Category: Blog Post

  • Another Good And Sturdy Word: Hogwash

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    It was hogwash, if you really want to know the long and short of it. Pure and utter hogwash.

    He knew damn well that he had better words than the words he’d been spitting at the world. He believed all sorts of decent things that, for some reason he couldn’t entirely understand, he wasn’t willing to publicly acknowledge. He was, in fact, a true believer, in all the biggest and most ridiculous things. At some moment in every day he would find himself paralyzed by pure, idiot wonder.

    So much of what the world routinely served up to him –sights, sounds, smells, and all manner of sensation and random encounter– struck him as nothing less than magic and miracles. Yet at the bottom of the day, when he finally got around to sitting down with a pen in his fingers, all the gaunt terrors of memory and the moment would rise up in his head in their black robes, and he would find himself describing not a world of wonders, but the dreariest sort of pedestrian nonsense.

    It was as if he had never known anything but desperation, confusion, anxiety, guilt, and futility. He had, of course, known all those things, but what really saved him and made him the person he helplessly was, a person so very grateful to be alive, were all those glimmering moments of wonderful strangeness and beauty and bursts of random hilarity and happiness.

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  • Stupid Executive Tricks

    David Carr, a native Twin Citizen, has carved out a nice niche at the New York Times as a media columnist. After a couple years on the media beat, he recently rose a notch up the masthead. His byline has ripened into a headline, and he gets to insert informed commentary into his semi-regular stories on the media biz. So far, so good–I’ve enjoyed his work a lot, and I think today’s piece on the Strib was well reported and nicely written. It helps to have the contacts he has from his years as editor of the Twin Cities Reader, these many years dead and gone. The gist of today’s piece is that the non-journalists at the Strib seem to have lost their humor entirely. Perhaps it was the failed play at landing blue-chip advertisers with enough namedropping and styling credits. Perhaps it stung to be publically humiliated for being penny-wise and pound-foolish. Funny thing about executive hubris, it has a way of biting you on the ass, and at some point the nickel-counters at the Newspaper of the Twin Cities have to realize that they keep sitting on the whoopie cushion, so maybe they should stop sitting down; the redder they get, the harder everyone else laughs. I have to say, it would be fun to be a fly on the Strib’s Intranet today.

  • V6 is for Vendetta

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    The Peugeot looks good, and boy, will it back up!

    As a “Car Guy” ages it becomes important to maintain a certain dose of what Henri Bergsson called “elan vital.” This can be translated to mean a spirit for life. I could find a suitable substitute in English but this would betray my continental bias toward culture. Our country is just too young to have perfected the art of enjoying life. The French seem to exhibit a remarkable capacity for doing nothing but.

    It is in this spirit, therefore that I wish to offer a Francophilian perspective on what ails my all too many American “Car Guys.” For some reason they seem to feel that ecological sensitivty is important when buying an automobile. So they buy hybrids with small engines. The true car guy will always keep a Porsche (or similar subsitute) in the garage to remain both suave and sensible.

    It is when his little automotive appliance becomes his sole mode of transport that I begin to feel like merde for mon ami. At this moment in his life, he should be striking back at life instead of settling for the “approximated” driving experience of his Prius.

    Now before you get too hot there Iron John, recognize that the Road Rake will never cut anyone down to size simply because they prefer driving a sewing-machine sized (and equivalently powered) car. My vendetta is against all those who fail to test drive a brilliant new alternative called the Lexus GS 450h. From the advertising, “Working seamlessly together, an invigorating V6 gas engine and a dynamic electric motor produce 339 horsepower – equivalent to many V8s.”

    Better yet, the Lexus GS 450h is available now for 51k (less than a 540) and does 0-60 in 5.2 seconds–right up there with the Porsche in the garage. This Lexus is proof that stereotypes can be shattered in seconds (to borrow again from the ad).

    Speaking of stereotypes, I have had quite enough about the French, as well. When I get around to it, I will paste in the ad that inspired this little blog. It was an ad for a brilliantly-styled new Peugeot with the headline “Men are back.” While it suffered from the akward translation that French car ads often fall prey to in Italian fashion magazines (I think I saw it in Vogue) it struck me as just right. A French car company, at least, would say something like that and might even deliver on it (they’ve designed some great cars lately, and they don’t care what you think.)

