The Rake Magazine

Tag: RNC

  • Country, and Republicans, First

    It was Day 2 of the Republican National Convention and The Rake
    was seated proudly in the "minor local media" section. With CityPages at
    our side, God as our witness and no actual view of the stage, the event was underway. It was quickly apparent that, in solidarity with the folks
    displaced by Hurricane Gustav, the Republicans had blown their announced agenda
    to hell and back, with only two of the originally planned speakers on tap for
    the night. The abbreviated convention also blew a sucking chest wound in the
    plans to highlight a different theme each night – forcing the party planners to
    focus instead on the Convention’s overall theme of "Country First." They
    proceeded to offer up that happily vague phrase, and variations thereof, ad
    nauseum.

    Starting off the night to set the "Country First" tone was John Boehner’s speech on the Great
    Satan that is the Democratic party, conveniently neglecting to mention that the
    pluperfect singularity of economic, diplomatic and social upheaval facing the
    country was engendered just as much by Republican as it was Democrat. Of
    course, much like at last week’s DNC, the delegations thoroughly enjoyed any
    and all mocking of the opposition, offering raucous applause and never once
    wishing they could hear a proper
    taunting as only the French can provide    .

    After Boehner’s speech, the epic notes of "Don’t Stop Believin’" by
    glam rock legends Journey filled the dead air and, as McCain’s theme song, was
    likely intended to fire up delegates and remind them that a year ago their
    presidential nominee’s campaign was dead in the water and beaten by Giuliani in
    the polls like a bad bad donkey. But judging by the choked off laughter, the
    assembled media took it as a reminder to the delegation to keep on drinking the
    Kool-Aid.

    Further compounding attempts to take the proceedings
    seriously was a short montage that truly set the tone for a night consisting of
    speeches by the Democrat who wasn’t, Joe Lieberman, and the only Minnesotan to ever
    hump the leg of a commander-in-chief     – Michelle Bachmann. Perhaps history
    will someday regard the ill-considered words announced with gravitas against
    the backdrop of a stylized Constitution as something other than a phrase taking
    us to a horrific place – "You can’t really see your country. You can’t really
    touch your country. But you can love it." However, it’s all too likely the
    robots will have assumed primacy by then, consigning us to the dark corners of
    the earth, too busy scraping for sustenance to remember the disturbing imagery
    called forth by a gathering of the old world order. And besides, there are far
    too many places in the country that would likely require a visit to Planned
    Parenthood for testing if one was touched by them.

    Sen. Norm Coleman, former mayor of St. Paul, was prevented from making his
    "really good speech" on Monday and took the opportunity to welcome the
    delegates to Pig’s Eye, confusing the hell out of the octogenarian attendees.
    He went on to give a treatise on St. Paul’s history, discussing how
    conservative values built the Xcel center, but stopping just short of launching
    into a heartfelt rendition of Starship’s, "We Built This City".
    Coleman is, of course, in a rather heated battle for one of Minnesota’s Senate seats, so grandstanding
    is to be expected. He also was the first of a long parade of speakers to wax
    rhapsodic about the many sterling qualities of John McCain, culminating in a
    story about Thomas Jefferson’s face and a vagrant on the banks of a river.
    Surprisingly enough, it wasn’t actually a euphemism for oral sex, but rather a long winded and folksy way of saying McCain would face any challenge put in front of him.

    Unfortunately, the "positive spirit of Pig’s Eye" only
    extended to those blessed with the wisdom to join the Republican party. When
    speakers weren’t praying or touting the many wonders of the McCain and Palin
    story, they were blaming the opposition for everything from the national
    deficit to Lindsay Lohan’s recent forays into girl on girl action and punditry.
    Though given how much sense she makes in her political commentary, maybe Ms.
    Lohan is on to something.

    Throughout the rest of the night, speakers took every
    opportunity to point out how John McCain has put country first. That
    conservative values are the only possible way forward for this country. That,
    by the way, John McCain was once a resident at the Hanoi Hilton, and that it’s
    okay for conservatives to love him now that he’s the only option for a Republican
    president. Michelle Bachmann, the insane light of zealotry burning brightly in
    her eyes and clad in a dress that could only be described as Cadbury Mini-Egg
    yellow, delivered her speech as if she thought she was addressing a romper room
    audience. She devoted most of her time on stage to serving as a GOP attack dog,
    telling the arena that good Christian values will guide the country, not the
    government. Sadly, any good points she
    may have made on the importance of avoiding a nanny-state paled in comparison
    to her painful pleas for delegates to come back and visit. "Because we’re nice.
    Really nice. Fucking. Unbelievably. Nice. We’re nice, goddamnit! Why won’t you
    love me?"

    Tellingly, none of the MN delegates would discuss their
    feelings about Rep. Bachmann when asked.

    From then until the keynote speakers for the night – President
    George Bush, Sen. Fred Thompson and Sen. Joe Lieberman – were ready to go, a
    parade of heart wrenching tales and presidential retrospectives rained forth
    from the sound system. The obligatory deification of Ronald Reagan, tales of
    Teddy Roosevelt and his Rough Riders, a crass attempt at co-opting the story of
    a Navy SEAL who threw himself on a grenade to save the rest of his team in Iraq
    and was posthumously awarded the Medal of Honor – these were the most offensive
    moments of the night. Country First may be the theme of the convention, but
    when politics trump the country’s history and American heroes are used to
    strengthen a political agenda, it’s obvious the country isn’t foremost in
    anyone’s thoughts.

