2004 and I had left Vienna in 1988. That was sixteen years. And my mother was having a heart attack and my father was crying from this! I said to myself “Thank God I didn’t tell them sixteen years ago, they would have died!”

    This story is not just a story of your reaction to political events but a personal story of depression and heartbreak. Is this something addressed in Iran?

    Yes, absolutely. I get letters from around the world and in Iran from people telling me that I gave them hope. Adolescents especially. Of course I get notes from people telling me that this never happened, that never happened, but of course it did.

    What do you think about Iranian President Ahmadinejad claiming that there are no gays in Iran?

    If homosexuals are a symbol of a weak society then we have no strong society, because gays are everywhere. The only thing is that in some countries they are persecuted and killed and in others they’re left alone. For me, the reason some people don’t like gays is because of religion. Religion doesn’t like sex. Between a man and a woman sex is OK because you can create babies. Between gays sex is only for pleasure. That’s the same reason why we don’t show the sexuality of women that are in menopause. It is not because they are not desirable. Today many women of fifty are very desirable. The thing is, after fifty you cannot get pregnant, so if you fuck only for pleasure that is a big “No, No, No, No!” Besides, how can you not like gays?

    As a smoker, what will you do if the threatened ban in France on smoking in cafés comes through?

    I agree not every place should be a smoking place, but I’m a grown-up, leave me alone. For me, smoking is the symbol for what is going on in the world. We are focusing on the small details and hiding the misery in the world. Look at the smoker and we miss global warming, war, and the shit we eat—not the bad guys but smoking. I smoke and they talk about cancer, I eat and they talk about cholesterol, I make love, it’s AIDS. Jesus Christ, before AIDS and cholesterol and cancer there’s the pleasure of making love and eating and smoking. I have to die someday, so if the thing that gave me pleasure all of my life kills me instead of [me] going under a truck, that’s fine. Besides, why should I live so that when I die I give fresh meat to the worms? I hope that I am rotted and they don’t want to eat me. Fuck the worms.

    Speaking of gore, there’s a crazy sense of humor in your work. In the Persepolis book there’s a young man in a wheelchair who’s lost his arm and seen his friends blown to pieces, and yet he can tell a raunchy joke about a kid who was blown apart. Is this a cultural thing or just something that affects your friends and family?

    People that complain—and you see this a lot in Western society, they go to the shrink and complain—do so to the level of your sadness. It becomes unbearable. Eventually you have to laugh or become consumed by it. You have to spit it out with laughter. That was our way of doing it. I am a serious person but I don’t take life seriously. How serious can it get? I was born stupid, and the day I have enough experience to live is the day I have to die. This is crap! So you see, life is a big joke!


    Persepolis opens in the Twin Cities at the Uptown Theatre on January 18.

  • Jet Trash

    Every day, a hundred thousand people travel through the Minneapolis-St. Paul airport, lugging an astonishing quantity of stuff. They leave for vacations, board connecting flights, and come home from business trips. About 5,000 times a year, they leave things behind. They leave cell phones and carry-ons. They leave prayer rugs and acupuncture instruments and snow shovels. They leave rings on the edge of sinks.

    Airlines are responsible for things left in boarding areas; items left at security checkpoints are the problem of the U.S. Transportation Safety Administration. But the vast majority of lost and forgotten items, the things left in food courts and taxis and on concourses, become the responsibility of the Metropolitan Airports Commission.

    The airport lost-and-found’s one full-time employee and one part-timer have a laudable record of returning things—a one-hundred percent success rate on cell phones and nearly as high on other items that contain clues to owners’ identities. But even after a legally mandated wait of ninety days, about ten percent of the airport’s material orphans aren’t claimed.

    That stuff—fishing tackle, sleeping bags, tripods, iPods, Mason Jennings CDs, and, not long ago, a freezer of elk meat bagged in Montana—finds its way to JoAnn Brown, who has a quintessentially bureaucratic title: Purchasing Department Buyer/Seller. Armed with a digital camera and marketing expertise acquired from decades of haunting garage sales, Brown auctions it off.

    An animated, chatty woman, Brown grew up on a farm in Canby, in southwest Minnesota. She got hauled to a lot of farm auctions as a child, and it’s her opinion that surplus property disposal should be fun. That’s why she hangs onto the unclaimed goods until she can organize them into themed lots.

    “I thought about how to get people’s attention,” she explains. “I used to go to Dayton’s Jubilee Sale and the Daisy Sale and I thought, ‘These [auctions] should have names.’”

