Blog

  • Hair Heroes, By Michael Gordon

    When Michael Gordon uses the word “hero” to describe the 12 stylists he profiles, he’s not kidding. And although he’s not trying to place his subjects on the same level as, say, the firefighters of 9/11, they’re certainly at the top of the heap when it comes to the top of your head. There’s Kenneth Battelle, who invented the Jackie Kennedy bouffant, and Sydney Guilaroff, head stylist on 1,500 films during Hollywood’s golden age. And of course Vidal Sassoon, who Gordon calls the Frank Lloyd Wright of the tonsorial world. But even for those of us who know these names only as brands of shampoo, there’s interesting history within—for one thing, Sassoon tells us how he invented blow-drying. (“That weekend I couldn’t think of anything else,” he says of his Edisonian flash of insight.) Now if only we knew who came up with the mullet.

  • The Bonesetter’s Daughter, By Amy Tan

    At the heart of this new-in-paperback novel by the author of The Joy Luck Club lies the terrible fragility of memory-and how time robs us piece by piece of our own past. Her main characters are instantly recognizable Tan types. American-born writer Ruth Young realizes it’s time to mend fences with Alzheimer’s-beset mother, LuLing, before she loses her chance. She discovers two secret memoirs, and through them learns the family past mom never told her about. Bonesetter becomes LuLing’s story, jumping from present-day California to her 1920s childhood in the Chinese region where Peking Man was first dug up by anthropologists. She and her sister plot to escape their tradition-bound mountain village, and along the way she has secrets of her own to learn. All of which reminds us that next time we visit the grandparents, we ought to bring a tape recorder and an afternoon’s worth of questions about our own family archaeology.

  • Happy Birthday to me!

    Happy Birthday to Me!

    The Rake is the oldest continuously published periodical in the English language, but it didn’t get to this venerable and celebrated position without sacrifices! You remember the Cedars of Lebanon? They provided the reams of paper that became our massive “Top Priests” issue of May, 501 AD. Atlantis? The island defaulted on payment for its legendary “Get to the Bottom of It All” tourism campaign that ran in our pages, which at the time were printed on clay tablets. (Our tough-love comptroller sank the island, along with its economy, sometime during the tenth century BC.) Throughout it all, we’ve managed to keep sex, violence, and moral turpitude out of our glossy pages. The cost for such constancy and righteousness? Well, let’s just say you’d be surprised at the improvements in staff morale that accrue from our semi-annual pig-roast, bake sale, and office orgy—a relatively new tradition, established by our legendary 19th century publisher, Lord Thomas Aquinas Bartel. A “safe room” with duct-tape and plastic sheeting? We’ve been into that since the Gilded Age.

  • Oranges and Persians

    Those few of us who spend our working lives in the Roman Empire find current events depressingly familiar. The superpowers of Late Antiquity, Rome and Persia, spent much of the half-millennium before the rise of Islam at war. The Persian Empire incorporated not only modern Iran, but also Iraq. The cockpit of imperial confrontation was precisely where modern Turkey, Iraq, and Syria come together.

    The Persians were generally the aggressors. During the invasion of 359 AD, a Roman staff officer was taken by a friendly highland chieftain into the foothills of the Kurdish Alps to look down into the Mesopotamian plain. This is one of the great vistas of the world. Through the heat haze, you can sense the curvature of the earth as you look out from the escarpment across the plain below (even if you have drunk nothing stronger than Turkish beer—a refreshing beverage called Efes Pilsen). The staff officer counted the Persian troops, their knights, their archers, their siege engines, and other weapons of mass destruction as they crossed the Great Zab River. The traverse took over three days.

    Romans never enjoyed any success following the Persian invasion route in reverse, i.e. south through modern Iraq along the valley of the Tigris. Once or twice they invaded successfully down the Euphrates (a route which cuts off a substantial corner of what is now Syria) and were able to besiege and burn the Persian capital, near where Baghdad is now. But such expeditions often ended in tears or worse; one emperor died from a thunderbolt during a desert storm.

    Despite being the aggressors, the Persians seem more sympathetic than the stuffy Romans. Persian courtiers hunted and played chess, which they called euphonically chatrang. Their silver drinking vessels display reliefs of dancing girls with bellies beautiful to behold. The genial king Khusro II liked to have his financial statements submitted on sheets scented with rosewater. Wine was certainly one of the pleasures of his court, as it was of the Persian poets who told stories about him and his wife Shirin (“Sweety”) well into the Islamic period. What the wine was like is anybody’s guess. Attempts to associate ancient or medieval Persia with the excellent modern grape called Shiraz seem pretty tenuous.

