The Rake Magazine

Author: Melinda Jacobs

  • What's in a famous last name?

    A note to all three of you who read my blog, 🙂

    I always get a knot in my stomach when I hear people talking about people in the public eye like they know them so well.

    People love to to tell stories about people who come from families that are in the limelight, but do these people really know the person behind the famous last name? Most likely, NO.

    Today, along with many of you, I received the news that Eleanor Mondale’s cancer is back. My head tells me that she will get through this with the same strength she did last time, and my heart is happy that she will have her loving husband Chan and her family by her side.

    When I first met Eleanor, I had heard so many stories about her that I wasn’t sure if we would hit it off or be like oil and water. Well, to say we "hit it off" would be an understatement!

    I knew I would like Eleanor when she scolded me for calling her "Ellie" after our second lunch and made me go back with her to her car and put on something more appropriate to wear before I made a complete idiot out of myself at a charity function.

    Shortly after spending time with another person who was new in my life, Leilani Baker (a makeup artist extraordinariness), it was clear to me that I had met two woman that would change my life forever. After years of so-called friends in my life, I finally experienced real, honest, and true friendship for the first time.

    Let’s face it: we woman can be tougher on each other than we are on our worst enemies.

    To have not one but TWO female friends that are kind, caring, and filled with complete and total unconditional love is a blessing that I thank God for every day. The stories and the adventures that Leilani, Eleanor, and I have shared, and will CONTINUE to share, are so sacred to me that I can’t, in my heart of hearts, come to share those experiences with anyone but my "Two Janes."

    So please, DON’T call me if you are from the media and want a quote to sell papers. This friend of Eleanor is going to respect both the public persona AND the cherished, private person who I call "Farmer Jane."

    I do, however, want to let Eleanor know publicly that I will be happy to shovel up any horse crap if she only promises to take care of herself and get her butt back on the radio. 🙂

    FYI: I am saying that I will help with farm chores for the record so that Eleanor can hold me to it.

    Love ya, cowgirl!!!!

    -Posh Jane 🙂

  • Times Are Changing

    Well, everybody, there is a lot going on right now. Times are… changing.

    So, without further ado, here is my blog for the day:

    I am feeling guilt and sadness as the many writers who have worked so
    hard are out of their jobs, and yet my gut tells me that Mr. Bartel made a very bold and smart business move. So you can either sit on your butt and complain about everything, OR you can accept change and move forward.

    Change is frustrating and makes a lot of people angry, but this is
    America, my friends, and that means Freedom of Speech, so I am going to put MYSELF out there a little bit and let you read the personal e-mail that I sent Cristina Cordova yesterday BEFORE THE CONFIRMED ANNOUNCEMENT:

    I went to the MIA show on Saturday night and lasted, oh, about 15 minutes. My neighbor tracked down my husband and I and gave us the "you should join the Patron Club" speech. After Howard exchanged pleasantries with the neighbors, I got whiplash looking for my Mom in order to get the hell out of there before I ended up committing to another club that would involve me having to stick my nose up in the air and act interested.

    On another note, I finally figured out why Jack Nicholson always wears shades: It’s because he doesn’t want anyone to know that he is actually SLEEPING during awards ceremonies. 🙂

    The best part of the night was watching Diablo Cody hang on to her dress to keep the slit from rising above her navel. That was worth staying up for!

    I would be happy to write a quick blog and review about my
    favorite piece: the mini- Mickey Mouse Kimono. I know, Cristina: It’s very sad how sophisticated I am. 🙁

    I hope your day is going well, and I think what The RAKE is
    doing, to be honest, is smart.

    Make fun, and share your jokes, but this blog-a-drama-princess is willing and ready to get with the times.

    Last night I took the above picture of the family dog "Louie" after shedding a few tears. The look on his PRETTY face says it all. 🙂

    Happy Tuesday,
    Melly

  • Being Glamorous — I am over it!

    Ok, while I sit here in my favorite Karen Neuburger house clothes, it dawned on me that there is no time like the present to talk about why I won’t be attending many social functions anymore.

    As you may know, I recently turned 40, and along with feeling a little bit older, I feel a little bit wiser and most definitely more comfortable in my own skin.