    When Brown has accumulated, say, five pieces of baseball equipment, she bundles them in a suitable piece of luggage—there are so many suitcases and duffels, the only way she can get rid of them is to use them as free packaging—and thinks up a cheerful name, like “Grand Slam,” or “Batter Up!” Her favorites are lots organized around a holiday, such as a collection of jewelry for Valentine’s Day.

    When she’s composed a lot, she noodles around on the Internet to establish minimum bids, then posts pictures on the MAC’s website, with a deadline for bidding.

    Lot Six of “Just for Fun” (minimum bid $11.10) was made up of things lost by little girls: a Bijoux Terner black purse, a Hello Kitty calculator “with auto clock,” a Hello Kitty notebook, a My Little Pony tablet, a Happy Aviator date/address book, a tube containing twelve colored pencils, a Minnesota key chain, a Bratz metal lunch box, two Swirly Girl ponytail holders, a package of Tara hair accessories, and a three-inch flying pig.

    “Playing Through” was composed mostly of golf equipment, including ten Warrior irons in a Bag Boy Ultra Light blue bag ($59.25), a burgundy bag containing right-handed clubs ($79.45) and, inexplicably, a poster with a depressing painting of a Teamsters meeting ($6.95).

    Half-finished lots wait in the purchasing department’s conference room. On a recent day, there were two stuffed penguins, a shark, and a turtle, all packed in a purple duffel and waiting for an aquatic theme to present itself. Brown had already decided on “Stress Relief” for a nylon hanging chair and an aluminum racquet—“After they exercise then they can sit and relax”—but she needed some more stuff to round out the lot.

    She’s always amazed to end up with canes and crutches: “You wonder how people get out of the airport without those.” Brown is equally astonished at the things people don’t try to reclaim—a German GPS system, for instance—and the fact that folks are still, by and large, good-hearted enough to turn in jewelry and electronics and other things they could just as easily pocket. “We get wallets belonging to elderly people, with thousands in cash sometimes, turned in intact,” she says.

    Besides the auctions, Brown also gives a lot of airport booty to charities. Books go to libraries, and there are several places she sends children’s clothes. Last fall, a bunch of kids’ coats went to flood relief organizations in southern Minnesota.

    The lost-and-found auctions bring in $30,000 to $40,000 a year, according to her supervisor, purchasing manager Don Olson, a voluble man with an office full of Thomas Kinkade paintings. That’s on top of revenue raised by selling goods the MAC no longer uses—a double-wide office trailer, a snowplow, outdated security cameras—and items seized by the airport police.

    Brown’s been holding sales for twenty years, but things have really taken off since the advent of eBay; she has developed a list of 100,000 bidders who get notices by email. Winners have to drive out to the MAC’s offices to get their loot, so she’s gotten to know some of the regulars.

    “It’s fair,” she says. “People pay what they want, and it’s local. The money stays right here.”

  • An Ocean Away

    Darfur, Minnesota, population 137, doesn’t have a newspaper or a café, but news still gets around. Ask at the bank, and they’ll show you the town’s hundred-year anniversary publication, which lists the history and members of every club, business, and family who’s been here since 1903. And if there’s important news for everyone in town, they just print it on the water bill. Still, before 2003, it’s doubtful that many people here knew that their town shared a name with a region in western Sudan. “It’s strange seeing our name on the news,” said Ione Elg, who, at eighty, has lived all her life in Darfur, about 45 miles west of Mankato. Her sentiment generally reflected that of some twenty other Darfuris who were sharing morning coffee recently at City Hall.

    Since the café closed four years ago, this daily get-together has been taking place in the large room next to the mayor’s office; someone volunteers to start the coffee, others bring treats, and there’s a basket for donations to help cover costs. Some people drive five miles just to share coffee and news. The men and women sit at different tables, each caught up in their own conversations—a separation of the sexes being at least one commonality between the two Darfurs. Elg continued: “I was surprised I’d never heard about the other Darfur before.” There were more nods. It was a little strange to refer to a place the size of Texas as “the other Darfur,” but what else would you call it?

    In the Twin Cities, where the main connection with Sudan is via the internet, the Genocide Intervention Network has raised thousands of dollars for peacekeeping efforts; last fall, that group and another nonprofit, Doctors Without Borders, each set up mock refugee camps in public parks. No such fundraisers or demonstrations were taking place in Darfur, where, as Elg pointed out, the weekly attendance at Bethlehem Lutheran is only thirty people, including three kids in Sunday school. Most residents are farmers or retired farmers. There was a drought on. They were not disconnected from news of other international conflicts—“We Support Our Troops” signs welcomed four local National Guard members, two from Darfur, recently returned from Iraq—but many people here were far more knowledgeable about the issues of their community (the new town septic tank to be installed, for example) and devoted to making it run better. Sitting in the city hall, eating homemade lemon cake, the Sudanese Darfur and its government-backed genocide felt far away indeed.

