I guess this is really it, huh? My God, it doesn’t seem possible. One of my problems with baseball of late is that everything that could conceivably be said about the game in its past and present incarnations has already been said. I feel like I’ve said plenty myself, and the older I get the … Read more
I recognize that it’s likely ridiculous to hope for anything resembling consistency from the Twins at this point, but that doesn’t, of course, stop me from hoping all the same. And that –the continued, irrational investment of hope– is what makes a game like yesterday’s so damn frustrating. The two steps forward, five steps back … Read more
Maybe it’s finally time that we all relaxed, kicked back, and found this sorry, sweet-and-sour spectacle of a season as amusing as it really is. Because it truly can’t get any funnier than what we saw tonight. It’s not likely, in fact, that we’ll ever see anything quite like it again: a walk-off victory that … Read more
The Twins, friends, are boring. We must not say so.
I apologize for my unexcused absence, my silence, my disappearing act. It’s been a long, weird summer, and the weirdness of my neurological life has been disturbingly mirrored by what’s happened to the Minnesota Twins. I can’t begin to explain any of the weirdness, can barely even be bothered to try anymore. I think it’s … Read more
–Illustration by James Dankert I’m back, but –like the Twins– just barely. Zellar’s had a muzzle on me ever since I tried to dictate a column to his answering machine in the middle of the night. This, of course, was after I’d had a few beers, and after the Twins had finished kicking the shit … Read more
Just you watch: the Twins will now proceed to go on some kind of unholy tear, winning twenty-three of their next thirty games, and they’ll still come up short and miss the playoffs. That would be just my luck. Yes, my luck, because it’s clear the mess of this season to date has been purely … Read more
Would you have believed —could you have believed– a mere four months ago that we would be sitting where we are today? “We” in this instance, of course, meaning you, me, the Minnesota Twins, etc. I do not think we could or would have believed that, no. I still can’t believe it, quite honestly, even … Read more
If we ain’t bums, we’ll certainly do ’til some real bums come along. –Bugs Baer If a tree falls in the woods…. What is the sound of one hand clapping? If you can’t say nothin’ nice…. God only knows…. Words seriously fail me, but I’m going to try to thrash a few out of the … Read more
There’ll be two buses leaving the hotel for the park tomorrow. The two o’clock bus will be for those of you who need a little extra work. The empty bus will leave at five o’clock. –Dave Bristol, San Francisco Giants manager, 1980 I watched last night’s game in a motel room, with the sound on … Read more