Author: Brad Zellar

  • Uncle Jumbo's Playground

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    –Illustration by James Dankert

    It’s my older brother Rich’s 25th wedding anniversary this weekend, and his wife’s family is throwing a big party for the special occasion. There are almost certainly no two words in tandem that I hate more than “special occasion.”

    My brother and his wife may be the only couple on the planet that had a chow mein buffet at their wedding reception, which was, at least from a purely personal standpoint, a recipe for disaster. Thanks to the wonders of videotape I’ll have to relive that night for the rest of my life. That tape gets dragged out at every family gathering, and has been widely and irresponsibly pirated and disseminated. I don’t doubt you could find a copy on eBay right this moment. What you’d see –or what you may already have seen– if you got your hands on that humiliating document is yours truly, shirtless and listing noticeably, playing a tambourine with the world’s worst cover band as it sleepwalks through songs by such execrable outfits as the Little River Band and Pablo Cruise. A little later on in the tape you’ll see me –inexplicably wearing a sombrero– passed out with my face in a plate of chow mein.

    I’m sure I’ll get another chance to revisit that otherwise wholly lost night this weekend, provided the Celica can make the trip to Blooming Void without incident, and I’m almost hoping it can’t. I’m sure I’ll also have to accompany my mother to the cemetery to visit the old man’s grave. We’ll have the same argument we have every time we go out there, and my mother will muster an increasingly unconvincing imitation of bereavement. The source of our disagreement is my father’s tombstone, on which my mother had had inscribed beneath his name the word “Papa,” a term that was, I’m absolutely certain, never once uttered in connection with my old man.

    I won’t be able to resist pointing out to my mother, as I’ve been pointing out to her for eleven years, “Nobody called him Papa.”

    Everybody called him Papa,” she’ll say, and then we’ll argue a bit about it, and then she’ll have her breakdown. It never fails, and at this point I have to imagine that the old man would get a pretty good kick out of the whole scene.

    I’m also pretty sure –weather permitting– that I’ll get a chance to thrash my nephews in Whiffleball, which is something that never fails to give me enjoyment. Even when they were so little they could barely swing the damn bat I never took mercy on them, and by now they’re so scarred by the ass-whippings I’ve administered over the years that my domination is almost purely psychological. Almost. Even if they were chippy, strapping lads I’d still kick their asses. I am unquestionably one of the world’s greatest Whiffleball players.

    I should be able to catch at least parts of the next couple Twins games on the radio, and I’ll probably get a little time to camp out on my mother’s couch to take in some of the TV broadcasts. It’s an absolute disgrace that there’s no game on Memorial Day, of course. What the hell’s up with that nonsense? I’ll be back home by Monday, and what am I supposed to do with a day off? Sit around my apartment listening to John Philip Sousa records and doing crossword puzzles? I’ll be good and damned if I know, to be perfectly honest with you. I’m afraid things could get very messy.

    I’m sure there are plenty of yahoos who are giddy as school girls about tonight’s 7-2 win in Toronto (not to mention Chicago’s 6-2 loss to Texas). Good for them.

    Sure, it’s nice to have shaved a couple games off Chicago’s lead in the last week, but I can’t get too excited about a victory in which the Twins rapped sixteen hits and stranded eleven runners. I also don’t much like to see the leadoff hitter tied for the club lead in home runs, and leading the team in total bases. I will say this: if it wasn’t for Stewart and the bench scrubs on this team right now, the Twins would be in deep shit.

    And speaking of bench scrubs, did anyone else hear Dan Gladden say tonight that Nick Punto was going to be “a force on this team for years to come”?

    A force? For years to come? Nick Punto? I don’t know, maybe we’re already in deep shit.

  • Every Day, In Every Way, I'm Getting Better And Better

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    Many a man has cherished for years as his hobby some vague shadow of an idea, too meaningless to be positively false; he has, nevertheless, passionately loved it, has made it his companion by day and by night, and has given to it his strength and his life, leaving all other occupations for its sake, and in short has lived with it and for it, until it has become, as it were, flesh of his flesh and bone of his bone; and then he has waked up some bright morning to find it gone, clean vanished away like the beautiful Melusina of the fable, and the essence of life gone with it.

