Category: Blog Post

  • Nothing At All Like A Voyage, Nothing At All Like A Journey

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    Your ideals are invisible clouds

    So try not to suffocate the poor,

    the peasants, with your sympathies.

    They know that you’re staring at them.

    Jim Harrison, from “Easter Morning”

    Dance on, you pigs, what concern is it of mine?

    Franz Kafka, Diaries, 1914

    Could any of this possibly be true, these things you tell us?

    No, please understand, they could not possibly be true. They could not be further from the truth.

    Where is Further From The Truth? Does such a place, in fact, exist
    ?

    Yes, there is in fact such a place, and you might be surprised to learn that it is not nearly so far away as you perhaps imagine. I have myself been there many times.

    You have made the voyage?

    It is not a voyage, nothing at all like a voyage.

    You have made the journey, then?

    It is not a journey, nothing at all like a journey.

    Would you at least say that when you have visited Further From The Truth it involved a trip of some sort?

    I would say that it involved a short drive; I’ve even walked there on occasion. The original watertower still retains a faint trace of the town’s name, but these days people are free to call the place whatever they like, as befits a community founded by liars. Most of the natives are completely indifferent. They couldn’t care less, which is the name, by the way, of one of the suburbs of Further From The Truth.

    What name is that?

    Couldn’t Care Less. When Further From The Truth became such a teeming Mecca for every sort of liar and fraud, many of the residents started to move out into new suburban developments and sub-divisions, where they were free to cultivate the indifference made possible by their great fortunes, every one of which had been acquired through careers of appallingly successful deceit. The people there, it is said, are among the laziest and most contented on the entire planet.

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  • What Molly Said

    Molly Ivins is my favorite columnist. She doesn’t pull any punches and is harder on the Dems’ incompetence than she is on the Republicans’ treachery.

    Anyway, here’s today’s entry, which was reprinted in the Strib. Sort of like what I said yesterday about Ford Bell.

    She talks about leadership. Dems get a clue.

  • Then there were two

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    A Ford worth driving

    We supported Patty Wetterling for Senate. It wasn’t hard. She’s a good person who wanted to be Senator for what she could do, not what she could be. But, for whatever reason–and many think she was pushed out by the national Democrats so they could clear the field for Amy Klobuchar to take on Mark (The Weasel) Kennedy without depleting her resources against a strong challenger for the nomination–she pulled out and endorsed Klobuchar.

    But, as I once said, what’s the point of supporting Democrats if they’re just going to be a less bad alternative? All you have to do is look at Klobuchar’s website to see that she’s just as wishy washy about damn near everything as John Kerry. And you know where that got us.

    Health care? By golly, Amy’s for it, only she thinks it ought to be cheaper and more efficient. Duh.

    The war in Iraq? By golly again, Amy’s agin’ it–right up to the point where she thinks we ouught to pull out someday, in the future, when the time is right, when…well you get the picture.

    What’s the alternative?

    Ford Bell on health care? Single payer, now.

    Ford Bell on the war? Pull out by next summer.

    Bell may not have the DNC behind him, but at least he knows where he’s going. It may not be the Senate, but if Klobuchar gets there instead, it will just be more of the same Democratic wandering around in circles. That’s the Democrats’ chosen path, it seems.

  • Midas, In Exile, Reinvents Himself As A Self-Made Man

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    The King was widely regarded as a complete fucking jackass, a man who traded his Kingdom and his wondrous gifts for a chain of muffler shops.

    The Queen left him immediately, and was followed in short order by his retinue (for he had, in fact, once had a retinue). A few desperate and greasy palace cooks and a handful of stable hands were all that remained of his old life, and these characters he depended on to do his dirty work. There was always much dirty work to be done around the muffler shops.

    Who knows where the muffler idea came from? The King himself didn’t have the foggiest notion anymore. All he could remember was that he’d been drunk one night on a riverboat casino, so drunk that he’d not only seemingly lost his magic touch but had apparently abused even the privileges of a king, and he’d been forcibly removed from the boat for urinating in a public drinking fountain.

    When he eventually sobered up in a Dubuque hotel room he’d had the realization that he’d lost all interest in being King. Even the gold business had become tiresome to him; when you could turn everything you touched into gold, gold entirely lost all significance and value. The whole formal world of the court bored him to tears. He hated all that ridiculous velvet and the snug knickers and, especially, the strange and foppish hats he always seemed to find himself wearing.

    When he found himself penniless in Dubuque he was pleased to discover that he felt absolutely nothing in the way of desperation or regret. If anything, in fact, he experienced something that felt almost like serenity.