    Darfur, Minnesota reportedly got its name for that reason: “We have to go da fur?” a Swede is said to have scoffed before boarding the train. Or perhaps a railroad worker complained, “What’re we stoppin’ dere fur?”

    For those who weren’t born in Darfur, that was the general first impression. Bernie Mogler, one of the generally recognized keepers of oral history, arrived with her new husband in 1945; she recalled that if she’d had the money for a return ticket, she would have gone straight back to Connecticut. But Darfur has a way of getting inside you. The former town constable recently turned ninety, and there was a big celebration. Mogler, in her eighties, can walk nearly everywhere she needs to go. She’s never been back east.

    In Sudan, Darfur means “land of the Fur,” the largest ethnic group in the region and one of three that has been systematically terrorized. Sitting by the grain elevator in the Minnesotan Darfur, it’s hard to imagine this village being attacked by rebels on horseback or by truckloads of men armed by the government. It feels a little twisted to try to picture people walking, exhausted and starving, to Comfrey, Butterfield, Mountain Lake, or fleeing to overburdened refugee camps in South Dakota or Iowa. Meanwhile, in Sudan, the continuing devastation is visible via Amnesty International’s “Eyes on Darfur” campaign, which allows internet users to watch over at-risk villages via satellite cameras. Look up “Darfur” on Google Earth and you can click on individual villages for updated body counts and photographs of a scorched-earth policy in action.

    In a more peaceful time, it would be easy to imagine villagers in the overseas Darfur discussing topics similar to the ones bandied about over coffee here in City Hall: whether there would be enough water for crops, plans to check in on So-and-So that day, recipes, episodes of remember-when—the sort of casual, even idle conversation, in other words, that people are free to indulge in when no one is threatening their lives.

  • The Doom Boom

    Echo Bodine, a south Minneapolis psychic, sees it in people’s auras. She sees it in the number of angels and spiritual guides hovering around the living (“So many!”). She sees it in the number of calamities and catastrophes, and the number of people laid off, divorced, and dying.

    According to Bodine these signs all point to a massive metaphysical shift, when the Mayan calendar, after 1,872,000 days, runs down (and out), on December 21, 2012. The date will be preceded by a rare astrological alignment: The sun will cross the galactic equator on the winter solstice, an occurrence that happens 30 times every 26,000 years.

    “There’s going to be a big push in the next five years to clean up our karma,” Bodine told a crowd of roughly seventy-five at the Minneapolis Convention Center in November. The audience members paid 36 dollars to hear her speak at the annual Edge Life Expo. “There’s a high level of anxiety and turmoil in the atmosphere, it’s very intense. A lot of people are saying that 2012 is going to be the end of the world, but I would say it is the end of the world as we know it now.”

    Bodine, fifty-nine, claims to have done her first healing in 1965, when she placed two hankies on her father’s forehead and cured his migraine. At the Expo, she looked like she was battling one herself. Her mannerisms and expressions were very tense—at one point she looked startled, and she explained that a spirit had grabbed her arm. Her hair, streaked with gray at the temples, was brushed back into a well-styled coif. She signaled to her assistant to turn up the lute music, then launched a group meditation.

    After Bodine’s session, the crowd of mostly middle-aged women flowed out into the main rooms for the Expo, where they could get their chakras balanced, past lives cleared, animal spirits counseled, akashic records revealed, and auras painted in bright watercolors. More than 150 exhibitors had set up karmic booths, hoping to shake a few dollars out of the cosmos with their singing bowls, pendulums, silver-plated jewelry, and crystal prisms. Most reported doing very well; over the course of three days, 11,000 people would wander through the Expo’s exhibits.

    In the middle of one aisle, an Iraq vet was hanging out at the Hemi-Sync booth, selling CDs that promise to alleviate sleeplessness, ADHD, and emotional trauma through “evocative sounds and specially blended frequencies.” When pressed about how the CDs work, the vet admitted, “I’m just standing here for a friend. But if you want something that really works, you should get a copy of The Secret.”