    Oh, and by the way, has anyone ever told you that John
    McCain was a POW?

    Following these crass examples of political opportunism, our
    fearless leader made an appearance via satellite, emphasizing the disagreements
    he’s had through the years with John McCain, conveniently neglecting to mention
    the smear campaign in 2000 that left the esteemed maverick senator from Arizona feeling like so
    much roadkill. Roadkill with an illegitimate
    black baby    .

    Fred Thompson was up next, his experience as an actor
    shining through as he flowed easily from jowl-shaking recrimination against
    liberals and their media lapdogs to holding Sen. McCain aloft on a pedestal and
    thanking him for not only serving his country, but also for forgiving the sins
    of man, starring in a Tony-award winning Broadway musical that convinced
    homosexuals that they didn’t have the right to marry after all, and was the man
    who gave the reverse
    cowgirl     to the world. The
    former New York prosecutor     owned that crowd. Not only were his words treated
    as if they were carved in stone and handed down by Moses, but whispers of "He’s
    not so cute, but I’d totally do him" drifted down like so much J.Lo-branded
    perfume from the assembled group of MILFs and Stepford Wives in the gallery
    behind the press stand.

    Which made it all the more sad that Sen. Joe Lieberman had
    to follow that act. Not only did it seem as if the Xcel Center had suddenly
    been transported into an alternate dimension in which Lieberman wasn’t the VP
    nominee for one of the Republican party’s
    ultimate evils     back in 2000, the senator from CT has never displayed a
    knack for oratory, and being the only Democrat on the speaking agenda brought
    him nothing but wary stares and baffled looks as he proceeded to name check
    Clinton and not curse Obama’s name to the heavens while lavishing praise upon
    his good friend John McCain. Sen. McCain certainly wouldn’t think of providing Sen. Lieberman with
    a cabinet position, thus providing a method to his madness, right?

    And throughout the show, while speaker after speaker
    thundered and railed against "the angry left" and positioned the GOP ticket as
    the second coming of Buddha, Christ, and P.T. Barnum in one neat little package
    with a moose-hunting cherry on top, they failed to note one interesting fact –
    they somehow managed to take the Xcel Energy Center, a nearly brand new arena
    with some of the best acoustics in the nation, and make it sound stunningly
    crappy. If that’s not an intriguing metaphor for the events of the last eight
    years, I’m not sure what is.

  • Downtown Militarized Zone

    Photos by India Bell

    Hard to believe that as recently as Sunday, downtown Saint
    Paul was a bucolic paradise ringed in chain link, the peace kept by strapping
    young men with plastic handcuffs. Sadly, the photos below didn’t jibe with the
    reality of yesterday’s protests.

    While Minnesota’s, and the nation’s, eyes should’ve been
    turned to the potential for yet another
    biblical disaster visited upon New Orleans    , and somewhere between 8,000 and
    10,000 people marched in peaceful protest against the war in Iraq, various
    social injustices, and the lack of proper bagels in the Midwest, a small group
    of asshats were doing all they could to ensure all eyes were on them. And
    sadly, they didn’t feel they could accomplish this by word or crappy bohemian
    performance art, so instead they reportedly lobbed homemade explosives, smashed windows, overturned dumpsters, attacked delegates,
    and generally demonstrated their complete lack of understanding of what free speech
    entails.

    Ignoring, for a moment, the larger issue of how this group
    of irredeemable twats makes it virtually impossible for any of the protestors
    to be taken seriously, they’ve created a significant public safety issue for
    the rest of the convention. The police, having seen what lengths immature
    Marxist wanna-be’s will go to "get their message across to the Capitalist
    pigs," are far more willing to deploy the more unpleasant countermeasures
    available to them. This has already been in ample
    evidence    , with pepper spray used like so much Binaca
    and canisters of caustic gasses that some claim contain tear gas, but are more
    likely to have released Axe body spray into the air – a sure way to disperse a
    crowd. Law enforcement is already being accused of being overzealous, and it’s
    sad that so many well-intentioned and peaceful activists are being caught up in
    the mess that the demonstrations have become – but it’s hard to blame the
    police when they’re forced to deal with hordes of protesters, any one of whom
    may want to cause harm in a variety of ways.

    But on a larger scale, while no one could’ve possibly
    expected protests at the RNC to remain completely peaceful, there seems to be
    precious little thought actually devoted to these demonstrations. Perhaps if
    they were facing down tanks in Tiananmen Square, violence could be understood.
    But marching the virtually deserted streets of St. Paul, it does nothing to
    advance their cause, obscuring it with sensational headlines and stories rather
    than providing an opportunity for public conversation, debate and discourse.
    It’s telling that the protesters engaged in the vandalism and violence wouldn’t
    show their faces or grant an interview. Frankly, it’s profoundly disgusting
    that anyone could consider this an effective, or even acceptable, form of
    political activism.

    The only consolation I can find in this is how
    unlikely it is any of the asshats in question are fellow Minneapolitans, since
    precious few of us can actually find our way to downtown St. Paul.

  • Spark It Up!