    Who knows? Perhaps, ultimately, he had been inspired by his older brother, who’d walked out from under his kingdom to launch a hamburger empire. All he knew was that the muffler business –lark though it might initially have been– had eventually demonstrated (and demonstrated conclusively) that he hadn’t lost his old touch after all. Yes, he’d showed them all in the end, Midas had. A man could make boodles of cash in the muffler racket.

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  • Credit due

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    Does all this travel make me look fat cat?

    After slagging the Strib the other day, now I’ve got to be fair and give due praise for a front page story today on Norm Coleman’s travel habits.

    (However,for some reason, it’s not on the front page of the Strib web site as I’m writing this, so I guess they don’t want anyone who doesn’t get the printed version of the paper to know about it unless they happen to be searching for “coleman.” Actually, it seems the Coleman story lost its place to yet another heart-string-tugger about the murdered Chaska mom. Yup, that’s worth a lot of discussion. For example, we’ve been heard at the Rake water cooler spouting such insights as, “Gee, I’m sure glad my kid isn’t a drug addled murderer, aren’t you?” and “I never thought something like that would happen IN THE SUBURBS!”)

    Sheesh.

    At any rate, Strib reporters Rob Hotakainen and Aaron Blake do a good job of outlining the peripatetic Coleman’s travels and who paid the freight.

    They make note of a couple of things worth mentioning here: that Coleman travels, especially at other-than-government expense, more than three times as often as Jim Oberstar, the House member and pork king of Minnesota; and Senator Mark Dayton did not travel at all unless on the government’s dime.

    Draw your own conclusions about Coleman’s assertion that there are no strings attached to his first class tickets around the world. And think about the distinction between Dayton, who is getting out of politics because he hates the influence of money, and Norm, who utterly embraces it.

  • The Local Giant

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    I don’t recall if the local giant ever actually claimed to have special powers. It did, however, seem to me that he conducted himself as if he had sprung from the pages of mythology.

    What I’m trying to say, I guess, is that this didn’t appear to be just another ordinary, run-of-the-mill giant. For one thing he was a good head taller than any giant I’ve ever seen, and he could balance small children on his nose and juggle dogs without seeming to cause the animals the slightest alarm or discomfort. The dogs actually appeared to enjoy being juggled, in fact. Some of them even slept while the giant was juggling them.

    The giant didn’t have much to say, but he was one of those giants whose actions spoke louder than his words. He had a real knack for catching people when they fell, as well as for locating lost objects. He was always returning things to their rightful owners, things that had been missing for great stretches of time –decades, in several notable instances.

    Some folks were suspicious of this talent, and spread rumors that the giant had actually stolen the items in question, and was hoarding these things in his lair. To dispel such rumors the giant took out a full-page advertisement in the local newspaper, announcing an open house to which the entire community was invited to inspect his lair and sample his baked goods.

    The giant, it turned out, was one heck of a baker, which honestly came as no surprise to his many local admirers. His generous selection of baked goods –many of them quite exotic– put to shame the offerings of any of the small bakeries in town.

    Needless to say, those who chose to take advantage of the giant’s hospitality –and there was quite a turnout– saw absolutely no evidence of lost or stolen items. And the very next morning the giant delivered a pristine 1969 Chevrolet Impala, a vehicle that had been missing for over a decade, to the home of its owner, a local school board member.

    Any explanation of how or where the giant found these lost objects was never forthcoming. The man was, as I mentioned, notoriously tight-lipped, and most of us had learned to live with his amiable silence.

    The giant also had a special rapport with birds; he could persuade them to perch on his head and eat grain from his scalp. On occasion, when he wished to entertain children, he could coax birds to pluck sunflower seeds from his nostrils.

    There were some in the community who resented the fact that the giant contributed nothing to the local economy. I have no idea how he survived, but he didn’t seem to have anything to do with money, and eventually there was a successful movement to drive the giant from his lair along a river outside of town to make way for new commercial development.

    When the giant left his lair for the last time he did so peacefully, and comported himself with the quiet dignity many of us had come to expect from him. He left behind all of his possessions, with the exception of an opulent, handcrafted, and intricately detailed dollhouse that he carried away in his arms.

    A large family of musically gifted grasshoppers inhabited this dollhouse. These grasshoppers, it was said, slept in tiny four-poster beds and filled their little mansion each night with the strains of beautiful music.

    The giant finally established a new home for himself (and his family of grasshoppers) in a smaller neighboring community. A short time later we began to hear reports that he was healing people and performing miracles, and that, of course, was when the real trouble started for the poor fellow.