    You see, much of my career has been about going to glamorous events and talking to glamorous people, but it recently dawned on me that I am bored with the whole social — phony, get dressed up, and make nice to a bunch of people that I really don’t give a flying f* about — scene.

    My favorite social outing is going with my family to Costco and seeing which one of my kids can distract the sample person long enough for me to try to get a double sample, and sometimes — if I am lucky and the kids are really charming — I get a triple sample, which means that while my husband is shopping for deals, I can surprise him with a "Look, honey, I got you something to snack on." It always works so well that when we get to the register he has no idea how many things I have hidden in the cart.

    So, what does Costco have to do with being a so-called socialite? Nothing, but at least you get an idea of where my priorities have taken me this past year.

    After spending many years actually getting paid to cover social events, I have come to the conclusion that I would rather pay someone else to go than to deal with the superficial B.S. that goes along with many of these unnecessary functions.

    Are we not going through a recession? And should I not be saving my money for my children’s future? Yeah, I think that would be wise.

    Now, I am not going to stop enjoying great restaurants and fun social gatherings, but if it means that I would be better off staying at home and watching "Louie" crack up my husband or having my kids show me how much smarter they are than me, I will clearly take the home front.

    Yes, I have been assigned the role of the Rake’s Social Butterfly, but I hope that you will understand that I will be picky about whether or not to attend an opening of a restaurant or another event — versus staying at home and trying to cook the pre-packaged food that Trader Joes has on special.

    Lastly, I would like to give a shout out to Carolyn Peterson who is THE best female voice-over woman in the business and who inspired me recently, while I was working on a radio commercial, to take a deep breath for six seconds before recording a 60 second spot. Carolyn was the very first person to ever give me a break in the radio biz, and it brings a smile to my face to get to work again with her at Hubbard Broadcasting!

  • Happy Valentine's Day — not just today, but every day!

    I for one think that to have one day to tell the people you care about how much you love them is nothing more than an opportunity for stores to raise the price of flowers and chocolates to make up for the 364 other days when we don’t give our loved ones a special something to brighten up their day.

    Don’t get me wrong; I think having a day dedicated to Love is a great idea, but I believe that telling the people in your life how much you care about them should not just fall on Valentine’s Day.

    So to those of you who felt the pressure to go out and pay more for flowers and chocolates to bestow on your loved ones… I have an idea for you.

    Save some money and wait for all of the Valentine’s Day Hype to wear off. Then give the people in your life a box of divine chocolates or a beautiful floral arrangement when they least expect it.

    I could be wrong on this, but chocolate tastes wonderful and melts in your mouth any day of the year, and flowers are always appreciated, especially on a day when you least expect it.

    Much love to my husband, kids, and Louie (the family dog) — all of whom make every day Valentine’s Day!

     

     

  • Oh Ee, Oh Ee, Oh

    I watched the Grammy Awards last night, but it wasn’t Amy Winehouse nor Kanye West I wanted to see perform. My heart belongs to Morris Day and The Time, whose performance I eagerly awaited. I mean, how much fun was it watching Jimmy Jam, Terry Lewis, Jerome Benton, Morris Day, Jesse Johnson, and the rest of the original Time group perform, just like they did 20 years ago, with the same energy and infectious smiles they have always had?

    Have these guys aged like the rest of the hit-makers of the early ’80s? Hell, no! BETTER. They still made me get up and do the Jungle Love in front of my horrified kids. Hang on. I have to do it one more time. Oh ee, oh ee, oh. (Deep breath.) Dammit, my rhythm still sucks.

    Now, it is important that I disclose a few things about my relationship with these guys, so that you know I am not being a biased friend, but more a fan of the group that along with Prince put Minnesota music on the Map.

    I first came to know these guys when I was in my late teens looking for a summer job. Through the kindness of mutual friends, I was able to land a job with American Artists (Jesse Johnson’s management company), as the head of the Jesse Johnson Fan Club. Like most people starting out as a glorified gopher, I basically answered phones and made sure that Jesse was always happy and taken care of. The one difference was that I had… kind of dated… John McClain, a top executive at A&M Records and the brilliant man behind Jesse’s bread and butter. So, while I was making sure that Jesse’s favorite chicken wings from Runyon’s were being delivered to his house — hot — I was also fielding phone calls from fans and accepting extravagant deliveries from my "friend" John.