    The University of Metaphysical Sciences booth was draped with Christmas lights and ropes of fake ivy, promising a bachelor’s degree in metaphysics with six weeks of written and audio lessons, followed by a master’s degree that, according to the brochure, “leads to creating a more professional image for your books, classes, practice, and other endeavors.” One booth was selling “Premium North Dakota Golden Flaxseed.” Another, carved emblem necklaces made of “genuine mammoth ivory, 14,000 to 40,000 years old.”

    Deep in the sea of booths, Eric Waite, a 23-year-old from Lakeville, was handing out pamphlets and spreading the word about Maitreya, one of the purported “Masters of Wisdom” who is expected to hold a worldwide press conference (“probably within the next two years,” according to Waite) and communicate to all the peoples of the world, in their own language. “When that happens, everything in the world is going to be better,” insisted Waite, who was fresh-faced and clearly full of hope.

    Waite, like the others in “Transmission Meditation” groups (held each week in Lakeville, Mankato, St. Paul, and Waseca) get their marching orders from a British New Age futurist named Ben Creme, best known for sending out a rash of videotapes to journalists during the millennial panic. Creme’s website, www.share-international.org, documents Maitreya sightings. For what it’s worth, the all-knowing entity has made appearances as a man in bicycle shorts in Baltimore, as a woman with golden hair in New York, and as a character in a white robe and red socks, sitting in front of the Bulgari jewelry store in Beverly Hills.

    Edge Life Expo producer Gary Beckman isn’t necessarily a Maitreya follower, but he certainly believes in the 2012 phenomenon. It’s a topic he’d like to see his magazine, Edge Life (“the premier monthly magazine on holistic living in the Upper Midwest”), cover more thoroughly. Beckman’s a former computer salesman from Coon Rapids, and he foresees more workshops on 2012 at future Edge Life Expos, as well as at his newest holistic expo ventures in Fargo and Des Moines. “We’re helping to make people happier and we’re sharing some real good, clean spirituality that is not God-fearing, but God-loving,” wrote Beckman in the September 2007 issue of The Edge.

    If the world did collapse in 2012, it would presumably be at the crest of a massive wave in sales for holistic products and services, which would make it sort of the ultimate good news/bad news scenario for people like Beckman.

  • Take a Hit

    That first hit made my brain tingle. And so, a few days later, I found myself reaching again for the can of enriched oxygen—just a few huffs before heading to the gym. Normally, those initial minutes of exercise are somewhat skull-rattling. On this occasion, however, I bounced along the cushioned surface of a gentle high, as if my heavy head had somehow emptied, as if I’d resumed that habit from junior high: sucking sweet, buoying helium whenever I got the chance.

    Contributing to this giddiness was the fact that Oxygen Plus, a new line of locally produced, concentrated oxygen-in-a-can, is so fashionably packaged. The O+Mini aerosol, a highly portable four-inch can that comes in metallic blue (peppermint-scented) and metallic pink (grapefruit) varieties, resembles a tiny can of Aqua Net. Then there’s the O+Stick: This foot-long refillable dispenser (made of recyclable aluminum) has a smooth, white surface and curved edges, and sort of resembles a vibrator. So long as these cutesy covetables were packed in the purse, I found, the party would go wherever I did.

    But the market isn’t always kind to such far-out products, and so, over the next three weeks, I shared Oxygen Plus with a variety of subjects in hopes of finding fellow enthusiasts (thus ensuring the stability of my supply from the manufacturer, Oxygen Plus, Inc., which is based in Mahtomedi). My first guinea pig was a close friend, a classically trained singer in her mid-thirties eager to try the stuff: “I breathe for a living” is how Andrea put it over a recent lunch. “It says three to five hits,” she said, examining the dosage instructions on a pink O+Mini. After an initial squirt, administered as one would a blast of Binaca, she observed: “Boy, it really does smell like grapefruit.” Two sprays and fifteen seconds later, she remarked: “I’m waiting for something to happen.” Five minutes later she reported that, in fact, she had felt nothing.

    The marketed benefits of huffing Oxygen Plus are not unlike those purported by Oxynate, the recreational oxygen bar at the Mall of America: relaxation, increased energy and alertness, relief from headaches and sinus problems, and improved performance for athletes. But time and time again, and much to this devotee’s chagrin, test subjects, including friends, family, and random passersby, were resistant to the oxygen’s charms. Subsequent trials on office mates, in the foyer of my apartment building, and even at the finish line of the Monster Dash half-marathon were equally discouraging. “But it can’t be a bad thing,” offered one of the random subjects, a thirty-nine-year-old businessman encountered at Uptown’s Green Mill Restaurant and Bar on a Saturday night. “I mean, you can’t get too much oxygen.”

