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  • Chicken Bake Bonanza

    During a recent trip to Costco, a customer walked past me with 25 cases of Diet Coke in their wagon. Even by Costco standards that seemed a wee bit gluttonous. But who was I to judge? I was there to buy a pork loin the size of an anaconda. At the end of my shopping spree, my three year old son was cranky and hungry, and if I didn’t stop at the Costco food court to feed him I would’ve driven home down highway 100 with a god damn badger in the back seat.

    So I ordered up a jumbo hot dog, a jug of frozen yogurt, and something called a chicken bake. The calzone crust of the chicken bake had cheese melted on the outside and then was stuffed full of chicken, cheese, and bacon. It was like the seven deadly sin rolled up into one delectable crime and made edible. I gorged on the baked delight so fast I almost puked on my son. Sitting there at the metal picnic table, wrapped inside that steel cage décor, I’ve never in my life felt sicker or happier.

    How lame is my middle aged life when the highlight of my week is a baked chicken dish?

     

  • Dialogue

    No pictures from the rehearsal yesterday. We forgot. Too many other things came up. Hopefully, we’ll get them tonight, and I’ll post them tomorrow — which will be my last post and where I’ll make a final pitch for you to pick up that phone and make a reservation.

    I suspect that hearing how the sausages get made isn’t as interesting to the sausage eater as the sausage-maker, so in the interest of providing a taste of the sausage, here is just some dialogue from Everywhere Signs Fall that I like hearing the actors say:

     Guy: How do you sleep in this heat? You sleep nude? I bet. I can imagine.

    Juliet: (dry) O my. I guess I’ll have to slap your imagination.

    —–

     Juliet: If you must move your mouth, make sounds that play a tune.

    —–

    Jeremy: The universe is a mystery and scientists are like nature’s private dick.

    —–

    Guy: She’s dead. Now she looks sadder.

    ——

    Guy: This is Phoenix. People melt to death here. I’ve watched ’em.

    ——

    Juliet: I’m twenty-six. My father died for no reason and then my mother died exactly eleven months later.  I think I’m entitled to cynicism. (PAUSE) Aren’t you sorry?

    Guy: About what?

    Juliet: My parents. Death.

    Guy: Sure. I’m sorry about death.

    ——

    Guy: I looked. Couple ol’ guys in the bar since their retirement, someone’s drunk wife from two nights ago still here, later afternoon, and me. I looked at you. What else did I have to do?

    ——

    Juliet: I was thinking of the sky, the sunrise. The sky. – I’m a photographer. – how easy it would be to get lost in the desert in that sky.

    —–

    Guy: Point that gun like you know what you’re pointing at, Kiddo. Aim for something at least.

    —–

    Guy: Guy. Nice to meet you. We weren’t probably introduced.

    Jeremy: We can see that you’re a guy.

    Guy: My name is Guy.

    Jeremy: O

    Juliet: It doesn’t matter.

    Guy: Tell that to my mother.

    —-

    Jeremy: Time is an illusion. The essential — the essential evidence — we discover outside of the present. We study and replay memories.

    —–

    OK. I could do this all day. I’ll stop. Come hear the dialogue starting April 18 at Loading Dock Theatre. It’s fun. . . And I haven’t even got to the really intense stuff. 

  • The Three Pointer: Giving One Away

    AP Photo by Paul Battaglia

     
    Game #73, Home Game #38: Detroit 94, Minnesota 90

    Season Record: 19-54

    1. A Rough Night For Foye

    There is more than one goat in a game where the Wolves blew a 21-point lead and wilted down the stretch against a Detroit Pistons team resting arguably their top three starters–Chauncey Billups, Rasheed Wallace and Rip Hamilton. But in a contest that was obviously Minnesota’s for the taking, point guard Randy Foye was especially noticeable in his inability to deliver at either end of the court.

    It certainly didn’t begin that way. In the first quarter it seemed apparent that the Wolves were keyed up to win their 5th straight home game and that the Pistons were mailing it in. Especially impressive was the chemistry between Foye and Al Jefferson, starting 70 seconds into the game when Foye fed Jefferson for a slam dunk. It happened again at the 7:21 mark, and a third time–this one finishing with a Jefferson jump hook–at 1:09 to play. The period finished with Jefferson going 4-4 FG, three of them on dimes dropped by Foye. Couple with an aggressive 5-5 FG by notorious clanker Corey Brewer, the Wolves had raced to a 30-18 lead via 9 assists and a 14-6 rebounding edge.

    The pattern continued with both benches on the floor during the first half of the second quarter, Minnesota pushing the lead to 43-22 with 6:50 to play before the break. A Flip Saunders team had just 4 assists in the first 17:10 and Wolves were heading for a blowout.

    Then coach Randy Wittman subbed back in his starters (Jaric, who had entered at 11:43, was already in the game. Brewer came back at 6:16; Jefferson and Foye together at 5:30; and Gomes at 4:35. Yet the Wolves didn’t score a single field goal in the period after Chris Richard’s put-back dunk with 5:38 to play. "Up to that point, we were moving the ball and making the extra pass," Wittman said, and indeed the team’s assist/turnover ratio at the time was 13/4. Added Wittman, "I think we gave this game away in the last six minutes of the second quarter."