    Charles Pierce, Selected Works

    It was an evening which, by some mysterious combination of failing light, and the smell of an unrecognized plant brings back to some men a sense of childhood, and of future hope; and to others the sense of something which has been lost and nearly forgotten.

    –Graham Greene, The Honorary Counsul

    That’s bullshit, and you know it’s bullshit. I put that shovel next to the porch and now it’s gone. I made a special trip to Home Depot to buy that damn shovel, and I think you can well imagine how difficult such an excursion was for me. I hate the very thought of places filled to the rafters with tools and all sorts of other inexplicable nonsense that makes me feel utterly useless as a man.

    I can’t dig a hole if I don’t have a shovel. And if I don’t dig a hole I have no place to put the words. If I don’t have a hole in which to bury the words I have no reason in the world to produce the words, and so the words have no purpose and just pile up around me until I can’t even get out of bed in the morning.

    Jesus, this place is murky. I feel like I’m living in an aquarium, and not a large one, either. No, it’s more like I’m living in a filthy aquarium in a Chinese restaurant, treading water while slimy eels swim lazy laps around me.

    I’m not shitting you, people, maybe you live here, maybe you know what I’m talking about: All it ever does is rain. There’s a moment in every day when I feel like I’m going to fall right off the planet and into the darkness beyond the clouds, where the stars are like little farmhouses strung out across the great, empty country of the sky.

  • Objects In The Rearview Mirror Are Closer Than They Appear

    The bad news is that the Twins aren’t scoring many runs. The good news is that neither are the White Sox. As I mentioned the other day, the Central race looks increasingly like it’s going to come down to which team’s pitching can carry it the longest.

    There is, of course, always the possibility that the offense that everyone –myself included– thought was going to be much improved this year will finally get rolling, but after three seasons (and two months) of this frustrating one-step-forward, two-steps-back routine for virtually every hitter in the Minnesota line-up, I’m not going to hold my breath.

    Anybody out there still remember Richard Stanley Such, Tom Kelly’s erstwhile valet/pitching coach? Remember how Twins pitchers during Such’s looooong tenure in Minnesota never seemed to a) develop, or b) be able to sustain any consistency?

    I used to waste a lot of time and energy bitching about Dick Such, and puzzling over Kelly’s maddening loyalty to the man. I remember one ex-Twin telling me how Such’s trips to the mound used to consist of such helpful advice as, “Throw strikes. You’re pissing off the manager.”

    Such had his defenders, although they were fewer as time went on. Their main argument was generally, “He can’t throw the ball for these guys.” One look at the man’s career numbers as a Major League pitcher made that point all too clear.

    Since Rick Anderson has been installed as Such’s replacement, the Twins have demonstrated remarkable pitching improvement almost across the board. Maybe, of course, that has a lot to do with the fact that the organization is simply producing better pitchers for Anderson to work with. Or, just possibly, perhaps Anderson really does know what he’s doing. The reality is probably a combination of those two factors.

    I guess I’m just wondering if maybe right now we might be looking at some correlation between the dark ages when Minnesota’s pitching routinely posted team ERAs that were among the worst in the league, and the team’s current extended offensive malaise.

    Like I said, I’m just wondering. That’s all.

  • A Vulture With A Wicked Curveball

    Tonight Jesse Crain picked up his fourth win of the season out of the bullpen, and it looks like he’s on his way to eventually supplanting Juan Rincon as the main set-up man for Joe Nathan. He’s also looking like pretty good insurance for Nathan in the event that disaster strikes.

    I love Crain enough to risk ruining his season (if not his career) by praising him in a (semi-) public forum. The guy throws in the mid-nineties and has a dynamite curveball, and though I expect the strikeouts will eventually start to come for him, so far he’s gotten the job done by getting opposing hitters to swing the bats. He’s also the one Twin most consistently willing to pitch hard up and in and drive batters off the plate, and it’s fun to watch his already crafty approach to each at-bat. I also like his unflappable demeanor. He’s the stone-faced straight man to Nathan, whose wincing, sighing, and lip-fluttering whinnying always makes me sort of nervous. Nathan’s a monster, but I’m not sure there’s a closer in the major leagues who displays such anxious body language on the mound.

