Brad Zellar CBS tinkers with the magic formula, and the youth of America burn in Hell: “Joan of Arcadia” is out; Jennifer Love Hewitt talking to dead people is in. “I think talking to ghosts may skew younger than talking to God,” Moonves said.
Okay, let’s add one more to that list of truths we hold self-evident: keep the fraggin’ ball in the damn park. I suppose it was inevitable that Johan Santana would eventually run into a little patch like this, but what’s been sort of disturbing is how hard he’s getting hit. The Blue Jays had four … Read more
Remember when you imagined stars on the roof of your mouth, and stood in the river in the rain, naked and mooing, your head and palms raised significantly (or so you imagined)? You desperately wanted something momentous to wash over you; to be claimed by something outside yourself, even as you were almost utterly incapable … Read more
A walk is as good as a hit. Never make the first or third out at third. A bloop single looks just like a line-drive in the box score. You can’t steal first. Homerun hitters drive Cadillacs. Respect the game. Bust your tail and have some fun. Good pitching beats good hitting. Pitching is ninety … Read more
—Dan Corrigan, Bud Blanchard, Motivational Speaker. Omaha, Nebraska, 1978. …he does not notice that he has reached the age of forty-five; then suddenly he realizes that all the time he has been acting and making a fool of himself, but it is now too late to change his way of life. Once in his sleep … Read more
–Illustration by James Dankert That was horseshit. I’m a superstitious guy, and I should have known better than to drag my ass from the house on Friday the thirteenth. I already had a sick feeling on the drive downtown. The muffler on my Celica was kicking up sparks all the way down Portland, and was … Read more
It’s been a damn fine day here in the Twin Cities. Cold rain and temperatures forty degrees below normal. A perfect day for an indoor baseball game, in other words, or for hunkering down on the couch to watch the Twins playing somewhere better else. No such luck, which means we have an extra twenty-four … Read more
I’ll burn this life down and climb on a plane for Iceland. My new life might be waiting for me there. Or I might pack my bags and light out for a village in Peru. Maybe I’ll head to Boise. That might be the place of answers and inspiration. Or, no, I’ll go someplace warm … Read more
I don’t feel like trying to figure it out, so maybe someone else can tell me: what was the last date the Twins gained a game on the White Sox? It’s been at least nine games, right? A long time, at any rate, considering how well the Twins have been playing. And the encouraging thing … Read more
Since I was a child I’ve enjoyed end-of-the-world fiction based, however irresponsibly, on Biblical prophecy. There’s always been a good deal of this sort of thing around, but of late there’s been a splashy and satisfying surfeit of the stuff, and lots of other folks have been climbing on board the Glory Train. I guess … Read more