    As activists on the West Side get the shake down from the cops, and St. Paul frets and fusses over last minute preparations at RNC ground zero; Downtown Minneapolis geared up to show its artistic flair at Spark24!

    What is Spark24 you ask? Well, if you haven’t been living under a rock for the past month, you probably already know. This 24-hour extravaganza incorporated music, performance, art, dance, and partying of all varieties. If you missed it, you missed out – the spark was definitely electric!

    6pm: Arriving at the IDS

    The thoughtful peeps of Spark24 have set up an awesome media hub for journalists to not only work from, but also to party from. The ground level is sectioned off, VIP style (that’s right, you’re not invited) with gallons of fancy booze to pour down our throats and fresh fruit and Vitamin Water to get us through the night. The cute and cordial head honcho, Nicolle, flits around putting finishing touches on the space and tactfully bossing around volunteers, who wear matching t-shirts emblazoned with the slogan, "I Got Lit."

    The wi-fi center is set up in the old Williams-Sonoma space on the skyway level, where computers wait for journalists and bloggers to use freely. I’ve brought my trusty laptop and camera and will continue to check in all night long, recappin’ and posting pictures, as I slowly deteriorate into a sleep deprived mess – which you’ll probably be able to detect by the level of inappropriateness and lack of proper English in my posts as the night wears on.

    My first stop tonight will be the super-ultra VIP Media party at Mill City (again, you’re not invited!) where I hope to snap some pics of newsy celebs, or at the very least, Jeff Passolt. Check back later to see what kind of shenanigans I get into to as well as lots of pictures by me and my bff/photographer Stephen Stephens (yes, that’s really his name) who will be my party poppin’ right hand man all night!

     

    8pm RNC Media Party @ Mill City Museum/Guthrie

    Upon approaching the Mill City in Stephen’s beat up 1990
    Toyota, police and party volunteers barricaded the streets, only letting
    credentialed press through to attend the party. Mostly surrounded by black SUVs
    and the like, we eventually got through, parked, and met Rake editor Jill
    Yablonski, who gushed, "There’s so much free food and booze I think I am
    going to die."

    Unexpected "guest star," as Veep nominee.

    The party was awesome. Some of the first familiar faces I
    saw were my pals Greg Jansen and Paul Durham, who were there shooting photos
    for Twin Cities Luxury and Fashion. "Can you believe this shit?"
    Jansen asked. And no, I couldn’t really believe it. Spanning from the Guthrie’s
    patio, through the Mill City Farmers Market and Museum, and even out to River
    Road where the closed off street was tented for a good city block and lined
    with food vendors and bars – all free of course – I can only liken the party to
    a "fancy State Fair." I overheard someone saying that 7 million
    dollars was spent on the party, if that tells you anything. Who paid for it,
    I’m not altogether sure – but they definitely know how to throw a party.

    While the booze flowed and hundreds of media-types from all
    over the country mingled and whooped it up, Stephen snapped pictures and Jill
    and I stuffed our faces and drank mojitos, keeping our eyes peeled for the
    likes of John Stewart, Anderson Cooper and other celebs – who never
    materialized. We did get Passholt though (see first post). And R.T. Rybak. And even an
    all-American Lady Liberty sucking on a Marlboro and texting.

    11pm Northern Exposure Art Show

    Stephen and I met up with Jill again, this time with her
    boyfriend Tim in tow. Our disorganized itinerary was supposed to kick off at
    the Chambers, but we made a pit stop at Steve Sugarman’s latest "pop-up"
    gallery – a short-run show held in an empty commercial space just off 8th
    & LaSalle entitled Northern Exposure.
    The reception technically ended at 10pm, and there were only a couple randoms
    milling around so we made a quick swoop through the exhibit, which included
    work by such local art characters as Scott Seekins and Brant Kingman, among probably 30
    others. Stop in before September 7th to check it out – it’s a pretty
    awesome show.

    11:30pm Chambers Hotel

    We ran into our friend Kristoffer
    at the Chambers and kicked it in the courtyard sipping $10 vodka tonics while
    admiring the extreme douchebaggery of the clientele. Made up of predominately
    Abercrombie-esque young professionals and leggy blondes in mini-dresses trying
    to catch the eyes of deep pocket hotel guests, the crowd seemed oblivious to
    Spark24, the RNC and even life as we know it outside of the swanky bubble of
    the hotel.

    We popped into the 5th floor "Red, White and Fucking Blue
    Bar" where the action was almost cringe-worthy. A DJ played predictable drunken
    crowd-pleasers such as Bobby Brown’s My Prerogative while red-faced
    delegates in hot pink feather boas did dorky jigs and cat-like euro-babes posed
    on expensive furniture that peppered the space. We stood on the balcony patio for about 10 minutes
    and made the decision that we needed to leave as soon as possible, but not
    before taking a spin down the stairwell that is filled with colorful graffiti from top to bottom. All in all, while tonight’s crowd left something to be
    desired, the Chambers is still a beautiful spot, with cool art at every turn. Try checking out an art opening in the adjacent Burnet Gallery some
    time – the crowd is always chic, the wine flows like water and the exhibits are quite impressive.