    It’s a rather discouraging story, really, and I am too tired at the moment to continue with it, but I shall do so at a time in the very near future.

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  • More On 24

    James Surowiecki, one of my favorite writers, really ought to be allowed out of his gilded cage at the New Yorker a bit more often, now that he’s perfected the Financial Page (along with the Greatest Unsung Editor of Our Times, Susan Morrison). Well, at least he’s allowed to ask questions through the bars. Yesterday at Slate, he conducted a very interesting Q&A with one of “24”‘s writers, Michael Loceff. Lots of interesting information there, especially as regards the first season–which had been written, actually, before 9/11, but began airing two months later. The whole premise of the show was happily prescient, if that’s the right word.

    Slate editors, who are masters of the homepage teaser, marketed the story as potentially a discussion that would address the morality of the show’s depiction of torture, which is a frequent and (frequently abominable) method used by Bauer and his federal colleagues (and, to be sure, by the bad guys too). Sadly, Surowiecki lets the “24” writer entirely off the hook on the question.

    Surowiecki:

    One of the places where 24 and the real world have intersected most powerfully is on the question of torture. On 24, torture is regularly used in interrogation. Some critics believe that 24 actually plays to our desire to witness torture, that it is, in some sense, “torture porn.” How do you make sense of and justify the role of torture in the show?

    Loceff:

    “If you look at any given torture scene in the show, you’ll find that there’s something in it that shows someone’s distaste or disgust. And Jack Bauer’s decision to torture people for information in the past has cost him, because it’s shown other people just exactly what he’s capable of. Jack himself is appalled by what he feels he has to do, but he’s also convinced he has to do it. That is a real dramatic conflict.”

    It continues:


    Slate: One of the familiar critiques of using torture as an interrogation technique is that it doesn’t work. On 24 it tends to be very effective.

    Loceff: I don’t know that torture works, and we don’t write it because we think it works. So, I don’t think any of us are trying to make a statement about the efficacy of it one way or the other.

    Slate: Back to the realism question: 24 is shot in real time, which creates a very powerful illusion of reality.

    Loceff totally misses the point, and redirects the conversation. Jack feels bad about torture? And that’s it?

    Jack, friendless and bereft, bounces back and the story moves forward. In every instance now for five years, the dramatic storyline proceeds. Torture pushes the plot forward, it is never a dead-end. Naturally, no one who is innocent is ever tortured. Logically, then, only the guilty are tortured… you see where I’m going with this. (When the bad guys torture the good guys, they get nothing, of course. Either becuase their victims are innocent, or dsisciplinedf federal agents.) If torture is any way a negative element of the show or its themes, then Jack Bauer is merely a martyr for the larger cause of national security. This conveniently ignores the fact that civil rights are, sui generis, a national security issue.

    I don’t worry that full-throated Bush apologists would look to 24 as some kind of precedent. But I do worry about the astonishing parallels to the real world, and about Americans becoming innured to these noxious ideas. The Bush administration obviously doesn’t require precedents in any of its activities. It’s this idea that “if you were innocent, you wouldn’t have been arrested” (or it’s equivalent, as enunciated by Jonah Goldberg the other day, “we only use illegal wiretapping on obvious terrorists and their abettors”) that truly frightens me.

  • Holy Shit! The Woman Of My Dreams: 'Do You All Know Who I Really May Be?'

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    SWF, young enough, not yet old, weird, fine-enough looking (and that’s not just therapy talking), absolutely no interest in or patience with mingling, machinery, or the usual fanciness. Likes nasty weather, flying and creeping and vulnerable things, C-SPAN when people are just sitting around sipping from glasses of water or clearing their throats, Jeff What’s-His-Name, boiled eggs if someone else does the boiling and knows what they’re doing, Michener (just kidding), Albert Schweitzer (his mustache, anyway, if I’m thinking of the right guy, and I’m probably not), canned goods if they have interesting labels, Chick-O-Sticks, chili, dogs if they do what they’re told, coffee, cold beverages, hippies (although I suppose it kind of depends on what you mean by hippies and if you mean what I think you mean, then no), certain types of music when I’m in the mood for certain types of music, driving on bad roads, sitting on my ass listening to you play your harmonica or whatever it is you play, sitting quietly in the dark, eavesdropping, the sun when it’s least expected or most welcome, people who care enough to wave signs (just so long as they don’t try to get too close to me or ask me to sign anything), hot sauce, roaring fires, mashed potatoes, fried potatoes, potatoes, books if they’re any good, and You: If you ask questions, own at least two forks and one plate, know your way around a microwave oven, have so much passion you don’t know what to do with it all, and would please please please at least make a conscious effort to be kind and gentle and sweet.