    Confused? Yea, well, so was I!

    John would come into town to do business with Jesse, but he was also overseeing a project that he put together: a Janet Jackson album produced by Jesse’s former band-mates Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis. So instead of spending my weekends going to shopping malls, like my friends, I was flown off to California, where I handled Jesse’s fans while — better still — being treated like a princess by my… uhh… friend John.

    Rough life? No! Confusing? Absolutely. I was dating the man that was responsible for making or breaking all of my bosses. So, I did what any normal young woman would do in this position: I made sure that my bosses knew that I was NOT going to take advantage of the situation. I continued to answer phones, make photocopies, set up Jesse’s schedule, and so on. But as soon as John would call, I took full advantage of being treated like a real Jewish Princess.

    Well, after a long and hard reality check, I realized that I was very young — too young to be involved in a serious relationship with anyone, so my time as John’s girl slowly came to a halt. And although I quit the gopher job, I did stay friends with Jesse and the rest of the crazy crew who went on to make Janet Jackson a household name and establish themselves as the top production team of Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis, otherwise known as Flyte Tyme Productions.

    To this day, I still keep in contact with Jimmy, who married the beautiful
    Lisa and has three ridiculously gorgeous kids; Terry, who also
    married his love Indira and is proud papa to a whole team of great kids; and Jerome Benton, who drives a limo for celebrities in Los Angeles when he is not performing — and who SHOULD HAVE HIS OWN REALITY SHOW ON VH-1!

    What is so bizarre to me is that Terry’s oldest son was my son’s Senior buddy when he was a little tyke, and his daughter and my daughter have been friends since kindergarten without even knowing that their parents knew each other way back in the ’80s, when life was big, crazy, and whole lot of Jungle Love!!! Until NOW…

    As far as John goes… I am told that he has continued to be successful in the music business and that it is HE who I have to thank for my fondness and appreciation of Orchids and Louis Vuitton.

  • Figure Skaters… I WAS ONE 🙁

    Since I spent one third of my life at a Figure Skating Rink, wearing skating costumes that were so small underwear was NOT an option… I figure it’s time for me to come clean on what I think of the sport.

    When I was 15, I discovered that my opportunity to live a normal teenage life, with sleepovers and spin-the-bottle games with boys, would conflict with my six-day-a-week skating practices. It was then that I knew the time had come. It was time to say goodbye to a sport that had taught me perseverance, determination, and that jealousy really is the root of all evil.

    As the U.S. National Figure Skating Championships are held this year in my hometown, this very week, the memories and nightmares of my Figure Skating past are all coming back. I told my editor, Cristina, that I wanted to write about Figure Skating and my experience, but that it is virtually impossible for me to write about all my experiences in one blog post, therefore I will be dragging this out for a while.

    Yes, therapy would spare you all the grave details, but admit it — you
    all enjoy a good story that involves pretty people in pretty clothes, with a story line that would make a fantastic Lifetime Movie of the Week.

    So, while you are watching in awe the unfolding of the National Figure
    Skating Championships this weekend — wishing it was YOU wearing that beautiful little costume with your hair looking perfect after landing a triple toe (yes, I could land a triple toe loop) and getting a standing ovation from your audience — be glad you are NOT the one competing this weekend.

    Before you continue, be forewarned: I must take my time developing this story if I am to remain completely forthcoming. I am going to need to go to the "Skating Spectacular" on Sunday to see, in person, those skaters who sacrificed their education, their childhood, and their innocence to go for the gold.

    Come Monday, I will focus on My True Story: "My life as a competitive Figure Skater — I have a Gold Medal, but…"

  • I Really Did Get Wet and Wild at "Wet and Wild"

    Ok… I made a promise to my husband and kids that — although I am
    known to get a little out of control — they would never have to worry about me pulling a Britney Spears. Well, I pulled a Britney, but it wasn’t my fault! 🙂

    Here is what happened.

    My whole life I have dreamed of swimming with Dolphins, so my husband found a place in Mexico called Wet and Wild, where, after being given THOROUGH instructions with the Dolphin trainers, you can actually jump in the pool and swim with the Dolphins.