    Pistons’ coach Saunders agreed, and even pointed to the specific moment. "I’ve always said one play can change a game and for us no question it was when they missed those four free throws in a row [two by Jaric and two by Jefferson] and we went down and scored and cut the lead to nine." That was during a 16-2 Pistons run that had them back in the game, down just 5, 49-44, at the half.

    Coming out for the second half, Minnesota went back to their bread and butter–Jefferson in the low block. After getting one measly FG attempt in the second period, Big Al scored 7 of the team’s first 10 points in just the opening 2:25 of the third to bump the lead back up to 59-51. At that point Jefferson had 19 very efficient points on 7-8 from the field and there was still more than 21 minutes to left play. But Saunders found a pair of matchups he liked–Tayshaun Prince posting up either Corey Brewer (for 6:43) or Kirk Snyder (for 5:17) and rookie backup point guard Rodney Stuckey (playing for Billups) taking Foye off the dribble. Together, Prince and Stuckey combined for 19 of the Pistons’ 21 points in the third to keep the Wolves’ lead contained at 7, 72-65, heading into the final period.

    But with Jefferson on the pine, the Wolves endured another scoring drought in the first three minutes, enabling the Pistons to tie the game once more. Jason Maxiell in particular was owning the boards, and a cold Rashad McCants kept clanking jumpers. But then Craig Smith executed a nifty pass in the corner to set up Jaric for a trey (The Rhino’s 4th assist) and McCants finally stopped shooting and started dishing, finding Richard for another slam and then, after Gomes and Jefferson returned to action at 5:46, Shaddy fed Big Al for a layup 17 seconds later as Pistons big Amir Johnson committed the foul. Wittman chose that time to sub in Foye for McCants. I asked three journalists around me who they’d rather have in the game right then, Foye or McCants. Everyone (including me) said McCants–it just wasn’t Foye’s night. Jefferson converted the free throw to make it 83-80 with 5:29 to go. And then Foye pissed away the game.

    Yes, Foye nailed a trey to flip a two point deficit into a one point lead with 2:33 to go. Yes, Foye hit a back-arching floater driving across the lane to make cut a three-point deficit down to one with just 31.6 seconds left to play. And yes, Foye’s line doesn’t look that shabby at all: 18 points (on 6-14 FG), 5 rebounds and 4 assists versus just two turnovers.

    But Foye couldn’t stay with Stuckey on D, as the rook drew four fouls on Foye in the final 4:29; none of them the sort of strategic grab meant to pray for missed FTs to cut a lead. In fact all of them occurred with the teams within two points of each other. Stuckey was 7-8 FT as a result, and also stuck 14-foot jumper to break an 88-88 tie in the final minute. Asked why Foye couldn’t stay with Stuckey, Wittman at first pretended he didn’t understand the question (or maybe he was just fatigued). When I clarified–was it bad foot speed, overplaying the dribble, inexperience?–the coach replied, "By labelling it that, you are just making excuses. You [meaning Foye] have got to defend."

    At the other end of the court, Foye’s inability or disinclination to get the ball to Jefferson was driving Big Al crazy–his last field goal attempt occurred with 4:45 to play. With little more than a minute to go in a tie game, Jefferson was literally jumping up and down demanding the ball in the half court. This display of pique was most unwise because it practically obligated Foye to force-feed the rock–something the Pistons well knew, and stole the entry pass Foye attempted on the left block. (Pin that Foye turnover on Jefferson. Pin the half-dozen times Jefferson, who finished 9-12 FG, didn’t get the ball when he should have in the 4th quarter, on Foye.)

    After the steal, Stuckey came down and canned that pull-up jumper over Foye. Wittman called a timeout and subbed in McCants for Brewer to spead the floor a little bit, as the Wolves were down 2 with 45 seconds to play. Out of the timeout, with 15 seconds still on the shot clock, Foye attempted and missed a difficult fadeway over a charging Maxiell. Asked if he’d gotten the shot he wanted on the play, Wittman didn’t play dumb. "No," he said flatly. "There was a switch and we didn’t take advantage of it. Maxiell [Jefferson’s man] switched out and we didn’t take advantage of the mismatch." As the Wolves walked off the floor, there was steam coming out of Jefferson’s ears as he pursed his lips and shook his head. Foye finished at minus -14, five points to the bad of Brewer’s second-worst minus -11.

    In the first and third periods, Jefferson was 8-9 FG, Foye was 4-7 FG with 4 assists, and Wolves outscored the Pistons by 14. In the second and fourth quarters, Jefferson was 1-3 FG, Foye was 2-7 FG with zero assists, and the Pistons outscored the Wolves by 18.

    2. Blistered By the Bench

    Their bench kicked our rear end," Wittman announced after the game–no mean feat, given that three typical Piston benchwarmers were starting in place of Billups, ‘Sheed and Hamilton. McCants and Craig Smith–two Wolves with eFG% that are among the highest on the team–combined for 3-19 FG and 0-4 from beyond the arc. Overall, Detroit’s subs outscored Minnesota’s 40-17, led by Walter Hermann, who dominated the Brewer/Snyder tandem and occasionally Jaric for 11 points.

