The Rake Magazine

Category: Blog Post

  • Tin Fish, Belgian Beers, and Anonymous Comments

    Tin Fish is open for the season, and on sunny days, the long
    lines are back at the Lake Calhoun Pavilion. These guys have the formula
    figured out: start with very fresh ingredients, and then prepare them as simply
    as possible. Prices seem to have gone up a bit since last year – as have
    seafood prices everywhere – but they are still quite reasonable: you can get a
    Mini Tin sandwich (two pieces of cod on a toasted bun) for $2.75 and a big
    grilled shrimp taco for $4.95. The fried tin fish combo (four pieces of cod,
    three shrimp, two scallops and six pieces of calamari) with fries and slaw has
    gone up to $15.95 this year, but it is big enough to share. The little bits of
    fried squid were nothing to write home about, but the cod was perfect – moist
    and fresh – and the scallops had the succulent sweetness of the very best. And
    the view of the lake is priceless.

    There are still a few seats left for the Belgian beer
    dinner, tomorrow (Tuesday) night at Barbette, 1600 W. Lake St., Minneapolis. It’s a benefit for KBEM Jazz 88,
    but The Rake is co-hosting, and I’ll tag along and tell a story or two.

    Belgian beers happen to be a passion of mine. Back in the
    early 80s, when I had fantasies of opening my own micro-brewery, a friend and I
    spent a week driving around the country in a Citroen deux chevaux trying every
    local brew we could find. Last time I checked, there were around 300 different
    brands, many of them tiny farmhouse operations, and nearly every brewery had
    its own distinctively shaped glass.

    Belgium is kind of a Galapagos island of brewing, where all
    kinds of weird brewing styles survive that had gone virtually extinct elsewhere
    on the planet. Many of those brewing styles have been rediscovered in the last
    few years – beers brewed with fruit and herbs and spices, and wild yeasts.

    I haven’t seen the list of beers that will be poured yet,
    but chef Sarah Masters’ menu sounds promising. She’s using domestic
    Belgian-style microbeers for cooking, in each course, including a starter of
    1Chevagne goat cheese with pumpernickel toast points and Rejewvenator-
    marinated fig, followed by pastry-wrapped garlic sausage with braised cabbage,
    duo of mustards and side of greens tossed with a Biere de Miel vinaigrette;
    Flat Earth Pale Ale-marinated eye of round roast with creamy polenta and
    spinach, and a Chocolate tart
    with raspberry-Brother Thelonious reduction as a grand finale.

    Tickets are $50 benefiting Jazz88. To make online
    reservations, CLICK HERE or call Kevin Barnes at (612) 668-1735.

    Confidential to "Anonymous": (i.e., anybody who posts anonymous comments): Anonymous coments are welcome, and negative comments about restaurants (and about restaurant critics, for that matter) are okay, too, but it seems to me that if you are going to be harsh, and especially if you are going to single out an identifiable individual for criticism, you ought to sign your name. Or better yet, become a Rake Restaurant Rater, and post your critique there.

     

  • Legislatin' Sexy

    As the 2008 session draws to a close with no small amount of
    pomp and ceremony today, it is a time to reflect upon the marvel that is the
    modern democratic process. More particularly, it is a time to think about the
    countless hordes of people at the Capitol who toil every day to grease the cogs
    in the great machine that is our state government, their pleated khaki pants
    and skirts billowing softly in the gentle breeze coming in off the Mississippi.
    For it is not just the Sex
    Hog     who deserves recognition. All who emerge dripping with sweat into the sunlight after months of drafting bills and desperately
    searching for common ground – even if that common ground consists simply of
    looking across the aisle gazing longingly at a particularly striking member of
    the opposition party.

    So today, to recognize the profound brilliance, and hotness,
    that is our public servants at the Capitol, marks the launch of The Defenestrator’s
    first annual "Most Beautiful People at the Capitol". The award recognizes the
    beauty and brains of all those who will emerge today on the Capitol steps,
    hungry for the alcohol and thousands of hours of comp time that is their due.
    And the top 10 most beautiful people at the Capitol, five men and five women,
    will receive a fabulous prize package and a photo shoot to be featured here, on
    The Rake. But to find those souls most
    deserving of this award, we need your help.

    Yes, it’s up to you to help determine who the top 10 most
    beautiful people at the Capitol are. So if a legislative assistant caught your
    eye from across the aisle, if a fetching intern’s work on health care reform
    dazzled you in its brilliance, if you were stopped in your tracks by a
    strapping researcher with rippling triceps balancing a daunting stack of books
    that rivaled any of Hercules’ 12 labors, or even if the dizzying smile of a
    Capitol police officer brought to mind fantasies of being "taken in" for petty
    larceny, let us know in the comments below (yes, we take anonymous comments) or
    send us an email at goldsmith@rakemag.com.
    Simply let us know who at the Capitol, from legislators to interns and lobbyists, fits the
    bill by Friday, May 30, and we’ll tally the votes.

    So before you run off to The Liffey to cope with the shock of
    effective legislative compromise, take a moment to nominate a colleague who
    toils in obscurity despite their obvious beauty and brains. For what is
    politics if not yet another quest for beauty, truth, and possibly someone who
    fills out Dockers in all the right ways?

  • Bowie’s Brouhaha

    The howling is deafening. The
    screaming. The hooting. The pumping legs and shaking hips. Is it…
    the real David Bowie onstage? The Thin White Duke himself?

