Another Failed Transmission From A Lost Satellite

Would you have believed —could you have believed– a mere four months ago that we would be sitting where we are today?

“We” in this instance, of course, meaning you, me, the Minnesota Twins, etc.

I do not think we could or would have believed that, no.

I still can’t believe it, quite honestly, even though these sorts of unexpected things –disappointments, breakdowns, utter collapses, extended patches of abject futility, etc.– happen all the time in baseball and in life.

Still, it smarts. It’s an unnecessary reminder of what a misguided and misplaced waste of hope a silly little game can be, which in turn is an unnecessary reminder of the misery of childhood, when a complete lack of perspective results in the conversion of so much misguided and misplaced hope in silly little things into traumatic disappointment and psychological scars that can last a lifetime.

The Twins really should establish a 24-hour crisis intervention hotline at the Metrodome, so that despairing fans can hear a friendly and reassuring voice in those dark, lonely hours that follow the conclusion of West Coast games.

There are, of course, a great many people out there in Twins Territory this morning who are suffering, and for a disproportionate number of them a public apology to Kyle Lohse might go a long ways toward assuaging some of their despair and a bit of the guilt they must surely be feeling as they ponder all the ways in which they have been complicit in the collapse of this team.

A lot of teams, I’m sure, would be thrilled to have Lohse right now, and some other team should have him. But he is ours for the moment, and for the foreseeable future, and he is unquestionably not our problem.

Good Lord, people, the young man –so often lambasted through the early months of this season– is now 7-11 with a 4.21 earned run average (Which would be, by the way, the lowest ERA of his five-year career). His ERA since the All-Star break is 3.68, despite which he is 0-4. He was almost masterful last night against the Mariners. Some might even go so far as to say that Lohse was masterful last night. I’ll leave that to others to decide, but I will go out on a limb and say that he was pretty damn good, and certainly good enough to win.

Carlos Silva is now 0-3 with a 3.08 ERA since the break, and the entire staff has a post-break ERA of 3.71.

Someone please explain to me how a team can have a 3.71 ERA and a 9-18 record.

Someone please explain.

Someone, please.

Please.

Someone.

Explain this to me.

Our trained counselors are standing by.