Let’s face it. The Days of Wine and Roses are past.
This is January, month of frigid temperatures and atonement. And all I have to say is, if you overindulged in December. . . .well, join the club.
I’m not a glutton by nature. I don’t typically stuff myself; I’ve been drunk maybe twice in my life. But there’s something about the relentless holiday season with its obligatory parties and family gatherings and professional to-do’s. You’re surrounded by food of a junky, sugary sort. Pretzels crusted with blocks of chocolate and whole grains of salt. Pastries oozing a cheesy strawberry cream. Chex Mix spiked with red and green M&M’s.
And the wine. It just keeps coming, like a spigot you cannot turn off. Put down your empty glass and it’s full again. Just the other night, on the first of January, I finally hit a point of saturation with the whole hedonistic affair. I’d had a glass of something French, then an Italian table wine with the New Year’s meal. Afterward, someone poured me a glass of Syrah, I took one sip, and something in me rebelled.
"Aren’t you going to finish?" our host asked.
"No," I said — politely, I hope. "I’ve had enough." And I meant it.
This is not to say I quit drinking wine. I was, in fact, back at it tonight. But only a glass, or two. Something dry and red and low in sugar, after an abstemious meal of grains, vegeatables, and seaweed.
Beyond that, my cures for the bacchanalia of the season include:
Emergen-C: I know it’s a hackneyed starlet’s trick, but I love these packets of water-soluble vitamins and, placebo effect or not, I swear they make me feel better; I take two doses of Emergen-C Lite in ice water each day.
Lemon juice: It’s astringent, cleansing, and somehow — despite all the citric acid — can settle your stomach on even the worst of days; I squeeze a full lemon’s worth into hot water and start the morning with this brew. Evenings, if needed, I drink it cold.
Green tea: Think of it as a dietary tonic. Green tea is antioxidant, anti-inflammatory, and — supposedly — boosts both the immune system and the metabolism; experts recommend 4-5 cups a day, with organic honey (but never milk, which inhibits tea’s healthful properties).
And if you get truly desperate, you can revert to "colonics:" a method for detoxifying that’s preferred by super models and Swedes. This is, of course, actually just a fancy, upscale name for something that’s done with a bag and a hose and warm, soapy water (or coffee, if you’re into that pleasant mocha scent). But I wouldn’t advise anyone to undertake this "cure" unless under a doctor’s — or massage therapist’s — care.
Given a couple days of clean living, I think you’ll find extreme measures involving reverse-ingested caffeine just aren’t necessary. And slowly, you’ll be able to return to the wine. In fact, you’re going to need a little nip from time to time. Because the days are getting longer — or so I hear — but it’s still the same steel gray sky each day. The realities of a new year have set in. Work has resumed. And it’s just too damn cold outside.
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