    It would be nice if the Twins offense could sustain a little consistency from top to bottom, but they’ve been maddening in exactly the same regard in each of the previous three seasons. There never seems to be a time when everybody in the line-up is running hot at the same time, and there have been far too many nights when everybody pretty much looks futile against mediocrities like Scott Elarton. This is still a team that’s going to go as far as its pitching will carry it, and the same seems to be true of both Chicago and Cleveland.

    Tonight at least they managed to come through with a bunch of big two-out (and two-strike) hits, and I know that most stat wonks like to pooh-pooh the idea of clutch hitting, but, dammit, I know what I see, and Lew Ford has been clutch in so many key situations already this year that I have a hard time attributing it to nothing but situations and luck. Ford seems to have a knack for bearing down and getting a good swing in the tight spots of games, and I have to think it has something to do with the same curious mental makeup that makes him such a genuine and endearing character in the clubhouse.

    I suppose the sort of encouraging thing about the last couple nights is that both teams have pretty much emptied out their bullpens, and if anything Eric Wedge has spent even more bullets. I think any time the Twins can come through the back end of the rotation with a 1-1 record you’ve gotta feel pretty good, although wasting a decent Kyle Lohse performance certainly qualifies as a major waste at this point.

    Now, of course, the series comes down to which team’s starters can do the most to give their bullpens a breather in the next couple games. Which gives me an opportunity to say how much I like the revamped batting order Gardenhire has cobbled together. Between Stewart, Mauer, and Ford, you’ve got your three most selective guys getting guaranteed at-bats in the first inning, which gives the Twins a chance to force opposing pitchers to work deep counts and throw a lot of pitches. I wish I felt like some of the guys in the middle of the order were actually paying close attention to these at-bats, but most of the time lately it sure as hell doesn’t look like they are.

  • A Long Time Ago, Somewhere Else In The World

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    After a time the beggars just sort of receded and became a peripheral blur in my daily routine, the traffic I had to navigate each day on my way to work. There were almost no cars in my part of town. A number of people had beat-up motor scooters or bicycles, but the narrow maze of dusty streets and terraces broken up by steep steps was largely impassable by automobile.

    I don’t know how long it took me to get used to the beggars, or at least to learn to not really see them. Not long, to be appallingly honest. Even as on some level, of course, you never got entirely used to the daily swarm of children, old women, and various categories of broken men. But if you let their presence bother you as much as it should have bothered you, you wouldn’t have survived long in that place.

    Whenever a group of foreign workers would get together we’d inevitably find ourselves talking about the beggars in ways that were shamefully abstract, as if they were pests –mosquitos, perhaps, or pigeons. Some nuisance you needed a strategy to cope with. This sort of strategic distance was necessary, I suppose, for practical, day-to-day survival in that country. Your compassion and mercy needed to be generalized and concentrated on the big picture, which was something that never really seemed to come into clear focus; if anything, in fact, it seemed to be continually receding to the horizon and growing smaller and more hopelessly fuzzed all the time. Still, we all agreed that it did us –or them– no good to give the beggars money or buy their useless trinkets.

    I still remember one particular boy I would encounter every day, folded up like a large cricket on a dirty mat on the sidewalk, his emaciated legs bent behind him at impossible angles. “See me,” he would call out in a croaking, damaged tenor. “Look at me.”

    I recall giving him what amounted to perhaps fifty cents one morning, and I was upbraided by one of my supervisors –a young Frenchwoman– all the way to the office.

    It’s strange, I haven’t found myself thinking about those people for years now, and for quite a long time, I believe, I had succeeded in not thinking of them as people at all.

  • Uncle Jumbo's Playground

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    –Illustration by James Dankert

    Fridays aren’t gonna work for me. I’m not a writer, dammit. I can’t be expected to drag my ass home from the day job (and I do mean drag my ass; some days it feels like I’m hauling a Volkswagon Beetle behind me), watch a baseball game, and then sit down and grind out some nonsense simply because Zellar feels like taking the day off and making merry.

