In the world of relationship “deal breakers,” money matters, drug issues, and infidelity tend to overshadow what I consider to be the real compatibility issues. Starting with a biggie: ultimate control over the thermostat. If, like me, you are a fresh-air fiend and need windows cracked in subzero weather, you’d best pair up with someone of the same body temperature. While he’s running for a sweater in July, are you the type who will eat cereal or takeout rather than light the oven in September? If you’re both under sixty-five and the expression “Are we paying to heat the outdoors?” comes up, it’s best to re-examine things and start planning your escape route. Another deal breaker is footwear. A coworker posed this quandary: What if you were dating Johnny Depp, and he knew how much you loathed hippie accessories, so he got rid of his sandals–would you still dump him? As I see it, if Depp at one time bought Jerusalem cruisers, chances are he tried them on, admired the many useless straps in the shin-height mirror at the Horde Fest shoe tent, and bought ’em. Case closed. He probably also has a hacky sack stashed somewhere, and really, how could I get past that? Breaker number three: Have you ever had a really smart boyfriend who tried to defend the “sexiness” of some celebrity skank ho? When your otherwise enlightened man starts pointing out the long list of “positives” in Tara Reid, question everything you ever thought you knew about him. Other things to consider: Will he watch Project Runway and AmericaÕs Next Top Model with you without irony? Does he pretend to not like one of your cats, but youÕve secretly caught him using the “Does kitty want a treat?” voice when he thought you weren’t in the room? Got a keeper. I guess the upshot of this should be that, despite all of these things, you’re still in love and accepting of who he is. And that’s what real love is. But this isn’t Redbook and I’m far too shallow to say something like that.
Email Mary at popularcreeps@yahoo.com
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