    For the first three chords
    of "Ziggy Stardust" it’s hard to tell it is the house band Kitty
    Stardust playing and not the rock icon. The crowd is losing it in high-decibel
    ecstatic moaning. The pair of women in glow-in-the-dark earrings look
    like they might faint. And everyone is shrieking the lyrics.

    Ziggy played guitar!

    Tonight is the fifth
    annual Rock For Pussy, a David Bowie tribute extravaganza, at First
    Avenue    . Founded by Current DJ Mary Lucia, the evening not only serves
    as a glam rock community brouhaha, but also as a fundraiser for the
    Minnesota Valley Humane Society.

    Fundraising strategist Adam
    Mehl says he is excited about the opportunity to mix music with his
    Humane Society work.

    "I’ve made it a habit of
    combining work with non-profits and music together," he says. "As
    an organization, we’re excited to get exposure and to have the support
    of local music community. With all Humane Societies, it’s really hard
    to convey to people we don’t get government support."

    This is the second year the
    organization has linked with Rock For Pussy. But for Mehl, his Bowie
    fanatisim goes way back.

    "I got into Bowie with his
    influence in early punk," he says.

    It is a night of music and fashion. Errant Aladdin Sane lightning bolts speckle the faces in
    the crowd. The pants are tight; the skirts are short. The rabid Bowie
    fans in front of the stage are neon and glittering and twisting and
    shimmying as if melding into one sleek creature.

    On stage, it’s a different
    story.

    Kitty Stardust looks surprisingly
    un-Bowie. Spare the lead guitarist wearing a black boa and another in
    a fancy fedora, the band looks like a brood of renegade hippies in paisley
    print shirts and long, flowing skirts. The drummer is donning a *cringe*
    mullet. The sound, however, is right on-even including a few nice
    flourishes. A slick, white Les Paul lends "Queen Bitch" a crunchier
    sound than the original. "Jean Jeanie" sounds nice with raspy female
    vocals. And, in some ways, watching Kitty Stardust is better than seeing
    Bowie in the flesh because concert-goers don’t have to wade through
    a string of new tracks in between the tried and true hits. Rock For
    Pussy is all about the gems.

    The show is laid-back and friendly
    with a revolving door of notable locals taking spins behind the mic.
    Among them are singer/songwriter Jeremy Messersmith and Minneapolis
    celebrity writer Jim Walsh, who is tricked out in glittery eye makeup
    for his version of "Heroes." Local popsmith Sam Keenan is the glammest
    of them all in a see-through black shirt and silver choker. His version
    of "DJ" is sexy and riotous, easily one of the evening’s best
    renditions.

    The show’s highlight is "Fame,"
    played by Minneapolis goth act, All The Pretty Horses. The intro thumps
    on, vamping and vamping, as two sultry waifs in scandalous police costumes
    shine mini spotlights on the evening’s star, the infamous drag queen
    Venus De Mars. De Mars, outfitted in a black corset, is passionate and
    expressive, and best of all, extremely lewd. But it is All The Pretty
    Horses’ drummer, however, who should be Rock For Pussy’s poster
    boy, wearing a cat ear headband and David Bowie tee. Between the band’s
    high-powered glamour and the fashion-forward audience, in that moment,
    everyone looked like stars.

     

  • Stopping the Art-A-Whirl Spins

    MUSIC
    Javon Jackson & Les McCann

    Javon Jackson has spent his entire life engulfed in some the greatest jazz around. As a child, his parent turned him on to Gene Ammons and Ahmad Jamal. As a teen, he was blown away by Sonny Stitt (and who wouldn’t be). By the ripe age of 16, he was playing professionally with former Max Roach Quintet pianist Billy Wallace. At this time, he also befriended Branford Marsalis, who convinced him to study at the Berklee School of Music, where he studied under former Art Blakey legendary Jazz Messengers Billy Pierce (sax) and Donald Brown (piano). And he finally played with Blakey himself (as a Jazz Messenger) for three years, until Blakey’s death in 1990. But in 1991, Jackson finally took center stage with the release of Burnin’. Much like Stitt did under Charlie Parker’s tutelage, Jackson has taken the skills and schooling offered by his peers and predecessors and transformed them into a voice that’s all his own. This man has got the groove — the funky, old school groove, with a cherry on top. Make that two cherries — tonight he performs with legendary soul jazz pianist/vocalist Les McCann on organ. This show is loaded with serious funkability.

    7 & 9:30 p.m., Dakota Jazz Club and Restaurant, 1010 Nicollet Ave., Minneapolis; 612-332-1010; $22 & $30.

    Festival of the Night

    For the past five years the MN sur Seine Festival has been bringing mad international
    flair to the Twin Cities. What began primarily as a French jazz festival
    has morphed into a worldly and wonderful collaboration between musicians
    from Ethiopia, Britain, Spain, and of course, France and Minneapolis!
    This evening, meet at the Black Dog Cafe in Lowertown St. Paul for the Festival
    of the Night, aka Fest Noz, one of many hot tickets (and potential hot
    date nights) this week on the MN sur Seine schedule. Lounge about the
    Black Dog’s airy yet intimate space, sip Sangria, and enjoy the sultry
    sounds of Spanish Flamenco singer/guitarist duo Gabriel Gonzalez
    and Miguel Linares
    along with a few super special guests, as to whose identity I’ve been sworn
    to secrecy. —Kate Iverson

    8 p.m., Black Dog Cafe, 4th
    & Broadway, Lowertown St. Paul; $11.