    I cannot begin to tell you how excited I was!!!!!! In my mind I pictured being like one of those woman you see at Sea World posing in a pretty suit on top of two Dolphins swimming full speed ahead.

    Well, it wasn’t quite like that.

    First of all, I was put in a group with five kids under the age of 10 who wanted to jump in without listening to the rules. Big mistake on their part. One at a time, each of these little rug rats came out of the pool disappointed by the fact that the Dolphins were not cooperating. Not only were the kids bummed, but their parents, who all had cameras ready and wallets empty, came away with nothing more than an angry kid in a wet bathing suit smelling of bad fish!

    I was not giving up on my dream though! I had a plan: Get to know the
    trainers and listen very carefully.

    After chomping at the bit and making small talk with Edgar (the head trainer), it was my turn to fulfill my dream. I jumped in the pool without thinking about two very important details. First, I was wearing a bikini; and second, I had on more ornaments than a Christmas tree. What can I say? I don’t go anywhere, even swimming, without covering myself in jewelry. Sickening? Yes. But that’s me!!!!!!

    Edgar guided me to where I needed to go, and after a little bit of flirting (with Edgar) and watching my husband roll his eyes, I was READY!!!!!!!

    I did as Edgar instructed me to. I floated on my stomach and positioned my feet facing down, waiting for "Alex" and "Keeley Kat" to come and whisk me up in the air for the big ride across the pool.

    Well, as I was swept up in the air by the two Dolphins and whisked at full speed across the pool it never occurred to me that I was being videotaped by several people, and that the bottoms of my bathing suit were… well… how should I put this?… OFF of my butt and ON the Dolphins.

    After I took a deep breath and saw the horrified look on several people’s faces, I did what any person who just fulfilled the fantasy of a lifetime would do. I made every person with a camera promise not to post the video of my very embarrassed 40-year-old butt on YOUTUBE!

    So far, so good! My only concern is the one guy who pretended he didn’t speak English and refused my plea to respectfully erase the footage.

    As I told my family… If a picture of me standing half naked on top of two dolphins should ever surface… I will simply deny deny deny… unless it just so happens that some hot 20 year old also went swimming with Dolphins at "Wet and Wild" and lost her bottoms too!!!!

    P.S. Much to the dismay of my husband, the navel jewelry stayed on, so I guess I will have to keep wearing it. 🙂

    Thanks Alex and Keeley Kat!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Talk Radio for Women

    So what do you get when you take a huge risk on launching a female-oriented FM talk radio station back in June of 2002?

    You get blackjack!!!!!!

    When Todd Fisher first told me that Hubbard Broadcasting was going to launch a new talk-radio format…. I was elated! Finally, a well-respected family-owned business was going to put their money into a venture ridiculed by so many people in the world of broadcasting. Guess who’s laughing now… I hope the Hubbard Family!

    If this company went public I would invest in a heartbeat!!!!

    Well, it’s almost 2008, and I, for one, want to say "Congratulations" to anyone out there that followed a dream despite skepticism from advertisers and derision from program directors.

    Let’s start with Lori and Julia, who are not only sisters-in-law but also business partners in a company called Body Perks, whose nipple enhancers have been worn by Samantha on Sex in the City.

    To purchase Bodyperks go here. Do not go out and buy knock-offs of these little jewels, because Lori and Julia deserve to reap the financial rewards of THEIR invention!

    So, these two sisters-in-law pitch a show to Ginny Morris, and — with the help of Donny Michaels (who looks great working with a mostly female staff) — the LoJo Show has become a hit.

    Why? Well, although Lori and Julia are not trained radio personalities, they are two strong woman that are not afraid to share their opinions on everything from sex to politics. I have watched Julia transform from an overalls girl (she was wearing overalls the first day I met her) to a Hot Mama, and Lori, who was a successful corporate executive with Carlson Travels, became another Hot Mama that has been told she looks like Sharon Stone.

    Donny? Well, you would think he would have a few more wrinkles from working with these two crazy gals, but instead he has turned into a metro-sexual dad who looks great in Pink!!!!!

    So, why is FM 107.1 so successful? Here is my opinion, as someone who has spent years in radio:

    When you have a line up like this… how can you go wrong?!