    3. Kudos

    In tonight’s press kit, Wolves stat guru Paul Swanson put together individual totals for the players both in the past 12 games (not counting tonight’s loss) when Minnesota went 7-5, and in the previous 5 contests, all of them losses. The biggest difference in the
    7-5 and 0-5 playing rotations is that Marko Jaric get the minutes normally allotted to the injured Sebastian Telfair. And whereas Bassy’s assist to turnover was an impressive 6.0/1.6 during that 5-game losing streak, Jaric’s marks over the last dozen are 5.0/1.1, and he shot 50% (versus Telfair’s 40.5% in the previous five) besides.

    Kirk Snyder likewise is shooting well–50.6%–over the past dozen, is getting to the free throw line through aggressive penetration, and is defending as well as Corey Brewer. Bottom line, if no one knew who was the heavily-invested first-round pick and who was the recently-acquired player from whom not much was expected, people would be as likely to name Snyder as the keeper right now as they would Brewer. No bias there (I actually like Brewer, as most folks are aware), just fact. Tonight Snyder tied Jaric with a team-best plus +9, while, despite his hot early shooting, Brewer finished at minus -11.

    Ryan Gomes was among those who had a tough night shooting (3-10 FG), but in classic Gomes fashion did enough little things right to register a plus +2. Before tonight, Gomes had converted half his field goal attempts and was averaging 17.8 ppg over the last dozen. His improvement and the development of Foye in the backcourt have enabled the Wolves to shoot a surprising 49% as a team since the all star break.

     

  • Indoor Outdoor

    BOOKS & AUTHORS
    Charles Baxter’s Soul Thief

    Those of us who have been to grad school know how difficult it can be, and how easy it can be to slip into breakdown mode. But best-selling author and U of M professor Charles Baxter takes this to a whole new level in his latest novel The Soul Thief. With a title like that, you can just imagine — or can you? Baxter’s protagonist, a graduate student in upstate New York, is drawn into a tangle of relationships, one of which ultimately provokes a total breakdown. Nothing so new here, but it gets more complicated when our befuddled protagonist is faced with the reality that his identity may, in fact, not be his own. "The Soul Thief is both lyrical and eerie as Baxter delivers a unique novel with emotional detail and metaphysical underpinnings." Meet Baxter this evening as he discusses his new novel and signs copies for the public.

    4 p.m., University of Minnesota Bookstore, Coffman Memorial Union, 300 Washington Ave. S.E., Minneapolis; 612-626-0559; free.


    MORE BOOKS & AUTHORS
    Dan Buettner Maps the Course for a Longer, Healthier Life

    For whatever reason — probably because, despite all our technological advances and botox, we can’t seem to find a way to control it — our society is most definitely obsessed with aging, and the quest to conquer it. Ha! Well, while we may not be able to stop the aging process, there are certainly a number of things we can do to secure a longer, healthier life. And few people are as equipped to address the matter as world explorer and Minneapolis local Dan Buettner. For the past seven years Buettner has spearheaded the Blue Zones project, which has identified and studied four pockets around the world (which he calls blue zones) where people live measurably longer, healthier lives. Now, in his new book, The Blue Zone, Buettner shares his "Power 9" habits — lifestyle traits that promote longevity.

    6 p.m. reception, 6:45 program, Minneapolis Central Library, Pohland Hall – Second Floor, 300 Nicollet Mall, Minneapolis; 612-863-4126; free.

    Also this evening, Nevada Barr will be discussing her latest novel, Winter Study at Barnes & Nobles Edina (7:30 p.m.), in Galleria Shopping Center.

    SPECIAL EVENT – SPORTS
    The 75th Annual Northwest Sportshow

    As the weather warms up a bit — finally! — it’s time to start thinking about the great outdoors. And what better way to bring it on than with the Midwest’s largest sports show? The 76th Annual Northwest Sportshow begins today (through Sunday) and features more than 600 exhibitor from the United States and Canada. Stop on by and see the latest hunting, fishing, boating, RV, and camping products. Attend seminars by expert anglers. And enjoy the lumberjack show, 3D pop-up archery practice, remote control boat racing, and kids fishing.

    1-9 p.m., Minneapolis Convention Center, 1301 2nd Ave. S., Minneapolis; free.

  • The Wi-Fi Doofus

    When it come to computers, I’m a full blown idiot. As a stay-at-home dad, my day usually involves hooting like an orangutan and tending to my son’s poopy pants—not exactly a George Clooney lifestyle. But when my ancient candy colored iMac recently barked and hissed at me when I tried to open a simple email, I realized the gigabytes had passed me by. It was finally time for me to leave the woods of domesticity and upgrade.

    I strolled into the Apple store with my motormouth son on my heals. The in-store rave music was so loud and irritating I felt like punching someone, particularly the young male employee with the sour puss expression who sneered at me when I walked in. I approached the pasty employee and he froze manikin stiff, seriously trying to hide behind his perfectly placed bangs.