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  • Another Day, Another Incredibly Violent Series

    Having spent last week fasting, meditating, flagellating, and otherwise chastening and prostrating ourselves for the important job at hand, this week we’re busy tacking, gluing, hot-waxing, tucking, nipping the new issue–and we’re sure you’ll agree that all this radio-silence at the blog is going to be worth it. (Hint: Nudity! Much nudity!) But something I wanted to point out while briefly on the hustings. As you know, dear reader, there are two sorta inexplicable tangents we indulge in around here, just because you are powerless to stop us–(a) the occasional thoughts on modern ice hockey, and (2) the TV series “24.”

    Well, you cannot have failed to notice that Fox programmed the first four hours of the new season of Kiefer Sutherland’s real-time name-taking and butt-kicking on Sunday and Monday nights. I found it kinda creepy that the first episode, on the eve of MLK day, featured former president David Palmer getting assassinated in a hotel room by a sniper. That was either wicked foresight or accident–but wicked in any case. Also, it seems clear that the show will continue to dwell on dangerous issues that tend to give red-state Americans a lot of bad ideas. (Like how its funny that anyone who gets tortured is obviously guilty–otherwise why would we torture them, duh! I don’t normally get all moral and snobbish like this, but what the hey. It’s really pretty frightening to ponder what a full-throated Bush apologist would make of this show, while pantywaist lefties like myself can’t keep track of all the “teaching moments.”) This season’s Pandora appears to be the modish topic of the relativity of truth and the fabrication of reality. Already a main element of the story line is the constant, improbable, high-tech maniupulation of information–particularly digital media. There is something perfectly meta about this, given how the show itself has shamelessly manipulated our emotions for five years now.

  • Never mind the story, here's the brand identity

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    Be sure to catch me at the Coon Rapids Home Center next week

    I couldn’t really decide how to start this entry. I thought of, “If I were the editor of the Star Tribune…”, but that’s too scary even to contemplate. I thought of “I wish they had an editor at the Strib instead of a brand manager.” But finally I decided to go with, “The Star Tribune is a poor excuse for cutting down trees.”

    Let’s look at today’s edition and see if you agree. The top of the front page is, literally, a fish story. Yup, you live in a major metropolitan area–an area that attracts and keeps top businesses because of its level of culture and education levels–and the top of the front page is: “Whoopee, we still have the biggest fish on record.”

    OK, they did have a story (written by the Washington Post) next to it on the Iran controversy, but c’mon.

    The story right under the breaking fish scoop was a heart-render ripped from the pages (no, make that TV screen) of the crap that passes for news every night at 10 p.m. Yup, it’s another person facing adversity with the help of caring friends, family, public programs and caring corporations. It is news? Is it a story? Maybe. Maybe it belongs on the Sunday feature pages. Probably, it’s on the front page because the brand manager thinks it will bring a little tear and remind us “There, but for the grace of God…” Don’t they have Katherine Kersten for that crap?

    Turning to the metro section, we learn that a meeting with Superintendent Thandiwe Peebles and the School Board has been….well, cancelled. In the Strib’s defense, they have done a pretty good job of pointing out Peebles’ problems in the past. Too bad they didn’t get on her before she got here…like finding out her behavior in her last job or that she didn’t really meet the legal licensing requirements for the job or that her degree was from a cereal box.

    But what I’m really gassed about is the huge photo of Norm Coleman marching with the Martin Luther King parade. If you check the Strib rate card, you’ll see that space would cost several thousand dollars to purchase…and what is a big picture of Norm with the MLKers if not an ad? Does the fact that a politician shamelessly allies himself with popular causes qualify as news? What’s next? Can we expect to see Norm cutting the ribbon at hardware store openings?

    (Perhaps I’d give the Strib a pass on that if they explained that the shot of Norm with his mouth opening was him trying to explain how he voted for the new bankruptcy law which makes it even easier for the credit card companies and check cashing store fronts which prey on the poor to keep someone underfoot forever. Try to reconcile that one with the ideals of Dr. King.)

    Just for contrast, compare the Strib’s superficial coverage of MLK Day with that of the Wall Street Journal, who used the occasion of Martin Luther King Day to remind us that his work is far from over. The front page yesterday of the most conservative paper in the land was a feature on how the city of Atlanta had screwed black cops out of their retirement pay. That’s journalism.

    But alas, you have to pay to subscribe to wsj.com to read the story. But, unlike the free online version of the Strib, you get something for your money.