    Hot Roxx at the Hex

    If you’re not in the mood for
    cool and classy, opt for loud and sassy. This monthly
    hipster-friendly sonic experience is sure to whet your classic rock
    whistle. Join easy-on-the eyes DJ duo Macku$ and Jen as they host an All in the Family
    party featuring local music scene staples Vampire Hands and Private Dancer, who will be playing 1970s covers in
    between Hot Roxx DJ sets. Expect a whole lot of skinny jeans and tousled
    hair, New York Dolls/Bowie/MC5-esque tunes, and the some of the stiffest
    drinks and surliest bartenders this side of the river. —Kate Iverson

    10 p.m., Hexagon Bar, 2600 27th Ave. S., Minneapolis; free.

    FILM
    Homegrown Film Festival

    The Parkway Theater hosts an eclectic series of locally
    produced films each Monday through June 2nd. Tonight
    at 7:30 p.m., explore a morbid curiosity with Snuff: A Documentary
    About Killing on Camera    .
    This flick, guaranteed to give you the major creeps, investigates the
    myth and reality of snuff films (killing on camera). However, if you’re not in the mood
    to be disturbed, show up for the 9:30 screening of Grown Men, a collection of five intertwining tales
    (all by different local writers) about the lives of men whose lady troubles
    provide mucho comedic fodder. —Kate Iverson

    7:30 &
    9:30 p.m.,     Parkway Theater, 4814 Chicago Ave. S., Minneapolis; $8 for both.


    Before the Rains

    Before the Rains, the
    first English language film by Indian director Santosh Sivan,
    is a surprisingly effective, accessible, and beautiful riff on familiar
    themes. Set in British-controlled 1930s India during a growing
    nationalist movement, the film is about love and self-destructive
    ambition in the face of a rapidly changing country. The success of the film is
    rooted in its simplicity. The photography, characters,and events
    fit perfectly into a concrete theme that is repeated throughout. Clocking
    in at 98 minutes, it feels streamlined and well edited, sustaining a
    well constructed level of tension until its satisfying conclusion. A cinematographer-turned-director,
    Sivan paints a pretty picture. His mastery of photography is dramatically apparent from the
    first image of sweeping countryside. It is one of the most visually
    masterful films I’ve seen since the tragically mediocre Assassination
    of Jesse James    . —Brandon Root (read full review)

    1:50, 4:30, 7:20, & 9:45 p.m., Edina Cinema, 3911 W. 50th
    St., Edina; 651-649-4416.

    ART
    Gregory Euclide: This is How
    I’ve Been Moving Through It

    While this notable local artist
    and recent MCAD grad may have had the bad fortune to open his show at
    Augsburg College over the biggest art weekend
    in Minnesota    , I
    can honestly say that an afternoon jaunt over to Augsburg’s Gage Family Art
    Gallery     today, or
    any day through June 11th, is well worth it. Lay eyes on the dreamy and
    organically lush mixed media works of young Euclide, whose signature style lies somewhere
    between earth, wind, and water, mixed with a dash of whimsy. —Kate Iverson

    8 a.m. – 8 p.m., Gage Family Art Gallery, 2211 Riverside Ave. S., 2nd Level,
    Lindell Library, Minneapolis; free.

    THEATRICAL READING
    When We Go Upon the Sea

    The Guthrie Theater presents a dramatic reading of Lee
    Blessing’s When We Go Upon
    the Sea    , a politically
    driven and tale about the reflections and actions of George Bush the
    night before being tried at The Hague. Blessing is joined this evening by play Director
    Lucie Tiberghien and will host an open discussion after the reading.
    This event concludes The Ruth Easton New
    Play Series     so
    get thee to the Guthrie tonight for some seriously fresh work from a
    brilliant contemporary playwright. —Kate Iverson

    7:30 p.m., Guthrie Theater,
    818 S. 2nd St., Minneapolis; $10    .

  • Still 80s After All These Years

    Originally written for Realbuzz

    Never has an entire decade of music been so thoroughly consolidated within the confines of a single album. Because we’re talking about the 1980s here — or more precisely, 1983-1993 — this can be viewed as either a good or bad thing, depending very much on your personal taste. If you didn’t like hair metal (and, just as importantly, hair ballads) the first time around, you won’t now. Regardless, and this is sort of amazing: Def Leppard’s aesthetic has by no means been softened by the two decades of safe-pop-rock that has infiltrated the mainstream since their 1987 hit "Pour Some Sugar on Me." Or rather, it has softened – their last album, X, was derided for ‘not having much kick to [its] rhythms’ — and now re-calcified. Abrasive, spasmodic, at times just plain noisy, Songs from the Sparkle Lounge is, for better or worse, a return to a lost era.

    If you miss shaking your perm’d mullet to power chords, or if you were too young in the ‘80s to appreciate the charm-less allure of bands such as this, there is presently cause to rejoice.

    The worst one can say about Sparkle Lounge is that it’s put together like a comeback effort. Despite the fact that Def Leppard has been releasing albums fairly regularly, this one in particular cycles through so many sub-genres that it does, regrettably, feel a bit like a cry for attention. That said, the group attacks each style – rock ballad, thunder metal, New Wave metal – with such sincerity, and even mastery, that when you’re listening to it you really feel as if you’re in a different (louder) era.

    Though it may attract the same fan base, this isn’t the campy, half-ironic rock of artists like Andrew W.K. who capitalized on the resurgence of ‘80s culture; this is the real stuff, the prima materia. "Gotta Let it Go," for example, would be a pretty good match for a movie montage. Again – not the satirical sequences of Wet Hot American Summer or Team America: World Police; this is suitable for Top Gun, or even Rocky IV. There’s really fast, meandering electric guitar work that serves as filler, but its strength is a never-ending chorus, with the mantra "Gotta let it go!" shouted over and over, reinforced by some heavy chords and drums.