    "What kind of iMac do you have?" He asked me as he nonchalantly checked two seperate palm pilots.

    "The blue one," I said. He let out a huge sigh of exhaustion.

    "How much memory does your iMac have?" He asked.

    "Um…lots?" I replied. My son then pulled out a booger and gave it a quizzical look. Then he ate it.

    Next, I talked to a young female worker who had dreadlocks and looked like she sparked revolutions in her spare time. As my spastic three year old lifted up the front of my shirt, showing the entire store my grizzled stomach, she hated him with all of her might.

    "Is it true that Macs are for artists and PCs are for perverts?" I jokingly asked her.

    "You said it not me," She sneered.

    Needless to say, I didn’t buy anything.

  • The Play That Won't Go Away

    This play, Everywhere Signs Fall, has been around my life in some form or another longer than any other play I’ve written. When I was 24 and still more of a person who said he was a writer than a person who wrote, I remember sitting at a bar somewhere with my girlfriend-at-the-time and the friendly bartender who knew us well enough to keep us in free liquor all night long. I said I wanted to write a memory play. I wish I could remember why, particularly, at that moment I wanted to write a memory play. Maybe I had just read The Glass Menagerie and was feeling inspired. In retrospect, I’m not even positive that "memory play" is a genre that a person can write on purpose.

    On the other hand, memory – or at least the way in which were constitute our memories in the form of narrative – has always been and continues to be a big issue in my writing. My first real play (whatever that means) was called The Past is Always Present. It isn’t the greatest play in the world, it isn’t even one of the better plays in my file cabinet right now, but I’m still a fan of the title.

    Very soon after this evening in the bar, which I don’t remember well except for this particular announcement that I was going to write a memory play, I found myself in grad school in Phoenix, Arizona. (Very soonafter that I found myself without that particular girlfriend-at-the-time.) I don’t like Phoenix, Arizona for a variety of reasons, but I have to say that it’s a great location for noir-ish stories. How have I heard it described by the many other visitors who hate it? "An overgrown truck stop." "The valley where all the shit in an otherwise beautiful state comes to rest." "A mirage in the middle of the desert." The place just ain’t right somehow. Strip malls, strip clubs, and movie theaters. New York bagel shops, Chicago hot dog joints, and bright green grass lawns – in the desert inthe southwest!

    Grad school in Phoenix, Arizona wasn’t a well-thought out decision on my part. I was running from stuff – a fact that probably, unintentionally, informs a number of character choices in Everywhere Signs Fall.

    During the first day of the first seminar, Professor Guillermo Reyes chatted with second year grad student Trista Baldwin about her play Accidents and Short Conversations.(Trista, by the way, has since moved to Minneapolis too. Dear Jerome Foundation, the fellowship program is working.) Guillermo to Trista: "Are you rewriting Accidents."Rewriting accidents? Rewriting accidents?!?! People trying to rewrite the accidents that have changed their life! That’ll be my memory play.

    I walked out of this seminar, looked up at the sky in Phoenix, which is humongous and always blue all the time no clouds ever or maybe one cloud every few days and stunning especially if you’re used to pale-ish, low-hanging Midwestern skies, and I started writing this play. I wrote the first 75 pages of it in less than three days. I remember writing fast. I remember flying. I don’t think I planned much out. The characters toldme who they were by the language they used. Somehow a gun snuck in and got passed around among the characters and the heightened reality of film noir became an integral part of the play.

    Desert

    Though I didn’t set out to write about my life at the time, I’m sure, in retrospect, that the environment of the play was informed by my surroundings. My apartment complex was right off a highway, five minutes down the road from the airport. Life around airports in most cities is somewhat seedy. Though a few blocks of desert was a buffer between me and the strip, I knew exactly where I could find the good and the bad drugs and the hookers if I wanted them. I drove by them all the time on my way to the central post office.I suspect that this is a side of Phoenix most people don’t know about or notice because the place seems so sunny and clean so much of the time, but, as a character in this play says, "If you were a crack addict, wouldn’t you want to be where you could tan and smoke up at the same time?"

    In general, Phoenix and its surrounding suburbs are, from what I remember, a feudal society with a rich, anglo Republican and corrupt royalty at the top and everyone else, mostly middle and lower class people of all ethnicities, just happy to be somewhere that is all 80 degrees and sunny all the time. A shiney surface with a dirty underbelly. An ideal situation from which a noir-like thriller to spring. It seems so obvious now. . .

    Blackball Ensemble

    Throughout grad school, I was forced to tweak and rearrange and rewrite various parts of this play until it made me almost sick to think about. Also, the play, in its early drafts, was produced under the title of Mourning Rituals by a small theater company called Blackball Ensemble. (That’s the young cast in 1998, looking all serious and Mourning-like.) It was well-reviewed – surprisingly earning praise from thealternative newspaper’s resident snark. We don’t appear to have this type oftheater critic in Minnesota – the one who only tears down because tearing down is funny and fun and he hates himself for being a critic and therefore hates everyone who isn’t a critic. Even this self-loathing piece of trash grudgingly complimented the play. And the critic at the largest daily newspaper, apparently, began to obsess about it. He gave the play an initial mediocre topositive review but then seemed to revise his opinion with each passing week, praising the play more and more in blurbs in the entertainment section and calling up my professors at the grad school to amend his opinion directly to them.

