Dear Mom and Dad,
How two people who still use a rotary dial telephone dare claim to be the "new 30" is beyond me. And that old red Chrysler you drive is so ancient I actually saw one in the museum! You’d better behave yourselves when you’re in Paris in April. No singing in the rain, no dancing, no jumping; don’t lose your heads. As for you, Mom, keep that cane with you at all times — one end in your hand and the other on something solid.
xxxo
your loving daughter
Having a great time
going to Helen Back
for some beer & some foosball
with the locals. You
wouldn’t believe their
selection — may be
here for a while!
Prosit—
Ok. This is just too funny to pass up. We just received a press release from the Minnesota Zoo, with some exciting — though strangely vague — news. The email reads as follows:
For Immediate Release
04.23.08Rare Chinese Animal Born at the Minnesota Zoo
News release & photo attached.
Great, but what the heck animal is it? Is this not important enough to include in the email? Seems a bit odd.
My sources, however — better known as Google and Wikipedia — tell me it’s a Takin, "a goat-antelope found in of the Eastern Himalayas." I wonder if it’s not also a rare Nepali animal, or a rare Afghani animal. Perhaps a rare Pakistani animal. Perhaps not.
OK. To be fair, the email was supposed to have come with a press release, as stated, which was later sent to me. It has all the missing information and more. Here it is:
Apple Valley, MN – April 23, 2008: A rare Sichuan takin calf was born on exhibit this morning at the Minnesota Zoo.
The calf, whose gender is unknown at this time, is currently on exhibit with its mother, father, and two other takin. (The calf will likely be off exhibit on Thursday and Friday to ensure its health and safety, and also to undergo a neonatal exam).
Considered national treasures by the Chinese, takin are rare in North American zoos: only 50 takin are found in 12 zoos in North America. Tim Hill, a zookeeper on the Minnesota Zoo’s Northern Trail, manages the North American Regional Studbook for the takin. Studbooks help zoos manage a small captive population of animals. Listed as "protected" by The International Union for Conservation of Nature (IUCN), takin are mysterious animals. Found in forest mountainsides in China, the Sichuan takin prefers mid-altitude mountains, dense undergrowth, and rocky hillsides. They also share the same ranges as pandas and golden monkeys. "Little is known about their numbers in the wild due to their inaccessible habitat," says Hill. "Illegal hunting and habitat destruction, due to an increase in human population, threaten these animals," he says.
The Chinese refer to the takin as "Ling Niu" or "antelope cow." This unusual-looking relative of the musk ox looks like a small moose, climbs like a mountain goat, has short curved horns like a gnu, and snorts. Takin, who stand 3-4 feet high, eat shrubs, grasses, and leaves. They are even able to stand on their hind legs and reach branches 10 feet off the ground.
There are three subspecies of takin: Mishmi, Golden, and Sichuan. The Mishmi takin, found in India, Bhutan, and Burma, can be recognized by its chocolate-brown coat. The Golden takin – named for its golden color – is found in China, as is the Sichuan takin, whose appearance can be considered a "mix" the other two subspecies: a golden face with a dark-colored body.
The Minnesota Zoo participates in a breeding loan agreement with other zoos, a valuable tool allowing zoos to breed unrelated animals. All takin are managed cooperatively between the zoos.
The Minnesota Zoo is located on 500 acres in Apple Valley, only minutes south of the Mall of America. For more information on the Zoo, call 952.431.9200 or visit mnzoo.org. The Minnesota Zoo is an accredited member of the Association of Zoos and Aquariums (AZA) and the Alliance of Marine Mammal Parks and Aquariums.
Congrats to the Minnesota Zoo. Be sure to stop in and say hello to our new Minnesota baby!
It is commonly accepted that the population of Europe would be declining in a pretty startling way if not for constant immigration. Unlike Americans, the people of Western Europe are simply not having very many children. Who can blame them? These are heady days for the European economy and I assume the citizens who work hard to make their nations prosper would like to benefit from their labors without having to think of the next generation.