    I am sad that I cannot say the same for GM or Ford. Their advertising lacks any form of inspiration (remember any?) Their cars are so bad they put people out of work at alarming rates (sorry to hear about the Ford plant, but what did you expect?) Most of all, they lack vitality.

    I hestitate to call these companies “American.” The 89-year Carrol Shelby is an American. He has talked about building a 500 plus horsepower hybrid next year. He is a devotee’ of Colin Champan, an Englishman, who designed perhaps the seminal small sportscar of his generation, the Lotus Elan. The type of car (in addition to the above Lexus) that could prove vital to both aging car guys and companies alike.

  • Sigh

    An abbreviated rant: At one of the “experimental” theater productions I attended over the weekend, they were distributing a lil’ pamphlet called “How To Look At New Work,” and it was about the most condescending thing I’ve ever seen.

    It was enough to send a girl shopping, and that’s about all I did on Saturday afternoon. So, today I’m giving myself a wee break from all the usual art opening/theater-going/movie-watching crapola to cover one of life’s simpler pleasures… In my lucky case, this actually does qualify as work-related because a) I do happen to edit The Rake‘s Fashion Page. Pfft! and b) My best friend Andrea is engrossed in writing herself a lil’ clothing-themed cabaret, commissioned by The Tulsa Light Opera Company, to be performed this summer in the beautiful “Paris of the South,” ya’all; and, in this process, she has been bouncing ideas off me from time to time.

    In any case… I (unapologetically) live in Uptown, okay. Now, I like Marshall Field’s as much as the next guy but most of my clothing purchases are made on-the-fly as I duck into, say, Local Motion, or the doubly dangerous Intoto, while en route to the grocery store. (Just one of the perils of living in a “walkable” neighborhood: this is not easy on the pocketbook.)

    Local Motion has long been the staple of my rounds, and for that reason I’m thankful it’s just around the corner from where I live. But Ivy, which is tucked deep inside of Calhoun Square and doesn’t even get any natural sunlight, is my current fave. How did this happen?

    As I mentioned on Friday, I’ve all but had it with uber-girlie embellishments. Designers have been throwing all manner of lace, bead, and rickrack onto their ready-wear for too long. Enough already! What I’m looking for these days are clean lines–and by that, I do not mean the bygone 1990s version of Gap-esque simplicity. No, minimalism doesn’t preclude fine details… My ideal dress, for example, is composed of many straight, clean lines–lest they be pleats, which I’m so, so very done with.

    So, as today’s Secret, I leave you with this link to my new favorite clothing label: Rhus Ovata. Ivy sells it, although the store also stocks plenty of distracting sparkle. I am now the proud owner of a pink Rhus Ovata shirt, made of intermittent cotton and terrycloth panels, and a gray frock/dress–a creature too complicated to be described, yet it still manages to come across as a minimalist masterpiece. These purchases set me back a ways, since Rhus Ovata clothing does not come replete with a minimalist price.

    I promise to tackle something “smarter” and more gender-neutral on Wednesday. Maybe National Poetry Month! Wait, no…

  • Easter Index

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    Number of received chocolate bunnies: 6
    Number that still have auditory abilities: 0
    Chances that a colored egg was undercooked and inedible (if not dangerous): 36 in 90
    Ratio of eggs hidden to eggs found: 44:39
    Percentage of alleged guests that allegedly had to work and could not attend, which allegedly had nothing to do with the Twins: 10% (allegedly)
    Portion of jelly beans which will be picked over and sit out uneaten until Memorial Day: 1/3
    Minutes the three-year-old’s new shirt was not smeared with chocolate: 2.5
    Ratio of family scandals discussed to number of sausages eaten: 5:17
    Minimum size of lusty German beer that can be called a “soother”: 1Litre
    Chances that a surly teenager would even look at sauerkraut: 2 in 7
    Estimated amount of time that will pass before the next big family feast: 210 days

  • Watch-N-Read, Watch-N-Read

    Can you believe it’s already tax day? I’m lucky this year, having gone to see Mr. Mark Fox–tax accountant for every writer, actor, painter, or musician I’ve ever known–in February.