    The play deals, in part, with loss, with learning to live with grief. Apparently, the critic’s mother had recently passed away, and something in the play struck a chord that kept vibrating in him long after hesaw the play. Which of course makes me humble and happy. Nobody else, however, really came to see this production. Minnesota theater makers really wouldn’t complain about attendance problems if they ever lived in Phoenix. Theater simply doesn’t make sense in a place that is 80 degrees and sunny all the time (except for the 3 months that are 110 degrees and sunny). Why would you ever want to be inside? Also, I suspect the title, Mourning Rituals, wasn’t a big draw. "Hey, Honey, it’s Friday night. Wanna go to a funeral?"

    So you know: The play isn’t funereal, so I’ve changed the title.

    In 2001, back in Chicago and living with my friend, Narciso Lobo, I pulled out a copy of this play just to hear it read by a bunch of actor/friends who graciously came over to our place every other week or so just to keep me writing. Seriously. They were really sweet people who somehow, subtly, forced me to continue to be a writer simply by coming over to my apartment with the expectation that I wrote something for them to read. I am grateful.

    After reading this play out loud, Narciso leaned back alittle, looked at me, and said, "It’s good and all. It is. But if you ever want anyone to produce it, I think you’re going to have to cut out a lot of the poetry and give it more plot. Your choice. It’s still good. I’m just saying. .." Ciso would probably fit right in Minnesota. He’s passive-aggressively effective. It’s always like he’s saying, "I’m not telling you what to do but – I know exactly what you should do if you’d just listen to me."

    I rewrote the play. Played up the psychological thrillerparts and, as much as I felt I could without losing some really cool stuff, played down the poetic, lyrical memory parts. I renamed the play Everywhere Signs Fall and sent it to the Playwrights’ Center, where someone liked it enough to give me a Jerome Fellowship for it. The play has also been read by a bunch of edgy theaters around the country and, for a while, I really believed that some mid-sized major theater might produce it.. .

    By the way, all the rewriting I did on this play at Ciso’s request happened in October of 2001. Again, I’m struck by how, in retrospect, the world around us finds itself creeping in to the work we do without our knowing it. I wasn’t consciously thinking about the events that occurred on Sept 11, 2001 as I worked on these rewrites, yet a play that deals with unexpected loss and grief seems like an ideal outlet for my feelings at the time.

    Bare in mind: I don’t believe that artistic expression should attempt to tackle the "important issues" of our time head on. I think that if you have opinions about politics then you should write editorials. If you think you can solve the health care crisis, then you should solve it in the health care industry. I think that if you want to stop war, then you should march on Washington, or something. Not theater. But it is so hard sometimes to resist the urge to write directly about whatever topic is much in everyone’s minds. As in, this is my play about the war. Or, this is my play about women’s body image issues. Or, this is my play about this important issue in the news.

    But – as William Faulkner said in his Nobel Prize speech: "Our tragedy today is a general and universal physical fear so long sustainedby now that we can even bear it. There are no longer problems of the spirit.There is only the question: When will I be blown up? Because of this, the youngman or woman writing today has forgotten the problems of the human heart inconflict with itself which alone can make good writing because only that is worth writing about, worth the agony and the sweat." I take that to mean, in part, that the anxieties of the day are too hard for writers to ignore but an impediment to truly transcendent writing. When will I be blown up? How did we get to this place where we all might be blown up? What should we do about thefact that we all might be blown up? But these literal-minded responses to the culture at large don’t make for effective writing. . . You should google Faulkner’s entire speech. It’s fantastic. . . Creative writer’s concern, our usefulness, our purpose is not to explicate the issues of the day directly but to search deeper in to the "human heart in conflict with itself." This is what we can and should do that others don’t. The rest we should leave to the political pundits. I don’t mean that we write in a vacuum and don’t consider or write about the world we live in; I simply mean that we should come at the topics from better, more original, more exciting and transformative creative perspectives. The experience of an intense, entertaining, relevant but original story is as valuable, if not more valuable, than any editorial expression I may have on the news of the day.

    At the same time, I guess, I’m saying, I found this play that I wrote about three damaged people in a hot motel room in Phoenix with a gun, liquor and some entertaining memories to be somehow worth working on inthe late months of 2001. I don’t want to make any claim more broad than that.

    Some larger, edgier theaters clucked a little about looking at Everywhere Signs Fall, but nothing really happened. For some reason, the expectation seems silly now. On the really silly side of the spectrum of silliness, an actor friend of mine who was a waiter in Hollywood passed the script along to Maggie Gyllenhaal for her and her brother to make in to a movie of it. Maggie Gyllenhaal ate at his restaurant, and he was absolutely positive that they were the best of friends.. . What is it about Hollywood that actually turns people in to clichéd sitcom characters? Of course, nothing came of that either.