    12:30am First Avenue: Too Much Love

    Jill, Tim and Kristoffer all ditched us after Chambers, but
    luckily we hooked up with our cute friends Jahna
    and Danielle outside the Ave
    for some Too Much Love action.
    Filled with hundreds of bandana-clad hipsters/college kids, as per usual, TML,
    a huge weekly dance party, always succeeds in making me feel old and
    uncoordinated. Hundreds of fashioned-out 20-somethings dance the night away,
    pressed up against each other in a throng, that to me, looks almost dangerous.
    Once last year I actually got drunk enough to dance (I’m usually a stalwart
    observer) and ended up in an uninvited "man sandwich" with a couple of sweaty
    Belgians – hence the end to my TML dancing days.

    Stephen and I downed a couple of vodka Redbulls, chatted
    some of our dance party-prone friends up and watched breakdancers battle it out
    on the stage. Too Much Love seemed to be the typical weekly crowd,
    though I did see a troupe of unmistakable delegates party-train through the
    club with drinks held high, hooting and hollering and still wearing their power
    suits at 1 am.

    1:30am The Fine Line: Myspace Most Beautiful People Party

    Our first inkling after leaving First Avenue was to hit up
    Club 3 Degrees – an all-Christian nightclub right off of 5th &
    Hennepin. Sadly it was closed, with no young republican bible-bangers in sight.
    Considering the club doesn’t serve alcohol, and good Christians probably go to
    bed at a decent hour, it probably makes sense, though to me it doesn’t quite
    compute. No alcohol? Weird.

    Anyhoo, Kristoffer sent me a text on his way home with a
    message pertaining to the scene outside of the Fine Line, it read, "Regular
    yahoos x 100. Not Pretty." So of course we had to check it out. We talked our
    way in and surveyed the scene – pretty much everyone was drunk as hell, booze
    was spilled everywhere on the floor and no one looked particularly "beautiful,"
    mostly just glazed over and a little snakey. Some drunk chick rammed into me,
    and said "excuse you, bitch," and alternately, a big, muscle-bound black man
    sensually, and randomly, caressed my back as I walked by. The highlight was a
    raging drunk yokel with chest tats, who could only point at another guy and
    repeat over and over "that’s my brother, that’s my bro." No obvious republicans
    in sight here, unfortunately.

    2am: The IDS

    Upon return the media center, we found the doors locked –
    with all our gear inside. No security guard or Spark volunteer in sight. We
    rattled around and finally found a nest of teenage thespians holed up in a back
    office in their pajamas, working on a 24-hour play, (which will be performed
    tomorrow at 4pm in front of the IDS, so check it out). They perked up at our
    arrival, feeding us Doritos, donut holes, carrots and Rockstar Energy drinks,
    and seemed genuinely concerned for our situation. We meandered around a bit,
    then decided to just head to Orchestra Hall where Spark24 was in full swing,
    despite our intention to give you a 2am update.

    2:45am: Orchestra Hall/Peavey Plaza

    We strolled from the IDS to Orchestra Hall, bitching all the
    way about how our feet hurt and how our legs were going to be sore tomorrow. On
    arrival at Peavey Plaza we were greeted by a lively and diverse crowd, ranging
    from glammed-out fashionistas, mangy hippies, scruffy rockers, and even an
    elderly couple. Young flower-child looking chicks twirled sparklers and danced
    around the plaza, drunk jocks stumbled about swearing liberally, and hungry people of all styles
    lined up to pay an enterprising food vendor $5 for a single hot dog.

    We got inside in time to catch the much buzzed-about Cloud
    Cult, and stuck around for Chris Koza, both of whom sounded simply amazing in
    the acoustically dreamy Orchestra Hall auditorium. Two artists painted live as the music played. Stephen snapped pictures
    while I sat sullenly in a seat in the back of the hall, eating a $5 bag of
    mini-donuts and worrying about when I’d be able to get at my laptop, which was still left in the now-locked up media center. Eventually, I ran into Nicolle, who
    assured me I had full access and just needed to find the security guard to let
    me in, which I hadn’t really occurred to me, of course.

    5am: Peavey Plaza

    Stephen had randomly met Rake music writer Erin Roof in the fray, and
    reported back to me that her favorite actor is R2D2. Good to know. We also ran
    into our friends Johann and Enrique
    and chatted it up for a spell, complaining about how cracked-out we were on
    Vitamin Energy drinks, and again, how our feet hurt. Ironically, a few minutes
    later some drunk jackass wobbled by, stomped on both of my feet,
    muttered something, and then fell up some stairs without looking back. That
    was my cue to leave, so Stephen and I slowly trekked back to the IDS where we did
    eventually find the security guard to let us in – and here we are.

    It’s 7:30am and I might
    snooze on a chair for a bit before heading back out. I plan on keepin’ my
    promise (sort of anyway, despite my pending nap) to keep you abreast of the
    sitch down here. Keep your eyes peeled for reports on performance at Peavey
    Plaza and the Liberty Parade – coming soon!

    9:30am: IDS

    After a fitful one hour half-snooze on a particle board slab in the backroom of the media center, with an empty messenger bag as my pillow, I decided to say "screw it" and get up. Strangely rejuvenated, although I didn’t actually fall asleep, I perked up at the thought of hot coffee and possibly something egg related.

    Stephen was still sprawled on the little bank of mismatched chairs I’d left him on before I cuddled up on my slab. He looked super comfy.