    "Love," then, serves as a nice counterpoint, as the hair ballad is, after all, the inverse of the rock anthem. I think even Meat Loaf might tip his hat to this one. After a bastardization of the introductory licks to "Stairway to Heaven," lead singer Joe Elliot comes in crooning, "Love! Love! Why do I keep searching high and low?" One imagines candelabras and white poofy shirts, just like twenty years ago.

    The rest all falls within the spectrum of leather jackets with lots of zippers, professional wrestling, patriotic bandanas, and the straightforward punchlines of Andrew Dice Clay. "Bad Actress," "C’mon C’mon," and "Go" all hold the elements of an oversized culture. That Def Leppard is British in origin seems incidental to me; I would say this is a profoundly American album. "Nine Lives," the single featuring Tim McGraw, has just enough twang to sound a bit like recent commercials for Ford Trucks. To show their versatility within the U.S. canon, they’ve even thrown in "Tomorrow," which sticks its nose into the mid-90s, emulating a bit of the Boy Band pastiche. Even this, though, is pulled off with the blunt confidence of the rest of the album. If there are a few adjectives that can be used describe every song, here they are: Loud, bold, and impossible to ignore.

    Track listing:

    1. Go
    2. Nine Lives
    3. C’mon C’mon
    4. Love
    5. Tomorrow
    6. Cruise Control
    7. Hallucinate
    8. Only the Good Die Young
    9. Bad Actress
    10. Come Undone
    11. Gotta Let It Go
    12. Love

  • Many Rivers to Cross

    Photo by Gregory Shamus/Getty Images

    The impatience and exasperation leaking out of commentator Hubie Brown last night ratified my impressions of the Celtics-Cavs series. Brown, who was actually courtside covering the Lakers’ inevitable takedown of the Jazz, not only felt compelled enough to detour for an analysis of Boston-Cleveland, but broke the unwritten commandment that ex-coaches don’t directly rip current members of the fraternity. It is on the Boston coaching staff, Brown flatly stated, to figure out how to get three premium scorers off enough to reach 90 points in a game.

    Think about that for a moment: A team with Garnett, Pierce and Allen in this era of hand-check fouls not getting to 90 in 5 of the 6 games versus Cleveland thus far (Brown mistakenly thought they hadn’t done it once, probably seeing that they are well below a 90 point average in the series). Now some of this clampdown should be credited to Cavs’ coach Mike Brown, a Gregg Popovich disciple who routinely gets ripped for his unimaginative offense while those same pundits discount that Brown’s gameplans took his team to the Finals last year and are a game away from the conference finals this season. But Brown’s point is the salient one: On a ballclub with three players who each had been their team’s #1 offensive option for years and years, why can’t Doc Rivers and his crew figure out a way to put the ball in the damn bucket?

    Looking at the numbers more carefully damns Rivers a little deeper. If the Celts blow this series, his decision to ride Sam Cassell instead of Eddie House will have shamrock adherents cursing into their brews for years to come. Yes, the Celts need to spread the floor. But Cassell is more a midrange jumpshooter and post-up guy, and he is waaaay too slow to play effective defense. Eddie House has legit three point range–indeed, that’s his specialty. So instead of playing House and stretching the Cleveland D, Rivers goes to Sam I Am, who wants to play it cute off the dribble and post-up and lean-in, etc. Big mistake.

    Then, in the most informative of all the "Wired" comments viewers have been able to glean in these playoffs, we hear Doc Rivers cautioning all his players, but particularly his young point guard Rajon Rondo, from taking too many "heroic shots" during the game, presumably meaning high-risk, high-reward missives. Is that really what you want to impart to your high-strung 22-year old point guard in his first-ever playoff run?

    Here’s a news flash for Rivers and his assistants: The Cavs’ bigs, especially Joe Smith, are showing hard and deep into the perimeter on pick and rolls. LeBron has effectively locked up top scorer Paul Pierce. Garnett is being allowed some success on midrange and in the paint–he’s shooting 56.7% for the series, while his teammates are clanking away at 37.4%. But the Cavs have decided Ray Allen isn’t going to get any open looks from outside, and Allen, either by reason of temperament, age, injury, or whatever, has gone along with the plan and not managed to score, or even shoot very often, He’s tied for first with KG on the Celts with 232 minutes played in this series but is 4th on the team in field goal attempts and 8th in FGA per minute! And maybe that reticence is a good idea, given that he’s only converting 34.5% of his shots, and just 18.2% from outside the arc.

    In other words, this is a hell of a time for the coach to be telling the other guy in the backcourt, the impressionable Rondo, to be careful about his shot selection. And then subbing in another guy, Cassell, who had the will, and the stones, but, alas, no longer the talent, to be heroic.

    Rivers finally caught a clue in last night’s mud-wrestling Game Six defeat, but too little and too late. After a nice breakout in Game Five, Rondo was backed to being cowed–he took 4 shots in 30:33–but, ta da!, we saw some extended time for Eddie House. And whaddaya know, he came in and immediately stretched the Cavs’ defense. In fact with House sharing the backcourt with Allen, and KG in the low block, the Celtics were the better team–specifically ten points better, in a combined 11:57. Take KG out of the equation and consider just House and Allen sharing the backcourt: the Celts were still a plus +16 in 16:13.