    The drink I associate with Persia is, oddly enough, Cointreau. It’s purely a matter of atmosphere. Cointreau is an after-dinner drink made out of oranges, and the orange is not recorded in Persia until later. Cointreau is distilled at Angers, in northwest France, from fruit grown in the West Indies, Brazil, and Spain. In its early days, in the mid-19th century, it had rather anti-clerical, rationalist overtones, in contrast to the sticky liquids made by monks—Benedictine, Chartreuse, and the elixir of Père Gaucher.

    But for me Cointreau means Persia. Thirty years ago, I was over there sorting pottery shards for an archaeologist. I came to drink rather a lot of it, courtesy of a friend who was house-sitting in North Teheran for a British diplomat with (thanks to the diplomatic bag) a well-stocked drinks cupboard. Foreign alcohol was available but was fiercely expensive; polite people in the suburbs seemed caught up in a dust-devil of conspicuous consumption. Western goods, such as good drink, were conspicuously consumed (it all came crashing down when the Shah fell). Anyway, my friend knew she could afford to replace only one bottle. So it was the Cointreau we polished off, looking out over the fruit tree blossoms, the melting snow from the mountain behind us pouring audibly down the nearby streams.

    The liqueur is clearer than a trout stream, sweet but not oppressive, a relief from the rosewater omnipresent in Persian sweetmeats. The oranges, in fact, make Cointreau somewhat astringent, like the coarser cuts of Tiptree marmalade (manufactured, of course, from bitter Seville oranges and not the watery things which go into inferior brands). One senses springtime and contentment, but not at the expense of rationality (and at the expense hereabouts of only about $10 for a little “pony” bottle), the Merry Monarch might have approved. I don’t know if the diplomat did, or if he ever knew. But then such folk are sent to lie abroad for their country.

  • A Beautiful Mime

    You cannot get a Mikael the Mime Happy Meal at your local drive-thru window. There are no Mikael the Mime pacifiers or chewable vitamins on sale at Target, and there are no Mikael the Mime video games that teach your pipsqueaks to blow up extra-terrestrials with a Mikael the Mime machine gun.

    Mikael Rudolph simply doesn’t work that way. The North Minneapolis-based mime artist works in the tradition of vaudeville and European clowning. He harkens back to a time when entertainment was simpler, and more closely linked to play than to the cult of personality. His most precious prop is a healthy imagination, not a fog machine. He can hold a thousand small children and their Headline News-addicted parents in awe and on the edge of their seats with nothing more than a little slapstick comedy, magic, puppetry, hat juggling, dance, and pantomime. He does all this, and he gets fan mail for doing it.

    When mimes get fan mail, it’s really something. Some of it comes laboriously wrought in crayon by little hands expressing big sentiments, like “From Joey—I ENJOEY D YOR SHOE.” Rudolph, who after 15 years of gigs at churches, schools, and libraries, speaks “small child” fluently, translated the note as follows: “It’s great, you see, ’cause this kid thought it out himself. His name is Joey. He knows how to spell that. You can just hear him saying, ‘enjoyed’ and spelling it with JOEY in the middle.” An equally thoughtful, if slightly less appreciative young fan wrote, “Dear Mr. Mime, I’m sorry I threw stones at you. I didn’t know it was wrong.” One letter from a mother of two boys informed Rudolph that her sons enjoyed his work so much that they now play “mime” around the house. They occasionally ask, for purposes of gratuitous discipline, to be put in a “mime out”—meaning they must remain silent in an invisible box for a minute or two. They came to see his show two Saturdays in a row.

    It could be that children are drawn to Rudolph because, as a mime and street clown, one of his main assets is what looks like a complete lack of impulse control. The nature of the work requires razor-sharp observation skills, impeccable comic timing, and a damned fine working knowledge of the line between good clean fun and trouble. Children are a little wobbly on all those subjects, and admire his physical and social deftness. His fans aren’t all kids. “I love this guy. He’s angry, lecherous, and mean to children.” I once heard these words uttered by a 30-something hipster, attending one of Rudolph’s shows, which leads me to believe that adults are drawn to him for essentially the same reasons.