    This frees me up for my usual Monday evening activities of movie-watching and/or reading. But lookit! This sounds interesting: Once Upon A Crime bookstore is hosting a panel discussion of Minnesota Book Award nominees, most of them, not surprisingly, are part of that whole Minnesota Crime Wave bit. This reminds me that MELSA, the alliance of Minnesota libraries is getting ready to kick-off a series of similar such events: all sorts of readings by Minnesota Book Award nominees, and they’re happening all over the darn place!

  • Tell Me The Truth: Where Is My Robot?

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    Dear Sirs,

    I never asked for your treatise.

    Your recent manifesto bored me to tears.

    Every one of your manifestos, in fact, has landed unwelcome on my doorstep.

    No man over the age of twenty-five should write a manifesto. After that it’s just too fucking late.

    I want you to know that I haven’t forgotten a single one of your earlier promises. By now, you once led me to believe, I should be flying around with a rocket pack strapped to my back.

    By now I should have –at the very least– walked on the moon.

    So much of the future you told me about never happened.

    All those big ideas.

    Would you like to tell me just what the hell exactly you were talking about?

    Do you know what I have in place of my rocket pack and my moon buggy? Not much, I’m afraid. I am a blood mule. I spend my days walking all the fuck over a hospital with a cooler full of blood. There are a bunch of us. We have a softball team (3-16 last season in what is essentially a league for the geriatric and the obese) called the Blood Mules.

    I’m not complaining, exactly. The job comes with decent benefits, not the least of which is the frequent opportunity it provides me to get shit-faced with nurses, many of whom I also sleep with.

    Well, not many, actually. Some.

    I just thought you should know that you didn’t completely destroy all of us. Not that I expect you’ll take much consolation in that piece of information.

    Yours very sincerely,

    Brad Zellar

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  • The Return Of The Good News-Bad News Bears

    So, okay, after a woeful start on the road the Twins have come home and swept Oakland and shutdown a New York club that has been alleged by some to be one of the greatest offensive teams ever assembled.

    That’s been impressive. And that’s been entertaining. The Twins have won two one-run games, battled back in four straight, and have been consistently driving in runs with two outs (three two-out RBIs in last night’s win over the Yankees). Tony Batista has a .364 on base percentage. Torii Hunter has eleven RBI and ten runs in ten games.

    The bullpen’s also been mostly outstanding, and the defense has been terrific.

    For the time being, at least, the decision to keep Juan Castro over Jason Bartlett looks like pure genius.

    The most amazing thing about this blip of inspired baseball, however, is that Minnesota has managed to claw its way back to .500 without a single win from Johan Santana or any contribution whatsoever from key offseason acquisition and clean-up hitter Rondell White. The team leader in strikeouts is a 22-year-old middle reliever who hasn’t even logged seven full innings yet.

    This is a team, of course, that never quite managed to run on all cylinders last year, and I suppose you have to figure that just when guys like Santana and White start heating up, there’ll be a couple of guys whose production will start falling off. Still, it is sort of comforting that the players we’re still waiting to get going weren’t exactly huge question marks coming into the season.

    I still believe this is going to be a pretty good team, and like to think that its performance in the last four games is much more in line with my expectations than the squad that stumbled so badly out of the starting gate.

    I also still wish like hell Jim Thome wasn’t wearing a Chicago White Sox uniform.

    And, finally, I cannot begin to understand why any National League team would sign Matthew LeCroy. I wish somebody out there would try to explain that to me.

  • Rum Dumb

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    Cheney and Rummy: 31 years of listening only to each other

    In case you haven’t noticed, we’re not winning in Iraq. It’s not the military’s fault, unless you fault them for not rising up, deposing Bush and Rumsfeld, and restoring the democracy that was taken from us in 2000. At any rate, the military has finally had enough, and is at least speaking out about what a boob Rumsfeld is.

    An old friend, who was an actual combat soldier for years, said to me two years ago that Bush and Rumsfeld were idiots. “Anyone who’s ever been in combat would never say ‘Bring it on,’” he told me. “Anyone who’s ever been in combat wants the enemy to take it somewhere else.”