When I walk around Edinburgh, though, what’s right there in front of me is at odds with these statistics. Experts say how the population of Scotland, in decline since the 1970s, will continue to shrink unless immigration reverses the downturn. When I walk around the city, though, I usually encounter many, many people who look like they are in their teens. Many of them are schoolchildren cutting class to shout and cuss around beautiful St. Giles Cathedral. Others are chavs (in Scotland called "neds") playing silly games between sips of Scotland’s famed hangover cure, Irn-Bru. Indeed, not a day has passed that I haven’t seen kids on Edinburgh’s main streets and thoroughfares loitering and whiling away their time.
Now, at my tender age, I must admit, I have little to warrant a dislike for the more unseemly behavior of foolhardy youth. At the expense of sounding like a stick in the mud though, I will say that sometimes I see kids here do things that I think are pretty stupid. For example, recently I saw a crowd of chavs congregate around a KFC, and two of these wannabe street toughs began to take swipes at each other. Their dozen or so companions watched as the violent horseplay escalated. The boys began to punch each other in the face: a brush on the chin, a cutting hit across the cheek, and so on. The kid’s smiles contorted into scowls and, as their punches got more and more audible, the crowd around KFC got bigger. I looked to my left and right and saw old ladies, men in ties, thirty-something-looking couples, all of us pulled to this spectacle by our shameless voyeurism. The kids continued to fight, until finally one pulled away, but fell. The other fighter, his faced stained red with exhaustion, lunged towards him. The boy on the floor jumped up and ran away, and then his opponent followed briskly, with a band of eager street-fight aficionados behind him in pursuit of the show.
Sometimes the aggressive urges of the urban young are filtered in other ways, as when a group of older teens scrawl angry political manifestos like "END LONDON RULE!" and "SCOTLAND IS NOT BRITAIN!" in chalk, usually after a drunken night out. Of course, feelings of nationalism are not limited to the young or the bored. Respected Glaswegian author, Alasdair Gray of Lanark fame is an avowed nationalist, as is Alex Salmond, Scotland’s First Minister (the equivalent of a prime minister in the local parliament). The young Scots who make a patriotic mark on the sooty walls of their capital, in some not-too-distant future, might be likened, to the Irish freedom fighters of yesteryear, voicing the wills of a growing multitude. Their future countrymen may refer to these graffiti as a sort of shorthand "St. Crispin’s Day Speech," helping to rouse the feelings of millions of potential Bravehearts. For my part, I think it’s a better pastime than watching your friends get beaten up outside a fast-food place.
Still, it’s wrong to judge kids so harshly, I suppose. Most adults probably fantasize about getting into spats about nothing and punching their colleagues across the mouth. I imagine that some of those weekday warriors watching the fight, their ties wound up to 11 and their palms sweaty with anticipation, were probably living through those kids, thinking at the time, "God – beating my best friend up would probably be so much cheaper than fucking therapy." But then they immediately think of potential complications like apology letters and anger management and other things society demands of the civilized, and all those violent fantasies disappear the way the dreams of getting a hot wife and a yacht did all those years ago. Mr. "Maybe Next Year" sinking irreversibly into the quicksand of casual Fridays and postponed pleasure. At least those kids seem to get what they want: a big, visceral smack in the face, the publicity of gladiatorial combat and a feeling of idiot grandeur.
Sitting in my living room, having a beer with a neighbor (and my love), and thought I’d share the chat.
My neighbor, making small talk over his Corona Light, asks if we know that the Aborigines are killing themselves.
"Ah, of course," I say. "It only stands to reason. Eventually we all begin to imitate and support the American way."
He’s confused, of course. This isn’t what he meant.
No, they’re refusing to procreate, he explains. Apparently, the world is just too horrible. Who can blame them?
The love of my life says this is hubris. "Do they think they’re better than everyone else?"
"Yes! Yes, thank god," I chime in. "Isn’t that the only thing that drives us to be decent — to be better than all of this?"