    Sometimes I feel like making merry myself, even if I do have a substantially different definition of what that phrase means than the average person. Last night, for instance: I didn’t feel up to venturing out to the Dome, so I hunkered down at home with a twelve-pack of Milwaukee’s Best (truly the best beer-bang for your buck when you’re pinching pennies) and a bag of Cheetos, which I enjoy because they stain the shit out of my face, hands, and clothes and when I finish a bag I look like I’ve actually been doing hard labor in some kind of mine. I also ate some pork and beans (mixed with Ken Davis barbecue sauce) cold and right out of the can. I like to imagine that I might be one of the last people in America –other than, perhaps, a few rare old-school hobos, if in fact there remain any such characters in existence– who still eats pork and beans out of the can.

    What, some people occasionally wonder, does any of this have to do with baseball? And my answer is: everything. The game is all about ritual and routine, and I have as many –if different– rituals as a fan as I ever did as a player. Being a baseball fan should not be a passive activity, and it’s not an appropriate activity for the self-conscious. Athletes always talk about being in “the zone,” and even as a spectator the game is only truly excruciating or enjoyable to me if I can manage to find my way into a zone of oblivion all my own. Maybe that’s why I prefer sitting at home and watching on television to putting up with the aggravations and distractions of a crowd at the ballpark. When I actually go to a game, someone or something is always intruding on my oblivion, and these intrusions are often incredibly hostile. I also don’t wish to have my responses and behavior choreographed by anything other than what happens on the field.

    Some people –many people– can’t stand to have their ballpark “experience” ruined by the behavior of a genuine fan, but that’s not my problem. When people object to my behavior at a game –and this happens all the time– it’s inevitably out of concern for the kids around me. One of the most pathetic fallacies in the world is that baseball is all about the kids. That’s nonsense. Unless a kid knows how to keep score, define the infield fly rule, and pay attention, parents or guardians have no business bringing them to a baseball game. Anybody who’s had to sit around a gaggle of squirming brats at the Dome recognizes that most kids would rather be somewhere else. Most of the time they’d rather be standing in line at the concession stands or running up the aisle to the bathroom.

    I’ve been booed mercilessly on a number of occasions for wrestling a foul ball away from some kid (or pack of feral kids), and when this has happened I can tell you in all honesty that I’ve never felt anything but exultant. I’ve caught maybe a dozen balls over the years, and, truth be told, they don’t mean anything to me at this point, but I’ll still wade into the throng out of principle. I can see all sorts of lessons in this for the kids: Life’s not fair. Respect your elders. It’s a dog-eat-dog world and little dogs should stay the hell out of the way of the big dogs. The sturdier animal gets the foul ball. Shut your mouth and watch the game or go to Camp Snoopy where you belong. Don’t mess with Jumbo.

    I can’t find much to bitch about regarding last night’s game. I love watching Carlos Silva pitch, and his performance last night was a thing of beauty. It’s easy to forget that this is a big guy who’s supposedly pitching with a messed-up knee.

    I still don’t much like the offense of this team, and worry about the strength of the bench over the long haul. If you’re one of these people who seriously believes that Nick Punto or Juan Castro are the answers to any question worth asking, the odds aren’t very good that we’re ever going to be able to have a civilized discourse.

    Because Silva was so great last night we can try to forget about the fact that the Twins stranded eleven runners, and Torii Hunter (.237 BA, .314 OBP, .396 SLG) grounded into two double plays with the bases loaded, and is now 0-8 with the bags packed for the season. This is a guy who right now is a serious candidate for the most overrated player in all of baseball.

    The futility of the entire team with the bases loaded (9-51 for a .176 BA) is ridiculous, and might be either a pure fluke or a sign that the Twins just aren’t a very disciplined team. Right now I’d say it’s probably a little bit of both.