    One day, Bush will wake up and realize he’s been duped by Rummy, Cheney, and the rest. Or maybe not. In the meantime, our soldiers continue to pay the price. Bush buries his mistakes. America buries its sons and daughters.

  • How the Other Half Lives

    L’Enfant and Friends With Money

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    “L’Enfant”, 2006. Written and directed by Jena-Pierre and Luc Dardenne. Starring Jeremie Renier, Deborah Francois, and Jeremie Segard.

    Now showing at the Edina Theater.

    If you’ve ever lived in Michigan, specifically Detroit or one of the constellation of broken-down factory towns on the eastern side of the state (Flint, Saginaw, Bay City), you’ll probably have a special feeling for L’Enfant. The people that have to survive in these towns–and burgs like them everywhere in the world– have found their champion in the Dardenne Brothers.

    There’s one scene in the Dardenne’s L’Enfant that really sticks with me: of Bruno (played with verve by Jeremie Renier) wandering down broken sidewalks beside a busy street, shoving his pram along, going nowhere. There is no score in this gutsy little film, just the soundtrack of poverty, where we hear what people too poor to get an iPod or a television have to listen to: trains and cars, shouting, the hydraulic grind of buses when you have the change to ride, and the slamming doors of homeless shelters. These are noises I’m somewhat familiar with, and I have to say that there’s a certain beauty in the way they’re rendered here. Life just happens in L’Enfant, without dressing, without pomp. With its verite camera style, the thoroughly unglamorous look to the actors (Renier appears as if he hasn’t washed his face in weeks), and the only light seemingly filtered through relentless clouds, L’Enfant is refreshingly real and honest. It is to the Dardennes credit that they refuse to beat any manifesto into your head, allowing their simple story to affect you.

    L’Enfant opens with Sonia, a girl of eighteen, clutching a six-day old baby, Jimmy. Coming home from the hospital, she discovers that Bruno, who is also the father of the child, has sublet her apartment to a pair of lowlifes who won’t let her in. The opening minutes of the film show her wandering through the foul Belgian coal town of Seraing looking for Bruno. In doing so, she no doubt gives concerned mothers in the audience a coronary by being driven around on a scooter, clutching the baby while the vehicle swerves through traffic.

    Sonia finds Bruno living under a bridge, chides him for leaving them without a place to sleep, and then shows off Jimmy for approval. Bruno’s jacket is dirty, his face peppered with acne, and Sonia beams despite a future about as bright as the gray skies and polluted river that wanders by like a freight train. These kids are playful, horny, ignoring their fate but full of energy, as if sleeping under an bridge and having a child was the coolest thing in the world.

    L’Enfant isn’t brutal–there’s no indication that the Dardennes are trying to slap you in the face with the hardship. Instead, we get the simple details: the walking by the busy street, swaying on a bus, making a cup of instant coffee and the endless search for a match to light the last bent cigarette. In fact, for the most part, these two seem quite content with their lot in life, which involves petty theft, waiting for unemployment, sleeping in homeless shelters, and then tossing whatever money they glom away as soon as they get it. They’re so broke Bruno, at one point, has to sell that damned hat. Invisible forces push and pull them in every direction–Bruno gets a call to come to this seedy bar or that sewage pipe, to check stolen merchandise or fence it. He is scruffy and infinitely stupid–I would contend that he is the child of the title–but has a swagger of youth about him, and we can see why a young girl like Sonia, herself no genius, would be charmed.

    The plot is itself a fascinating little machine, subtle and fraught with tension as any action film. The Dardenne’s spent a great deal of their career making documentaries that focused on the underclass and the aforementioned verite style–handheld cameras, following their actors around seemingly without direction, no musical score–makes this fictional piece alarmingly realistic. But somewhere along the line they became master screenwriters–L’Enfant should be heavy-handed, should be as dry as a documentary, but it moves as swiftly as the best film noir, without any of the window dressing. Plot twists pop up when least expected, usually coming in through Bruno’s cell phone. A casual hint from a fence gives Bruno the bright idea of selling the baby without grasping any of the implications. While Sonia waits in line for her welfare check, Bruno takes the baby for a walk.