Our neighbor tells us that they have a tradition of a walkabout, in which they travel about looking for spiritual guidance. It’s like a vision quest.
I explain that there’s a film about this, a documentary that follows one boy’s/man’s walkabout. Is this true? Or did I make it up. The only film I found by google (because it’s now a verb and many other things) is certainly not a documentary. Oh, well, false information once again. (Such pain and humiliation.)
I’m saved by an even more ridiculous prospect. "There’s a movie called Vision Quest. It’s about a wrestler."
(He’s trying to be ridiculous, and doing so well. That’s the brilliance.)
"There was a really hot chick in it."
We go back to the Aborigines. (With an interjection of her name: Linda Fiorentino. It figures.) "They’ve been around for a long time." (No shit!) "Their name literally means ‘Real People’."
Things have just gotten too hard, and they’ve concluded that they can no longer go on the way they used to.
"Well, have they ever considering finding a new way to go on? They call it adapting."
The love of my life gets agitated. Hubris. Hubris. Who do they think they are to stand in the way of change? Who do they think they are to refuse their most basic human instinct, to reproduce?
Who do they think they are?
You tell me. I don’t know. Change is beautiful and necessary. It is everything. Almost everything. But where do you draw the line and say, no! This flow must stop! This is not the right way! Where? When?
Four kids are sauntering toward
Jeff Allen. Their arms are crossed and they look a little scared.
"Hey guys," Allen says,
affecting a cool older brother tone. "When do you go on?"
"Eight minutes," says one
of the boys.
This is why they’re scared.
Exactly eight minutes later,
the quartet of three 16-year-olds and a 14-year-old drummer take the
stage. The band’s name is Shoe Shiners. Expect to hear it a lot in
the next few years.
In a lot of ways, the upstarts
remind Allen, The Plastic Constellations singer, of himself at that
age, except that they’re better.
"The Shoe Shiners are a special
case because they are so talented for their age," Allen says. "They
are so good that it almost makes me retroactively jealous that I wasn’t
that good when I was that age. When we were 14 we played really shitty
pop songs, and these kids are light years ahead."
When the Shoe Shiners were
14 they released their first album.
Still, the Shoe Shiners have
yet to grow into their talent. On stage they look nervous. This could
be because their parents are in the audience snapping up photos. That
and they are opening for their idols in the biggest rock club in Minneapolis.
Musically, they are spot on. They play grunge infused with a hefty dose
of pop. And, yes, they are way too good for their age.
Two bands later when The Plastic
Constellations go on, the Shoe Shiners are standing front and center
studying them. This is a special night—not just because their favorite
band is playing but because this could also be their last show. This
is simultaneously a CD release party for The Plastic Constellations
and a farewell concert. The band recently announced its "indefinite
hiatus."
"We had a great time [touring]
with the last record, but all of us are in long-term relationships or
married. The idea of doing it again sounded like something we didn’t
want to do," Allen explains. "So we decided if we’re not going
to do that, are we comfortable being a local band that just plays every
once in a while? Not really. We want to leave when we’re in our prime.
If we play again, great. We’re not breaking up officially yet, but
we might not play again, either."
The Plastic Constellations
do sound in their prime. They play the kind of music that is perfect
for the last day of high school. Only, it feels like tonight the band
is officially graduating into adulthood. The music playfully flirts
with punk. It’s too happy to be emo. It’s not contrived enough to
be truly indie rock. So it’s just rock—happy, wonderful rock with
lots of "la-las" and the errant "wooh." It is, however, rock
that focuses on the subjects of wizards and dragons.
The highlight of the show comes
during a song about a fire-breathing serpent. The band tosses close
to a hundred cardboard swords into the crowd and suggests the audience
do what they want with them. This, of course, means a lot of hitting
and throwing and whacking them about. The mood is too fun to be sad,
even if it may be the band’s last concert.
And at the end of the night,
The Plastic Constellations invite half of the Shoe Shiners on stage
with them.