    One of Oxygen Plus’s claims—that it’s an effective tonic after a night of heavy drinking— went untested. But one thing is certain: Oxygen Plus provides a healthy, or at least harmless, way to indulge illicit fantasies; when used in public places, it was observed that decent, law-abiding citizens can get nostalgic for youthful delinquency by stealing a puff. Indeed, several subjects made the association with magic herbs, even if they didn’t say so expressly. When a thirty-eight-year-old IT guy was offered Oxygen Plus at a party one evening, he took his hit as if he were, in fact, toking a spliff. He inhaled very deeply, then held the peppermint-scented, enriched oxygen in his lungs for several seconds before finally letting it go in a long, slow exhale. Did that make a difference? Nope, he said, he never got his high.

  • My Friend Larry

    Larry Berle is perhaps the friendliest guy on the planet. He seems to know everyone I know, plus most everyone else, too. He accomplishes this in a couple of ways. He gets you to introduce all your friends to him, and then he actually remembers their names, what they do, where their kids go to school, and genuinely is interested in learning more about them.

    And he plays golf.

    The first characteristic he seems to have been born with. The golf I blame on his wife. Annie is just like Larry, except she’s probably a better golfer. (Her given name is Ann, but she’s so damn exuberant all the time you can’t help but use the diminutive.) When she and Larry started dating eighteen years ago, she introduced him to the game. She still plays a little, but not as much as Larry, mostly because nobody plays as much as Larry.

    Larry’s in his early sixties, but looks like he’s forty. I have an idea how old Annie is, having been to a birthday party or two, but let’s just say she could easily pass for twenty-eight. I attribute their youth to their health, and their maddeningly consistent buoyant outlook on life.

    Larry sold his business three years ago to concentrate on playing golf and making friends. Annie still works, so that cuts into her time to indulge his obsession. They do spend a lot of time together, though. They have gone hiking nearly everywhere in the world. Egypt, Papua New Guinea, Mount Kilimanjaro, and Patagonia have all felt their footprints.

    But eighteen months ago, their life as they knew it came to an abrupt halt. Larry had been out riding his bike, and when he didn’t return home Annie began calling his cell phone. Then she began calling police precincts and hospitals. Only after Larry had been missing for eight hours did she find him at Hennepin County Medical Center. Somehow he’d fallen off his bike and cracked his head, hard, on the concrete. He doesn’t remember how this happened, and while somebody called 911, no witnesses were there when the ambulance arrived. At the emergency room, they were so busy trying to save him that they hadn’t thought to call any family. Annie finally talked with someone treating Larry, who told her to hurry because he wasn’t expected to make it.

    He did make it, with extensive surgery that included temporarily removing a large piece of his skull, which allowed his brain to swell. He also made it, I’m convinced, due to the prayers and good wishes of his thousands of friends who set up a phone and email network that provided daily news of his condition. We friends also took care of Annie, which mostly involved not talking constantly about Larry and concentrating instead on dinner and wine.

    A few years before his accident, Larry had embarked on a quest to play Golf Digest magazine’s top hundred courses in the United States. A few of these are public and relatively easy to access; however, most are exceedingly exclusive. If you aren’t the guest of a member, you’ve got no chance to play unless you make the PGA Tour. And since the tour doesn’t take high handicappers like Larry, his only means of playing many of these courses was to make about a hundred new friends—friends who happened to be members of clubs like Augusta National.

    Of course, Larry did it. He worked his extensive list of friends to make contact with members who’d be willing to play golf with a stranger. Sometimes, he simply cold-called people, introduced himself, and wrangled an invitation.

    Over the course of nine years, he finished the list. Then he figured he had to write a book about it. He plunged into a task he knew nothing about, and was about two-thirds of the way through his first draft when he fell off his bike.

    Six months after the accident he was back at the book. He was suffering from some of the common side effects of a brain injury. His concentration and patience were both shot. He’d lost the ability to perform simple tasks such as balancing his check book. But the same determination that got him onto the courses got him to finish A Golfer’s Dream. In fact, he says finishing the book helped “bring him back.”

    For avid golfers, the book might be a slight disappointment. It’s not about the golf per se so much as it’s about all the friends he made on his quest. But that makes it even a better read, because when it comes to making friends, Larry is Tiger Woods.

  • Over the Coals 2007

    BUSINESS

    On the other hand, we recommend that you call Duluth “Paris.”
    A New York marketing research firm hired by Meet Minneapolis, the Minneapolis Convention and Visitors Association, to help with a branding campaign for Minneapolis and St. Paul came up with the suggestion that Minneapolis and St. Paul refer to themselves in their marketing materials as Minneapolis-St. Paul.