    The scenes of him moving aimlessly to the dropoff point, his face registering the anxiety and confusion of a daft hoodlum, are riveting. Finally, Bruno steals into an abandoned apartment, removes his jacket, and tenderly lays the baby down. Then he retreats to another empty room, its shades bent and plaster cracked and peeling. Bruno waits, pacing, hearing the sound of people opening doors, closing doors, walking away, all the while staring at his cell phone, waiting for it to tell him what to do. There is no music, no swelling violin or solo piano piece telling us to be afraid or melancholy. When he gets the call, his jacket is full of cash, and Jimmy is gone. And we are devastated.

    Bruno can’t seem to understand what’s wrong about selling the baby. After all, he reasons, it would be easy enough to produce another, and besides, as his cell phone again informs him, the baby will be going to someone with real money in their life. Sonia, after finally catching up with Bruno, collapses at the news. Bruno takes her to the hospital, and she tells the police what’s happened. Soon he is being questioned by the cops, manhandled by the thugs who sold his baby (which Bruno managed to buy back), and, in trying to get back some of the money he now owes, ends up being chased by vigilantes and nearly killing his young accomplice during a purse-snatching. And yet Bruno flits through his life without malice, and his redemption, though small, is a difficult scene to watch. But I could watch it again. A dozen times.

    L’Enfant is not without its faults. For a movie so embedded in reality, the baby is merely a prop. The Dardennes, in an interview in this month’s Sight and Sound, admitted that the baby had to remain an object, which I think slightly undermines some of the realism–we eventually notice that at no point in the movie does the child cry, or the characters react to a full diaper, or even scramble to feed the thing. And I was dying to understand Sonia as more than just a mother. The brothers supposedly came up with the idea for the film after seeing a poor young woman pushing a pram through the city and wondered where the father was. He’s here, in abundance, but the mother is given virtually no definition. But then, this is Bruno’s story, a story of a minor redemption, of how guilt eventually asserts its place in his soul, and makes him a wiser human being. But still without options.

    L’Enfant didn’t just thrust me into a pleasant melancholy but it also depressed me, because I wish–oh, how I wish–that we had the Dardenne brothers for Michigan, for Newark, for Gary, capturing the struggles of impoverished youth here. Paying careful attention to every detail of the life of our poor, or the kids begging for change in front of Calhoun Square, or the bums sleeping by the abandoned Tiger Stadium. Of course, there’s not a director here who would dare tackle such subjects with such humility. Any film in the American ghetto has to have a soundtrack to make the proper dough, filled with stars parading about for their Oscars, and with hamhanded plots. Belgium, then, is fortunate: L’Enfant captures beautifully the struggles of the truly poor and truly uneducated, the people for whom life holds such little promise but in the Dardenne’s eyes, also a little poetry.

    “Friends With Money”, 2006. Written and directed by Nicole Hofsteder. Starring Jennifer Aniston, Frances McDormand, Catherine Keener, Joan Cusack, Scott Caan, Greg Germann, Jason Isaacs, Bob Stephenson, Ty Burrell and Roman Polanski look-alike Simon McBurney.

    Now showing at the Uptown Theater.

    First of all, this review is going to have some plot spoilers in it. Secondly, I’m going to tell you straight away that I hated this movie. Thoroughly, and with a passion that rivals my wife’s loathing of Rachel Ray (“fuck her thirty minute meals!”). I’ll admit that Friends With Money inflamed my own sense of class prejudice, and seems especially trite in light of having recently seen L’Enfant. Perhaps this is an unfair comparison, like suggesting that The 40-Year-Old Virgin has no merit when you’ve just sat through, say, Shoah. And yet, I found myself consistently frustrated by Friends With Money, in the end feeling that I just wasted two hours of my life with a group of foolish people I would never spend ten minutes with in real life. The characters are lack insight, have crises that seem to be made for a weekly television show and are spoiled rich–even Jennifer Aniston’s poor girl, who is as ridiculous a caricature of a lower-class person I’ve ever seen. Frankly, I don’t have a clue why anyone would watch this movie. To be blunt: Friends with Money is the most hateful, uninspired, and shallow film I’ve seen in ages. It is a study of assholes and infuriating.