"It’s coming full circle,"
Allen says. "Here we are, 11 years later playing 1st Ave.
at our sort of final show with a young band."
Consider the torch passed.
For 35 years, the Tricia Brown Dance Company has been pushing the boundaries of contemporary dance, offering bold and exciting work and choreography. This month, they bring three such works to the Twin Cities: Present Tense, Foray Forêt, and I love my robots. The first and last are newer pieces. Present Tense is set to the avant-garde music of John Cage (who worked extensively with Merce Cunningham before passing away in the early ’90s). And I love my robots is one of Brown’s latest, set to the music of another great experimental musician (and performance artist), Laurie Anderson. Foray Forêt, on the other hand, is an older piece — now one of the company’s signature works — actually commissioned by the Walker back in 1991. It’ll be good to have it back in Minnesota.
Off-Leash Area brings us yet another inventive physical-theater production — this time told through the voices of the Sonoran Desert. Two-time Ivey Award honorees Jennifer Ilse and Paul Herwig team up to direct Border Crossing, written by Jerome Fellow and Anishinaabe playwright Marcie Rendon, with an original score by Ben Siems. Rendon’s story follows a young girl as she traces her immigrant parents’ footsteps across the Arizona/Mexico border, crossing the Sonoran Desert along the way. True to Off-Leash Area’s visual style, the production fuses dance, ritual, and puppetry to illustrate the much-traveled journey to a better life. With a cast of 17, portraying the desert air, creatures, and migrants, Border Crossing brings to light the complexity of the current political debate.
Replacement fans, look out! Rhino Records has reissued deluxe editions of Sorry Ma, Forgot to Take Out the Trash; Stink; Hootenanny; and Let it Be — available as of yesterday. Listen to a sampling here.
Here’s the lowdown from Rhino.
This is where the legend of The Replacements begins. Rhino retraces the
shambolic swath the influential Minneapolis quartet cut across the American
Underground, reissuing deluxe editions of the band’s Twin/Tone releases: Sorry Ma, Forgot to Take Out the Trash, Stink, Hootenanny, and Let it Be. All have been
exquisitely remastered and generously embellished with rare and previously
unreleased tracks. Each will be available at all physical retail outlets and at
www.rhino.com on April 22 for a
suggested list price of $18.98, except STINK, which will have a suggested list
price of $11.98. These releases will be followed later this year with similar
deluxe versions of The Replacements’ Sire albums including Tim, Pleased To Meet
Me, Don’t Tell A Soul, and All Shook Down.
Capturing
the early years of the band’s acclaimed 11-year run, these three albums and EP
spotlight founding members Paul Westerberg, brothers Bob and Tommy Stinson and
Chris Mars. The deluxe editions were produced by longtime Replacements manger
Peter Jesperson, who also co-produced the original albums. The band was
instrumental in selecting the bonus songs, many of which have never been heard
— even among the band’s most ardent followers.
Released in
1981, Sorry Ma, Forgot to Take Out the Trash was The Replacements’ audacious
debut. Songs such as "Takin A Ride," "Shiftless When Idle," "Customer" and
"Johnny’s Gonna Die" herald the band’s competing tendencies toward indelible
genius and bleary, drunken repugnance. The 13 bonus tracks open appropriately
with the four songs Westerberg gave to Jesperson in 1980 that brought the band
to Twin/Tone’s attention. Also included among the previously unreleased songs is
an alternate take of "Customer," plus studio demos and outtakes. The deluxe
version ends with "If Only You Were Lonely," which was previously released as
the B-side of "I’m In Trouble."
Shortly
after its debut, The Replacements issued the EP Stink in June 1982.
The band
was fast becoming Minneapolis’ most exciting new group when this 15-minute
adrenaline masterpiece hit the streets. In the deluxe edition liner notes, Terry
Katzman writes, "Here, the band began to merge its ragged sense of honesty with
true rock ‘n’ roll power. In essence, they had created the perfect monster — a
rock band with real guts, humor, and humility." All previously unreleased, the
four bonus tracks featured here include a trio of session outtakes — "Staples
In Her Stomach" and covers of "Hey, Good Lookin’" and "(We’re Gonna) Rock Around
The Clock" — plus Westerberg’s solo home demo for "You’re Getting Married."
