Give her your dog turds, your dead bugs, your snotty noses yearning to breathe free. Sylvia Branzei has a passion for all things really gross, and has made it her mission to share them with people across the land. And the people are eating it up! Her first book, Grossology, spent thirty weeks on Publisher’s Weekly‘s bestseller list, and exhibits based on her studies of creepy creatures and unappetizing bodily functions are hot tickets at places like the Minnesota Science Museum, which is now presenting Animal Grossology, which celebrates tapeworms, blood-suckers, and the bovine digestive process. Branzei, a former science teacher, could tell us things that would keep us up at night, but we’d rather she didn’t.
Was there a specific moment of inspiration that led to your becoming a grossologist?
One afternoon about twelve years ago, I was cutting my toenails and said to myself, Wow, what’s this stuff under my toenails? It’s really icky. I realized that since I had majored in microbiology, I could actually figure out what it was. Then I thought, Hey, kids like gross stuff, and I want to teach them science. I will invent a whole new science and call it Grossology. Later, over spaghetti dinner with my husband and stepkids, we came up with a list of ideas for the book.
Are you the only one?
There is a performer who calls herself the premier grossologist of Australia. I still need to hunt her down.
Has anyone vomited during one of your presentations?
Some kids just couldn’t take it and had to leave. One kid told me that he threw up after visiting the exhibit. However, his mother said that it turned out he had the flu. There is one demonstration I do worry about. It is on DALs–defect action levels in foods. While feeding a volunteer peanut butter and jam on wheat crackers, I present information on the allowable numbers of bug parts in those foods: peanut butter (in one pound, 150 insect fragments, five rodent hairs), raspberry preserves (in twenty-four ounces, ten whole insects), wheat flour (in three and a half cups, 125 insect fragments, three rodent hairs). So far, I have been lucky. No one has hurled on stage.
Why are we so fascinated with grossness?
Humans are the only animals to experience the emotion of disgust. (And maybe rats.) It is believed that this emotion helps us to protect ourselves from things that may be harmful. In society, we have made many of those disgusting things taboo, such as eating poo or rotten food.
It seems like kids are naturally excited about grossness. Why do we outgrow it? Or do you think adults just suppress it?
Kids enjoy playing with emotions. They like to get a rise out of adults. So gross stuff works. As we grow older, we learn to control our emotions. Also, in some cases, with more information and experience, things that were once gross don’t seem as bad anymore. Ask any parent who has changed diapers.
What is your favorite gross substance?
I think slime is hecka cool. But my favorite substance to play with is a concoction of cornstarch and water. If mixed correctly, you get a substance that is solid if you apply pressure and liquid if you just let it sit. So if you pat it like a snowball, it stays solid, but if you just stop it will run out between your fingers. It really isn’t gross, just cool.
What truly grosses you out?
Loogies and scorpions. And war, starvation, and cruelty.
Tell us about a gross creature we’ve never heard of.
The bombardier beetle shoots a boiling, toxic liquid out of its butt if attacked–with such force that a blast of smoke appears. Now that is more than a fart.
How do you find out about all this stuff? Do other scientists share their favorite gross finds with you?
My information comes from all over. I use the library, the Internet, and scientific magazines. I also get a lot of information from other people. Recently, a lady from Minnesota sent me a recipe for fake poo that is made with evaporated milk, peanut butter, and honey. Colleagues from museums send me articles, like the one I got from Science World on the first recorded observation of whale farts. When people see disgusting scientific articles, they think of me!
You live with a dog, a cat, and your husband. Which one is the grossest?
Hmm. It is a tie between Jaeger dog and husband Byron. Jaeger eats his vomit and can get very stinky. Byron doesn’t eat his vomit, but on a hot day, he can get very, very stinky.
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