  • I Suppose It's Time I Started Looking Around For A New Barber

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    It’s probably something of a red flag when your barber has a Superman logo tattooed on his forearm. And this is probably not the sort of monologue you want to hear from some guy while he’s cutting your hair:

    I’m not shitting you, I’m at the end of my fucking rope here. I know damn well that people look at me when I keep shaking my head like crazy, but it’s like I’m trying to erase something from my brain, you know? Like my brain is a fucking Etch-A-Sketch. Seriously, you wouldn’t believe some of the bullshit I’ve been through. My ex-wife has put me through the wringer, I shit you not. You’d think I was made of money. Hello? Did I happen to mention when I married you that I was a fucking barber? I’m pretty sure I did.

    I had a guy in here earlier, and when I told him that I was at the end of my fucking rope, he says, “Well, from the looks of things, I don’t suppose you’re lying.” So, okay, it’s that obvious, okay? I’m not a guy who can keep shit bottled up inside. Like I always told the old lady, “What you see is what you get. I’m not hiding anything.”

    I’m serious, though, everywhere I turn it seems like there’s a brick wall waiting for me, and the punks in my neighborhood have spray-painted the word “Fuck” in big red letters right across that brick wall. It’s like every day I wake up from one nightmare and slip right into another. The same shitty food, day after day. The same fucking undercover deadbeats shuffling by my house, the same bogus utility truck parked at the curb out front, the guy behind the wheel pretending to read a newspaper.

    You think I don’t know what’s going on? Do these people really think I’m that fucking stupid? I ask my next-door neighbor if he’s ever seen anybody suspicious-looking lurking around in my backyard when I’m not around, and he gets all nervous and says he hasn’t seen a thing. Then, a couple nights later, I notice a small red light in the dark window of his bedroom, clearly the battery lights of a video camera that’s pointed right at me.

    I’ll let you in on a little secret: I’m this close —this fucking close [gripping a fistful of my hair with one hand, he shoves his scissors in front of my eyes and executes one quick, aggressive snip]– to snapping.

  • Base Blog

    Everybody seems to have a blog these days. Your angry libertarian neighbor probably has one, not to mention the cat hoarder across the street, and the tortured teenage poet up the block. In the public mind, unfortunately, the excitable political bloggers tend to be regarded as representative—or perhaps symptomatic—of the whole phenomenon, and they certainly hog the media attention and the traffic. That’s a shame, because there are all sorts of other blog niches—literature and music, for instance—where the spirit of the enterprise takes on the quality of a lively and civilized dinner party conversation, rather than the cacophony of Babel.

    In Minnesota, there has been an unusual proliferation of baseball blogs devoted to everything from the history of the game to hardcore statistical analysis to general Twins love.

    In the Twin Cities, there are dozens of good baseball blogs and a number of excellent ones. A fascinating give-and-take has developed between the creators and readers of many of these sites, to the point where there now seems to exist a genuine symbiosis in which the various blogs feed off each other for traffic and fodder.

    In a couple of notable cases, a real sense of community has been achieved. John Bonnes’s already successful Twins Geek site (www.twinsterritory.com), for instance, has evolved this season into a group blog in which readers are welcome to become members and create their own regular posts, or simply join in the fray through the comment threads.

    Anne Ursu’s Batgirl (www.anneursu.com/batgirl) has in the last year become a true phenomenon that is generating the kind of traffic and reader enthusiasm that would be the envy of most political bloggers. Ursu is a Twin Cities writer (she has published two novels, Spilling Clarence and The Disapparation of James) and a lifelong Twins fan. With the help of her husband and her brother, Ursu launched Batgirl early last season. The site’s colorful logo, lively voice, and truth-in-advertising slogan, “Less Stats, More Sass,” quickly distinguished it from the prevailing boy’s-club vibe among local baseball blogs. Its unabashed enthusiasm for the Twins, along with an entertaining mix of imaginative prose, playful graphics (including Lego re-creations in lieu of a highlight reel), and interactive game threads have also garnered Batgirl a huge and fiercely loyal audience that is too large to be dismissed as a mere cult.

    That audience includes Twins manager Ron Gardenhire and, apparently, the majority of the players in the clubhouse. The crowning achievement for the Batlings thus far has been the creation, earlier this season, of a short animated DVD starring Gardenhire and a handful of Twins, entitled “Oh Five, The Musical!” Gardenhire got his hands on a copy, allegedly called the team together, and showed the clip in the clubhouse to uproarious laughter, creating in the process the most high-profile legion of Batgirl fans to date.