    We’re going to get breakfast, then venture out into the wild once more. I think we look like crazy people though; we definitely feel a little crazy.

     

    10:30am: Peavey Plaza

    After fueling up on $16 platters of eggs and plenty of
    coffee at the Marquette Hotel’s restaurant, we set out for Peavey Plaza. The
    crowd was comfortably scattered through out the area, enjoying the smooth jazz
    stylings of a guy with a mohawk and his band. We found a shady patch of steps
    to perch on and settled in to check out the show. Seeing as neither of us had
    slept, our A.D.D. was in full effect.

    Honestly, I really can’t tell you all that much about the
    performers as I was busy doing things like counting hobos and gossiping with
    Stephen in my surreal state of conciousness. We did deduce, however, that at least 8% of the audience was homeless.
    I gave someone a dollar, then got into a very one-sided 20 minute conversation
    with a guy who called himself "Captain Kirk" and claimed to be on methadone. He
    chatted me up about a substance abuse center called Access Works that gives out
    free needles, and also pizza gift certificates to meth-heads who show up to
    Tuesday meetings, lovingly dubbed "Crystal Tuesdays." We also saw a darling
    family with two storybook-cute toddlers wearing "Obama Rocks" shirts, and
    everyone in the immediate vicinity was fawning over them – including Captain
    Kirk who, despite his druggy glow, seemed like quite a decent fellow.

    Other highlights included the Mu Taiko drummers who jumped,
    stomped and beat their way to an exuberant round of applause. Next up came a
    weird modern dance troupe who were literally dressed like they were on their
    lunch break from the Wells Fargo phone bank and had just decided to do an impromptu
    dance routine on their way back from Panera. They were definitely graceful and
    talented, but the whole clothing thing really confused and distracted me, but
    maybe I’m missing some deep point. If that’s the case, Wells Fargo dancers,
    please explain.


    1:30pm Nicollet & 8th

    The Liberty Parade has trumped Pride as my favorite parade
    ever. It kind of reminded me of a traveling politically themed science fiction
    convention – lots of weird shit and an endless stream of bonafied eccentrics
    with their zany meters set to maximum – in other words, awesome. A red,
    white and blue float complete with a sassy broad straddling a huge silver
    rocket and five or six equally bawdy babes with strap-on missile dicks singing,
    dancing, gyrating and talking smack about McCain. A gaggle of moaning zombies
    ambled by, followed by a car sporting a sign that simply said "Brains." A
    charming and cute safe-sex fairy skipped merrily by, covered with
    color-coordinated condoms and waving a magic wand. A gang of nonsensical Ren Fest
    types danced down the street to the theme song from the show, The Fresh
    Prince of Bel Air,     while flanked by faux secret service.

    My fave part, however, was when my other
    bestie Clement rolled up (in a sense) on his "Humping Bike," later dubbed "Tour
    De My Pants" – an exercise machine converted into a bike that requires
    its rider to pump and thrust his body in a "humping" motion to propel the
    bike. Clement only busts out the Humping Bike for special occasions like
    parades or bike fests, and he’s got a whole list of hilarious lines he loves to
    yell out to spectators like, "Are my undies showing? No? Do you want them to
    be?" or "Save a horse, ride a cowboy!" among naughty others. Not sure what
    the Humping Bike actually has to do with liberty, but it sure makes me giggle.

    2:30pm: Loring Park

    Stephen and I are running on empty, laughing maniacally at
    each other’s bad jokes while parked at a picnic table on the fringe of the
    action. All the parade participants have ended up here to celebrate and to set
    up shop for whatever word-spreading, performing or socializing suits their
    fancy. This event, while flanked generously with police in full gear,
    definitely seemed more Mayday Festival than political uprising. Everyone seemed
    to be in high spirits, and parade-goers even chatted up the po-po, who milled
    around the park in packs.

    We ran into tons of our friends, including Vicious Circle
    writer Andy Sturdevant who happily manned the entrance to the Summit beer
    garden in full summer beard. Bands and DJs played, wacky activists hammed for
    their respective causes with humor and creativity, and people of all political
    stripes enjoyed the breezy summer afternoon in Loring Park.

    4:30pm: IDS

    We eventually lugged ourselves out of the park, bedraggled
    and confused, to start the trudge back to the IDS Center, with Clement humping
    alongside us. I swear I felt blisters on my feet pop, as we’d been walking all
    over downtown since about 6:30pm Saturday, and Stephen complained that he felt
    like he might literally keel over at any moment. By the time we hit the media
    center to upload the pictures from the today’s excursion we were crabby and
    snapping at each other, but in a satisfied, "we did it" sort of way. All in all, a fun and crazy 24 hours, and a
    fitting kick-off to this week’s upcoming insanity – which we hope is as
    peaceful and positive as this weekend’s comeraderie insinuates. Thanks to the awesome Spark24 crew who was there with us each step of the way in sleep deprivation.

    Check www.digitalcrushphoto.com for more
    pics! We’ll have even more from our Spark24 shenanigans to share within the next couple days.

    Thanks for reading, I’m going to bed!