    In 2004, I began a period of writing and producing that was incredibly fruitful. I wrote more than 10 short plays. Invented and produced Thirst Theater (with Tracey Maloney and Chris Carlson). Completed four full length plays and two one-acts. Saw three productions of my work in Minnesota. Saw a production of my show about goatherding in New York that was nominated for some kind of award. Forgot entirely about this play.

    Then my wife read it and begged me to let her direct it. I said no. Repeatedly. But she wore me down. She connected with the play on a visceral level as a result of the experience of her own life, and she seemed to know how to direct it in a way that I had never thought of. I love working with people who have ideas that I have never thought of. This is another one of the joys of collaboration that is theater.

    Gremlin Theatre, who commissioned me to write a new play for them two years ago, agreed to produce the play, and I started rewriting it AGAIN.

    So here we are. With a play that was initially written in one big burst of inspiration in 1997 and then rewritten at odd moments over the next 10 years. We’ve got a great cast. A great director. In a hardworking small theater. And I’m probably a much better writer than I was ten years ago, so hopefully I’ve made the right rewrites. I’m genuinely looking forward to seeing what it is on stage after all this time.

    While this long post may make the play seem somehow dark and therapeutic, please let me remind you that I believe all theater should be a good evening of entertainment. Ideally, we transform our personal thoughts into something engaging and sometimes funny and thrilling on its own merits.

    I just thought it was fascinating for a moment to look at how plays sometimes develop over time. Regardless, I think you’ll enjoy the experience of the production, and my own journey with it won’t even enter your mind.

  • The Next Best Thing to Breast

    Back in the late 1980’s, when I was weaning my oldest child and attending meetings of the breastfeeding network La Leche League, I became convinced that pasteurized milk was the root of all evil.

    Hey, I was 22 years old. I’d fed my darling infant nothing but 100 percent pure breastmilk for the first 10 months of his life, and then, for another 9, only bits of organic baby food and pasture-fed meat in addition to on-demand nursings. The thought of putting antibiotic-ridden cow’s milk into his perfect little body made me quail.

    So once a week, I would drive to a farm in rural Iowa — about 20 miles from where we lived in Iowa City — to buy jugs of raw milk out from a dark-haired guy who sold it out of the back of his truck. I felt fairly confident in the product: Most of the women I knew in LLL bought his wares and gave it to their children; no one had died. But in the intervening two decades, I’ve become a little more circumspect.

    Now that we have the option of [putatively] antibiotic-free milk, even in convenience stores, I’m not sure I’d take the bacterial risks that raw milk from "unofficial" sources may pose. What’s more, I’m no longer a fan of milk, period. It’s meant for baby cows — just as that milk I was making was meant for my human offspring, and not for calves — so probably should be consumed only in very small amounts.

    All that said, if you want to hear from people with various viewpoints different from mine on this debate, stop by Common Roots Cafe for Local Food Happy Hour from 5-8 p.m. tonight.

    From the Common Roots press release:


    No LOCAL FOOD, no TRADITIONAL FOOD, is more misunderstood nor more in need of support and help than our LOCAL RAW MILK. When we say we live in "the land of milk and honey" and then allow those who attempt to create this world to be struck down it makes little sense. In a state where we can legally purchase alcohol, tobacco and junk food, purchasers of raw dairy products have to sneak around in alleys like common criminals. Local raw milk producers have been incarcerated, their only crime: selling delicious and wholesome raw milk. It’s crazy and begs for change. That is no April Fool’s joke.

    On TUESDAY, April 1st, the topic of the Local Foods Happy Hour event will will be LOCAL RAW MILK. As you will learn, no animal food has a better track record for being safe, wholesome and pathogen-free than raw milk. No other food, bar none, is a "perfect food, perfect in the
    sense that one could lead a healthy and long life consuming not a bite
    of any other food, but raw milk. This cannot be done with any other
    food, even pasteurized or homogenized milk could not alone sustain life.

    WILL WINTER has assisted production, distribution and consumption of
    local, healthy raw milk and wholesome raw dairy products in the TC
    metro area for over 9 years. He works with his wife Rebekah as chapter
    leaders of the Weston A. Price Foundation, an organization dedicated
    to connecting people who want good local food with the producers who
    want to make it. The WAPF has created the CAMPAIGN FOR REAL MILK which works to help sustainable and organic dairy farmers create and market their wares. He is on the board of the Farm to Consumer Legal Defense Fund, a brand-new LDF that will come to the aid of any farmer arrested or harangued by the food police.

    This brief presentation will cover the state-of-the-art for Raw Dairy
    in MN, the products, the producers, the laws and the real facts. It
    will be followed by a Q & A session while we experience a RAW BAR
    TASTING EXPERIENCE of fresh, ice-cold raw organic milk

    .

    All my skepticism aside, I would encourage you to go if you’re healthy (meaning, your immune system is in good working order) and curious about what milk tastes like straight from the cow. No matter what my nostalgia for youthful arrogance or persnickety grown-up concerns, raw milk tastes like no other. It is creamy, earthy, buttery, and real. Go ahead. Take a sip. I know you want to. . . .