    On a recent Friday night, I talked Ursu into accompanying me to the Dome to see the Twins play the Angels. An acute observer of detail, she immediately took note of the World Series trophies on display in the Twins office, something I hadn’t noticed in nearly a half dozen years of trekking through there en route to the field and clubhouse. I am, of course, a Batgirl fan, and well aware of her loyal following, but I wasn’t prepared for the reception she received at the Dome that night. It was humbling, to say the least.

    As we made our way through the bowels of the Metrodome to the field for batting practice, Ursu was greeted like a celebrity singer of the national anthem by virtually everybody I paused to introduce her to, from clubhouse legend Wayne Hattaway to the beat writers who cover the team for the papers and wires, and even the batboys.

    As a rule, women are still seriously underrepresented in the press box at a baseball game, but Ursu settled in and held her own—it surely helped that the place was packed with Batgirl fans. Although she seemed to be sincerely thrilled to meet Andy Price, the Twins’ game-day ringmaster and the genius who invented Twingo (the fan participation game based on Bingo), she managed with considerable and obvious effort to avoid breaking the press-box interdiction against cheering.

    After the game, which the Twins won 7-4 behind a gutsy performance from starter Carlos Silva, we ventured into the inner sanctum of the clubhouse. When Ursu was introduced to Gardenhire in his office, the Twins manager reacted with almost terrifying enthusiasm, and gave her a spontaneous bear hug. He followed us into the clubhouse, announced Batgirl’s presence to Joe Mays, Johan Santana, Terry Mulholland, and bench coach Steve Liddle, and even taunted Mulholland by singing the veteran lefthander’s single line from “Oh Five!”: “My life is over.” Mulholland looked at Ursu with a bemused expression and deadpanned, “What’s that all about?”

    From that point on, everything else was pretty much a blur. I got bored as Ursu and Lew Ford yakked about video games for what seemed like fifteen minutes, and walked over to talk with Torii Hunter, who was nursing a giant ice pack on his knee. When I told Hunter that Batgirl was in the clubhouse, he went … well, batshit. He hobbled across the room and waited patiently as Ursu and Ford continued their conversation. When I finally got Ursu’s attention and she turned around to find Hunter standing there, her impressive composure wobbled noticeably for the first time. Hunter expressed his admiration, requested copies of the DVD, and gave her a hug.
    “I’m sorry,” Ursu apologized to Hunter. “I swore I wasn’t going to be a gomer.”

    “Oh, man, that’s all right,” Hunter laughed. “We’re all fans in this clubhouse.”—Brad Zellar

  • Low-Tech Lit

    Browsing through Spot On: The Art of Zines and Graphic Novels at the Minnesota Center for Book Arts was something of a jarring experience. As someone who spent (or lost) more than a decade of the prime years of my life as a service sector drone, haunting independent record and book stores, and scribbling furiously in notebooks (not to mention drinking alone, listening to loud music, and fine-tuning my lousy attitude), this exhibit was sort of equal parts flashback and validation, with a little bit of inexplicable melancholy tossed in for good measure.

    Modest and extremely user-friendly, Spot On showcases a broad range of past and current pioneers, prototypes, trendsetters, and obscurities from the outsider fringe. It represented something of a cultural version of comfort food for me; everything there, even things I’d never seen, seemed oddly familiar. I can’t recall attending another exhibition that felt so much like a personal attic library of the sort of life I once led. Despite the nature-or-nurture question, we all inevitably make ourselves (and make ourselves over, some of us time and time again). The raw materials we use in this ongoing project, whether acquired through deliberate adventures in curiosity or mere serendipity, become in time almost genetic components of our personalities; they exert a pull on our desires and dissatisfactions that is almost as powerful as the blessings and handicaps we inherit with our DNA.

