I’ve agreed to this nonsense with the utmost reluctance, and if you studied the conditions of our arrangement that Zellar outlined below I think you’ll agree that I drive a hard bargain. Even so, I can’t pronounce myself satisfied. If I live to be fifty it’s not likely you’ll hear me pronounce myself satisfied. There … Read more
What a voice and what a way with words this old man I met today had. He was out for a stroll –on a lark, he said, just trying to stay loose and keep the juices jangling. Nice day for that sort of thing. I hadn’t seen him around the neighborhood before. He sounded like … Read more
That was better. Much better. Thank you. I must say, I’m quite looking forward to the exciting, season-long sideburn war between Juan Rincon and Joe Mauer. Be careful with those razors, fellas, and may the most virile man win. And speaking of facial hair, did you see that whispy, demonic monstrosity dangling from Scott Spiezio’s … Read more
This guy called me up yesterday and asked me to put together a list of what I thought were the funniest novels of all time. This is the sort of thing that’s usually a piece of cake for me, and I responded with enthusiasm to the idea. I figured I could come up with the … Read more
This poor kid from the secondary division downstairs used to come up to my office all the time and ask me what it was all about. What the hell was I supposed to tell him? He thought he was going places. He thought he was doing something; he thought we all were. So I was … Read more
Early in my adolescence I played baseball one summer on a traveling team with this fat kid from a smaller town fifteen miles from the place where I grew up. I swear, this guy was the funniest, most bitterly cynical fourteen-year-old on the planet. He was also the best hitter I ever played with or … Read more
—Dan Corrigan, “Eddie Potomac,” from the Ballroom Portraits, Rhinelander, Wisconsin. 1978. I worked side-by-side with this guy for seven years. Shooter Devaney. He’d been a hotshot basketball player back in high school, but something went wrong somewhere along the line, just like something went wrong for so many of the guys I grew up with, … Read more
To dine, drink champagne, make a racket, and deliver speeches about national consciousness, the conscience of the people, freedom, and such things, while slaves in tail coats are running round your tables, veritable serfs, and your coachmen wait outside in the street, in the bitter cold –that is lying to the Holy Ghost. —Chekhov, Diary, … Read more
What is the one invention you couldn’t possibly live without? Do you subscribe to the theory that if the shoehorn were to become obsolete we would see the end of the true-fitting slip-on? When was the last time you listened to Nirvana’s “Nevermind”? In your dreams are you most commonly flying, swimming, or naked on … Read more
All last night there was never any doubt that this day was going to drag me into the harsh light and try to kick some words out of me, but I once again tried to convince myself that I was somehow made of sterner stuff than the average fellow. I wasn’t about to cough up … Read more