     

  • Eight Crazy Nights: A Political Miniseries

    Save for the lack of scheduled appearances by Valerie
    Bertinelli, Tiffani Thiessen or Jennie Garth, over the course of the next two
    weeks America will be treated to two of the best-funded Lifetime miniseries of
    all time. Featuring exotic settings; heroes and villains a-plenty; a
    family dynasty forever shattered; and production values that would shame even
    Steven Bochco (whose involvement in "Cop Rock" and the
    upcoming "Raising the Bar"
    has amply demonstrated his abject lack of shame), the Democratic and Republican
    National Conventions rival even the sturm and drang of "She
    Fought Alone    " – one of the finest of the True Stories Collection of TV
    movies. Add to that a collection of flawed characters blending a Jamba
    Juice-like smoothie of half-truths, distortions, and skewed viewpoints stemming
    from a profound disconnect from anything even faintly resembling the reality of
    the average American lifestyle, and you’ve got some damn good TV – not to
    mention impeccable cover for a gaping loophole in campaign finance law.

    Witness, if you will, the window-dressing that is the pomp
    and circumstance of the nightly speaker lineups; the concern over Hillary and
    her PUMAs’ wailing at the gates about the disastrous hijacking of democracy
    that has put a presumptive dynasty on the outside looking in, and the thousands
    of unwashed protesters clamoring for attention in St.
    Paul’s newest stockyard    , located conveniently nearby the Xcel Center. Then
    look deeper at the Convention Committees, which, unlike the candidates
    themselves, can accept virtually unlimited donations of cash and services from
    private citizens and even corporations. And these deep-pocketed entities get a
    significant return on their donations. In addition to sweetly scented tax
    write-off, the complexity of which would arouse Ben Stein far more than
    well-hydrated eyes ever could, they are offered that most precious of
    commodities in the political world – access.

    Wednesday’s events, for example, include a CH2M Hill sponsored concert featuring
    Willie Nelson, a donor briefing and reception at Ellie Caulkins Opera House,
    and an "AT&T Luncheon for Delegates from Western States" just to name a
    few. And should the guest list for these events happen to fall into an
    enterprisingly cynical blogger’s hands, it just might happen to include some of
    the top officials from the Democratic party, influential members of the Senate
    Committee on Commerce, Science & Transportation, who handle telecommunications
    issues, and any number of other elected officials who may or may not play a
    role in potential legislation affecting these companies’ bottom lines.

    Once upon a time – most likely in an alternate reality where
    Hillary Clinton’s pastel pantsuits whip crowds into frothing
    lust-fueled frenzies     the likes of which our world has never borne witness to
    – the conventions were a place where party business took place and attendees
    engaged in true debate and dialogue. Now, in Denver the intent is to bring the
    hordes of malcontents that make up the Democratic party into line, poisoning
    the PUMAs with love, understanding and the implied threat of the country’s
    completely unlubricated buggering come November, should they not fall in line.
    In Saint Paul, the Republicans simply want to emphasize how much more buggering
    there will be if the Democrats regain the White House. And in both cases, the
    aim is to quash debate and dissention. And either way, we’re the ones who get
    buggered.

    So we watch and listen, strangely drawn to our TVs and
    radios by the anemic oration of political luminaries like John Kerry and
    Congressman Robert Wexler, fascinated by the eight part melodrama playing out
    in America’s heartland – the conflict between PUMA and party, McCain’s one-time
    maverick status and his new love for the party politick. It’s all too easy to
    get distracted by the stagecraft and bright lights, forgetting for the moment
    the money pouring through the cracks in the campaign finance system that make
    this grand display possible. And what’s worse – just what that money may be
    saying over black truffle risotto and foie gras on toast points to the
    representatives who supposedly do the people’s work.

  • Securing the Sewers of Saint Paul Against the Crappiest of Villains

    Hordes of Jihadists, radical liberals and ancient clown-shaped abominations with fantasies of disrupting the Republican National Convention by rising from beneath the streets of Saint Paul like so many crap-coated Lovecraftian elder-beings wept bitterly as public works employees welded downtown manhole covers shut during the last week. Thanks to the astute foresight and planning of the combined brain trust of the Department of Homeland Security and local law enforcement, the dire public safety threat posed by Shitman – the sewer dwelling creature immortalized in 90s hard rock band Green Jelly’s song of the same name – has been neutralized.

    Demonstrating the serious nature of the sewer-borne terrorist threat, sealing the city’s manholes was but the first step in a multi-layer defensive plan. In addition to placing mutant amphibians and rodents trained in the lost secrets of nijutsu in the tunnel beneath St. Paul prior to welding all access points shut, Kevin Bacon has been retained for the duration of the convention. Bacon’s demonstrated skill and ingenuity at defending against underground threats will serve the city well and ensure the safety of delegates, convention attendees, and the assembled masses in the event of worm-like creatures from the deep.

    This, in addition to the recently announced "no-fly zone," super secret security expenditures redacted in the publicly available budget and the protest corral that is located in "unprecedented proximity" to the convention, is sure to make the attending delegates, candidates, elected officials and assorted panderers and hangers-on feel cozily safe in the confines of downtown Saint Paul.

    Safe, that is, until they venture west to Minneapolis in search of the fabled land of Déjà Vu and Scheik’s. While Saint Paul may have locked down the shit-related security threat, its metrosexual twin across the river is still coping with roving groups of crap-flinging chimpanzees that take over the city streets at bar close and make the city unsafe for freshly laundered and crisply pressed Brooks Brothers shirts.