    Ian and Margery — 5:00-9:00 A.M.
    This real-life married couple — who are actually married in real life — always have something fun to say about each other, as if they were newlyweds.

    The Kevyn Burger Show     — 9:00-11:00 A.M.
    Kevyn is a self proclaimed cheapskate that has recently braved her Breast Cancer Diagnosis with humor and courage. Kevyn could have pulled the sheets over her head and battled this fight privately, but instead she dealt with it head on and has found a loving husband to support her through everything.

    The Colleen Kruse Show — 11:00 A.M.-1:00 P.M.
    Rake columnist Colleen Kruse started out working with the multi-talented Andrew Zimmern, but has gone on to prove that it’s not just her great taste in shoes bringing her success — it’s her mindful stories on being a super-hip Mom with moxie.

    The Stephanie Hansen Show — 1:00-3:00 P.M.
    I worked with Stephanie years ago, when I was on the KS95 morning show and Stephanie worked in sales. I always thought this woman was too opinionated and sarcastic to be in sales. She needed her own show, and by gosh she now has it!!!

    Lori and Julia — 3:00-6:00 P.M.
    I have no doubt the LoJo show will go into syndication, because Lori and Julia are not afraid to put themselves on the line, be self-deprecating, and most important, have the confidence and gift for gab that it takes to pull off a national radio show! Lori and Julia also have regularly name specific stores, items, and movies they like, and — much to the delight of the sales department — their recommendations have so much clout that it’s not unusual for a store to sell out of an item that has earned the LOJO stamp of approval.

    Now, I don’t have the time to spotlight all of the FM 107 shows, but I do want to highlight a few more radio personalities with whom I have been lucky to work:

    Colleen Lindstrom — who filled in for two weeks as a producer for Lino Rulli and I with a big smile and a bucket full of sunshine, even at 4:30 A.M. Colleen is now a part of the Get Real Girls Show, which airs from 8:00-10:00 AM on Saturday mornings.

    Joan Steffend and Liv Lane — who also contribute their opinions on everything from marriage and raising kids to decorating tips. Liv is also married to my producer, Brad Lane. My husband and I have purchased several pieces of furniture from Joan’s sales, therefore I am a bit prejudice. 🙂

    Alexis Walsko and Allison Kaplan — from Shop Girls, which airs from 10:00-noon on Saturdays. Both of these woman know the best places in town to shop, and I have to give a shout out to Alexis, who not only looks like a young Marilyn Monroe, but is a blast to party with.

    Last but not least, Jason Mathison, from FOX 9, is now going to have a show on FM 107. Not only does Jason do the best impression of Jack from Will and Grace, he is a fantastic entertainment reporter, who… unlike most people who cover entertainment… is the real deal with a heart of diamonds and gold!!

    Now you have my take on why FM 107 has no where to go but up up and away, and I want to wish a sincere congratulations to the shows I have been able to hear and enjoy and the shows that I look forward to hearing and enjoying.

    For more information go to FM107.1 — Living Life Out Loud.

  • Let the Good Times Roll

    I always become sappy this time of year because of the Holidays, and because I get to catch up and see how my friends are doing through the ART of Holiday Cards.

     

    I just received this Holiday card from Quincy Jones, and it inspired me to reflect on the fun memories I have growing up knowing such an incredible man.

    I promised you all that I would share with you stories that are personal and insightful about people whom we all "read about," but whom I have been lucky to know.

    Here is one of my favorite Quincy Jones Story. 🙂

    Many years ago, Quincy Jones was staying with my family while Michael Jackson was on tour and performing in Minneapolis.

    OK … so, yes, Quincy is a family friend; but he is also a genius when it comes to spotting talent.

    Q had just finished producing a pilot for TV called The Fresh Prince of Bel Air. He asked my family and I to watch the pilot show and tell him what we thought. Well, after laughing to the point of stomach aches, we told him that we LOVED the show but were curious about the Fresh Prince, a.k.a. Will Smith.

    Quincy told us that Will Smith was not just an upcoming Rapper but a
    very talented young man who could sing, dance, act, and was hungry. 🙂

    As the man that made Michael Jackson a household name and had us all dancing to "Beat it" and "Thriller"…….. How could he be wrong?

