All right, the Twins are now 1-5. That’s not good. That changes things considerably on the attitude front around here. So I say –pledge or no pledge– let the bitching begin. And it’s not just that the Twins are 1-5 that so offends, of course; it’s how they’ve played in going 1-5. Which is terrible, … Read more
The Twins are 1-3. So are the White Sox and the Yankees. The Detroit Tigers are 4-0. Should we draw any conclusions from this information? We should not. Of course we should not. Surely there is not one among us who is that foolish or that rash. I have promised myself that I will not … Read more
Sixteen hits, thirteen runs, three home runs, a grand slam, a nice recovery by Brad Radke, and a swell 2006 debut for Francisco Liriano. Very encouraging, I’d say. But this is what I really want to know: Rogers Centre? What the hell kind of name for a baseball park is that? Seriously, that is just … Read more
I guess this is really it, huh? My God, it doesn’t seem possible. One of my problems with baseball of late is that everything that could conceivably be said about the game in its past and present incarnations has already been said. I feel like I’ve said plenty myself, and the older I get the … Read more
I recognize that it’s likely ridiculous to hope for anything resembling consistency from the Twins at this point, but that doesn’t, of course, stop me from hoping all the same. And that –the continued, irrational investment of hope– is what makes a game like yesterday’s so damn frustrating. The two steps forward, five steps back … Read more
Maybe it’s finally time that we all relaxed, kicked back, and found this sorry, sweet-and-sour spectacle of a season as amusing as it really is. Because it truly can’t get any funnier than what we saw tonight. It’s not likely, in fact, that we’ll ever see anything quite like it again: a walk-off victory that … Read more
The Twins, friends, are boring. We must not say so.
I apologize for my unexcused absence, my silence, my disappearing act. It’s been a long, weird summer, and the weirdness of my neurological life has been disturbingly mirrored by what’s happened to the Minnesota Twins. I can’t begin to explain any of the weirdness, can barely even be bothered to try anymore. I think it’s … Read more
–Illustration by James Dankert I’m back, but –like the Twins– just barely. Zellar’s had a muzzle on me ever since I tried to dictate a column to his answering machine in the middle of the night. This, of course, was after I’d had a few beers, and after the Twins had finished kicking the shit … Read more
Just you watch: the Twins will now proceed to go on some kind of unholy tear, winning twenty-three of their next thirty games, and they’ll still come up short and miss the playoffs. That would be just my luck. Yes, my luck, because it’s clear the mess of this season to date has been purely … Read more