    That’s my old crackpot theory, anyway, and the world of zines and graphic novels has always been crowded with crackpots and crackpot theories, not to mention all manner of desires and dissatisfaction. I certainly know that I’ll never shake some stuff hardwired in my brain by formative influences like Mad magazine and Ernie Bushmiller, or the Minneapolis agitprop street manifestos of Earnest Free Man. Those sorts of influences (along with, of course, the emergence of punk and indie rock) made me highly susceptible to the weird world of free expression and underground art that is celebrated in Spot On.

    My own introduction to that world occurred during the Reagan/Thatcher years, which, coincidentally or not, was when zine culture, as well as punk and indie rock, really exploded. This was, of course, mainly before personal computers, let alone desktop publishing, became ubiquitous, and the zine aesthetic was largely defined by copy machines, typewriters, and the crudest sort of cut-and-paste collages and guerrilla design. In Spot On, you can also see the clear influence that early punk zine artists like Raymond Pettibon had on some of the later graphic artists, and it’s surprising to find that even many quite recent efforts in both forms are refreshingly free of obvious technological monkey business.

    I was curious, actually, about what sort of connection the Minnesota Center for Book Arts would try to posit between the worlds of zines and graphic novels. Despite the fact that I have loved, hoarded, and even dabbled in both over the years, I’d never really thought of the two as precisely either consanguine or contemporaneous. To the contrary, they’ve always been entirely separate things in my mind, springing from different sets of impulses and influences. Yet the first display encountered in Spot On places a selection of zines alongside a batch of covers and spreads from graphic novels. Spending some time looking at this assortment, it became apparent that—of course—these two print forms were intrinsically related, in precisely the ways that ensured that the person I was twenty-five years ago would have been helplessly attracted to them.

    What they share most obviously is a fidelity to realism in even its grimmest forms, but that’s hardly all. There’s also a sense of loneliness and futility, often existing almost side by side with some notion, however vague, of an ideal community; a code of fiercely personal ethics; a melancholy nostalgia for lost people, places, and art forms—and, finally, a helpless and tangled absorption in the mundanity of that most sullied of concepts, the real world: shit jobs, family dysfunction, sexual frustration, sexual confusion, depression, suffocating boredom, the challenges and hassles of urban life. The frequent presence of drudge work, and the examination of the inevitable effects it has on the human spirit, particularly distinguishes many of these projects, whether zine or graphic novel, and that’s also a subject that has been largely missing from most other American literature of the last twenty years. In this sense, certainly, the pioneering zinesters and graphic novelists seem most often to be the burnt-out progeny of the Beat Generation rather than products of graduate writing programs or art schools, so their typical protagonist is, say, the exhausted civil servant of Harvey Pekar’s work, as opposed to the neurotic academics who populate so much contemporary fiction.

    At least early on, you also never get the sense that there was ever any real financial incentive behind these labor-intensive projects, or if there was it was a product of pure romantic delusion. The early examples of both zines and graphic novels were obviously motivated first and foremost by self-expression, control, and a weird combination of defiance and defeatism that was essentially built into their severely limited models of production and distribution.
    It’s all too easy to oversimplify the origins of both forms. From the very beginning of the first boom, there were as many different types of graphic novels and zines as there were subcultures and scenes, and none of them were without precedent or forebears. Punk rock was obviously a huge influence on early zine culture. It was not for nothing that one of the true pioneering modern zines was called Punk, and for a period in the late seventies and early eighties, scads of Xeroxed fanzines were available in every independent record store in the country.

    Other zine templates, from the political to the literary, had their origins in older models, from Addison and Steele’s eighteenth-century pamphlet The Spectator and Poor Richard’s Almanac to Paul Krassner’s 1960s counterculture newsletter The Realist and Ken Kesey’s sporadically published little magazine, Spit in the Ocean. Literary history is likewise full of examples of small, short-lived journals that were often as inexpensively and poorly produced as many modern zines, and writers like James Joyce routinely published stories and excerpts from works in progress in flimsy and impossibly limited journals and privately printed editions.

    The graphic novel has also evolved from long-established forms, and many of the modern practitioners, from Art Spiegelman to Chris Ware, readily acknowledge and celebrate their predecessors (nostalgia for the old forms is almost a religion for the current generation of artists). Included among them are European pioneers of the strip form, early American serial artists, or true graphic novelists like Lynd Ward and Franz Masereel, who composed stark, wordless novels from woodcuts in the 1920s and 1930s.