    A cool, shady (really, really shady) place, conveniently located between Brian Herron Boulevard and the Dean Zimmermann Bike Path
    In May, a new, much-admired park opened along the Mississippi riverfront, next to the Guthrie Theater. It was originally going to be called McGuire Park, after former UnitedHealth Group CEO William McGuire and his wife Nadine, whose foundation donated $5 million to create and maintain the park. But when McGuire resigned in October 2006, after an internal investigation revealed that United was backdating stock options to sweeten the pot for its executives, a new name was cooked up: Gold Medal Park.

    Arrested Development: the Minneapolis version
    Former heir apparent Curtis Carlson Nelson left Carlson Companies and sued the corporation’s high-profile doyenne (who just happens to be his mother) because she refused to name him CEO and cut him in on the family’s huge fortune. Marilyn Carlson Nelson countersued, by claiming her son was too incompetent to run the business.

    In related news: Yahoo Serious named most powerful man in hollywood
    In March, Forbes.com ranked Kevin McHale as the top general manager in major professional sports. The website of the formerly esteemed business publication said it didn’t matter that McHale had never won a championship in his twelve years at the helm of the Minnesota Timberwolves. Two criteria pushed Big Mac to the top: His dramatic improvement over the horrid performance of his predecessor, “Trader” Jack McCloskey; and his narrow win in the “Separated at Birth: Herman Munster Category.”

     

    Sometimes that old addition-by-subtraction thing doesn’t really add up
    In July, the Timberwolves traded Kevin Garnett, the greatest athlete in the history of Minnesota team sports, to the Boston Celtics. Afterward, Wolves owner Glen Taylor told the media that KG had asked for too much money, protected malcontents in the locker room, worked behind the scenes to get former coach Flip Saunders fired, and generally contributed to the team’s dysfunction. KG is the current favorite to win his second NBA Most Valuable Player award and take the Celts to the playoffs, while the Wolves are on a plodding track to the league’s worst record.

    I never promised you a Rose Bowl … oh, wait—I did!
    In January, when he was named head coach of the Gophers football team, Tim Brewster proclaimed, “Our expectation is to win a Big Ten championship now.” Later he boasted, “You’re not going to be a great salesman if you don’t have a great product … This is going to be an easy sell.” Sadly, Brewster never deviated from that script as the Gophers proceeded to go 1-11, losing more games than any team in Gopher football history.


    FLYING HIGH?

    We didn’t think that the beleaguered Northwest Airlines—which, among other catastrophic blunders in 2006, issued a pamphlet advising soon-to-be-laid-off employees to save money by Dumpster diving, renting out rooms in their houses, and popping sample prescription pills—could possibly offer up additional follies in ’07. We were wrong.

    We recommend a little product Called “Airborne”—it’s effervescent!
    On July 1, the airline announced that it lost $25 million in June after being forced to cancel hundreds of flights. Spokespeople said the cancellations were the result of pilots calling in sick.

    Corporate welfare: Helping moguls get back on the road to happy, productive lives.
    On July 31, however, the airline announced it had pulled in a $273 million pre-tax profit, a 53 percent increase from the same period in 2006.

    Fee Enhancement? Is That Why We’re Getting All Those Emails?
    The very next day, on August 1, the lead law firm that handled the airline’s bankruptcy case attempted to nab another $3.5 million on top of the $35.4 million it had already charged. They claimed they needed a “fee enhancement” after realizing that the airline would be able to pay back nearly seventy-five percent of its creditors. That idea didn’t fly, but lawyers took in quite a haul nonetheless in steering the airline out of its mess: twenty-two firms pulled in $124.2 million in fees and expenses.

    See? Corporate welfare really does work
    That was followed in late October by Northwest’s announcement about its third quarter: $244 million in net profits, which it declared its highest profit in ten years.

     

    < p>

  • Who Doesn’t Love Sam & Sylvia Kaplan?

    Years ago, comedian Bill Murray was
    talking with the press about great careers, longevity, and what really
    defines success. Murray had had several hits at the time, made good
    money, was considered for practically every big-budget comedy script in
    town, and by any Hollywood standard was the envy of his peers.

    "But I want to last," Murray said with almost existential emphasis. "I want to be like the great old dogs of this business. Gary Cooper, Jimmy Stewart, and Kirk Douglas. People who built these life-long careers and did it with good work, not just a cameo in High Noon: The Teen Years
    for a check to remind people they were still breathing. But it’s
    tricky. You’ve got to choose the right things. Dignity is essential to
    a great career and you can blow that pretty easy in this business."

