–Illustration by James Dankert Here’s the deal: years ago —years ago– I spent a few holiday seasons working at one of those sausage and cheese kiosks at a local mall. I did this, as I do most things, purely out of laziness. The employee discount was attractive to me at the time, and I thought: … Read more
The head running slow, churning, moving up a long, steep hill in the last hours of darkness. Already a few early birds, noisy, to keep me company. Here, take a look at my disaster movie, my shoebox full of footnotes, my personal wasteland. All my sleepless nights. While you are sleeping, while you are dreaming, … Read more
–J.A. Whipple, early daguerreotype of the moon. February 26, 1852. From the Harvard Daguerreotype Collection. People who frequent low drinking resorts eight nights a week are liable to get –vulgarity says it best– they get fucked up. They are assaulted by too much truth and, at the same time, too many lies; they lose their … Read more
As I was driving around town today I was writing this country song in my head. I had the whole damn thing worked out –verses, chorus, tune, the whole shebang– and it was shaping up to be a real humdinger of drunken regret, a first-class jukebox classic, and something of a comeback record for me. … Read more
From the pages of Matthew LeCroy’s 1993 Belton-Honea Path, South Carolina high school yearbook: Damn, Dave Gassner was a lot of fun to watch today. He sure looked like one of those cool, crafty lefthanders who could have a nice, long career. Whenever the build-up on a guy places so much emphasis on the fact … Read more
—illustration: James Dankert All day I was looking forward to hustling home from my job as a lobby gnome at an office building downtown so I could settle into the couch to watch the Twins and Indians. Friday nights –like most other nights– are usually a clear, blank radar screen at Jumbo’s posh hovel, but … Read more
I figured out pretty quick that I didn’t have the goods to be any kind of a proper accountant, despite pissing away God knows how much money on what some fools would call an education. Maybe, actually, I should have said ‘real accountant.’ I lacked the discipline and the attention (and, frankly, the interest) to … Read more
I’m not quite sure how to say this. I realize this is an awkward moment, and I apologize in advance if what I’m about to say hurts your feelings. I certainly value our friendship too much to jeopardize it over something which I fear might sound terribly petty. I can assure you I’ve gone back … Read more
Really, all he wanted was to fill pages, to spill ink across the lines, to blow through as many pens and as many lines and pages and empty black books as he possibly could. He hoped that somehow, in the trickle and torrent of words he might stumble into something that seemed like…the way it … Read more
There are plenty of things you whippersnappers take for granted that were nothing but dreams and mysteries to those of us who were responsible for digging up so many of the early answers. We had to get to the bottom of all manner of monkey business, and to say that we had limited resources at … Read more