    Yes, that’s right, with two outside shooting threats and a vital low post option, Cleveland’s defense is less effective. And yes, you need that high-low critical mass. KG with Allen was plus +8 in 38:09 and a whopping minus -15 in the mere 4:33 Allen wasn’t on the floor with him. But House and Allen make each other much more effective too. They were plus +16 in the mere 16:13 they played together–nor was it a fluke of the game flows, as they were at least plus +4 in each of three separate stints together. Ah but without Allen to draw perimeter attention, House was minus -9 in 1:58.

    Each game is different of course. But the newfound aggressiveness Pierce has shown, even when LeBron is on him, demonstrates what he thinks of Rivers’ "no heroic shots" mantra. To prevent his team from an outright mutiny, Rivers needs to play House more often and/or give Rondo the green light to shoot when the Cavs’ D is keyed on KG and Allen and LeBron is checking Pierce. That’s blatantly obvious. Rivers also has to be thankful he didn’t ruin House’s confidence by essentially shelving him the first five games of the series (when House played a grand total of 11 minutes).

    Some other observations about Game Six and the series in general…

    * Rivers was absolutely right to bitch about the charging call on Pierce in the final minutes, a crucial whistle that denied the Celts’ comeback. Replays clearly showed LeBron reaching in, and the fact that both men flopped dramatically–you’d think each was equipped with reverse magnetism on the play–in no way should detract from the substantial contact that was clearly initiated by LeBron.

    * All season long I have been a staunch defender of "the other two" in the Celts’ starting lineup, and have seen that faith justified by both Rondo and center Kendrick Perkins. But while Rondo has remained impressive (if predictably inconsistent), Perkins has had a terrible postseason, with his lack of quickness apparent and his grit lacking in the offensive rebounding battles the Cavs keep winning. A big game from Perkins–not scoring, so much as boxing out and staying out of foul trouble–would be huge in Game Seven.

    * I’m not the first person who has said this (or at least it seems so obvious that I’m sure others have alluded to it) but where the Cavs have an uber alpha dog in LeBron, the Celts have a trio of betas as their semi go-to guys. As good as KG has been in this series, I’ve seen a couple of short-armed jumpers in the paint in the 4th quarter. Allen has little or no inclination to rustle himself out of his mental barcalounger and try to take over. And Pierce is meeting his match and then some trying to contain and then rid himself of LeBron. Bottom line, as good as KG-Pierce-Allen have been throughout their careers, Garnett’s Game Seven versus Sacramento four years ago remains the top example of one of these three seizing the game by the throat and delivering the victory. This entire series has felt like the Cavs scrabbling uphill, hell bent for triumph, while the Celts are trying to avoid embarassment. The question is, if they thrash the Cavs (or even beat them by more than a last-second bucket) tomorrow, does two of these do-or-die survivals finally get them over the mental hump in time for the Pistons?

    Final note: I haven’t forgotten about the other three series, and especially Game Seven for the Spurs and Hornets. I’ll be posting more in the next day or two.

  • First Place Winner for Most Original Sculpture

    1st place winner for most original sculpture:— 2007 Minnesota Celebrity Butter Carving Contest:

    Every year I participate in a week’s worth of events at the Minnesota State Fair, and granted, the Fair is not until August, BUT I figured this year I should get a jump start honing my skills so I can shoot for the Gold in the AGRI-OLYMPICS.

    It started several years ago when I was a sidekick on KS95’s morning show. My two partners at the time, Rob and Mark, thought it would be fun to nominate me to participate in the Celebrity Cow Milking Contest. "Yeah, let’s get Princess Melinda to walk through the fair in her fancy shoes and see if she can Milk a Cow in front of a live audience."

    "No problem, GUYS. I am up for the challenge," I thought to myself, "but first I am going to require some practice." So I went into the Moo Booth and asked a very cute dairy farmer if he would help me learn how to milk a cow.

    Two hours, people! I spent two hours with my new best friend (Steve) from Albert Lea, learning the proper techniques to milk a cow.

    Lights, TV cameras, and a few drunks in the audience all focused on me for one whole minute (on the official clock), and my lessons paid off. I filled that bucket almost right up to the top, even though my cow decided to use my pretty shoes as the perfect spot to relieve herself.

    Unbelievable! All the D-LIST celebrities took their turns, one by one, squeezing their cows to get more milk in their buckets, but nobody was going to beat me.

    All of us Media types got so competitive, that Rusty Gatenby and Joe Schmidt actually starting using their cow’s teats as weapons
    against each other.

    Had everyone stopped yanking and squeezing the teats so hard and taken the time to learn the proper way to milk a cow (making an OK sign with one hand and massaging the milk down), perhaps they, too, would have had a shot.

    Long story short… For six years straight I was the crowned champion
    of the Celebrity Cow Milking Contest.

    Last year, though, I was off my game and came in third, so I did what any person would do to regain the admiration and respect of my peers: I entered the 2007 Celebrity Butter Carving Contest, using my good buddy TONE FLY as my inspiration.

    Let’s see… How do I carve a work of art — a portrait of T, as I call him — with a plastic knife?

    After studying his bald head and facial features, I had the perfect idea.
    I went to Walgreens and picked up a Mr. Potato Head kit, grabbed a pair of my diamond hoop earrings, cut off a chunk of hair from my Hair Extensions, threw in one of my old sets of fake lashes,
    found a little airplane from one of my son’s old boxes of junk, and created the 1st place award-winning butter sculpture of 2007.