    Most folks think they don’t like mime. Rudolph is quite familiar with the widespread phenomenon of “mime-aversion.” This is an understandable by-product of the great mime influx of the 1970s, in which American birthday parties, street corners, and Christian youth rallies were overrun by a legion of mute hacks in clown-white sniffing away at invisible buttercups, or wiping away crocodile tears as their beautiful balloons flew up, up and away. Rudolph recently explained to me, “This is one of the challenges of working in an art form that is deeply respected in Europe and in most other cultures—but in our sound-bite culture, is the exception. I can’t compete with television for special effects or perfect execution. I am live theater, and I pride myself on being able to perform for any audience, of any age, anywhere.”

    That facility didn’t happen overnight. Rudolph, 44, has been pursuing a career as a mime since his teens. When he was a child, he and his father went to see Marcel Marceau perform. As they were leaving the theater, he said, “Dad, I think I’d like to do that.” His father replied, “No one makes a living that way.” To which he sensibly replied, “That guy does.” Within five years, Rudolph had enrolled in his first mime class. He went on to study with Marc Bauman of the Marcel Marceau School in Paris, the Seattle Mime Theater, Ringling Brothers’ Pepper Kaminoff, and many others—basically he’s worked with everyone who’s anyone in this silly business. On two separate occasions he had the opportunity to perform his signature “floating rock” piece in a workshop presided over by his idol, Marcel Marceau. The first time he performed, Rudolph was so intimidated by Marceau that he spent the entire performance staring at the floor. Marceau said that for the comedy to work Rudolph needed to become a victim of the circumstances, share his face—and his emotions—with the audience. Two years later, Rudolph performed the same piece for Marceau. The legendary artist noticed a difference. “In this style,” he said, “he is a master. Absolutely. It could not have been done any better.”

    Rudolph is especially excited that his upcoming performances precede Marceau’s Minneapolis dates. His new show features at least two new mimo-dramas crafted especially for the stage, with Marceau’s explicit advice in mind. Marceau impressed upon Rudolph several salient truths. According to Rudolph, it has long been Marceau’s belief that mime was intended for the stage and not for the street. In a street performance, for example, Rudolph’s floating suitcase is a remarkable party trick and a mind-boggling illusion. On stage, however, it blossoms into a piece of physical theater in which the artist explores the way a character might wrestle the forces—both seen and unseen—that frustrate him. Standard fare for a mime, perhaps. But under the lights, the simplest of stories somehow becomes a poignant display of human nature and a commentary on the fragility of joy. Rudolph creates a cathartic experience in which he takes on typical, everyday fears and frustrations, and seems to run them out of town on a rail. And all of this—believe it or not—where the silence is punctuated only by the kids, who are laughing like hyenas.

    Mikael Rudolph performs at Intermedia Arts, March 19, 20, 21. Tickets $10 at the door. In the grand tradition of street mime, no one will be turned away for inability to pay. Call (612) 302-9252.

  • Get Rail!

    I once punctuated a doomed love affair with a ride on the Empire Builder to Glacier National Park in Montana. It was my 25th birthday, and I spent it sighing deeply into a window-framed postcard of North Dakota, idly expecting the steel rails to yield some inspiration.

    Instead, I was deposited unceremoniously outside an RV park in West Glacier with a too-heavy pack, bad shoes, and a strong impulse to hitchhike east. A week later, I was back on board, but feeling more like a commuter than a wandering romantic—sort of like grabbing the 21A back to St. Paul after last call in Minneapolis. Except I really needed a bath.

    Still, I understand the allure of faraway places and the mystique of train travel, even though that understanding mostly comes from old Hitchcock movies. I’m less certain of the train’s appeal as engineering marvel. It is very large and very powerful and afflicts its devotees with a delicious sense of danger. (Early steam engines were liable to explode at inconvenient moments, and modern trains remain slightly prone to derailment.) But there is something prehistoric about these machines in their lumbering, inertia-bucking clumsiness. Even at moderate speed, the modern train has little sense of balance and nothing remotely resembling grace. It is a big old clunky, foul-smelling, grease-spewing juggernaut that somehow has dodged extinction for the past half-century.

    So, I’m not sure about trains. It’s great that they’re often cheaper and more comfortable (especially for kids) than the terror-stricken airliner. It’s great that you can get a decent breakfast on the 8 a.m. to Chicago. And it’s great that you can check out the appliance-strewn backyards of people you’ll never meet as you pass through towns you’ll never visit. But trains are surprisingly slow, seldom run on schedule, and reliably serve bad beer. And on the mythic level, well, I think it’s pretty much over.