  • New Books This Year

  • No Foolin' Around

    BOOKS, AUTHORS & PHOTOGRAPHY
    Suburban World: The Norling Photos

    "Where is Brad Zellar?" you might ask, as his hiatus from The Rake has created quite a void. Happily, he’s been busy promoting his new book, Suburban World: The Norling Photos, from Borealis Books. Zellar discovered Irwin Norling
    in 2002, when he unearthed Norling’s neglected negatives from the
    Bloomington Historical Society archives. Struck by the breadth and
    depth of the subject matter — everything from family portraits,
    Shriners, and donkey baseball games, to car crashes, drug busts, and
    murder scenes — and by the "astonishing and remarkably comprehensive
    record of life in one American community," Zellar unknowingly began his
    quest to compile his first book. The result is an extraordinary photo
    essay book featuring Bloomington, MN, circa 1950-1970. In conjunction with the book release, the Minnesota Historical Society will be featuring an exhibit of Norling’s photos with a recreation of his darkroom. Stop by tonight for a reception and book signing, featuring our very own Brad Zellar.

    5 to 8 p.m., Minnesota Historical Society, 345 W. Kellogg Blvd., St. Paul; 651-259-3000.

    THEATER
    Rabbit Hole

    Nothing moves people more than the death of a child. And while a
    play centered around such tragedy might make its audience feel
    manipulated and cheap, like a bad Lifetime move, David Lindsay-Abaire’s Rabbit Hole handles
    it with such honesty and insight as to take its audience through the
    most grievous journey without resentment or reproach. This month, the Jungle Theater takes on the difficult, yet rewarding task of presenting the Pulitzer-winning play to Twin Cities audiences. With directer Bain Boehlke
    at the helm, the Jungle Theater will perform Lindsay-Abaire’s story of
    Becca and Howard Corbett. Find out what happens when a family is torn
    apart by the accidental death of their four-year-old. And what happens
    when the driver of the car that killed him shows up at their doorstep.

    7:30 p.m., The Jungle Theater, 2951 Lyndale Ave S. Minneapolis, 612-822-7063; $26.

    FILM
    Milos Forman: Cinema of Resistance

    Most of us have heard of Milos Forman, or at least his films. One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, adapted from Ken Kesey’s novel, won all five major Academy Awards in 1975. Hair, now a cult classic, was nominated for two Golden Globes. And Amadeus,
    about the life of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, won eight — yes, eight —
    Oscars. Certainly Forman has met with great success since leaving
    Prague for the United States in 1968. But what we may not know about
    him are his accomplishments prior to that move. Born Jan Tomás Forman,
    the Czech filmmaker lost his parents to a Nazi concentration camp, in
    Auschwitz no less. After studying film at the School of Cinema in
    Prague, Forman kicked off the Czech New Wave with a new style of comedy
    — dark and absurd comedy, presenting a satirical view of everyday life.
    Forman’s The Firemen’s Ball,
    a major film of the genre, remains a cult classic after more than three
    decades. This month, the Walker offers a retrospective of his work,
    from the 1960s to his latest film, Goya’s Ghost, which he both wrote and directed. This evening’s film is Black Peter. Plus, meet the director himself on April 12th.

    7:30 p.m., Walker Art Center, Cinema,1750 Hennepin Ave., Minneapolis; 612-375-7600; $8 per film.

    WELL-BEING
    InterPlay: Following Your Bliss

    Today is the first Tuesday in a series of InterPlay workshops for some life-changing fun. Use movement and stories, silence and song, ease and amusement to relieve stress and create ease.

    4:30-6 p.m, Well Within, 1880 Livingston Ave., Suite 103, West St. Paul; 651-451-3113; $15 donation suggested.

    Just for kicks, check out what may be the first April Fools gag recorded on film — in 1900!

  • Opening Night: And So It Begins. Again.

    AP photo by Tom Olmscheid

    Representatives of the local sporting press —of which I am a decidedly derelict member— were packed cheek to jowl in the Herb Carneal Memorial Press Box at the Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome Monday night. It was not, as you might imagine, a pretty picture. If somewhere there exists an International Society of the Churlish, on any given night the average press box is chockful of ideal candidates for membership.

    The occasion for this particular gathering, of course, was Opening Day of another baseball season. The opener has long been regarded as one of the Holy Days in all of sports, which means that all sorts of characters —myself, for instance— who tend to make themselves scarce the rest of the season feel obligated to put in an appearance. When it comes to Twins baseball there are, unfortunately, way too many media types who are sort of professional sports versions of Christmas and Easter Only (CEO) churchgoers. I can assure you, though, that wherever you find a bandwagon you’ll find an unruly hoard of media members jockeying for position at the wheel.

    I’ve been as guilty as the next guy (or gal) in recent years, but I’m also penitent. Because I swear to you I really am a true believer, and I’m absolutely determined to get right with the baseball gods. Even if it means slogging through a foot of snow to watch a team carrying the weight of almost zero expectations.