    Well, actually, I got first place in the most original category.
    The real winner was Princess Kay of the Milky Way, whose creation got a standing ovation.

    For the next three months I will be working on butter sculpting techniques in hopes that I can both redeem myself in the Cow Milking Contest and sculpt something that will earn me the title of not just "Most Original Butter Sculpture" but also "Hardest Working
    D-list Celebrity in the 2008 Minnesota State Fair Agri-Olympics."

  • Whirly Girl

    SPECIAL ART EVENT
    2008 Art-A-Whirl

    Oh my goodness. How can I even begin to give you a glimpse of this weekend’s line-up? It’s Art-A-Whirl weekend. Clearly, that’s no secret. If you haven’t yet heard, you probably haven’t the house for the past couple of weeks — or checked your email, or visited any local websites (or businesses of any kind), or turned on the radio, or answered the phone, or even Twittered. Nope. You’re living in a vacuum, and it’s time to change the bag. Yeah, I know it’s no secret, but how can I not mention it? I mean, if you’re going to do any one thing this weekend, this is it, folks. It’s supposed to be a beautiful weekend (finally!), perfect for a full-day stroll.

    Here are just a few must-sees:
    (I realize, of course, that I’m missing many more.)

    Kick off Art-A-Whirl 2008 with the power of women. I like how that sounds. "What is it good for? / Absolutely nothing." (Sorry. I don’t know where that came from.) The power of women: what does it look like? features work by 52 artists from the Women’s Art Registry of Minnesota (WARM) Mentor Program: "18 teams, 52 artists, 52 lives, ONE SHOW." The power of women: what does it look like? You’ll surely get 52 different responses. Choose the one you like best. This evening’s opening features music by singer/songwriter Beth Kinderman (6-9 p.m.), and another Beth — Beth Loraine Bowman — will be exhibiting work from her new series, "Trains and Other Transport," at the Grain Belt studios as well.

    Opening Party on Friday from 5 to 10 p.m., Saturday from 12 to 8 p.m., Sunday from 12 to 5 p.m., Grain Belt Bottling House Atrium, 79 Thirteenth Ave. NE, Minneapolis.

    One of the most compelling events this weekend is the Creative Electric Gallery Safe House Boat, a recently-recovered houseboat (formerly owned by local survivalist Dennis "Kiddie" Cramer) moored to the banks of the Mississippi River in Northeast Minneapolis. A collaboration between Jenny Adams, Kurt Froehlich, Isabelle Harder, Phil Harder, Geoff Herbach, Karl Rascke, Dave Salmela, Nadine Gross, Eli Anthony, and Andy Sturdevant — who will soon be a contributing writer on a new Rake art blog, The Thousandth Word — the Safe House Boat will feature safety films, water drills, food and drink, and White Map and the Owls playing sets of music while floating by on pontoons.

    Friday form 7 to 11 p.m., all day and evening on Saturday, and during the day Sunday; Rockway Docks behind The Sample Room, 2124 Marshall St. NE; 612-706-7879.

    Minnesota Monitor’s Paul Schmelzer is offering up a triple Whirl with Mok Studio. His wife, Julaporn Mok Buakaow, will be selling her sculptures (including Nong), photographs on canvas, an array of functional and ceramics, and her new limited-edition book, Nong in Minneapolis. In addition to this, they’ll be showcasing and selling art and items they’ve acquired in their travels through Thailand: oil pastels by Chiang Mai-based artist Luck Maisalee and textiles and fashions that include Thai fisherman pants, patoongs (Thai sarong), silk scarves, blouses, handbags, and dresses.

    Friday and Saturday from 12 to 10 p.m., Sunday from 12 to 6 p.m., Mok Studio, The Thorp Building, 1618 Central Ave. NE, Suite 02 (Basement), Minneapolis.

    Our friend Kate Iverson (who will be exhibiting her work at the Q.arma Building) talked up the I Dreamed I Dream exhibit at Fox Tax like there’s no tomorrow, so I’m guessing it must be hot. And the line up confirms it. Yes, the title comes from the Sonic Youth song, of course. (That’s still good, right?) And the show is about dualities — light and dark, so to speak. (Typical!) Not the most original concept perhaps, but certainly an interesting one through the lens of four unique artists: Deuce Seven (whom I hope to finally meet), DC Ice, Rudy Fig, and Keith Eric Williams. Very cool stuff. According to the press release: "Each artist in the exhibition explores the historic duality of youthful optimism contrasted with a fear of surrendering such optimism." Hmm. What about the fear of optimism? Now there’s something I understand.

    Friday from 5 to 10 p.m., Saturday from 12 to 11 p.m., and Sunday from 12 to 5 p.m., The Gallery @ Fox Tax, 503 1st Ave. NE, Minneapolis.

    5th Annual Wayzata Art Experience

    I could make a joke about leaving this event for Mpls/St. Paul Magazine to cover, but I’m guessing it’s too late to make the May issue (or June, or July, or… ). Why Wayzata would choose to have their Annual Art Experience on the same weekend as Art-A-Whirl is beyond me, but then perhaps those Wayzata folks just don’t like to walk into the rising sun. What they do like, however, is towing the hoe. (This is no amusingly disguised criticism.) This year, the Wayzata Art Experience features a special Outdoor Garden Art Exhibit. Plus, expect the usual visual, culinary, and performance art up and down Lake Street.

    Saturday from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m., Sunday from 11 a.m. to 4 p.m., Lake St., Downtown Wayzata.