  • ArtofPolitics.com

    One common blogging convention, that our Vicious Circle of intrepid arts writers has yet to employ, is what I am going to hereby dub the "Cavalcade of Links" (also sometimes called, by those who follow such things more closely, a "Blog Carnival"). For our purposes, a Cavalcade of Links is a posting wherein a lazy or overwrought (or too clever) blogger, in an effort to give the appearance of having thought an issue through, picks a topic and offers up a mass of live links to topic-related sites. All I can say at this point is, enjoy the first Cavalcade of Links!

     

    IN THIS RAPIDLY UP-RAMPING POLITICAL SEASON, the time seems right, on our little visual arts blog, to offer up a "Cavalcade of Links" on the expanding intersection, of late, between local art and national politics. That is, I would like to point out how artists in our Minnesotan voting districts and precincts will be attempting, over the next couple of months, to position themselves to garner attention, usurp power and influence, or simply quibble and complain over the ongoing political process to anyone at all willing to listen.

    Based on preliminary investigations, my working hypothesis is that Minnesota will, this year, be witness to a veritable explosion of art-meets-politics positioning, caviling, and attention-seeking (and this is true even considering that it’s a national election year). This uptick could be because of local excitement/agitation about a particular candidate. Or it could also be agitation/excitement over the looming Republican National Convention, although the growing cynic in me has another theory. That is, it’s possible this may also be a desperate attempt by a lost and distant generation, fast growing increasingly frustrated with their several layers of electronic separation from the real world, to connect with anyone on the outside willing to listen and take a looksee at their art. But that’s just the personal theory of a rapidly aging ex-radical critic…

    Whatever the reasons, what’s on offer here is a helpful guide for wading through all this local political artsmanship. To assist in such an effort, I have attempted to break down the various activities — either commenced or announced — into three main areas: (A) Come Together, Over Me: Broad calls, mostly web-based, to motivate artists to join together to work on some sort of upcoming artistically political group activity; (B) Hey, Look at Me!: Politics-related exhibitions being currently planned or mounted by artists, galleries, and museums seeking to insert themselves in the thick of the ongoing buzz/activities; and (C) Me Me Me Me Me: A catch-all category for any and all aristic public rants, arguments, and kerfuffles in advance of the looming grand ol’ gathering and election.

    (If you have additional links to upcoming local arts-political activities of any sort — in any of these areas — please add them to the comments section at the bottom of this post.)

    Without further ado, shall we start the Cavalcade?

    A) Come Together, Over Me

    • The UnConvention is the granddaddy of all assemblies of artists looking to dip a toe in the pool of politics this election season. Citing as its main mission — "To umbrella the myriad artistic and educational activities (exhibitions, lectures, performances, etc.) that will take place in the Twin Cities during the lead-up and staging of the 2008 Republican National Convention in St. Paul, Minnesota" — the UnConvention’s list of planned projects is pretty extensive. It includes: a variety of public art projects — sculpture, performance art, and an artist-made lawn sign competition very similar to one that was mounted in 2004; opportunities for civic dialogue and speechifying; a parade culminating in a gathering in Loring Park; an art car powered by humans; a skywriting project; an interactive peace-themed picnic complete (I’m guessing) with hootenanny-style sing-alongs; a round-the-clock gathering place for alt-media and others; and much more. In the end, so vast are the UnConvention’s planned efforts that it ends up as partner/umbrella to many of the projects listed below. The whole shmear is sponsored by, who else?, the Walker Art Center.

    • One notable sub-project to the UnConvention that’s worth pointing out separately is a competition called I Approve This Message. In this project, artists are invited to create a video in response to questions surrounding the scripted nature of presidential nominations and democracy in general. In addition to being shown online, the best works submitted will be screened at the Walker and other venues.

     

    • Vote YES Minnesota is the public advocacy campaign associated with the dryly-titled Clean Water, Land and Legacy Amendment that will be on the ballot this November. (This amendment, if passed, will increase our state sales tax by three-eighths of one percent through the year 2034 to dedicate funding to protect drinking water sources, wetlands, prairies, forests, and wildlife habitat, to preserve our arts and cultural heritage, and to support our parks and trails.) Interestingly, one of the key features of the Vote YES MN campaign is (as with the UnConvention’s "I Approve.."), a video contest, in which filmmakers "of all skill levels" are encouraged to tell why Minnesota is "such a special place to live."

     

    • Spark 24, an offshoot of the UnConvention, is a non-stop marathon of free entertainment that will kick off at 5 p.m. on Saturday, August 30, 2008 and continue until 5 p.m. on Sunday, August 31 (the days just prior to the start of the Republican National Convention). Free events of all sorts –music, theater, dance, etc — will be scattered around Minneapolis, mostly downtown in and around Peavey Plaza and Orchestra Hall, but also in over 60 nearby restaurants, bars, hotels, and retail stores. Unfortunately, there doesn’t appear to be video contest involved with this project.

     

    • But not to worry. Though it’s not a strictly local effort, YouTube is sponsoring yet another politics-based video contest. Actually, it’s two contests — one for each side of the political fence. All you have to do is answer (in your video) the question "Why are you a Democrat/Republican in 2008?" and you can win a day in the campaign press pool and a trip to either of the 2008 political conventions.