    Murray’s
    boozy Swedish golf cart ride notwithstanding, his quote kept crossing
    my mind as I kicked around town talking to friends, colleagues, and
    sometimes adversaries of Sam and Sylvia Kaplan, the remarkably
    influential and durable couple often dubbed "political kingmakers" by
    the media and their peers. I don’t know if Murray has had a political
    thought in his life, but he was clearly searching for the qualities
    that acquire and sustain credibility and influence.

    In the case
    of the Kaplans, as Murray did with the long-time Hollywood players he
    referred to, you come to understand that their demeanor and choices
    have defined them. Their personal qualities, both sweet and sour, as
    expressed toward each other, friends, politicos, and foes, and played
    out in the rarified, often acidic spotlight of the political and
    moneyed elite of the Twin Cities, have contributed in no small part to
    their image-an image other influence traders might consider using as a
    model, if they can balance the same combination of ideological passion
    and emotional maturity.

    I first sat down with Sam and Sylvia Kaplan on a brutally cold morning last February. By the crack of dawn they were seated at their table in a corner of the Minneapolis Club,
    where they are almost every weekday morning. There was a steady flow of
    people, including the likes of former councilman Dennis Schulstad,
    stopping by to greet them and trade news of the previous twenty-four
    hours, jump-starting the new day. The Kaplans make a good visual pair.
    Sam projects both the appearance and demeanor of a Hollywood patriarch.
    The full head of tousled-to-unruly silver hair and the athletic trim of
    a man twenty-five years younger than his seventy years complement an
    attentiveness, charm, and unflappability so composed it wavers between
    being reassuring and unnerving. Sylvia, sixty-nine, is attractive,
    though she is emphatically not a member of upper society’s obsessively
    primped grande-dame school. Her intense commitment to social issues of
    truth and fairness, as she describes it, seems more credible because
    she eschews the more artificial cosmetic blandishments wealthy women
    her age so often seize upon. That, I guess, is another way of saying
    that she uses the informality of an unapologetic ’60s radical to her
    advantage.

    Of course, this couple didn’t get to be political
    kingmakers on looks alone. Their way with people-and they know
    absolutely everybody-is unbeatable. Sam is unfailingly engaging and
    solicitous. It is Sylvia who peppers their interlocutors with
    questions. What came out of that Regents’ meeting? Did they know
    So-and-So was considering a run for City Council? As the respect-payers
    depart, Sylvia makes blunt cracks about who this one supported in a
    recent race, or why that one is so dead wrong about some issue-never
    mind the strange guy with the pen sitting across the table from her.

    At
    Sylvia’s indiscretions, most of which are so spot-on you can only
    laugh, Sam exchanges glances with me, as though asking, "What can I do?
    She says what she wants."

    Everyone, including Sylvia herself,
    describes her as the more "acerbic" or "sharp" of the two. Their worst
    adversaries-none of whom cared to speak on record-prefer the word
    "rude," although "blunt" actually seems the best compromise. She likes
    to get to the point. This fits with their friends’ description of them
    as inveterate "busybodies," people with a compulsion, as Sylvia says,
    "to know what is really going on."

    "I’m just always fascinated
    when people aren’t curious about people," she tells me. "How can you
    not be curious and interested in what’s going on? How do you live like
    that?"

    Appetites for constantly up-to-date information require
    ceaseless interaction with literally hundreds of plugged-in
    people-something the two have managed to pull off for decades. Sylvia
    measures and assesses new people closely, in a way that seems
    simultaneously wary, skeptical, and almost shy. She is more ears than
    eyes, and often avoids direct visual contact until she’s figured out
    your game. When she finally does meet your gaze it comes like
    punctuation to an assertion-that, for example, John Edwards‘s moment has come and gone. That Hillary Clinton is all wrong for the changes that have to be made. And that Barack Obama, who is their guy for ’08, is the rare politician to have heightened her understanding of key issues and not vice versa.

  • Keeping the Faith

    I work out at the Y five or six times a week, so I see a lot of naked women.

    There are very elderly ones who stand crookedly in the shower,
    bones protruding, washing their thinning, silver hair. Others have
    bodies so wrinkled, the folds of skin fall like ripples from their
    shoulders to their thighs. One woman of about 60 has had a double
    mastectomy; she stands facing out under the hot air dryer on the wall,
    scars running diagonally, like a geometry problem across her flattened
    chest.