    MUSIC
    Art-A-Whirl After-Party with Black Blondie

    Perhaps I should have put this up with the Art-A-Whirl activities, but alas, here it is, under music. If you’ve been reading the Secrets for a while then you’ve probably heard me talk about Black Blondie already, but what can I say? These gals are great. They offer a unique sound — a soul-pounding fusion of jazz, R & B, hip-hop, and trip-hop. They display outstanding musicianship (and a glorious upright bass). Th
    ey serve up some seriously sultry vocals. And they’re just too damn hot. What’s left to say? Oh, well, how about this: we’re looking at a double whammy this weekend — one show on Friday (with Nappy Roots) and another on Saturday

    Friday at 9.m., Cabooze, 917 Cedar Ave., Minneapolis; $17. Saturday at 10 p.m., The Red Stag, 509 1st Ave. NE, Minneapolis.

    Papa Mali

    I may end up doing you a disservice by offering you too many options, but I truly did my best to whittle them down. There are just too many fabulous things happening this weekend — a sure sign of Spring. Bring on the heat, baby! Papa Mail is in town. Oooyeah. Take the swampy blues of Mississippi, where he was born, and infuse them with two decades of New Orleans (via Shreveport, no less), bred on Crescent City Funk. Delta Funk, I guess. Not bad. Actually, Mali arrives in the Twin Cities straight from a three-night gig with B.B. King. That has to say something for the caliber of musician to which I refer. Mali will play in a number of festivals this summer, including Bella Sol, for which this is his pre-party tour.

    Friday at 9 p.m., Trocaderos Nightclub & Restaurant, 107 Third Ave. N., Minneapolis; 612-465-0440.


    Kenwood Symphony Delivers Romantic Notions

    The Kenwood Symphony Orchestra has come a long way since its adult education class beginnings. It went from a chamber orchestra to a symphony, now with Yuri Ivan at the helm. And at a lovely juncture in their journey, they would like to share with you their music — or rather, Weber’s music, Sibelius’s music, Beethoven’s music… at their hands. And what an interesting bunch of hands indeed. So many. So varied. So adept. The program, “Romantic Notions," included Weber’s Overture to Der Freischultz; Sibelius’s En Saga, Op.9 Tone Poem; and Beethoven’s Piano Concert No.4 in G Major, Op.58, with piano soloist Dr. Miroslava Kisilevitch.

    Saturday at 7:30 p.m., Church of the Annunciation, 5409 West 54th St., South Minneapolis, free.

    BOOKS & AUTHORS
    Augusten Burroughs Brings a Wolf to the Table

    Apparently, Augusten Burroughs really tore it up in the last leg of his current tour. I’ve received rave reviews via email. It’s a little confusing actually since the book he’s sharing, A Wolf at the Table, exposes psychological cruelty, abandonment, and alcoholism. I would tend to believe these things are not funny (though with dismay I see they’re so often the source of our laughter). Burroughs, however, has a way of lightening up the bleakest moments without trivializing them. He’s playful and profound — a most beautiful combination. In A Wolf at the Table, the best-selling author of Sellevision, Running with Scissors, Dry, Magical Thinking, and Possible Side Effects plays a game of Pong through the grays, always stopping at the extremes.

    Friday at 7 p.m., Coffman Memorial Union Theater, 300 Washington Ave. S.E., Minneapolis; 612-625-5549; free.

    LECTURE
    What’s Really Happening in Venezuela, Bolivia, Cuba, Mexico, and the rest of the region?

    Why didn’t they just call it, "What’s Really Happening in Latin America?" Am I missing something here? Am I somehow offending my people? Truth is, there’s a lot happening in Latin America. Truth is, we don’t really hear about it here (unless we’re really looking), except for occasional spatters of weather reports and dubious accusations of communist tendencies (as if that were something bad). Maybe it’s time to find out what’s really going on down there (because the earth has an up and a down). Hear tonight from Jorge Martín, International Secretary for the Hands Off Venezuela Campaign and Latin America correspondent for Marxist.com. (What did I tell you? — Commies, commies all. Yay!) Also sharing their experiences and views will be exiled Colombian trade unionist Gerardo Cajamarca, professor and filmmaker August Nimtz (a brilliant man who makes the best mojitos in town), and Twin Cities Venezuela solidarity activist Yasmin Tovar.

    Saturday from 7-9 p.m., Minneapolis Central Labor Union Council, 312 Central Ave. SE, 2nd Floor, Minneapolis; free.

    SHOPPING
    Covered Uptown Grand Opening

    Ok. Wow. I’m getting really tired of writing these Secrets now (as I’m sure you’re getting tired of reading), so let me wrap it up quickly. Shop. Shop. Shop. Uptown continues its facelift with the grand opening of a new Covered store on Lagoon. Enjoy food, drinks, music — plus a 15 percent discount on all merchandise and a gift with any purchase over $100.

    Open all weekend, with the Grand Opening on Saturday from 6 p.m. to 9 p.m., Covered, 1201 Lagoon Ave, Minneapolis; 612-825-1610.

    SPECIAL EVENT
    Sesquicentennial Weekend

    Celebrate Statehood Weekend     and our 150th birthday with stamps, planes, food, and fireworks. Ok. I have to admit, the stamp part seems a bit weird to me. And it’s nothing nearly as cool as the stamp collector tents in Stanley Donen’s Charade. But don’t kid yourself; you’re not nearly as glamorous as Cary Grant and Audrey Hepburn. I’ll tell you this, though: If you get yourself dolled up — and I mean dolled up — and head for the Capitol, you can bitchslam glam with a century and a half. This weekend brings, National Guard and vintage plane flyovers, postage stamp unveilings, food vendors, exhibitor tents, and music. Top it all off with a fireworks display on Sunday night.