    Well, he wasn’t!

    Will Smith was a hit on the Fresh Prince of Bel Air — which is now at the top of the ratings in re-runs — and now he’s a Box Office God on the big screen.

    Did you see I am Legend? Well, even if you didn’t, a lot of other people did — which is why it is number ONE at the box office!

    As much as we all, as a society, resist ceding credit — and more money — to the rich and famous, maybe we should all remind ourselves of this: Will Smith was just a young rapper with a dream. He got discovered by the RIGHT person and is now a SUPERSTAR
    with another number ONE movie at the box office.

    You too have the same opportunity to be discovered.

    How? … Well, come up with a great idea. … Be willing to knock on A LOT of doors. … And to quote Will Smith, "Be genuine." You never know who will discover you; and if THEY do, NEVER take your lucky break for granted, because there will always be someone right behind you that is just as hungry and willing to work just as hard.

    Don’t take my word for it. Just look at Will Smith: He’s the perfect example of how hard work, talent, and appreciation can pay off personally and financially!!!

  • Shopping for Carl Pohlad

    Every year I have the same dilemma: What do I get Carl Pohlad for Christmas?

    Now, many of you may wonder why I need to buy Mr. Pohlad anything. The truth is that I have known Mr. Pohlad my entire life, and he has been more than just a friend of the family and business partner to my father….. He set me up on my first date many years ago.

    Yes, you read that right: Carl Pohlad set me up on a blind date, and without giving away too much… let’s just say that the young man he set me up with years ago is still someone I consider a friend and was a great Senior Prom date!

     

    Every year a big box arrives at my house with a gift from Carl, and it’s always beautiful. This year it was this clock, which will sit next to this exquisite picture frame that I keep in my office to remind me of how lucky I am to have such a special man in my life.

    Many of you know the public persona of Carl Pohlad, but few know the private man. Out of respect for him and his family, I will tread lightly when it comes to sharing personal stories… except for this one, which seems very timely:

    Carl and I have had lunch together a couple of times in the recent months, and he shared a story with me that I think would be OK to share with you.

    I asked Carl after all of these years, and through all of his business dealings (including a behind-closed-doors business deal with the reclusive Howard Hughes), what has been his favorite business that he just couldn’t wait to wake up in the morning and get to.

    His answer? You won’t believe this one — running and owning a car dealership, something he did early in his career.

    I got a big kick out of watching Carl light up as he reminisced about those days; but I got an even bigger kick out of his special car selling tactics. Carl used to sell up to six cars a day, which, as you may or may not know, is a lot in the car business — which, of course, compelled me to ask him what special technique he used. Customer service? Sort of… Carl and his partner had an "arrangement." When a potential car buyer would come into the dealership, Carl would serve as the salesman, and his partner would… well… be the owner/hard ass.

    As soon as a customer was even close to buying a car… here is how Carl would seal the deal: He would tell the customer(s) that he had to run the offer by the owner. (What they didn’t know was that HE was the owner.) So, he would excuse himself, telling the customer he would be back shortly, and he would go to a corner and talk to HIMSELF. Then he would return and tell the customer that HE really had to work over HIS boss and would probably take a loss on his commission, but if the price was a deal breaker, he was willing to forego his sales commission.

    Little did the customer know that even in those days Carl Pohlad had a brilliant poker face and was already in the green. 🙂

    I love this story, because I just can’t picture Mr. Pohlad selling cars. But as he told me… He was HIS number one car dealer, and repeat customers only wanted to work with Mr. Pohlad because HIS commission was not as important as HIS relationship with his customers!

    So, back to what to get my dear friend Mr. Pohlad for Christmas…

    Last year I went with UGGS, and they were a big hit. But this year is tough. Any suggestions anyone? Let’s see… he has owned the Tropicana Casino, Banks, Pepsi Co, The MN Vikings, our beloved Minnesota Twins, B96, JB Hudson — What do you get a man for Christmas that has everything?

    I guess since this has been a wonderful year for all of Mr. Pohlad’s family….. I am going to go with the Christmas Wish of another Happy and Healthy year filled with more lunches and more great stories!!!!!