Bursting at
the seams with ideas and inspiration, Hootenanny found the band heading in
several new directions. Released in April 1983, the album included two enduring
classics, "Color Me Impressed" and "Within Your Reach," along with the
pseudo-surf rock of "Buck Hill," the brooding "Willpower" and "Mr. Whirly," a
paean to alcohol-induced bed spins. The six previously unreleased bonus tracks
include an alternate version of "Treatment Bound" and a solo home demo of the
lost classic "Bad Worker."
Also
featured among the bonus material is "Lookin’ For Ya." The song was originally
issued on Trackin’ Up The North, a talent search contest compilation released by
radio station KQDS.
Let it Be rounds out the deluxe reissues. Released in 1984, the 33-minute masterpiece was
recently named the #3 Greatest Indie-Rock Album Ever by Blender Magazine. The
album presents some of the band’s strongest songs, including the album opener "I
Will Dare," "Androgynous," "Sixteen Blue" and the poignant "Unsatisfied." The
five unreleased bonus tracks include a home demo for "Answering Machine," a
cover of The Grass Roots’ "Temptation Eyes" and an
alternate "Sixteen Blue" with the same instrumental track as the album but with
an early vocal take and different lyrics. The bonus material also includes a
cover of T. Rex’s "20th Century Boy," which was originally issued on the 12"
maxi-single for "I Will Dare."
SORRY MA,
FORGOT TO TAKE OUT THE TRASH
1. "Takin A
Ride"
2. "Careless"
3.
"Customer"
4. "Hangin
Downtown"
5. "Kick Your Door
Down"
6. "Otto"
7. "I
Bought A Headache"
8.
"Rattlesnake"
9. "I Hate
Music"
10. "Johnny’s Gonna
Die"
11. "Shiftless When
Idle"
12. "More
Cigarettes"
13. "Don’t Ask
Why"
14. "Somethin To
Dü"
15. "I’m In
Trouble"
16. "Love You Till
Friday"
17. "Shutup"
18. "Raised
In The City"
Bonus Material
19. "Raised
In The City" Live, 1980 – Demo*
20. "Shutup" Live, 1980 – Demo*
21. "Don’t Turn Me Down" Live, 1980 – Demo*
22. "Shape Up"
Live, 1980 – Demo*
23. "You Ain’t Gotta Dance" Studio Demo*
24.
"Get On The Stick" Studio Demo*
25. "Oh Baby" Studio Demo*
26. "Like You" Outtake*
27. "Get Lost" Outtake*
28. "A
Toe Needs A Shoe" Outtake*
29. "Customer" Alternate Take*
30. "Basement Jam" Rehearsal*
31. "If Only You Were
Lonely"
STINK
1. "Kids
Don’t Follow"
2. "Fuck
School"
3. "Stuck In The
Middle"
4. "God Damn
Job"
5. "White And
Lazy"
6. "Dope Smokin
Moron"
7. "Go"
8. "Gimme
Noise"
Bonus Material
9. "Staples
In Her Stomach" Outtake*
10. "Hey, Good
Lookin’" Outtake*
11. "(We’re Gonna)
Rock Around The Clock" Outtake*
12. "You’re Getting Married"
Solo Home Demo*
HOOTENANNY
1.
"Hootenanny"
2. "Run It"
3. "Color
Me Impressed"
4. "Willpower"
5. "Take Me
Down To The Hospital"
6. "Mr.
Whirly"
7. "Within Your
Reach"
8. "Buck Hill"
9.
"Lovelines"
10. "You Lose"
11.
"Hayday"
12. "Treatment
Bound"
Bonus Material
13.