    Saturday from 11 a.m. to 3:15 p.m., Sunday from 4 to 9 p.m., stairs of the Capitol; free.

    BENEFIT
    There are two important benefit this weekend as well. Dusk ‘til Dawn, at the Chambers on Saturday night, benefits Heading Home Hennepin — a 10-year plan designed to end homelessness in Minneapolis and Hennepin County by the year 2016. Dusk ‘til Dawn, will feature gourmet food, open bar, charity auctions, special guests, a date auction, and live music. Throughout the evening, every room and suite in the hotel will be auctioned off, and guests will have the opportunity to stay the night.

    And on Sunday is the annual Minnesota AIDS Walk in Minnehaha Park (11 .m.). Join the fight to stop HIV.

  • Rootclip Starts the Film, You End It

    This just in:

    Rootclip offers a new venue for amateur and indie filmmakers who want to take part in a joint story-telling experience.

    How It Works

    Rootclip provides an
    initial story idea with a "root" or starter clip – one to two minutes of
    compelling video that begins a story and is totally open-ended.  How the
    story ultimately ends is up to the video contributors.
     
    Contributors then submit their one-minute videos to move the story along to the
    next chapter, with voting on all video submissions so the most voted upon video
    is used for the next chapter.  A total of six chapters are used to
    complete the story – and take that initial story idea into totally unexpected
    directions.
     
    Ultimately, Rootclip is about the user community. Contributors to YouTube,
    amateur and Indie filmmakers, budding screenwriters, even actors that want to
    show their stuff – all get a chance to contribute their best material to Rootclip
    to add to the story. The best, one to two minute video submissions are added
    over time to the original story idea until an exciting six to 12 minute film is
    completed.

     

    New creativity may open
    the door to the film industry

    Talent is talent.
     Each one minute video submission that becomes a chapter in the story gets
    acknowledgment in the Rootclip video credits and a cash prize of $500.  

    The
    Grand Prize winner – which is determined by winning the final chapter round –
    receives a trip to the Traverse City Film Festival in Michigan to hobnob with Indie film producers
    and creative types.  
     
    Michael Moore, a Michigan native who needs no introduction, programs and plans this festival and will meet
    with the ultimate Rootclip winner.
     
    Where will the story end – both at Rootclip and for the most creative
    contributor?

     

     

     

  • Papa's Pizza: Classic Italian-American

    My recent posting about Sauced, the new neighborhood bistro
    in north Minneapolis brought some enthusiastic comments from neighbors, and a
    slightly disgruntled note from Mick Brogan, owner of the nearby Papa’s Pizza
    & Pasta.

    "We have been on the corner of 42nd and Thomas for 3 years
    and are still the best kept secret in Minneapolis. We offer East Coast Italian
    American cuisine and have quite the following. However getting the word out
    that we are here is a full time job. When you mention other restaurants in the
    area and not us it sure doesn’t help. We offer food and service that is 2nd to
    none …. Stop by sometime and see what we have to offer."

    So, let me apologize for the oversight. I did visit Papa’s
    Pizza and Pasta three years ago, and I liked it a lot. It’s your basic, no
    frills mom and pop pizzeria. These kinds of places used to be staples in every
    neighborhood a generation ago, but the relentless march of the Pizza Huts and
    Dominos have driven them to the edge of extinction. Locally – I can only think
    of Jakeeno’s, Dulono’s and the Pizza Shack, but I am sure that disgruntled
    pizzeria owners will remind me of a few more.

    At the time. Papa’s seemed to be facing an enormous uphill
    struggle. The average lifespan of a north Minneapolis restaurant seems to be
    under a year, and Pizza Papa’s had had a couple of incidents of vandalism – the
    big glass windows had been smashed a couple of times.

    I stopped back last night and ordered the spaghetti with
    meatballs, a classic rendition, served in a generous portion with garlic bread
    and four meatballs for $10.59. And I
    took home a 16" pizza deluxe, topped with sausage, pepperoni, onions, green
    peppers and mushrooms – big enough to serve four for $17.49. (Smaller pies are
    available, but this is the best value.) Both were first-rate. This is authentic
    East Coast Italian-American – just like in New Jersey – there is even a little
    tribute to Frank Sinatra and the Rat Pack on the walls. A full lineup of
    hoagies and sandwiches is also available, plus a decent low-end wine list.

    Three years later, Papa’s Pizza seems to be thriving.
    There’s a nice little sidewalk patio in front of the restaurant, and the
    Brogans recently added a deli, offering everything from fresh Italian sausage,
    imported cheeses, pasta and olive oil to bread, snacks and Italian gelato – the
    only deli of its kind for miles around.

    The nice thing about this neighborhood mom-and-pop pizzeria
    is that this mom and pop really do try to be part of the neighborhood. Kris
    Brogan – Mick’s wife, is on the Victory Neighborhood Livability Committee, and
    the Brogans are big supporters of the nearby Workhouse Theater. There were two
    signs in their window for neighborhood events this Saturday – a Victory
    Neighborhood Spring Cleaning and Greening Day (meet at the Victory Neighborhood
    Association offices, 2200 44th Ave. N., 612-529-9558 at 9 a.m.), and
    a neighborhood tour of houses for sale (call 612-581-9308.)