    These days, zines have mostly transmogrified into more easily and cheaply produced blogs. Graphic novels have become, well, Graphic Novels. They’re increasingly recognized for what the best of them have always been: art and literature, plain and simple. That said, there’s still a certain prevailing discriminatory attitude about this work, particularly in mainstream publishing circles. Folks have gradually been coming around, and you’re seeing more and more of the sort of critical attention these artists have always deserved, but, still, check out the tiny ghetto such books typically occupy in the chain bookstores. Strip away the Japanese Manga and the straight funny pages anthologies, and you’re generally left with barely a few shelves of the obvious suspects: guys like Pekar and Daniel Clowes sharing shelf space with Frank Miller and Joe Matt.

    The variety and quality of stuff that’s being produced today is truly mi
    nd-boggling, but to get the full range of it, you still pretty much have to depend on the specialty stores like Minneapolis’ indispensable Big Brain Comics. (That store carries a much broader selection than its name suggests, and, conveniently, is just down the block from the MCBA.) These same stores, along with the handful of remaining indie record shops, are also the last marketplace outside the Internet for what remains of zine culture, and their proprietors are generally equal parts historians, curators, and obsessive boosters of the stuff they carry. Increasingly, in fact, such establishments, along with junk shops and old-school used bookstores, are the last American retail enterprises that still manage to retain the cluttered and exotic feel of a museum cum curiosity shop. In that sense, they’re the ideal repositories for the art they peddle.

  • Cue The Meatloaf

    “Two Out of Three Ain’t Bad” would be an appropriate, if obnoxious, theme song for Ron Gardenhire’s Twins, for this or any season. The mantra in the Minnesota clubhouse during Gardenhire’s tenure has always been, “We’re just trying to win each series. The rest will take care of itself.”

    That’s a decent, ambitious goal for a baseball team. A .660 winning percentage should be more than enough to easily win any division. The 2004 Cardinals played .648 ball and led the majors with 105 wins. The White Sox, of course, are playing at an unreal .707 clip so far this year, and no one really expects them to be able to keep that up. The Twins current .590 winning percentage is better than they finished last year, and would have been good enough to win three divisions in ’04; still, barring a complete Chicago collapse they’ll probably have to crank it up a notch, or at the very least keep rolling at their present pace to close ground on the Sox.

    Thanks once again to the weird schedule, Minnesota and Chicago won’t meet again until August, and the two teams will play their remaining thirteen games against each other in the season’s final two months (including seven games in September).

    The last couple games of the Toronto series were encouraging on all sorts of levels. The team bounced back from Johan Santana’s discouraging (and almost shocking) outing on Tuesday, and got a decent start from Kyle Lohse on Wednesday, and a spectacular start out of Joe Mays today. Juan Rincon and Joe Nathan appear to have suffered no lingering effects from their shaky outings in last Friday’s eleven-inning train wreck against Texas.

    Michael Cuddyer continued his May resurrection, going four-for-seven with three RBIs in the last couple games (and raising his batting average to .274). Two of those RBIs came on his bases-loaded double off Gustavo Chacin in the sixth inning of today’s 4-0 victory in the series finale. The thirteen-pitch battle that resulted in that double was one of the great at-bats you’ll ever see (Cuddyer fouled off eight two-strike pitches, including one long, high blast that just hooked foul down the leftfield line), and was all the more significant given the Twins futility with the bases loaded so far this year.

    “I saw all of his pitches in that at-bat,” Cuddyer said afterwards. “I saw some of them several times, in fact. I was just trying to stay back, get a good swing, and try to drive the ball. In an at-bat like that, after a while you stop trying to guess and just try to see each pitch. In the back of my mind, though, I knew he’d thrown me a change-up my previous time up, and I hadn’t seen it yet. It turned out that was the pitch I eventually hit, but by then, of course, I was no longer really looking for it.”

    Finally, to return to Meatloaf for a moment, I’d like to give you a heads up that I’ve started to assemble my All-Time Fat Bastard team, and I welcome early suggestions for worthy candidates.