    Friends With Money is ostensibly the tale of a poor woman named Olivia (Aniston) who works as a maid while her other pals, the friends with money, fight their existential struggles. The details are as empty as you would see on TV: we know that Aniston is poor because she has to scam Lancome samples and can’t afford to buy the $70 dollar bottles (the price is mentioned in the film–a fine use of research). She has no problem dining out in the fancy restaurants of her friends, doesn’t have to take the bus, or even live in a dingy apartment. She smokes pot, which helps us understand that she’s aimless. Olivia was also once a teacher at a private school, but quit because the kids made fun of her cheap car. How she survived her student teaching, I’ll never know.

    Catherine Keener, Frances McDormand and Joan Cusack, three of my favorite actresses, are the friends, and are given nothing to work with. Keener is a screenwriter who apparently has been arguing with her husband since their wedding day, and yet collaborates with him daily. He is a jerk, ignoring her needs, making mean comments about her ass, and obviously cares little for their child, who, like all the kids in this movie, is nothing more than a moppet on which plot turns can hinge. Keener and the jerk are in the midst of building an addition to their house that ruins their relationship with their neighbors, and pushes their own marriage to ruin. McDormand is afraid of getting old, of losing the spark in life, and is growing more and more bitter, and taking to insulting acquaintances and strangers in public. She has a fine relationship with her husband, a polite, well-dressed fellow whom everyone believes is gay–a joke so startlingly original I’m shocked to the core that it hasn’t been used in other movies or television shows. McDormand’s tale is resolved as if this were a sitcom that needed its ending shoehorned in before advertisements (it also relates to McDormand washing her hair). Joan Cusack, one of the most gifted comic actors in movies today, is utterly wasted, a happy at-home mom who just plays with her kids and allows the Hispanic nanny (yet another truly poor character tossed under the rug) to do the hard work. She seems not to have too much to do other than donate her two million dollars (that’s right) to her kids’ school–what else is she going to do with it? Hell if I or anyone else knows; I’m sure financial planners and family members have no ideas whatsoever.

    All the while there’s bickering and fighting, four actresses chewing their scenes in the hopes of a future Oscar nominations, divorces and stale jokes that sound as if they were picked up off Nora Ephrom’s cutting room floor. Friends has not a whit of understanding, and is insulting to anyone who’s ever cleaned a house for a living.

    There may be some truths in this film, reflections of shallow people in their shallow worlds, but the point was lost to me. No one learns anything in this film, and Aniston, lucky girl, gets to finally fall in love with a fat man who shares her love of pot, a belief that fundraisers are silly, and who is unbelievably wealthy. She will get to spend her days picking out curtains for him and this is, apparently, good. Between her and Cusack’s stay-at-home mom, they are the only two women who have found happiness. The women who express themselves and work hard at what they do–as a screenwriter and fashion designer–are devoutly unhappy.

    Jennifer Aniston might end up a decent actress someday, if she can get it out of her mind to star in films like this one and The Good Girl. In the same way that it’s ludicrous for Tom Cruise to parade about as a grease-monkey in War of the Worlds, so it is that Aniston looks ridiculous pretending that she’s the one of all her friends who is flabby and out of shape. Since she’s apparently unwilling to soften that rock-hard body of hers for roles like these, or bring any insight to them, she’s doomed.

    Friends With Money has been receiving decent reviews, and maybe it’s worth watching: perhaps my own background keeps me from appreciating a movie about people who are too daft to notice that they’re nothing more than materialistic bastards. The director, Nicole Holofcener, has worked in television, and seems to have hauled the worst of its mechanics onto the silver screen. To make matters worse, this film, considered to be ‘art-house’, uses up space that the Landmark Theaters could seemingly dedicate to foreign films (dozens of which will be shown soon at the Mpls/St. Paul Film Festival). L’Enfant is being shuffled off to the Edina this weekend, while Friends gets to use up the large tracts of Uptown’s squeaky seats.

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