    Or is it? Two blocks from my house in east Minneapolis, crews of bundled, burly men are building an 11-mile rail line that about this time next year will be carrying what the state’s policy wonks pray will be large numbers of happy commuters into downtown Minneapolis and out to the airport and Mall of America. The half-billion dollar project is not only the largest publicly funded construction effort in state history, it may be the most maligned, ridiculed, and lampooned as well.

    I can’t say I disagree.

    You can trace the stupidity of Light Rail Transit way past Jesse Ventura and Ted Mondale, before Arne Carlson and John Derus—all the way back to a gloomy rail yard in 1954, where on a rainy June day a man named Fred Ossanna, hiding out under a damp fedora, supervised the burning of the last Minneapolis streetcar.

    The Twin City Rapid Transit Company, which Ossanna headed, once operated nearly 530 miles of electric streetcar track in the metropolitan area. Lines tied Minneapolis and St. Paul together and ran as far west as Minnetonka, east to Stillwater, north to White Bear Lake, and connected suburbs as far flung as St. Louis Park and Columbia Heights. It was, according to some observers, the best transit system in America. But between 1949 and 1954, Ossanna and his crew of progressive-minded bean counters successfully transformed it into a bus line.

    And here we are, nearly a half-century later, starting all over—but with none of the wild frontier optimism that allowed the system to be built in the first place.

  • The Wages of Sid

    Yes, Sid Hartman works hard at his job and does it well [“Celebrating Sid!,” January], providing inside dope for that noisy, pushy minority who think pro sports are important. Many of us have meaningful lives and don’t need to identify with the staged battles between millionaires. Sid is also a tireless crusader against women’s athletics, and ignores or denigrates all sports except basketball, baseball, football, and hockey.

    Hans Arlton, Minneapolis

  • How Clinton Got His Groove Back

    You might remember that I revoked Clinton Collins’ “Brother Card” a few months ago [Letters, September 2002]. Clinton, after reading your most recent column, my knees buckled. I don’t think I have ever read or heard a more balanced position to the reparations/affirmative action issues that face this nation. Your article was so strong in terms of positioning the issue outside the Black community and making it a national crisis for all American citizens. I pride myself on being well read, from conservative viewpoints to the very liberal positions, and usually I find most tip in favoring their alliances. I have never read words on paper that have moved me emotionally, where I have gone directly to the computer to write a response, in the form of a “thank you.” I find great pleasure in knowing a man who holds this idealistic position on these issues during these critical times.

    Rod Martens, Minneapolis

  • Tough Love

    I laughed so hard with your SUV article. It is so true. I am one of the few owners whose SUV spends more time off-road than chasing to the supermarket. I live in a rural area, megasnow, and I am a nurse who must get to work when scheduled. Just caught your link off the KARE -11 site, and I will return for your cutting-edge commentary. Meanwhile, I am going to go buck my Jeep through some snow—just because I can!

    Char Woizeschke, Windom

  • Four Wheels Bad

    I beg to differ with a few of the assumptions Mr. Hans Eisenbeis makes in his recent article on SUVs [Good Intentions, February], but in the interest of space, I’ll only rant on one: I have no self-hatred nor is any element of my sense of self tied up in my opinions about SUVs. I hate SUVs so much, I even renamed them a few years ago—after practically being run off the road once again by a white, gold-trimmed, dinosauric SUV driven by a petite soul whose head was no bigger than the “switch to 4-wheel drive” toggle. I now call them FUVs. The new name reflects what I really wanted to say after that incident. But, due to my “reasonable” nature (apparently due to my Northern European roots, according to Hans), I could only sigh. And daydream of making a citizen’s arrest for attempted vehicular homicide. I hate the FUVs of the world because:
    —I can’t see around them when they’re behind or in front of me. They impair my ability to drive defensively.
    —They’re gaudy—incredibly ugly—and now so damn popular that my otherwise psuedo-cool-n-campy view of Anywhere, U.S.A.’s Main Street is wrecked. It’s now just plain old ugly.
    —The popularity of gas-guzzling FUVs has raised the price of gasoline. I am absolutely, positively 100 percent sure of it.
    —When FUVs park next to me, I have to pull out of a spot blindly. If I ever hit anyone/thing because of that, I’m just going to have the victim call the FUV owner’s insurance company.
    I hate very few things. I hate bigots, I hate polyester pants, and now I hate FUVs. It’s that simple. No extra passion, no nothin’, other than they drive me crazy. People I love and care for drive them. My siblings drive them, my friends drive them, my boss even drives them. But I’ll always hate FUVs—no matter who drives them or how they’re packaged; no matter how “cute” or “cool” automakers try to make them.

    Betsy Gabler, St. Paul