    These women neither frighten nor repel me. But there are many who do.

    They’re the middle-aged matrons who wriggle into stretched-out
    nylon thongs and strut around the locker room with sad, flaccid butt
    cheeks dribbling out. The ones who climb on the scale and stand for
    full minutes, inching the weights backward an eighth of a pound at a
    time, sweat breaking from their clenched foreheads. Those with hard,
    synthetic breasts and nipples that point ahead like ray guns: strange,
    white, manmade protrusions on bodies otherwise middle-aged, sun-worn
    and tan.

    “Never let me do that,” I’ll hiss at my daughter as we leave. “If I ever buy a thong, you have to shoot me. Promise.”

    She rolls her eyes: an entire revolution, the way only teenagers can. “Don’t worry,” she’ll say. “I will.”

    I understand the temptation, or at least, I’m beginning to. At
    41, my gray hairs now number at least a dozen and despite the fact that
    my weight is steady, my body somehow is becoming simultaneously bony
    and too soft. Running hurts my knees. Caffeine keeps me up at night.
    When I tell people I have a son who is going away to college next fall,
    they rarely shout, “You? Impossible. You’re far too young!”

    I’m hardly the first to be struck by this sudden sense of age.
    Yet, I have to admit, cliché though it may be, all these changes come
    as a rather jolting surprise. And I don’t want to turn out like those
    sad thong-wearing women with the synthetic boobs and sagging butt
    cheeks.

    So I went in search of wisdom and grace.

     

    Faith Sullivan, the novelist, is 74. She’s small and delicately
    rounded, like a sparrow in winter. Her hair is pewter and pure white,
    cut in an old-fashioned bob. She wears bright clothes and oversize
    glasses, like Angela Lansbury in Murder, She Wrote
    (which remains, in syndication, Sullivan’s favorite TV show), and she
    calls everyone either “Darlin’” or “Dear Heart,” depending on the level
    of intimacy.

    Among the people I know, she is universally loved.

    “Faith has shown me how to be more than just a writer,” Kate
    DiCamillo, the Newbury award-winning author, told me. “I remember being
    in a bookstore in Grand Rapids, Michigan, and Faith had been there
    before me. They had a letter from her on the bulletin board thanking
    them for the lovely time that she’d had reading. And I remember saying
    to myself, all the bookstores I visit, they deserve thank you notes,
    too.”

    I’ve seen it myself. Sullivan’s last published work, Gardenias,
    came out at exactly the same time as my first novel. I spent weeks
    compulsively checking my book’s Amazon ranking, driving myself and
    everyone who knew me crazy with tedious fretting about low sales, until
    a luncheon at which Sullivan told me she didn’t even have an Internet
    connection and wasn’t at all interested in anonymous reviews.

    “I gave a copy to the lady who does my dry cleaning,” Sullivan
    told me. “And she was just delighted. That’s what you have to do,
    darlin’. You wrote a wonderful story; now share it with people who will
    appreciate it.”

    This is how she became popular: through word of mouth,
    bookstore clerks who hand sold her first several novels, local reading
    groups that bought her book en masse and told all their friends in
    other states about Sullivan’s work.

    “I’ve known Faith for ten years,” says the writer Kit Naylor.
    “And she goes whenever a book club or a library asks her to speak. It
    doesn’t matter where they are or how many people attend. And she’s
    genuinely happy to do it.”

    That’s how Sullivan behaved when her first three books were
    published — a comedy, a mystery, and an experimental novel she
    describes as “like magical realism” — in the early 1980s. All three are
    out of print now, but her 1988 semi-autobiographical novel The Cape Ann continues selling today. And she’s written three more books, The Empress of One, What A Woman Must Do, and Gardenias picking up on storylines from Cape Ann.

    She’s been married to former Los Angeles Times theater
    critic Dan Sullivan for 43 years — since shortly after they met during
    a rehearsal at what was then the brand-new Dudley Riggs Theater — and
    has three children, ages 42, 40, and 37. They lived on the West Coast
    for 20 years before returning to Minnesota (“home,” she says) in 1990.

    Today, at work on a fifth about Hilly Stillman, a minor character from Cape Ann,
    Sullivan is writing more slowly than before. Since July, she’s had
    chronic headaches due to inflammation of the nerves at the base of her
    neck and has been on a regimen of steroids and heavy-duty painkillers.
    But when I call her to ask if she’ll have dinner with me, she accepts
    on the spot and tells me cheerfully she’ll simply “take an extra pill”
    before our meal.