"Lookin’ For Ya"
14. "Junior’s Got A
Gun" Outtake – Rough Mix*
15. "Ain’t No Crime" Outtake*
16.
"Johnny Fast" Outtake – Rough Mix*
17. "Treatment Bound"
Alternate Version*
18. "Lovelines" Alternate Vocal*
19. "Bad
Worker" Solo Home Demo*
LET IT
BE
1. "I Will
Dare"
2. "Favorite
Thing"
3. "We’re Comin’
Out"
4. "Tommy Gets His
Tonsils Out"
5.
"Androgynous"
6. "Black
Diamond"
7.
"Unsatisfied"
8. "Seen Your
Video"
9. "Gary’s Got A
Boner"
10. "Sixteen
Blue"
11. "Answering
Machine"
Bonus Material
12. "20th
Century Boy"
13. "Perfectly
Lethal" Outtake*
14. "Temptation
Eyes" Outtake*
15. "Answering
Machine" Solo Home Demo*
16. "Heartbeat It’s A Lovebeat"
Outtake, Rough Mix*
17. "Sixteen Blue" Outtake – Alternate
Vocal*
* previously
unissued recording
Yesterday was Earth Day, and somehow (and even unfortunately) it seems to have passed all too quietly. Is our Earth in such good shape now? I think not. And yet — despite the lack of attention — much is being done to try to remedy that. Recently, the Minnesota Legislature overturned Governor Pawlenty’s veto for funding to relieve traffic congestion, expand transit, and improve Minnesota’s roads. The governor himself approved long-term funding for land conservation. The House passed a bill that would pave the way for the adoption of a
regional cap-and-trade system to reduce greenhouse gas emissions and an omnibus energy policy bill that would boost solar and wind power and tighten greenhouse gas regulations. And the Clean Water, Land and Legacy constitutional amendment will now be on the November 4, 2008 voting ballot. Here’s an email I received from Vote Yes Minnesota, a campaign promoting the amendment.
Dear Friend,
It was 38 years ago yesterday that a small band
of concerned citizens joined together to create Earth Day to bring
attention to the degradation of our plant. Over the years, interest in
our environment has surged and waned. However, our continual decline in
natural resources has not.
It is fitting then with all the discussion this week around the environment that the Vote Yes Minnesota Campaign launches its website.
Vote
Yes Minnesota is the campaign to support the Clean Water, Land and
Legacy Amendment. This amendment will fund the protection of our
drinking water sources, enhance and restore our wetlands, prairies,
forests, and fish, game and wildlife habitat, preserve our arts and
cultural resources, support our parks and trails, and shelter, enhance,
and restore our lakes, rivers, streams and groundwater.
Take action now by joining our growing campaign at www.Yesfor MN.org.
Right
now Minnesota needs your help. Because while we have much to treasure,
we also have much to lose. Minnesota’s natural and cultural resources
are both critical to maintaining our states high quality of life.
Unfortunately, they are also both among the first areas to be cut in
times of budget crisis. Funding for our natural resources is at an all
time low. There is an urgent need that is not being met and we must
act now before the things we love about Minnesota are gone forever.
We
can do something to protect the Minnesota we love. The legislature put
the Clean Water, Land and Legacy amendment on the ballot this fall for
citizens to vote on. It is up to us to protect our drinking water and
provide funding for the cleanup of our rivers, lakes and streams. This
amendment, the largest in our nations’ history, gives us a chance to
act now by providing dedicated funding for the next 25 years to
preserve our natural resources before they are lost forever.
We need your help in this campaign, please join us in this historic effort at www.YesforMN.org.
To
paraphrase Margaret Mead, never underestimate that a small group of
thoughtful people can change the world, indeed, it’s the only thing
that ever has. Many years ago a small group created Earth Day, and now
we stand here with an historic opportunity to make sure the things we
love about Minnesota are protected and passed on to future generations.
Our campaign looks forward to joining with you and other Minnesotans in this important effort.
Sincerely,
Ken Martin
Campaign Manager
Vote Yes MN