Brad Zellar You were born thirteen years and seven months ago, in the middle of a January night so cold the defroster in my old pickup truck wouldn’t work on the drive to the emergency clinic. You were the last pup born, the runt of the litter, and I watched in exhausted wonder as you … Read more
That logo’s just fine if you’re talking about Johan Santana. You’ll need to insert your own mental s, however, if you’re referring to the Twins’ offense. Down at the Dome this weekend they celebrated the 20th anniversary of the 1987 World Series championship season. Somehow, despite scoring three runs over three games, the Twins managed … Read more
It’s been a mighty strange season, and I’m frankly exhausted. It obviously doesn’t take a whole lot of psychic energy to follow a genuinely good team. That’s probably not true, though, at least strictly speaking; to really follow any baseball team, day in and day out, takes a tremendous amount of psychic energy. It’s a … Read more
Yes, boy, I could sure go for some beef stew and a chicken bone. That’s it. –Last words of Christopher Newton, whose execution by lethal injection in Lucasville, Ohio took nearly two hours (May 24, 2007) I summon you now Not to think of The ceaseless battle With pain and ill health, The frailty and … Read more
…if people who expect nothing come away empty-handed, then there really is no hope. —William Maxwell, Time Will Darken It The dead flicker like candles around you. They are burning their memories for warmth. —Kelly Link, “Flying Lessons” This world is full of war criminals, many of whom have never fired a weapon in their … Read more
The Twins have scored ten runs in their last six games, and 34 in their last fourteen, dating back to July 23 in Toronto –I’ll do the math for you: that’s an average of 2.4 runs a game. This nonsense, this incomprehensible futility, after scoring 34 runs in two games versus Chicago on July 6. … Read more
This’ll be everywhere in the morning, but in the meantime I can only say that after returning from the Dome tonight I had the odd sensation that I had had an experience similar to this pathetic fellow’s. Or at the very least that I’m going to need some similar procedure very soon. Read the story, … Read more
What the hell happened to the toughest division in baseball? In trading Luis Castillo and otherwise standing pat, Terry Ryan gave every indication that the Twins were ready to throw in the towel on the 2007 season, and the Tigers and Indians have responded by rolling over and playing dead. And now a team that … Read more
If this shit keeps up I’m going to initiate a class action lawsuit against the Twins on behalf of all the whiplash victims in Twins Territory. I go away for a week on the heels of a nice little rebound series against the Angels (the Twins had won the first two games when I hit … Read more