Like This

I don’t know what to tell you. I don’t know what to say. I have absolutely no idea. I can’t even begin to imagine. I’m speechless.

Seriously, words fail me.

The cat’s got my tongue. I’m tongue-tied. There is nothing on the tip of my tongue. I can’t explain. I have no comment. I’m at a complete loss for words. There is apparently no ax to break up the frozen sea within me, assuming there even is a frozen sea within me, and I honestly have no reason to believe this to be the case.

It’s like this, do you understand? Do you understand what ‘like this’ means? Can you even imagine what ‘this’ means in the present context?

I can’t. I guess I can tell you that much.

So, listen to me: I’ve got nothing for you. The English language has become a puzzle to me. I can’t seem to find the right word, never mind the right words.

I do know that when I say ‘like this,’ or even just ‘this,’ I’m referring to a crisis. I don’t, unfortunately, (as I’m trying to explain) have any words to explain this crisis.

It strikes me as some kind of miracle that I have been able to dredge up from someplace a word like ‘crisis,’ or a word like ‘miracle’ or, holy shit, ‘dredge.’

At this point such words represent major discoveries. Seeing them mysteriously appear on the page beneath my pen is like watching an entirely new continent surface in the middle of the ocean.

As such, I must say (and I must say, I must say, I must, helplessly, say), they leave me dazzled. Wholly dazzled, and delighted, which is more, so much more, than I have any right to expect given my present frame of mind.