    I also feel the need to confess that I really wasn’t in the mood to slog through a foot of snow tonight to watch a team carrying the weight of almost zero expectations (surprisingly heavy burden, that). I’m glad I did, though. Almost every time I’ve forced myself to make the drive-and-trudge to the Dome I’ve walked away glad I did.

    I love the game, and I was surprised and cheered to see such a large contingent in the press box last night, and even more surprised and cheered to see 49,596 paying customers in the stands —the largest crowd for a Twins game since September 1996.

    We all saw a hell of a game. And I know it’s ridiculous to place too much stock in a team’s performance in the first game of a long baseball season, but given that Torii Hunter was in the house, and given that everybody in attendance (or at least everyone who was paying attention) knew by the third inning that Johan Santana had been dazzling in his Mets debut (7 ip, 3 hits, 8 strikeouts, and 2 earned runs), it seemed somehow important, if not urgent, that the Twins give those nearly 50,000 people something to cheer about, and maybe even something to believe in, on an otherwise miserable night in Minnesota.

    And they delivered, which was a beautiful thing.

    Livan Hernandez, the (maybe) (purportedly) 33-year-old righthander who was acquired so late that he doesn’t even appear in the team’s 2008 media guide, and a guy whose opening day start was already being trotted out by doomsayers as a harbinger of a season of protracted misery (this despite the fact that the big Cuban was making an opening day start for his fourth club, and has long been in the habit of giving his teams a couple hundred innings a year), anyway, yeah, that Livan freaking Hernandez –for at least one night, anyway– went out and dispelled all visions of Sidney Ponson and provided a glimmer of hope that he might be, at the very least, the second coming of Carlos Silva, light somewhere in the vicinity of ten million dollars.

    You can all do the math on your own, but out there all over the country last night –including in the opposing dugout at the Dome– there were hundreds of millions of dollars worth of ex-Twins laboring for other teams.

    And in every single case I say good for them, and good for the Twins.

    I wasn’t thrilled with the Johan Santana deal. Like everybody else I wish the Twins could have gotten more in return. But the reality is they didn’t trade Santana for four players; they traded him for four players and 150 million dollars.

    And the Twins didn’t just swap out Hunter for 22-year-old Delmon Young. They shaved ten years off their roster and millions of dollars from their payroll (The Angels are going to pay Hunter $90 million over five years). Anybody remember what kind of player Hunter was when he was 22? I love Torii, but trust me, down the road there won’t be a Twins fan who would trade him even up for Delmon Young.

    Or, based on an admittedly small but nonetheless thrilling sample size, for Carlos Gomez, the 22-year-old who was the centerpiece of the Santana deal and trotted out most of his highly-touted tools in his Twins debut. What did we see? Well, shit, you know what you saw, and everybody and their grandmother is going to tell you what you saw, but I’m pretty damn sure it was more than potential. The kid is 6′ 4" and he can fly. We’d heard all about that, but he ran down balls in the gap, went 2-3, stole a couple bases (both on pitch-outs), drew a walk ("It might be the last one," Ron Gardenhire said), scored a couple runs, and exhibited perfect manners and genuine charm in the clubhouse. This was a guy who sat in front of his locker after arguably the most important game of his young career and talked quietly about gratitude and joy and having fun, a guy who admitted to choking up before he took the field.

    Directly across the clubhouse from Gomez was Pat Neshek, who came into last night’s game and struck out three of the four men he faced, including Vladimir Guerrero with the tying run on second and first base open. Neshek is a guy who exudes joy and gratitude; practically every time he opens his mouth it’s apparent he still can’t quite believe he’s been given the opportunity to go to work every day in a major league ballpark. The dude’s a vegan, for crying out loud, a fucking vegan warrior in a major league clubhouse. And he’s more than happy to talk about that fact, and to insist that the decision had nothing to do with athletic performance and everything to do with a "lifestyle choice." He’s also more than happy to talk about every pitch to every batter in every game he appears in (and seems to remember all of them in precise detail). When Gary Mathews Jr. blooped a two-out double in the eighth to put the tying run on base with Guerrero coming up, there were all sorts of people sitting around me who felt certain that the prudent choice was to walk Vlad. And when Neshek’s first two pitches missed badly outside it definitely looked like the Twins had made the decision to pitch around him. "Nah," said Neshek. "I was going after him all the way. That’s what I do, get right handers out. You know he’s hacking, so there are a lot of places to miss. I love that challenge." At which point he broke into a huge smile that even blew his eyes wide open. He shook his head, raised his arms in a what-are-you-gonna do gesture and said, "It’s a really fun game."

    You spend any time in the Twins clubhouse –and this goes back years now– and you’ll hear some variation of that line repeated again and again, starting in Ron Gardenhire’s office. I’ve long made a habit of poking around in visiting clubhouses and I can tell you that I’ve seldom, if ever, heard that sort of thing espoused anywhere else.

    But the Twins, of course, are right, and I think they’re on the right track. It is a fun game, and it was particularly nice, on a perfectly worthless night for baseball, to get a compact, well-played reminder of that fact.

    It’s the sort of thing that can get a guy going to church –or the baseball park– again on a regular basis.