     

    • And, True Blue Minnesota, an honest-to-goodness 527 non-profit corporation formed to act as a counter-balance to the Republican National Convention, is also planning to present videos to the world during the convention (will we ever tire of political videos?!). They have rented two "JumboTron" televisions on which they’ll show a wide variety of imagery, ranging f
      rom single words, short phrases, and famous quotes to full-length motion pictures, artist videos, comic bits,visual art, photographs, comics, and animation. One television, 17 feet high and 23 feet across, will be located in Triangle Park, across from the Minnesota History Center, and the other in a Harriet Island parking lot. Meanwhile, if you’re getting tired, like me, of all the videos, True Blue MN is also sponsoring a competition for artists to redesign the RNC logo.

     

    B) Hey, Look at Me!

    • The Weisman Art Museum, that oft-overlooked third wheel of the local museogarchy, is running a vast number of politics-oriented exhibitions and programs in coming weeks and months. "Who is a Citizen? What is Citizenship?" is the first of a series of exhibits and programs examining the role of art and artists in a democracy. It draws from the museum’s collection in exploring the stated theme. Meanwhile, "Hindsight is Always 20/20" is a solo exhibition featuring prints — based on U.S. presidential State of the Union addresses — by R. Luke DuBois, a New York-based composer, performer, video artist, and programmer. Meanwhile, the museum has planned a nearly non-stop slate of political-themed events, lectures, exhibitions, performances, and dialogues for the next three months, including, on September 4, an event called "American Politics Sideshow," that will "mimic a three-ring circus, [with] speakers, tours, films, and performers from late morning ‘til nightfall."

     

    • The Saint Paul Public Library is hosting a series of poltical-oriented events — both civic and artistic — cleverly called "Saint Paulitics." Among the wide range of stuff taking place during August in downtown St. Paul are: "Political Scenes" — free screenings of politics-themed movies in the Central Library Courtyard; lectures by various experts on politics, including Mark Halperin of Time Magazine, Susan Estrich of Fox News, and Bill Arnold (writer of Triple Espresso); and "Moving Lives Artists" — a series of lectures, held in conjunction with Intermedia Arts, by artists whose work focuses on social change.

     

    • Speaking of Intermedia Arts, as of August 30, this community arts center will be no longer (at least through Nov. 8 — election day). As stated on its website, in advance of the RNC, Intermedia Arts "will transform into "The UnConventional Gathering Place," a place to "hang out with artists, community leaders, educators, alternative journalists and socially engaged citizens" in a "digital information playground of new media installations by national and local artists, online reportage by community and youth journalists, political karaoke evenings, one-mile radius UHF TV station, art exhibits of the people, by the people, for the people and more."

    • While we’re back on the subject of the ubiquitous UnConvention, the Form + Content gallery too will give itself over to the cause for the duration with an exhibition called, uh, "Party Party in a Tweety Land b/w This Republic of Suffering." Apparently inspired by old 45 records (thus the tricky title), this barrel-full-of-fun exhibition will contemplate the "tensions between suffering and denial, grief and self-absorption, and the real cultural losses buried under the flotsam of a consumer and celebrity obsessed culture."

     

    • Not to be outdone, the Altered Esthetics gallery is mounting, in August, "The Revolution Will Not Be Televised." This show will be comprised of over 100 works made in response to global and socio-political topics by 50 local and international artists working in sculpture, installation, performance art, painting, and photography.

     

    • The Northrup King Building will present "Translating Politics," a response to the looming RNC by 13 local artists working in painting, photography, sculpture, mixed media, and (of course!) digital video. This show is being sponsored by the Northeast Minneapolis Artists Association (NEMAA) and (you guessed it!) the UnConvention.

     

    • And finally, students and graduates of the McNally Smith College of Music in downtown St. Paul have announced they will perform at six outdoor locations (an activity known, in the parlance, as "busking") during the RNC. According to college vice president, and occasional public performer, Chris Osgood, the idea originated after discussions between the school and city officials about how to energize downtown during the convention. You may also want to take note: McNally Smith will host "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart" for the duration of the convention.

    C) Me Me Me Me Me

     

    • Ironically enough, when the Southern Theater announced just about the same time as the MAEP that it was placing its longtime veteran artistic director on "administrative leave," local dance artists reacted with much the same public fervor. In response, the Southern’s board mounted, just as the MIA did, a press blitz and a public forum to discuss the situation. I don’t know if the dance artists remained as un
      happy as the visual ones after all the furor died down, but I haven’t yet seen issued any local dance manifestos. (And there’s no word yet on whether the artist-reaction to the recent news about the shut-down of the Minnesota Center for Photography will be anywhere near as passionate.)

     

    OF COURSE, IT’S ALL UP TO YOU — each individual voter — to decide how much of this hoohah to participate in. While it’s quite likely that Minnesotan art lovers will never again see quite the convergence of this stuff in their lifetimes, it’s also just as likely that a good percentage of us will be as far away from the goings-on as we can get (and so will miss it in the first place).

    In the end, if politics is, as Bismarck said, "the art of the possible," well then in Minnesota this year politics is, thanks to local artists and organizers, everything that’s possible in art.

    (Again, submit arts-political links you’d like to see added to this list to the comments section below.)