Author: Todd J. Smith

  • Golf Sex

    On a recent sunny afternoon in Minneapolis, four fabulous looking ladies put some serious sass into the usually bland game of golf. As the young fasionistas shimmied across the grounds of the Walker Museum’s new Artist Designed Mini Golf Course, the women combined ample cleavage and golf putters to make the fantasy of millions of…

  • A Lesson in Futility

    At the end of July, I will be trekking to Montana to write a story about a man who lives on top of a mountain in the most remote corner of Glacier National Park. Since this dude literally lives on top of a mountain, I have to hike up hill for six straight miles (with…

  • The Idiots at My Work, Part II

    On the loading dock of my work, a truck driver named Tater takes a seat in the shade and fans his sweat soaked crotch with a celebrity gossip magazine. Under the broiling summer sun, the tubby trucker is quickly roasted like a luau pig; his fleshy face turns heart-attack red and his sleeveless t-shirt stinks…

  • A Knight for a Day

    Giving a sharp sword to a hyper-ass eight-year-old boy goes against all parental logic. But that’s exactly what happened at the "Knight for a Day Camp," a place where kids are whole-heartedly encouraged to go completely medieval. The "Knight for a Day" summer camp was put on by The Oakeshott Institute, a Twin Cities foundation…

  • The Plague of Nerds

    In the last couple of years, the Twin Cities has gained a reputation as a hipster Mecca; the chic architecture (new Guthrie, Walker, and Central Library) has garnished international praise, the rocking music scene is hotter than ever with both indie and mainstream bands (Atmosphere on Conan! The Hold Steady opens for The Rolling Stones!),…

  • Chop It Off

    My squat little body houses a record number of physical calamities. If you have read my latest published story, "Pharma Chameleon," (in the March issue of The Rake) you already know that I’m pretty much a bubble boy. My latest impediment is a Pterigium (kind of like a nasty veiny weed) on my right eye.…